"S..Sasha...Down girl..!"

Even after having mentally prepared Sasha, she still went rabid over the feast our superiors had organised for us. In two days, we would be leaving for the Shiganshina expedition, so they wanted to treat us. Meat, alcohol, time off. We all needed that last one.

"You guys really outdid yourselves." I complimented, aware of Sasha's violent grunting as Connie and Jean tried to keep her from eating everything in sight. I was pretty sure I heard her try to take a chunk out of the copperet.

"Yes, well, everyone has worked hard to get us here. We agreed that this would be the best way to boost moral." Erwin explained, glancing to Hange as she raised her glass.
"So drink up and have fun, missy!" My eyes found their way to Levi, who looked bored beyond compare, and he glanced back at me.
"That was an order, girl. Just don't throw up."

Okay, if I drink, I need to stay away from him...

My stomach wasn't in any condition to deal with meat, so I opted to a bread roll and a bottle of wine, all to myself. It was a gift from Moblit, who urged me to use it wisely. All in one night sounded wise to me.

For a while I squatted beside Sasha, who had been tied to a support beam, tossing chunks of beef into her drooling mouth, then I gravitated over to Mikasa, Armin and Eren, who, for once, seemed to be relaxed.
"Care to join us, (Y/N)?" Had Mikasa just smiled at me? She had, and it took me a moment to recover from how adorable she had looked.

"I'm just floating around, but thanks." Returning the smile, although a little forced, I ruffled Armin's hair, choosing to lean on it instead of sitting down.
"I looked over the revised strategy plan." He mentioned. "You'll be acting as captain for one of the squads. That's really impressive."

Squishing him down a little as a joke, I tutted, tapping the lip of my bottle to his nose.
"Nuh-uh, this isn't the time to talk about that. But, yeah, I'm gonna be leading the first support squad, second to Eren's team. Levi needs to be ready to move on his own, so I'm stuck with the duty."

Don't think about it. I'm already terrified.

"You'll do well. You have the wit and experience, that's for sure." Mikasa stated, tapping her wooden tankard against my bottle, and I offered her a wonky smile in return. I knew I was going to drink far too much, but I needed some way to deal with the dread of what was quickly approaching.

"We were in the same graduating group. How the hell did you make captain rank so quickly?" A voice I hadn't heard before met my ears, and I turned to face a man with tousled auburn hair, who was giving me the stink eye. Squaring up, despite my inferior stature, I puffed out my chest.
"You are...who?" The man clicked his tongue, mirroring my pose.
"Floch Forster."

What a dumb name.

"Well, Floch Forster, I don't really know how, either, to be frank. I was pretty much thrown into battle the moment I got here, so I did my time, and the higher ups decided I was suited. Got a problem?" If it came to it, I was ready to resort to violence, but I was lucky enough to have my ragtag friends to back me up.

Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Connie and Jean all rose from their seats, and the scout shrunk back, retreating without another word.
"What a punk." Jean muttered, moving up beside me. "You good?" Nodding, I clinked my drink to his, throwing back a hearty swig and giving him a smile.
"Good as I can be. Drowning my nerves in..." I paused to study the bottle of wine in my hand, finding no label. "This stuff, whatever it is."

Laughing at me, Jean rested his arm on my good shoulder, nearly tipping me over into his side.
"I'm scared too, but try to enjoy tonight, okay? Look, everyone's having a great time." He was right, everyone was smiling and chatting, spirits high. I wished that I could get to that state, but my anxiety was keeping me just out of reach.

"I'm glad. You all deserve it." I sighed, stiffening as I felt him lean in close to my ear. It wasn't enough to catch the attention of anyone around us that I could see, but it certainly ruffled me.
"We. You deserve it too. Probably even more..." He whispered, not pulling away even when he had finished.

Can't think about this..!

In a flash, I had ducked under his arm, beginning to flee back towards the superiors' table.
"I..I'll catch you later, Jean-Boy..! Don't forget about Sasha..!" My heart was pounding in my chest, and I blamed the alcohol, but that didn't stop me from taking another long gulp before I reached Erwin, holding the bottle over his shoulder. "Winnie, what the hell is in this?"

Before he could respond, Levi grabbed the bottle out of my hot little hand, taking a sip for himself before returning it.
"Elderberry wine. It isn't all that strong, but you've downed nearly half the bottle already." He drawled, standing up from the table. "Why? Need me to drag your ass to your bed?"

Oh my shit...

Almost violently shaking my head, I stepped back a few paces, smile more awkward than ever.
"N..nope! I'm not even feeling it!" A complete lie. Why else would my heart have gone that wild? Clicking his tongue, Levi shrugged his shoulders, starting off and away from the table.
"Suit yourself. I'm going to wash up. That grease is disgusting."

I moved to sit backwards beside a very drunken Moblit, which explained why he hadn't answered my previous question. His head was on the table, and I wasn't sure if he was even still conscious. Either way, I used his back as an armrest, laying my chin on my arms and listening in on surrounding conversation.

The night went on, and once Moblit was dragged away by some of his comrades, I moved to nestle into Erwin's side, uncaring if people thought it was strange or not. They spoke about the past, taking trip after trip down memory lane, and I zoned out, thinking of my own concerns.

How many more lives would we lose this time? Would some of them be people I cared about? Would it be me who died? How would I react if Reiner and Bertholdt were actually there? How would I cope in that situation?

I can't help but worry that we're gonna lose a lot of good people...

I jumped up and out of my daze when I heard harsh yelps and grunts, turning my head to see both Eren and Jean sprawled on the ground, Levi standing above them.
"Well, that's what they get for picking fights! Boys! Gotta love 'em!" Hange snickered, again raising her glass.

Standing up, I passed Levi, bumping shoulders with him. We both paused, and I felt the weight of his deep gaze in my chest. Shaking myself out of it, I made my way to Jean, crouching down and uncaring of his little puddle of throw up.
"Alright, dumbass...on your feet."

This is what I get for taking my eyes off of you for more than a second...

I helped him to a stand, thankful that he took most of his own weight, and began to lead him out of the mess hall, stopping to point to Connie.
"Don't forget to untie Sasha, got it?" After receiving a passionate salute from my friend, I continued to help Jean outside and halfway across the barracks before he had to stop to sit down.

"For the record...I'm not that drunk. Eren and I just...had a one on one, for old time's sake..." He insisted, rubbing the back of his neck. They had obviously been fighting for a while before Levi had stepped in, and I was kind of sad that I missed it.

"Yeah, well, you both got your asses handed to you. Congratulations." I snorted, tugging at his sleeve to try and get him to stand again. "We're not far from your building. Let's get you to a toothbrush." Whining in complaint, Jean took a while to comply, but once he did, we made it to the men's building rather quickly, and the first thing I did was direct him to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Once he had done that, I all but pushed him to his room, sitting down beside him on the bed.
"Thanks. You didn't need to leave with me..." He sighed, stretching his arms out in front of him, a loud click causing him to flinch.
"Meh, didn't want to find you in a gutter somewhere in the morning. Besides, I...kinda wanted to talk."

Did I?

Jean lifted a brow, signalling that I had his attention.
"Well, go on then. Shoot." Fiddling with the hem of my shirt, I thought for a few moments, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
"I dunno...I just...I'm scared. I feel like I've been living on borrowed time since I was a kid, a..and I know everyone else feels similar too, but...I don't know what to do about it..."

Shfting a little to face me properly, one leg bent upon the bed, Jean hummed.
"I get that, but we gotta keep pushing on. I mean, yeah, there's a chance that we'll die...but I find that thinking of things I haven't done yet gets me to keep forcing my way through."

I mirrored his position, using my arm to keep me balanced.
"Like what?" I was genuinely curious as to what he had to say, seeing as I myself had no real clue about what my own answer would be.
"Well, for starters, I wanna repay my Ma, for putting up with my shit when I was younger." He started, kind of smiling down at his lap. "Buy my own house, be with a woman, eat an entire wheel of cheese, headbutt Shadis..."

He continued on for a while, but I was hung up on one of his desires, and even though I knew it was a very bad idea, my mind had locked up my smarts. Leaning forward and tilting my head, I met his honeyed eyes.

"Be with a woman, huh? Like...losing your virginity, then?"

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***I forgot I inherited my late father's vertigo, and now after playing a few hours of AOT I feel GROSS.

Also, yes, they forgot about Sasha.

Next Time: Before We Die***