About two weeks passed by, and I had barely spoken a word to anyone. The only people who had managed to get more than a curt sentence from me had been Verena and Levi, who had stopped by for a brief moment to relieve me of my duties for the duration of my recovery.

He had mentioned something about a suspect relating to the female titan, but before I could open my mouth and insist that I had to be part of it, he told me there was no way. Something preposterous, about me being too emotional, and that I would be a liability.

I knew it was true; the liability part, as there would be no stopping me from killing the one responsible. I'd make the traitorous bitch suffer, and we needed her for interrogation.

Today was the day, and I could feel the tension as I wandered the barracks, heading towards the stables to visit Boy. People were rushing around, preparing their gear, muttering to themselves about the capital. It wasn't until I was only a few stalls away from my horse that I realised how truly ridiculous their plan was.

"Kirstein, what the fuck is sitting on top of your head..?" I blinked a few times as I addressed the scout, who was wearing a dark brown wig over his copper undercut. Scowling, he averted his eyes and continued scooping feed into his horse's bag.
"I know...It's pathetic...I'm supposed to be Eren's decoy..." He grumbled, quite obviously embarrassed.

Why go that far? Why put so much trust in that son of a bitch?

"Good luck with that. You look nothing like him." I pointed out, passing by him without so much as a second glance, greeting Boy with a gentle rub of his nose.
"At least somebody seems to think so..." Jean sighed, seeming to ease up a little. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't look back.
"Tell me...Who's the suspect?" I had asked Levi this question many times, but the bastard had continuously shut me down. If anybody had a right to know, it should have been myself and Verena.

"I...I've been ordered not to tell you...We all have..." Jean's admittance pissed me off, but I knew he wasn't to blame. Huffing out a disgruntled sigh, I turned slightly and frowned, holding back my anger so I wouldn't unnecessarily lay it all onto him.
"Was it Levi?" I questioned, knowing he would have had at least something to do with it.
"Well...it came straight from the Commander, apparently...Something about, like, you being-"

"A liability?" It was a rhetorical question. I knew that was what he was going to say, and that word was becoming one I despised. "Yeah...I've been getting that a lot lately..." Jean looked conflicted, like he wanted to tell me, but his neck was on the line.
"Just for the record...I don't think that...I mean, you can be a crazy bitch, but if it had been up to me, I would have let you be a part of this...if you weren't in recovery..."

Just because I got a little banged up doesn't mean I'm useless...My heart hurts more than anything else does...

"Gee, how kind of you to say..." I muttered bitterly, giving Boy a quick peck on the forehead before I walked towards the taller man. "If that's true, then you wouldn't mind escorting me to Erwin, then, would you?" He definitely hadn't been expecting such a request, and I could see him silently mulling it over in his head.

"I mean...I guess I could? I dunno...I'm supposed to be heading out to the switch real soon..." He chewed on his lower lip, and I glared up at him with sheer determination.
"If you're hesitating because you think I'll do something stupid, you're mistaken. I just want to speak with him, that's all. I would also like to discuss something with that Zachary guy."

I wasn't lying. I really did need to speak to the both of them, respectively. Something I had conversed with Eld's mother about a few days beforehand made me realise that, and this was as good of a chance as any.
"If...that's the case, then come on...He'll be heading to the carriage soon, I think...so we better hurry..."

Thank fuck...Good boy, Kirstein...

We walked as briskly as we could towards the entrance to the barracks, and I struggled to keep in step with the taller copperette, grinding my teeth due to the dull ache in my back and neck. Jean slowed, turning his lips down when he allowed me to catch up.
"I haven't seen you in the mess hall...Gotta ask...have you been eating? You look pretty sick..." God, I knew it wasn't supposed to be an insult, but I was far from rational.

"No shit. My fiance is dead, and I'm a fucking liability. My appetite isn't what you'd call healthy." I bit back, feeling only the tiniest bit guilty when he tensed up.
"Fucking...I was just trying to make sure you weren't starving yourself..." He muttered, hunching his shoulders. "Mourning or not, you gotta take care of yourself...What would..." He trailed off, but I knew exactly what he was going to say.

What would Marco and Eld say if they saw you like this..?

"Their names aren't taboo, Jean. Marco Bott. E..Eld Jinn. They're just names that used to exist...that's all..." There was that cracking sound again, but it was muffled in the back of my mind. I was slowly but surely blocking everything. Jean was either exceptionally pissed off, or ridiculously upset by what I had said, but he didn't say anything more about it. Once we reached the gate, he turned on his heel and started off again.
"I'm off. Don't go getting another gun cocked between your eyes, (L/N)..."

Yeah, fuck you, too...

Sighing, and mentally bashing myself for my behaviour, I exited the barracks, catching sight of Erwin himself heading towards the waiting carriage. Running was a very bad move, but the pain wasn't unbearable as I sprinted to catch the tail of his coat, making him jump.
"(Y/N)..? I can't speak now, I'm heading to-"

"The capital. I know. I'm coming with you." It wasn't a question. If anything, it was an order. I was giving him no choice but to let me tag along. His hefty brows knitted together, and I could tell he wasn't very impressed.
"I really would suggest that you didn't...but something tells me you'll find a way there no matter what I say..." He sighed, motioning for me to climb into the carriage before him. "All I ask is that you don't make a scene. We don't need any more fingers pointed towards the Survey Corps."

Nodding in understanding, I crawled into the large carriage and sat myself by the window, tucking my legs to the side when Erwin entered after me. We sat in silence for a few moments, obviously waiting for someone else, before I opened my mouth.
"I wanna start off by saying I don't forgive you for the shit you pulled on the expedition." I caught his eyes in a steely trap, but he didn't waver.

"I would never expect you to. My decisions caused you and your squad to suffer greatly, and for that, all I can do is offer you my gravest apologies." Erwin was definitely in formal mode, and it was sickening. I had wanted to speak to him as a human, not a machine, but that didn't seem like it would happen.

"Alright...though that won't change the fact that my fiance and the closest thing I ever had to a real family are decaying corpses, somewhere outside of these walls..." I narrowed my (E/C) eyes, searching for some kind of remorse or discomfort, but I got nothing.
"I never thought it would. I was unaware that you were engaged to be wed. I am deeply sorry."

This is seriously messed up...

"So you've said. Anyway, I suppose there is more than one reason you were hesitant on allowing me to join you today. I'll make this crystal clear for you, Smith...I am completely aware of what's about to go down today, and the disgustingly nonsensical gamble you're putting into play." I leant my good elbow against the window, resting my cheek against my palm.

"I assumed that was the case." Erwin smirked a little, crossing his legs. "Never for a second did I think I could pull this off without you catching wind." Humming in agreement, I flickered my gaze to the road outside before returning to his wintery eyes.
"Mmhmmm...Plus I know that District Commander Nicholas (L/N) will be in attendance today."

That was the ticket. The skin around Erwin's jaw grew taut, and his lip twitched downward, if only for a split moment.
"I have to ask...How did you come to that conclusion?" One of his portly brows raised in question, and I responded without so much as a Muscle quaver.
"Just now, when you reacted."

I felt grossly accomplished by such a small feat, but I didn't get to bask in his startled expression for long before a third person joined us in the carriage. Levi took one look at me before turning to the blond, pointing at me in utter revulsion.
"Sir, I thought we were travelling in a coach, not a garbage wagon."

Man, even his insults are getting weak...I didn't think your insult generator got crippled as well...

"Gosh, Levi...that's no way to address your big boss man!" My voice oozed with sarcasm, and Erwin raked a hand down his face as the grouchy little gremlin took a seat beside me.
"Once upon a time, I had hopes that you two would eventually get along...I was definitely mistaken..."

------------------------------------------

I could see him, standing there across the hall, completely oblivious to my presence.

Nicholas didn't look much different to when I had last seen him, all those years ago. He still had his long, ashy-brown hair, and those dark, sleepless circles beneath his eyes. It was like nothing had changed, even after he had sent two of his siblings to death.

I stuck close to Erwin and Levi, making sure I have them nothing to worry about. It seemed I was the last thing on the Commander's mind, anyway, as he paced back and forth in the hall, waiting for some kind of sign.
"You'll wear a hole through the concrete..." I muttered, loudly enough for him to hear, but that didn't stop him.

"Just let him do his thing, brat..." Levi rolled his eyes, rolling his injured ankle a little as he leaned against the baluster. "He'll be like that until he's sure it's underway..." I phased Levi's response out as I locked eyes with another man, who I had seen speaking with Erwin when we had arrived. He was pretty average looking, with a thin, black undercut and facial hair that made me cringe. What really irked me, though, was the military police insignia stitched to his uniform.

"Oi, that creepy fuck is staring at me. What's his deal?" I asked Levi, not bothering to lower the volume of my distaste. Levi coughed to hide his snickering as the man in question approached me, scowling.
"I can hear you, girly! If you truly don't know, I am Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police!"

Yep. Creepy fuck.

"Oh. Okay." I shrugged, for once without much pain, and turned back to Levi. "Do I have to be nice to him, too?" Levi swallowed before reverting back to his neutral, stoic expression.
"Lately you haven't been very nice to anyone. I don't see why Dok would be an exception."

You're still a dick...but thank you for playing along, Ackerboy...

"Dammit, what's with you and adopting rude little shits, Smith?!" Nile turned to Erwin, who had finally stopped pacing and joined our little group.
"When they're separated, they honestly aren't that bad."

A very bold lie, Erwin...

Just as Nile was about to protest, there was a loud, echoing bang, coming somewhere from the winding depths of the city. Everyone gathered at the entrance, looking out over the usual vista to investigate the thick, silvery steam that rose from the streets.

It's started...

"Nile...dispatch all your troops immediately." Erwin ordered, not taking his eyes off the ominous sight. "We must assume a titan has appeared..." Nile looked like he was about to blow a fuse, jaw dropped as he stared at his fellow commander.
"There's no way a titan would be within wall S-" He stopped himself, taking in that unmistakable expression. "Erwin...what in the hell...are you up to..?"

Glancing to Levi, I could see his fist balled by his side. He wanted to be out there, just like he always was, and I could sympathise with him. I felt that strong pull to, trying to drag me towards revenge, but we were both completely helpless. Pathetic, sickly cripples, being forced to watch from the sidelines.

"Hey...Levi..? I have something I need to do...and I need you to let me do it, okay?" I pulled my eyes away as he looked over, but I could see in my peripherals that he knew exactly what that thing was.
"Whatever...Just remember that I always catch you...so don't let it turn into something stupid..." He mumbled quietly, turning back to stare out over the city.

Yeah...you always do...It's not a good thing...

I slipped away from the crowd, head down, eyes up, searching for my target. He was still at the back of the hall, but he was alone now, seemingly avoiding the cluster of important people by the entrance. It was all too easy to reach his side, but he didn't even bother to look at me. It wasn't anything new.

"So, Nicho...do you still go up the wall to check out the view..?"

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***Nicho Nicho Nii***