Listen to Big Girls Cry by Sia

I had only kissed one guy and that was back in summer camp when I was 14. The dude even passed out when it was just a peck on the lips. After being bullied in elementary school and middle school, I'd toughened up and built a wall around me to prevent people from coming into my life and hurting me. No guy ever asked me out in high school, I was labeled a cold bitch. I only went to prom because of Chloe. Now that I was in college, I was too focused on my family and school to give any guy the time of the day, every guy that ended up asking me out, I turned them down. Sex wasn't a big deal to me, I'd engage in self-pleasure here and there with my fingers and a vibrator but damn, the moment I felt Adrian's lips I wanted him to do every little dirty thing to me. I have never felt such a strong need for someone. I didn't care if this was just a weekend fling and if it was going to be my first time, it was just sex. That was what I'd told myself.

Trying to ignore the pain ripping my insides apart, I held my breath hoping it'll subside the pain. I felt him buried deep inside me but he wasn't moving, I was too scared to look at him as I gripped the sheets between my fingers with my eyes tightly shut as I wince from the pain. His rough palms left my hips, and I could feel his eyes on me. I opened my eyes and stared back at him, the guilt written all over his face made me feel like an awful person. I swallowed the dryness in my throat as I looked into his hypnotizing grey eyes that reminded me of clouds in a thunderstorm, so wild and free.

"Are you...did I...?" he tried to form a sentence.

"It's no big deal, Adrian."

"Bullshit! Why didn't you tell me, shit are you okay?" he looked down where he was still buried inside me and I felt his dick twitch at the sight.

"Just finish," I urged him trying to touch his arm but he pulled away.

"This is not okay Belvina," he said, slowly pulling out of me. I grabbed the sheet and covered myself quickly with it.

"I told you I don't care, don't make this a big deal."

"Well, I fucking care Belvina! I hurt you and you just let me take that from you, shit!" he grabbed his sweatpants from the floor and slip them on in a hurry.

"Doesn't matter if I'm a fucking virgin, it's my body and I wanted it."

"You should've let me know. You should have found someone else if you wanted someone to take your virginity. This was supposed to be a one-time thing."

"Oh please, just because you put your dick in me doesn't mean I will suddenly be head over heels for you or swooning over you."

"Your first should be with someone that..."

"Don't feed me that crap." I sighed looking at the ceiling.

"I would have done it differently if I had known, make it worth something since it was your first."

"This was why I never wanted to tell you, Adrian. I knew you'd make a big deal or chicken out like you're doing right now. You're making it sound like a special event."

"This was a big mistake," he said grabbing his shirt from the floor and heading to the door.

"Gracias pendajo, thank you asshole!" I yelled.

I lay there in bed staring at the white ceiling, different thoughts and emotions running through me. I should have stopped him when he leaned in to kiss me because once I felt his lips on mine, every thought of stopping him from going further dissolved and I felt like I was on fire and only he could quench that fire with his touch, his lips, and sinful words he'd whispered in my ear. I became addicted to his taste and touch instantly. I was a goner. Now I just felt frustrated, embarrassed, and sore. It was hard to move without whimpering from the pain between my legs.

It took me a while to pull myself out of bed and sneak into the bathroom for a shower. I was relieved not to see Adrian anywhere. He was probably in his room regretting ever thinking of bringing me on this trip. I let the water run down my hot skin, my fingers tracing every mark Adrian had left on my body from his fingers and teeth. I had to change the temperature of the shower as my body started to burn with need, memories of what we'd been doing earlier replayed like a movie in my head. I washed my face with the cool water, praying it would wipe away the filthy images in my brain. I let the warm water wash away where his fingers and lips have been as I hummed to a random song to keep myself distracted.

After a long shower, I quickly walked to my room and locked the door. I put on my shorts and tank top and wrapped my hair in a towel. I put on my headphone and played some music. I pulled out the sheets from the bed after spotting a blood stain. I tossed it aside for laundry and grabbed a blanket. I couldn't sleep on an unmade bed, so I went to the living room and slept on the couch.

I woke up late the next day, it was almost 3 pm. I looked around the living room, still dazed from sleep. It took me a while to realize why I slept on the couch. Memories of what happened a few hours ago with Adrian made me wish I could create a time machine to go back and stopped what happened. I sat up and looked toward the door to his room, wondering if he was inside. I grabbed the phone at the corner and ordered room service. I turned on the TV and watched random episodes of The Real Wives of Beverly Hill. I didn't feel like doing anything today and every time I tried to move I was reminded of last night with the pain between my legs. Never thought I'd end up being disabled by Adrian Parker's dick.

Room service came with my food and Adrian never came out. He must be avoiding me. I didn't have much appetite, something was bothering me and it made me restless. After eating, I spoke to my little sister on the phone and called Chloe after with my sister. It was getting dark and Adrian still hasn't come out of his room. The silence was slowly killing me. I got worried and decided to check on him. I left the couch and walked to his room. I knocked on the door and leaned on it to pick up any sounds from inside, but it was silent.

"Adrian?"

No answer

"Are you avoiding me?" No answer.

"Look, it wasn't a big deal and we can forget it ever happened. You can't stay in there forever." I said and got no reply.

"Come on, Parker," I urged. I still got no sound from his room.

"Ok, I'm coming in," I said, waiting a few seconds before opening the door. The room was empty and the bed was untouched. He didn't sleep here unless he got up early and made the bed.

"Adrian?" I called, walking to the closet as if I would find him there. I was relieved he didn't leave me behind and go back to California after finding his suitcase and suit in the closet.

I returned to the living room and lay back on the couch, my mind racing with different scenarios. I grabbed my phone and called him but it went straight to voicemail. I tried to study and finish some schoolwork but couldn't concentrate. I tried calling Adrian again and it went to voicemail. I got frustrated and decided to go down to the receptionist or look around to see if I would find him. I changed into a sweatpants and hoodie and took the stairs. Unfortunately, the receptionist at the front wasn't the same from the morning and couldn't have seen Adrian leave. I looked around the bar and restaurant and didn't find him. I went back to the suite and paced around the room, getting agitated. I called him again and I was still sent to voicemail. I sent a few texts asking him to let me know if he was okay.

I grabbed a bag of Doritos and ate quietly while stealing glances at my phone, begging for a notification from Adrian. I thought we would have fun today since it was our last day in New York but he just ghosted me. Was he that angry that I didn't tell him I was a virgin? I wouldn't even call what happened sex but the way he'd just left me there in pain and in my most vulnerable state like fucking a virgin was forbidden, he couldn't even look at me without that look of disappointment in his eyes. He just walked away calling it a mistake.

I went to the balcony to admire the sky horizon and city skyline. I looked down, hoping to see Adrian somewhere in the midst of people walking down the sidewalk.

"Where the fuck are you, Parker?" I whispered to myself.

I went back to the living room and lay on the couch to look for something to watch on the large screen tv. It was almost 8 pm and Adrian wasn't back. At this point, I was convinced he already left for California.

I dozed off while watching an animated movie, I woke up when I heard the door opening. I sat up and watched Adrian as he walked in with a takeout bag in his hand.

"Hey," he said softly, he was in a black jogger and grey sweatshirt. He looked like he hadn't had any sleep from the dark circles beneath his eyes.

"What the fuck Parker!" I stood up and walked toward him.

"I brought you your favorite?" he raised the bag of takeout to show me but my eyes were glued on him, I was enraged and maybe relieved he was alive. How could he walk in here smiling like he didn't ghost me the whole day and left me dying in anxiety? I had so many questions but I was blinded with rage right now and didn.t want to be around him.

"You should have at least left a note, answer your damn phone, or fucking reply to your text. I'm glad you're alive, now book me the next flight to California, right now."

"Vixen?"

"Don't, you were right. This whole trip was a mistake. I wanna leave," I said and headed to my room.

He said nothing.

"Qué asqueroso pedazo de mierda. What a disgusting piece of shit," I muttered as I entered the room.

"Yo no puedo creer que yo tuve un aplastamiento contigo, Qué imbecíl. I can't believe I ever had a crush on you, what a Jerk" I said as I threw clothes into a traveling bag, no matter how mad I was I would never return all the stuff he bought for me. I grabbed my bag and came out of the room, Adrian was on the phone as I walked to the bathroom to pack the shampoo, conditioner, soap, and shower gel.

"Your flight leaves in two hours," he said.

"Great," I said and walked to the door.

I stopped and looked back at him, "Vete a la mierda, Adrian. Fuck you, Adrian!" I said and he nodded as if he understood what I said.

"I called David to..."

"Don't worry I will take a taxi," I said not looking back.

"Belvina, I'm sorry for how things turned out, my plan was to make this a fun trip and win your friendship."

"Whatever, now you know we can never be friends." I stepped out with my bag and walked away without looking back.

I found a taxi outside dropping someone off. I entered and told him to drive me to the airport.