Only a few moments after I collapse on my bed, someone knocks on my locked door.

"Mia? Hey, are you okay?" Josh asks softly.

"Just leave me alone, Josh. Please. I need to be alone," I plead, clutching my pillow tightly.

"Okay. But if you need me, I'll be downstairs. And I'll always have my phone with me."

I don't reply, and soon I hear footsteps walking down the stairs. The tears pour out of my eyes and my shoulders shake. I press my face into the pillow, to the point where I can't breathe, but I don't care. As long as it would take me away from this pain, I don't care.

An hour later, I'm still awake. The tears have stopped falling, but their tracks are still prominent on my cheeks. I'm still holding the pillow as close to my chest as possible, my eyes now locked on my ceiling.

I close my eyes for a moment or two, opening them again and imagining the night sky before me instead of my ceiling. My eyes trace the many constellations that I have memorized, and my heart slows down to its normal pace, as well as my breathing. I'm not sure entirely what it is about stars that calms me, but they just do.

Determined, I climb out of bed, stumbling towards the window, thaks to the pounding headache I have from all the crying. I pull the window open, climbing out and up onto the roof. The sun is barely setting, turning the sky a beautiful orangey color, so obviously, no stars are out for me to look at.

Nonetheless, I lean back against the roof and study the clouds, labeling them as different shapes absent mindedly.

I stay up there for hours, long enough for the stars to appear and a slight chill to fill the air. I'm perfectly content staying out here, so I make no move to leave.

Just as tiredness starts getting to me, I hear a frantic pounding going on beneath me.

Concerned, I jump to my feet and swing back into my room in time to see my door fly open. I jump back, shocked. Then I realize who it is standing at the door.

Alec storms towards me, pulling me in his arms, squeezing me tightly. "Why weren't you answering our knocks?"

I push Alec away from me, my heart racing again. I can't talk to him. Not when just a few hours ago I saw his death. Josh soon appears in the doorway, relief taking over his expression starting towards me, but once he sees mine, he stops. And I don't blame him.

Tears are threatening to overspill, even though I thought I ran out of tears long before I went onto the roof. My makeup is smeared down my cheeks, and I'm sure my face is red and blotchy. I glance over at Alec, and hurt fills his eyes.

I turn around sighing, "Just leave."

To my surprise, the door soon closes. I look over my shoulder to see both of the boys gone, nothing but my memory to remind me that they were here.

I go to my door, locking it once more. I smile briefly when I see the bobby pin on the floor, answering my unspoken question of how they got in my room. I pick up the small hair pin and place it on my bedside table. Who knows when I'll need one.

I curl into a ball on my bed, once again grabbing the pillow and stuffing my face into it. After a few more tears fall, I succumb to the darkness.

•••

Commotion outside of my door is what wakes me up in the morning. I groan, lifting up my head to check the time. 8:47. Dad should be at work by now and school started over an hour ago. So who's in my house?

Naturally, I let my crazy thoughts get the best of me and I assume that come murderer or thief is in my home. I scramble out of bed, grabbing the first thing I could find. My alarm clock.

I tip-toe over to my door, unlocking it as quietly as I can. I pause momentarily, making sure that no one heard that. After a few moments of undelayed noise from the hallway - or wherever it's coming from - I twist the door knob, once again as cautious as possible.

I look through the tiny crack in the doorway, trying to find the source of the noise. Of course, since it's only a crack, I can't see anything really, so I open it a bit more. And a bit more. And just a little bit more..... Then I step out of the room. My head automatically turns side to side, looking for anyone in the hallway. When I see no one, I let out a small sigh of relief.

By this point, the noise is louder, but I still can't make out exactly what it is. I head towards the stairs, my alarm still in one hand. As soon as I hit the first step, it creaks, and the noise stops suddenly. I cringe, lifting my foot and slowly walking backwards towards my room.

Of course, my luck isn't working today, so someone comes running up the stairs, actually, it sounds like several someones. I freeze out of shock, but manage to lift my alarm clock above my head, ready to throw it at a moments notice.

Three bodies appear from the stair way and I drop the alarm clock. First up the stairs is Josh, then Alec, and the most surprising of all, Dad.

Dad and Alec try to rush towards me, but thankfully Josh puts out his arm to stop them.

Without another word, I turn on my heel and walk into my room, feeling their eyes on me. I close the door and lock it for the third time.

I slide down onto the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. They all stayed home for me. They all missed school or work for me. I'm honestly not too surprised that Josh and Alec did, but Dad? I thought he was mad at me?

Now fully confused, I climb back out onto the roof, sitting down. The wind blows my hair around and into my face. Sighing, I twist my hair into a bun at the base of my head with the spare hair tie on my wrist.

What was I thinking when I thought being Josh's Meise would be easy? If this is what my life will look like in a few years, with or without Josh, then I'm not sure if I want it.

I stand up, walking over to the edge of the roof. Just one more step and all this would be over. I wouldn't have to worry about seeing people die over and over again.

But I also would never do many things. I wouldn't graduate from high school. I wouldn't become a mother.

Alec, Elizabeth and Josh would most likely go into a state of depression. Dad might, too, considering how he was acting today.

With every new thought, I take a step away from the edge. I eventually reach the top of the roof and sit down. What was I thinking? Killing myself wouldn't solve anything. I've heard lots of stories about the families of those who commit suicide and it's never happy. Everyone struggles getting through it, and some also want to take away their lives. I could never be the cause of someone else dying.

I chuckle at the last thought. That's what all this comes down to. Death. I see people die. I see them in their last moments, whether or not I'll actually be there. That kind of power is overwhelming.

So I better start learning to control it.

I stand up, walking back down to where my window is and climb in again.

That got pretty deep at the end there... but I'm not sure how much I like this chapter. It's mainly just a filler, but I don't know. Maybe it'll be important in chapters to come... ;)

Thanks for reading!