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It was the busy schedule for us, but nothing that we haven't been used to. Just regular BTS fan service. We were in the Philippines, doing our promotions for the upcoming album "Wings". Everyone were in the good mood, even Yoongi Hyung. The place was filled with fans. We were always so blessed to have them love and support us. Me and the rest of the members did everything to entertain them, doing aegyo and tease them a little. Jiminie was on fire, flirting with them shamelessly . I wasn't any better myself.
The sudden touch on my shoulder, drew my attention from a fan that I was talking to and I saw the serious face of our manager.
-Tae, you have a call.
-What? A call? Now?- I asked. I never get called during our promotions and fan service. Work comes first. But the serious face and sad eyes that were looking at me now, send a shiver down my spine and I knew that something was wrong. Terrebly wrong.
I excused myself from the girl I was talking to and went outside. Everyone was looking at me in worry. What's going on?
I took the phone and I was surprised to hear my father.
-Taehyung.- His voice was trembling slightly. His voice never trembled. I took a large breath.
-Appa. What's going on?
-Taehyung I... I have s...sad news. Your...halmeoni, she...she died, son.
My mind went blank. I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe. I just stood there, holding the phone, while fear sprang up to my heart and cold sweat swept over me in a second.
-W...what? - I barely croaked through dry throat.
I couldn't hear anything else. My mind refused to comprehend what's going on. I heared my fathers voice, but I couldn't understand him. He was saying that my grandmother is dead. My halmeoni, no... it can't be. No, no it's impossible, she wasn't even that old, no, no, no, no. I started gasping for air, the phone slipped from my fingers and I felt hands on me. They were making me sit, giving me water to drink, massaging my neck, talking to me, but I could not hear. My mind didn't worked.

The hard slap on my face brought me back to my senses. I was suddenly aware of my surroundings. I saw my manager's face in front of mine, looking at me. He was worried, but determined.
-Tae? Tae, listen to me. I know it's hard, but you have to compose yourself. You have to be strong and go back to the signing. You think you can do that?
I just nodded, feeling completely numb. I couldn't think, my body and mind were in shock. I just did what I always do when I face something difficult and terrible - I put a mask on.
I did it now as well. I put a mask that told that I was fine and that everything was well. I've got into a role and went back to the signing room. I felt all eyes on me. My Hyungs and Kookie knew right away that something was off. I tried too much, it was unnatural.
I felt Jimin's eyes on me. They were filled with worry, asking me what's wrong. I shook my head slightly, sending him a silent thought - "Not now"- and I knew he understood. We always had that special bond, where we talked with our eyes.

I sat back to my seat and did my outmost best to hide the pain that was gripping my heart and stop the tears from spilling. It was only 20 minutes till the end, before we go back to the hotel. The longest 20 minutes in my life.

Fourty minutes later we were in the car, driving to the hotel. Kookie, Hobi Hyung and Jiminie were in the car with me. No one spoke a word.

They were all informed, after the signing, what happened. We were in the back room waiting for the cars to come and pick us up.
I felt their hands on me. They were patting me, telling me how sorry they are.
Jin Hyung came first and envelop me into a thight hug. The rest quickly followed, creating like a huge hug cage. I felt trapped. I squirmed until the hug broke and I stepped away from them, catching my breath.
I felt Jungkook's and Jimin's grip on each of my hands. They led me to the car with Hobi Hying closely behind us.

-Hyung...- I heard a soft voice and feel the slight press on my hand. I raised my eyes to look at Kookie. My dear Kookie, his eyes were so wide in worry. He tried to say something, but the words were never his thing. He gripped my hand thighter and bit his lower lip while trying to hold back his tears. That's when I broke. My mask fell off and my face contort in pain. The loud sob filled the car and I started crying. Kookie became blurry from tears that filled my eyes, as I buried my face into my palms.
I felt arms, on each side of my shoulders turning me and pulling me into a hug. This time I hugged back. I sniffed while I sob hopelessly, inhailing Jimin's scent. I clung to him, as holding for my life and I cried into his shoulder, while my thoughts ran towards my grandmother.

The pain... the pain was unbearable. A million questions were surging through my mind, asking, wondering, what if?
I was lost. Lost in shock and sudden pain that ripped my soul and crushed my heart. I still didn't want to believe it. The realization strucked me and I couldn't breath again. I felt Jimin's hand rubbing my back, telling me to breathe, to calm down. But how? The pain is too big, too strong. I was devastated. Not her... why her? Why? Why did she has to die? Why couldn't be someone else? I was angry at destiny, for taking her away from me. She was my rock, no... she IS my rock still, even if she's no longer here. Even though I can't reach her and hug her. I would give anything to see her again and kiss her cheeks. To tell her that I love her and miss her so much.
She was more like mother to me than my real one. She raised me and she loved me with all of her heart. She was the one I would run to in need, the one I would talk about my hardships. What I wanted to do, what I wanted to eat. Ah, she would cook the most delicious meals. She always loved to see me eat. She loved me chubby and now... now she's gone, just like that, she is gone... and I didn't even got a chance to say goodbye to her. I want to scream! I want to break things, to hurt something, just like I am hurting. But it wouldn't be right, she wouldn't want me to. The new wave of pain rushed at me, fuelled by the memories, each stronger than the last. Why can't I be like a robot and switch my feelings off until the pain stops? How would I live now without my halmeoni? Why did you leave me?

I calmed a little when we reached the hotel. I put the mask and sunglases on to hide my face. I went to my room that I shared with Namjoon Hyung and just sat on my bed. I didn't had tears left. All whats left was anger. I wanted to break things. To scream. I felt a huge monster clawing through my skin. I clenched my fists and stared at one spot on the wall. That's how they found me few moments later.
Hobi Hyung entered the room, followed by Kookie and Jiminie. Hobi and Kookie kept looking at me, wanting to help, but didn't know exactly how. Jimin on the other hand had an expression of out most understanding. He told something to the other two and they left. He then helped me to change into my pijamas and put me into bed, lying next to me. I don't remember much after that, it was all foggy. All I knew was that I was so exausted, so empty and that Jiminie was there, keeping me from breaking apart completely. We talked and we cried for long time too. I shared my pain with him and he took it all in without complaining. At that moment we were strongly connected. Our bond worked as a lifebelt and my aching heart could still recognize the love for him, on which I was eternally grateful.
Jimin, my best friend, my brother, my soulmate helped me stay sane that night, protecting me from chaos I was nearly stepping in, because of the pain I felt. He was my anchor, my safe harbour and I felt safe in his warm arms, our hands intertwined as I allowed exhaustion to slowly drift me off into the oblivious sleep...