Once I had confirmation that I would be killed on sight if the proposal was denied, I felt my courage grow considerably. That was perhaps why I was currently scrubbing the floor of the mess hall, along with the poor souls I had dragged down with me. Reiner, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Bertholdt and Marco.

"I mean, kudos to you for your skills and all...I can surely say they're on par with my own...but I don't see why we're getting punished for your crap!" Connie complained as he struggled to shift one of the dining tables.
"Yeah, it was kind of impossible to keep up with that, (Y/N)!" Sasha sighed as she eyed the scraps of potato peel sitting on the serving counter.

Basically, I had gotten rather shitted off with Shadis during our morning training. It was five in the morning, I hadn't slept and I was running on the knowledge that I may only have two weeks to live, so I rebelled. The exercise was pretty simple, really. Draw sticks to see who would lead the ODM course, and that person would set both the pace and route for the rest of their team.

I may have gone completely overboard; straying out of bounds entirely, and because I had my own style of swinging about, the rest of them just ended up tangled and battered. I was punished for my reckless behaviour, and they were punished for not being able to keep up. Unfair, but it didn't particularly bother me.

"Let's just forget about it and get this done before we get our asses served for lunch, alright?" Reiner said with a grunt as he helped Connie with the table. "Besides, we should be commending (Y/N) on her abilities, not whining over a little hiccup like that. We all know how Shadis is, and we all know how he targets her after that first time..." I gave him a quick glance as I continued to sweep the dust and rotting crud off the floor.

Why is he being so nice to me? It's not like I really have much to do with him...I guess he's just that type of person...

"Yeah, you're right..." Sasha had somehow ended up over by those nasty looking peels. "It was pretty cool. You were so damn fast!" A few of the others murmured their agreement, and I tried to distract myself from the embarrassment by moving to sweep the stairs.
"So, what regiment are you guys hoping to join when we finish training? I'm hoping for a cosy life as an interior policeman!" Connie thumbed himself, and Sasha nodded in agreement.
"Same here! Just imagine how well we'll be fed!"

"That's my aim, too. Screw fighting against titans..." Jean muttered as he scooted the mops and bucket into the middle of the room. "I ain't no suicidal maniac."
"Well, Reiner and I haven't really decided yet..." Bertholdt sighed as he approached to help. "Fighting titans...doesn't exactly sound like a great path to take..."
"What about you, (Y/N)? Interior Police, too? Or the Garrison?" When Marco questioned me, I felt my mouth go dry. Mention of the Garrison regiment made my stomach do flips, and I quickly shook my head as I paused midway up the staircase.

"No...I don't really have a choice where I end up. I'm being groomed to be a Scout..." I knew my mistake the second I saw their faces. Split right up the middle, half of them were merely shocked whilst the others gawked at me like I was insane.
"A Scout? Seriously? That's way too dangerous...Why would they force you to be a Scout?" Reiner was the one to break the silence, but Bertholdt quickly answered in my place.
"Well, it kind of makes sense, from a strategic point of view..." He hummed; scratching at his chin in thought. "She's familiar with the land outside of the walls on a whole different level...plus we've all seen her talents...I guess it's only natural they'd expect her to join their ranks."

Sheesh...He's a bit of a know it all, isn't he?

"So that's why that little captain guy is always around you!" Jean exclaimed as he almost knocked over the filled bucket. "I thought he was just putting you through the paces because you joined training so late, but nope, you're his little lapdog!" He was twirling that damned mop all over the place; spraying water left, right and center.
"I..I'm not his lapdog, Kirstein..." I growled under my breath. My hands were gripping the broomstick so tightly I thought I could feel it splintering, and I was ready to kick his ass again.
"You totally are! He's only using you as cannon fodder, yet you're letting him call all the shots! How'd you even get outside of the walls, anyway?!"

Keep mouthing off, you piece of shit...I fucking dare you...

"Now, guys...chill...Please..." My lord and saviour; Marco, stepped in and held his hands up almost defensively. "You can't just ask a question like that, Jean...If she wants to tell us, she can in her own time." He turned and gave me a secretive wink and smile, which I guessed was supposed to help ease my obvious nerves. It didn't help much, but I still appreciated every fibre of his being.

"So...wha iv ooh doun wagna gwoin ba fcouts?" It took a lot of self control not to irk at Sasha, who tried to speak with a mouthful of those ancient potato peels. Holding up her finger, she swallowed it all at once and repeated her question. "What if you don't wanna join the Scouts?" I didn't like that everyone's attention kept gravitating to me, but there wasn't anywhere to run. I couldn't just ditch them with the punishment I had landed them all with.

"I guess...I kind of do want to get the chance to go to the exterior again...and besides..." I swallowed my nerves as I decided I may as well tell them the blunt truth. "...if I don't meet some Premier guy's expectations...Erwin will end my life on the spot..." Sure, I had expected unpleasant reactions, but the sheer volume of their collective 'WHAT?!' still caused me to flinch backward.

"I've heard he's pretty heartless...but execution?!" Connie shook his head in disbelief, as did Marco.
"I..I'm sure if we go and talk to him...Plead your case or something...you could-"

Brace for it...

"I asked him to." I simply stared into the knotted wood of the broomstick as another heavy silence fell upon the mess hall.
"You fucking what?!" Water spilled across the floor as Jean booted the bucket in a rage. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You lost your fucking senses out there, you stupid little bitch! Why the fucking fuck would you throw your life away like that?!" I wasn't standing for it any longer. He knew nothing, yet he still had the audacity to spit his opinions in my face as though they should be my own. With my fists balled at my sides, I stormed down the stairs and right up to him; my fingernails embedding themselves into the flesh of my palm.

"It isn't any of your business, asshole! I made my choice, and I'm fucking sticking to it!" I hissed, but my composure faltered as he took a step closer. He loomed over my short stature and snarled at me like some kind of rabid animal.
"For what purpose?! Does life mean that little to you?! What good will joining those lunatic Scouts do if you're happy to take a fucking blade to the throat, you freak?!" I had freckles of spit across my face now, but that did it. That's what snapped that little tether holding me back. I almost violently stepped up onto the seat of the bench beside us so that I was a good head or so taller than him; my teeth bared just the same as his.

"Listen here, you cocky, entitled little shitstain! You have no idea what it was like for me, inside the walls or out! I spent myself trying to survive out there! Imagine waking up every fucking day to the reality that there's a slim chance you're gonna make it to the next! Freedom comes at a fucking cost, Kirstein! I had endless plains to work with, and even if I loved being out of a cage, all I could do was survive! It's fucking exhausting!" His spit dappling my cheeks wasn't the only moisture now, but I couldn't stop myself from continuing whatever hate-filled rant I had begun.

"Let me guess...You grew up with loving parents, right?! Your father would provide for you guys, and he'd teach you shit?! Your mother would fawn over you and make you your favourite food?! You were loved, right?! I never knew any of that! I was taught to sit, stay and roll over, and if I didn't do it quick enough...or well enough, I'd get a fist! I was ridiculed and demeaned, and the best meal I had inside of that house, these fucking walls, were the scraps left on the goddamn table! If you think I haven't earned the right to die, you're a motherfucking idiot..!"

With those last few words, my bravery dissipated, and all I was left with was a scorching throb in my chest and throat. With tears streaming from my eyes, I leapt down and bolted out of the mess hall; not even registering the faces of our startled audience, or Jean, for that matter. When I had run around to the back of the hall building, I collapsed against the wood and just shattered. Of course, I didn't want to die. I'd made a promise that I'd live...but each and every day it was being held further and further out of my reach.

I..I can't do this...I don't belong in here...I can't take orders...I can't even function in a normal social setting..! I'm gonna get killed at this trial..! Jean...that fucking bastard...he doesn't get it! None of them would get it!

All I could do was flinch as I felt arms wrap around me, but once I blinked through the stinging pools in my (E/C) eyes, I recognised the raven undercut and lightly peppered skin.
"N..none of us want you to die, (Y/N)..." Marco whispered, and I swore I could hear his voice quiver. "...Jean...he's just worried...We're all worried...If we'd known about...all of that...god, I'm really sorry..." I'd never really been embraced by anyone apart from Dimitri before, and the feeling was foreign, but it was right. I never thought I would fall for the charms of affection, but there I was, flinging my arms around Marco's neck and sobbing into the crook of his shoulder.

Words didn't have to be said. The only murmurs came from the selfless man who allowed me to cry myself raw and drench his clothing with salty, anguished tears. I didn't feel like I deserved the sympathy, nor the kindly affections I was so unfamiliar with. I was a speck of dirt amongst the polished stones, yet I was being treated with the same respect by most.

It was a long time before I managed to settle down enough, and when I had, I realised that Levi was standing over us; his face completely unreadable, as usual.
"I'm going to assume she had an outburst?" He directed his question to Marco, who confirmed with a nod.
"Y..yes, Sir...Kind of...We're really worried about her...Is...Will the Commander really..?" He just couldn't seem to say it.

Will Commander Erwin kill me?

"That's their agreement, yes. Not exactly the favourable outcome, but that's what has been decided." As Levi spoke, I felt Marco pull away from me, which left me feeling cold and vulnerable. "I'll take it from here, Cadet. Return to your duties."

"Uh...y..yes, Sir!" Marco gave him that strange military salute before looking down at me with sad oak eyes and tried to give me a smile. He really did try. "Please feel better, (Y/N)..." Once he left, I didn't put up a fight when Levi scooped me up in his arms and began to walk off towards the barracks. It wasn't affection, but the result of being held was the same. I felt somewhat safe.

He didn't speak, and he didn't look at me. He just kept walking, but there was some kind of unspoken sentiment. He cared. Deep down in that cold, dead, bitter crust of a heart, Captain Levi Ackerman cared. It least, that's what I hoped. As I rested my head against his collarbone, I closed my eyes and let my thoughts whisk me away.

How...how...

...how can someone so short be carrying me so easily..?

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***I had to end on a funny note I was getting too sad oof. The Marco-ness is dedicated to my dear Foxfalls 💛 - also, I stated this before, but this is a multiple character x reader, so soon we shall begin the escapades. Don't worry, it will be delivered tastefully (I hope)***