Ye junoon hain, ya sukoon hain 

humein na batana, 

Ishq kya hain, Ishq kyun hain, 

humein na batana, 

Ishq ka hain matlab chot khana, 

Naye zakhm ke ab, jagah hi nhi hain, 

Dil hain yaar gam ki rajdhaani, 

Har aansu jaanta hain, 

iss ghar ka rasta, 

Dil hain yaar gam ki rajdhani 

[A/N: - I love this song sooooo mucchchhhhh..please listen to it while reading. You'll love the vibe.]

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"Ae Saree Ka Dukaan, tum Raghav Rao ko challenge kar raha hain. Tees din mein tereko Hyderabad se nikaal dega main."

She was walking aimlessly in the corridors of the hospital. Unaware of her own destination, uncaring of the people and their bustle around her. 

"Picchi Ammayyi!"

His words were ringing in ear ears as clear as they had been when he had first spoken them.

"Woh Saree Ka Dukaan, mereko pata nhi tha tum apne dukaan mein saree ke saath saath dhoti bhi bechta hain."

It was like those memories she had so desperately tried to forget, to throw away at some unused corner of her heart had suddenly gotten alive like a spark on dried grass inflames an inferno. 

"Hamare relationship mein na explanations ka waqt beet chuka hain."

Cause that was exactly how it felt. 

"Thank you. I owe you one."

Like a wildfire of emotions and a horrifying kaleidoscope of events flashing ruthlessly in front of her eyes. 

"Tum biwi hain mera, tumko nhi dekhega toh kise dekhega?"

She didn't know when she had started pushing people away from her way, hitting everything like a stumbling gazelle taking its very first steps into the world. 

"I hate you Pallavi Deshmukh!"

The hospital walls seemed to close in on her. The atmosphere becoming thick with a white smog like interference. 

"Tum na Saree Ka Dukaan bohot cute hain. Aur ye nakli gussa walaa face mein toh aur bhi cute lgta hain."

Her sympathetic nervous system had started to go on an overdrive. 

"Pallavi niche utro warna main upar walaa loft khulwa dega, waha chipkali ka pura family hain."

The people around her were muttering crossed at the clearly insane woman who was walking over everything and everyone, as if deaf, blind and dumb. 

"Lagta hain tum uss Don ko bohot miss kar raha hain.. repeat telecast chahiye kya?"

The night had started goldening into a dawn which looked too cheerful to be real. 

"Wah! Next time main record karega, proof keliye. Paltu kahiki!"

Too beautiful for coming into play when her world has suddenly seemed to get torn into shreds like cotton candy.

"Ilaaj ka bahut zaroorat hain tumhe Sanki Buddhe. Chalo Pallavi!"

The fabric of reality seemed slightly distorted and breathing had slowly started to become less of an activity performed on default and more of an ancient process documented in some forgotten archaic manuscript written in Latin. 

Tum theek hain na? Uss Mandar ne tumhe kuch kiya toh nhi? Main jaan se maar dalega usse!"

Faces had started blurring and the voices dimming with fervour. 

"Chup! Tum aisa stupid kaam kuch nhi karega. Main hain na, main nhi sign karne dega tumhe woh papers."

This didn't even feel like a trance. This felt like someone had dunked her head in a bucket of ice cold water and was forcing her to keep it there even as she struggled for air. 

"Tum mereko itna pyaar kiya hain jo kisine nhi kiya. Mere liye pyaar ka definition Pallavi hain."

The ice had frozen the muscles of her face and was seeping in her veins. 

"Nhi chahiye mereko woh dard.. woh pain merese bardash nhi hoga phirse."

Her sight was dimming and she was panting like a maniac.

"Tumhara uss Deshmukh family se tension hain mereko. Tumhara aachiyaan ka fayda uthake tumhe wapas bula liya toh?"

The people around, the nurses, the patients and their relatives, the doctors all looked like statues of granite, staring at her with their mossy white pupils. 

"Tum chala gaya Pallavi.. merese saans tak nhi liya jaa raha theek se.. wapas aajao na.. please."

Her feet had started increasing its speed, unheeding of her poor lungs which kept screaming in protest as there seemed to be a vacuum getting created at the centre of her chest.  

"Paison ki chinta mat karo tum, woh mera Aai hain.. surgery karo bass."

She was running now, barrelling into everyone like a deranged fanatic, ignorant of everyone's angry yells and warnings. 

"Duss saal se Amma ne mere sir par haath nhi felaya, duss saal se Keerti ne mereko rakhi nhi banda. Kiss galti ka saza bhugat raha hain main..? Apni family ka khushiyan hi toh laane gaya tha main."

She felt like there was some horrifying pull from within her core which had rendered her near lifeless. She couldn't match it's speed. 

"Pallavi mereko chodke mat jao.. main bohot akela hain. Tumhare bagair aur akela pad jaega. Mereko chod ke mat jao.. please."

Something incredibly painful was building up inside her. Something akin to a volcanic explosion which was waiting at the side line to erupt. 

"Do din bohot zyadaa ho gaya, main tumko do second bhi pain mein nhi dekh sakta."

She crashed against a stretcher, an elderly couple, a young medical intern, the sharp edge of the table in the reception, almost missed a step and toppled over the security guard before pushing the double glass doors of the exit with all her might. 

"I...love.... you Pallavi."

The early morning streets were deserted. 

"I love you Pallavi"

The slight chill of the receding night had slowly started to give way to the warmth of a beautiful winter morning and she was still running. 

"I love you Pallavi"

Then why was she feeling like her world had started descending into an unending haunting night. A literal nightmare from which she will most likely never wake up. She ran and ran till her chest almost burst open, her lungs collapsed, her vision went in white flames and she crumpled on the ground on her knees. 

"I LOVE YOU PALLAVI!"

Pallavi screamed hoarsely, her hands tangling painfully in her dry open hair. Her voice resounded like a cross between a howl of a banshee and the guttural dying choaks of a songbird. She rocked like a mad woman, keening lowly, sounding like a strangled animal, raked her own nails in her head violently till she was sure she had left bloodied tracks on her scalp and then touched her face lightly. 

Her fingers came wet with the colourless lacrimal fluid she saw a tinge of red. Maybe her tears had finally dried and she was crying out blood. She saw her hands next and noticed the scratches on her palm. The scratches she had gotten from collapsing with such speed and force on the peat road. 

Her fingers were shaking like a leaf caught in a hurricane and she looked slightly up feeling the first rays of the sun touch her ashen wet face. 

Is this what dying feels like?

-------------------------------------------------------------

Farhad Ahmed had seen a lot of horrifying sights in his life. But this.. this was something he was sure would haunt him for the rest of his life. He had stopped dead on his tracks on entering the room. He had been at the ground floor depositing an incapacitated Ved to the Police when he had heard her scream. 

He could identify his former sister in law's voice in any condition. 

He had dashed upstairs, almost tripped over a coat lying on the staircase and finally burst into the room and just saved himself from colliding into ACP Lakshmi Singh who was, for some damned reason standing like a statue in front of him. 

"Bha.. Pa.."

His words had then gotten stuck somewhere at the back of his throat as his vision set itself upon the bed which he could now see, the ACP having moved.. barking orders rapidly to her men, voice strangely anxious. 

There was a man lying on the bed in front. A man he would recognize by the mere stance of his footsteps. He might have called out to him but what had sounded like a horrified scream inside his brain came out like a half formed whisper amidst a thousand gibberish syllables from his mouth. 

"Anna... No.. no... nnnoo... no.. this.. can't be.. this is not.."

Trigger Warning : Graphic Description of Violence and Hints of Rape.

Raghav Rao lay eagle sprawled on the bed, his limbs stretched painfully in the opposite directions and tied with what looked like ropes to all the four posters of the bed. The ropes had cut into his flesh and blood was dripping from his ankles to make a weird pattern at the foot of the bed. But that could have easily been missed as that was, the least of  all the bloodied mess in the room. 

The bedsheet was stained with it, the atmosphere smelling of a nauseous mixture of the typical metallic copper with the cloying sweet odour of what was possibly human ejaculatory release. 

Farhad would not have clocked the other smell had he not realised suddenly that Raghav was naked, a multitude of suggestive instruments littered on the side table which gave an effect of more of a torture chamber than activities meant for pleasure. 

Farhad kept staring at the man he called his elder brother and had always meant it, like one would stare at a car accident. 

Unable to turn away even as the sight proved to be too gruesome. 

He could make out the massive lacerations on his torso, some of which had scarred like from years ago, not a single inch of his body looked devoid of some mark of injury. 

But the scariest part, what almost made Farhad lose his lunch on the floor was Raghav's face. He wasn't unconscious like he had expected. His eyes thought not fully open where just open slightly. The sliver of the white's of his irises was visible in the dark and when the lights were switched on harshly almost blinding him, he saw the crusted tracks of dried tears on his face. 

Farhad had wanted to scream but he could not even find his own voice to pant let alone yell and then he had heard Pallavi who was crumpled like a lifeless doll on the chair beside, attempt to rise again only to flop on the ground, completely in a swoon this time. He had wanted to rush to her and get her up but he couldn't move from his place, couldn't remove his gaze from his Anna's unresponsive mess of a body. Not even when they had mercifully wrapped him up in a spare bedsheet. 

He had heard Lakshmi trying to wake Pallavi up unsuccessfully, the Policemen around him shaking him, trying to get him out of his stupor but instead of breaking away like he wanted, Farhad only lost control of his motor movements and joined his sister in law on the floor. 

Like a marionette after a brutal assault. 

"Anna!"

Farhad screamed aloud and woke up and felt a cool hand immediately on his burning forehead. He looked blearily and found his wife seated quietly beside him, a wet wipe on her hand and their baby cuddled against her chest. 

She looked like someone had sucked the blood right off her face. 

A haggard expression finding way into her pretty features as she struggled to gulp back her emotions in an effort to appear strong when her husband needed her. 

"Kya.. hua Amrutha.. hum kahaan hain.. main.."

"Tum.. behosh ho gaye the Farhad. Nurse ne bola shock ki wajah se hue honge.. par thodi weakness hain."

He saw they were seated on the couch and no one else was in near vicinity. Little Aarav had woken up and was gesturing wildly towards his father so the latter would take him in his arms as usual. Amrutha tried dissuading but Farhad took him anyways. 

The moment he felt his child's comfortable weight in his arms, he felt like something break inside his chest. Something which ached so harrowingly that he almost had to bend over in pain, with his son wrapped closely in his arms. 

"Farhad.. shaant ho jao.."

Amrutha's feeble attempts at consoling proved fruitless as all Farhad could do was cry silently inside his toddler's fine baby hair, trying desperately to inhale his scent in an effort to loosen that God awful boulder which had suddenly fallen over his heart. 

"Farhad please.. Aarav dar jaega.. please.. tumhari tabiyat.."

"Anna bolta hain ya maanta bhi hain? Agar maanta hain toh apne Anna ka baat maan abhi aur ghar jaaa fatafat. Tera amma aur appa wait kar raha hoga... tyohar akele thode manate hain?"

"Ammu.. maine kaise.. how could I..how could I not see.. how could I of all bloody people not realise that something was wrong.. how could I leave him like that? Main! Main! Main sirf unhe Anna bulata nhi! Maine maana hain! Maine nibhaya hain.. ye rishta... par.. main end moment pe aake haar gaya."

"You are an idiot Farhad. Who told you to come for work with a hundred and one degree fever. Vedava!"

"I lost. I failed him. I failed the only man who has done nothing but love me. Unhone mere liye goli khayi hain Ammu..... I owe him my life... my identity almost. I... and it doesn't matter what I owe him.. or not.. it never did. He is my brother.. my elder brother.... I worshipped the ground he would walk on.. phir kaise.. maine kaise unhe nhi samjha.. kaise unhe protect nhi kar paya! Kaise unhe akela chod diyaan itne saal! How! Why!"

"How could I not protect you? Now see if you would've gotten shot then there would not have been anyone who would have taken care so that I don't end up with a cracked skull because I slipped from the staircase and fell because I was three sheets to the wind.. huh?"

"Seven years! Seven... tumne suna na doctor ne kya bola. Those fiends.. seven years... woh akele kaise.. uss ghar ki halat nhi dekhi hain tumne Amrutha. Main gaya tha Rao Mansion, Bhabi ke saath.. woh ghar.. it looked like a slaughter house. A dead house. Aur Anna... he looked like a ghost. Kuch nhi bola unhone Ammu! Ek shabd nhi bola! Kyun! Why? Aisa kaise hone diya apne saath! Kaise bardash kiya hoga ye... ye torture.. ye humiliation.. ye..! It's not possible! It's simply not possible! Kaise! Kyun!"

"Chipku ladki pasand hain tereko? Seriously? Sar to nhi lagwaliya deewar pe kahi? Arre.. muh kyun fulaa raha hain.. oye Chitti wapas aa! Arre main mazak kar raha tha.. kitna over sensitive ho gaya hain aaj kal ke ladka log seriously."

"Ab main apne Khuda ko kya muh dikhaunga? Kya excuse leke jaunga? Aarav ko kaise kuch sikhaunga ab main.. what kind of a useless, worthless, selfish, monstrous human being am I?"

"Bass! Chup! Bilkul chup! Ho gaya ab aur ek shabd nhi!"

Amrutha snapped, tears rolling down her pale face as Aarav sensing the distress of his parents started sniffling. Farhad composed himself somehow and managed to quieten his son before he could break out into a full blown crying session and Amrutha took him. 

"Farhad please.."

She whispered now, her voice clogged in a shared pain and a disbelieve mixed so potent that it was obvious as plain as the day. 

"See, what has happened has happened. You cannot change it. You can wallow about it all you want. I know it will sound cruel and I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling but right now you can't afford to break. This has become a very sensitive issue. You have to find out the truth Farhad. Only you know Raghav the best amongst all of us, even Pallavi. If there is someone who can find out the what had actually happened. Why Raghav.... why he... let himself..... how could this horrifying incident occur... that also no one came to know... Only you.. I have full faith in you husband."

Farhad looked at the door of the chamber where the Doctors had shifted his former boss and sighed. He still couldn't muster up the courage to face him. Couldn't gather the strength to not break down into pieces seeing him like that. 

"I will never forgive myself Amrutha. What I have done is unforgivable."

"No.. Farhad..you.."

"Yes. The only way I can atone for this will be to keep repenting for the rest of my life and even that wouldn't be enough. I left him cold, left him to the wolves to get ripped apart, broke his trust... broke his heart. Allah! I can't tolerate this ache. I have to find what happened that night. You were right. I need to do something or this pain will drive me mad."

Farhad launched from his seat and walked towards the exit.

He had to make some calls. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Madam! Pallavi ma'am. Are you okay? Have some water please.. oh dear!"

Pallavi came to with her secretary's sudden panicked teetering and she found herself being helped till she was still somewhat upright. Her legs wobbled as the blood circulation had stopped for long, having put pressure on them for a long stretch. She drank the water Aman had handed her and uttered a very weak thank you in return making her PA more worried than ever. 

"Ma'am aapko toh chot lagi hain.."

Aman exclaimed suddenly seeing the blood on her palms. His sudden words were so true yet so far from it that it made her burst into laughter strangely. Aman looked at her like she had finally lost her marbles and maybe she had. 

Who even knew anything anymore.

"Ma'am aap.."

"Chot toh laga hain Aman. Bohot gehra.. itna gehra ki shayad iss zindagi mein toh kya, next saath zindagiyon mein bhi nhi bharega."

"Ma'am aap kya bolna chah rahi hain main kuch nhi samjha.."

"I fucked up Aman. It looks.. it looks like I have fucked up big time... and I.. have no idea what to do now.. I can't.. I can't breathe.. Deva.. give me some air.. move move.."

Pallavi gesticulated wildly and Aman jumped back shocked as he saw his boss take in huge gulps of air, rasping, turning an alarming shade of white before teetering lightly as she might faint and he caught her arm tightly, scared. 

"Ma'am.. sambhaliye. Please.. tell me what is wrong."

Pallavi felt tears suddenly stream down her eyes as if on cue and Aman who had never seen his fiery boss cry before this, almost lost his own footing and fell, gawking at her horrified and shocked. 

"Nhi sambhal sakti aur main.. sab kuch barbad ho gaya hain.. sab bikhar gaya hain."

"Kya hua hain Ma'am? Please shaant ho jaiye."

"Aman.. I.. I have to go. But you have to do something for me please."

"Why are you asking like this Boss. Name it and it shall be done. Have I ever disappointed you before?"

For the first time in what seemed forever, Pallavi gave him a faint smile. 

"No. You are the best. That is why I have you with me. Get me all the details of Mandar Deshmukh and Vedant Pillai since the past ten years. Don't leave anything. I want every single scrap of information. Do not think something little is irrelevant. I want to know what quality soap they use to what evening conversation they had with the other inmates during imprisonment. Who came to meet them and when, if anyone did that is...who are their rivals... and their locations for every single day since their individual jail times. And I want it yesterday."

Pallavi said and Aman nodded, slightly relieved at the smidgen of normalcy visible in her tone. This was the Pallavi he was familiar with. 

The Ice Queen. 

The merciless, ruthless, corporate shark who had people like Mandar and Vedant for breakfast on a fairly regular basis without a thought or a moment's hesitation. 

But if only Aman knew that the Pallavi he knows is just an extreme of her actual personality and the Pallavi she now is, has been shattered to bits. 

----------------------------------------------------------

"I am sorry Mrs. Rao. Maybe I behaved a tad too harshly with you then but you see, we have a standard protocol when he have to bring people out of shock. I just followed through that. It is a bit unconventional but as you can see, it surely does the needful. But I know hearing that would not have been easy on you at all. It was extremely unprofessional of me but know that I didn't mean any ill will."

The Doctor said genially to Pallavi as she sat opposite the desk with Farhad on the seat beside her. Pallavi gave him a faint smile again, feeling her facial muscles protest mightily against the action. 

"It is completely okay Sir. It was needed too. I was.. I might have been... I.. "

She couldn't complete but the Doctor nodded his head understandingly. Farhad noticed how Pallavi wasn't reacting to getting called with her married surname by the Doctor. He had done it previously too and then she was in shock so she might've not noticed but now... 

But it wasn't of that importance at the moment. 

"I can understand your concern, Mrs. Rao and Mr. Ahmed but I am afraid I can't give you any more details about Mr. Rao's health."

Pallavi and Farhad looked at the Doctor utterly taken aback for a second. Pallavi's voice shook ever so slightly when she asked the obvious question next. 

"B...but why Sir?"

The Doctor looked at them disconcerted for a moment and then sighed again, pulling his specs from his nose to clean them with a hanky awkwardly. This was always the difficult part. 

"Because you both no longer have permission."

At their heightened confused expressions he clarified. 

"Mrs. Pallavi Rao and Mr. Farhad Ahmed. You both do not have any permission to know about Mr. Raghav Rao's medical reports and health details under any circumstances, in effect from what has been seven years to this date."

He read out from a piece of document which he had procured from a file kept in front. 

"Wha.. what is that? And why would.. how come anyone can just say....that we can't.."

"It's an affidavit Mrs. Rao. Signed and witnessed by the Court. You and Mr. Ahmed no longer are Mr.Rao's medical proxies. The charge has been transferred."

TO BE CONTINUED