Oh what a tangled web we weave

When first we practise to deceive.

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Trigger warning : Mentions of rape and self harm (only mild)

Seven Years ago...

"I don't remember a f**king thing Raghav! I am telling the truth... I don't.. I don't.. I remember having that drink with you... we were talking... something about our common friends from college... and then you said something about Pallavi.. I was teasing you... and then everything from afterwards is a total black oblivion."

Esha Madhavan walked to and fro in the hotel room, from one corner to the other raking her hands dangerously in her hair. She had woken up at Raghav's furious jolts only to see herself devoid any of her clothes and wrapped in the duvet beside her former lover who incidentally was sans his clothes as well. The room looked like it has been hit by a hurricane with their clothes strewn everywhere and the only remainder of yesterday nights as the empty whiskey decanter and two glasses on the table.

It wasn't so difficult to put two and two together.

It was a f**king disaster! But maybe she wouldn't have minded it as much hadn't the look on Raghav Rao's face been like someone has pulled his soul out of his body. She felt the precariously held together pieces of her heart falling on the floor of her chest slowly as the expression on Raghav's face changed from shock to confusion to pain to absolute gut wrenching misery and then settled on it. He pulled his face in his hands shaking slightly.

Was she that repulsive that he couldn't even bear the thought of touching her.. even in an inebriated state?

Shut it you idiot!

Her brain commanded.

He is married. And he has had sex with you... he doesn't.. he doesn't love you... not now..

Suddenly the places were she felt sore had started burning and from his face she assumed so had his. She wanted to rush in the washroom and rinse herself till her skin comes out. It almost feels like she has... taken advantage of him. She may have wanted to.. but he, might have imagined his wife in place of her.

Suddenly Raghav spoke. His voice filled with self loathing, guilt and ache.

"Oh my god.. Oh my god no no no nnnnooo no no.. this can't happen with me! This can't... I couldn't have.. I.. I.. Pallavi... she will never forgive me... this will destroy her... I.. I can't breathe.. I.."

He ignored her frantic protests, leapt up and bolted out of the doors, Esha hot on his heels. He reached the parking lot and crashed against his car and took heaving breaths almost wheezing with the effort of keeping his ribs from sprouting out of his chest. She tried patting his back only for him to violently flinch away from her and swat her hands away gasping. She felt hurt but she understood his state of mind.

"Okay.. relax.. relax Raghav.. let's.. just.. breathe okay.. let's just forget about it... We'll pretend this never happened.. I will go away Raghav. I'll leave Hyderabad. I have applied for a job in Delhi. I got it. I'll just go... no one has to know."

Raghav who had been struggling to breathe, sitting on the ground, leaning against the door of his car looked up from his hands horrified, his eyes wide in shock.

"Are you f**king crazy Esha! I can't pretend this didn't happen..? I can't go on and then touch my wife with these hands.. that has.. has partaken in such a heinous.. I can't just be all hunky and dory after.. betraying her so badly. I.. I will have to tell her.. God! I'll just have to.. I'll have to go.."

He pushed her hands away again as he got up stumbling.

"Are you f**king stupid Raghav! If you tell her the truth then it is over! No self respecting woman would stay with a man who has indulged in infidelity.. she will divorce you! Are you mad... don't play great to.."

"Shut the f**k up! I know it! I know.. she will leave me.. she.."

He crushed his eyes closed feeling the torrents of tears he had held back gush out without restrain as his wife's beautiful face flashed in front of his eyes. He will die if she leaves him. He knows he will. He couldn't comprehend the meaning of existence without his Saree Ka Dukaan.

"You might leave the planet and go Esha.. but the truth wouldn't change. However much we close our eyes to it.. it can't.. I can't disrespect her by lying to her about it. I have committed a sin. I have to take responsibility for it. I will have to serve the sentence.. be it for life, as it may.."

He spoke thickly, with much difficulty. Esha was crying now as well. She never wanted this to happen. She had ruined this man's life once.. for unavoidable circumstance be it, but the fact doesn't change that it was because of her that he had suffered since the past less than a decade. And now, again.. when he had finally found his peace in someone else.. she had to come and ruin it again.

What has she done!

Why the f**king hell couldn't that Dasari have chosen any other deal! Why the bloody hell had she have to meet Raghav.. come to this blasted hotel! She wished she could go back in time and..

Suddenly Esha saw a man. Even through her blurred vision she would recognize him anywhere. Raghav had long left, leaving her standing like an idiot in the parking. She looked around and saw no other person in sight. She didn't know whether she should approach the man in said conditions.

The man had his back turned to her. Esha decided that even if there was one chance of foul play in yesterday's incident and she owed it to Raghav for taking a plunge, risky be it may.

"Sunil! What the hell are you doing here?"

Sunil Iyyer gave his ex wife a shark smile which instantly chilled her to her very bones. It was a bad idea. He came closer to her, walking laconically though. She took a few steps back taking in measure of the security in the Hotel's compound.

"Ahh sweetheart. Had a great time yesterday night did you?"

She narrowed her eyes at that.

"What the hell do you mean by that? Don't come closer. The court doesn't give you permission to come within ten mile radius of me."

"Hah! I am not afraid of your empty threats b*tch! The boyfriend's gone anyways.. so yeah where was I..? Yesterday night.. God the sounds you were making honey... music to my ears.."

Esha paled and suddenly the whiskey from yesterday had started an upward crawl through her oesophagus. She trembled as the implications of that brute's words made the situation take a completely different turn then what she had initially thought.

"Wha.. what the hell.."

Sunil loomed like a humongous shadow over her and gave her a creepy disgusting grin while taking out his phone.

"I have it all filmed here sweet... you and me. Though you were a bit foxed but all too eager anyways. What..? You don't remember .. tsch! Your loss."

She felt tears burn her eyes even as her mind worked furiously to connect all the dots. She had hit a car's bonnet behind her as the monster in front switched on the video in his mobile and thrust it on her face.

"I told the receptionist that I am your husband.. gave your name and number and all.. he gave me the spare key. Blame him.. stupid guy with a serious need for a security update. When I reached the room, both of you were dead to the world.. maybe had too much to drink.. funny because I don't think Raghav Rao and you can get so sloshed from one bottle of whiskey... anyways.. the rest is as they say.. history. Felt a bit bad for the ex though... he missed all the fun."

The video showed Sunil entering the room where she saw herself crumpled on the floor, a few feet away from the bed and Raghav sprawled on the bed with his legs down. It was pretty evident from their positions and lack of movement that both were out like the light. She saw disgusted as Sunil scooped her off the ground in his arms and led her out.

She felt her hand raising on itself and landing on his face automatically with as much power as she possessed in that frail state.

"You! You horrible ba*tard! You dog! You bloody moronic.. I will kill you! How dare you!"

Her violent hits and screams brought the security guards running and they caught hold of Sunil before he could launch on her. She felt the hot bile rise in her throat which ultimately came out making a burning projectile on the ground. She was taken to the lobby as the police reached to take Sunil. Just then, she remembered.

If Sunil had taken her out of the room... and Raghav was lying there with his clothes on, alone, all night.. then how come they were in the position they found themselves in the following morning. She managed to catch up to the policemen dragging her protesting ex husband out.

"Wait! If you had me all night.. "

She shuddered even as she spoke and saw his ugly face twist in malice.

"Then why did you put me back in the room and removed all my clothes..? And Raghav's as well.."

He scoffed.

"Hah! Am I an idiot or what? I just took you back because I hadn't booked a room. That was a friend's. And why the hell would I open your or that ba*tard's clothes? I left you as such on the bed.. he must have opened his clothes sometime during the night.."

Esha ran back to her car wordlessly, panting with heaving breaths.

She had to catch Raghav before he says anything to Pallavi...

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Pallavi's knuckles had whitened around the cup she had been holding for dear life all the time Esha narrated. The only sound coming now were her soft sobs pressed against the white napkin which she had been crushing in her hand as they sat in the all night cafe' beside the building where the party was being hosted.

Pallavi didn't know what to think, how to react. All her thoughts had jumbled up in a mess inside her head, her emotions were flying everywhere and she felt a weird suffocation under her chest muscle. She couldn't draw in breaths and matched the struggle of her companion if only internally.

He had lied to her..? He didn't tell her this.. he told he had hallucinated her instead of Esha as they.. he hadn't..

She focussed on the crying of the other woman at first. She suddenly felt horrible. Whatever might have happened that night, she didn't deserve that. No one deserves physical assault and that abusive brute of her ex husband had raped her.

Pallavi slowly Esha's limp hand on the table in between them and gave it a squeeze. Esha squeezed back taking her gesture for what it meant. She struggled for another minute or so before forcing herself to be quiet.

"Trust me Pallavi.. I am not lying. I will never do that.."

Pallavi sighed and looked aside fiddling with her fingers now. She didn't remember when the mere act of breathing had become so laborious.

"What if you are?"

Esha looked at her horrified and felt a jolt of indignant anger at the woman sitting in front of her for the first time this evening. She snapped.

"I. Am. Not. Lying! Why the hell would I lie? What is my purpose? Where is my profit here..? Is there any motive you can find here.. for my lying? That also seven years later..? I am not lying Pallavi.. nothing happened that night. I mean... at least nothing happened between your hus.."

Pallavi looked at her sharply and she crushed her eyes closed and took a deep breath and then continued.

"Your ex husband and me. We shared a drink like old friends and then we blanked out and then my ex husband raped me. End of story."

"Then the why the bloody hell did my ex husband lie to me!!!"

Pallavi screamed suddenly shocking Esha out of her wits. She was breathing heavily now as the painful memories of that night flashed in front of her eyes like a never ending reel. She could feel her heart contracting just like it had when he had uttered those despicable words to her. The wound in her unused muscle hidden under the layers of her chest burned anew. Like it was made just now.

"Why did he lie to me then Esha.. why? You didn't tell him the truth..? huh!!?"

Esha looked at her painfully.

"That's the shocking thing Pallavi.. I went back to Hyderabad that day itself. Raghav wouldn't pik up my calls. I was tearing my hair off in worry and then suddenly he came to meet me next morning. I had texted him the issue when he wouldn't call me back yesterday itself. But he may have blocked my number. Then I told him everything, gave him the police evidence. That video.. every single damn thing.. but you had left by then."

"So!"

Pallavi shouted again raking her hands in her hair upsetting it completely now as the long tresses escaped from her bun and fell all over her back. She stood up and paced a bit. The Café' owner had been taken out by her security so no one could either see or hear them.

Or so they thought.

"He is Raghav Rao, Esha! If anyone can find a needle in the world's biggest haystack it would be him. Finding me would have been a piece of cake for him. Yet even after knowing the truth, he didn't think it prudent to inform me of the same? Why?"

Esha stood up as well rubbing her forehead.

"I don't know Pallavi! Honestly I don't know. I told him of the same. But he was behaving weird. He refused to answer any of my questions and then he abruptly left. I.. I left it at that. Frankly, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to space out.. So I.. I moved out within a couple of days later.."

Pallavi whirled back suddenly, using that last bit of desperate hope in her heart that might make her hold onto her previous belief that he deserved what he has received. Tricked or not. Even as she already knew that her treacherous heart had started its furious rebellion against her messed up brain getting this excuse.

"But.. why would he even drink with you..? He promised me he wouldn't touch that stuff again. He promised.. I.. I trusted him Esha. Is this all I meant to the man... tell me honestly... why would he cheat me so.."

And after all these years Pallavi's voice coloured in that same characteristic heart break which could make even the Angel's weep in her sorrow. Tears collected in her eyes as Esha found her own heart breaking for the pain which reflected in the other woman's voice. As it had broken for her friend and former lover all those years ago.

"Oh Pallavi... you meant the world to that man. He worshipped you believe me. I have never seen another man so in love as I have, him.. even though once it might have broken my heart t say it... even he could have ever loved me.. had we gotten our endgame. That man would lie down on the f**king road and let a truck or two pass over him than even thinking of hurting you."

Pallavi swallowed her tears and laughed a bit scornfully trying hard not to feel for that man again though she knew maybe this was a never ending battle she was always destined to loose.

"And yet he drank with you enough to get sloshed....knowing what alcohol does to him...."

Esha smiled sadly. She took out her hands from where she had them tucked across her waist and held it out to her to see. Pallavi witnessed two faded yet clear cuts on both of her wrists, made by a sharp object surely. She gasped.

"When I thought I couldn't take my life any more I thought this was the easy way out.... well, a colleague saved me that day. Her elder sister is a great doctor. I went to her that day after coming from Warangal. She found traces of LSD in my blood... you know LSD..? Lysergic acid diethylamide or LSD is the most potent hallucinogenic drug in the world. A little bit of it in both of our drinks and we would be off with only a peg."

Pallavi looked at her with wide eyes.

"We had only decided to have one peg Pallavi. He had refused initially, but I insisted.. I wanted to relive the old days.. for the sake of normalcy.. only if a little bit. I may have been greedy for his attention.. only one more minute if I could have it. He may have agreed because he pitied me. You surely don't think that we could have gotten completely drunk to pass out with only half a bottle of whiskey?"

Before Pallavi could say anything further, her phone rang. She picked it up absently still entranced in the recent revelation not even looking at the caller id.

"Hey.. Pallu.."

Her heart stopped again, the second time this night as the heart warming-ly familiar voice brought her out of her shock effectively. A voice she knew had promised never to call her again unless she calls first.

"Am.. Amrutha..?"

To be continued...