I fought against the tides of consciousness, but I was unable to prevail. The silence in that room when I woke up was deafening, and the golden light filtering in through the calico curtains caused my eyes to burn. From the beginning I knew I wasn't alone in the room, but there was no way I would be the first to speak. Conversation wasn't something I sought.

"How shitty do you feel..? Scale of one to ten..." The male voice piped up, growing a little closer as I let my head roll to the side.
"Shouldn't it be on a scale of one to you, Kirstein..?" I muttered, my voice hoarsely bitter. Jean pursed his lips, but didn't snap back at me. His back was resting against the far wall, and his arms folded loosely across his chest. It was awkward, but not entirely uncomfortable. Honestly, I had no idea why he was even there.

"I'm...sorry about Boy..." He said quietly after an age of nothingness. "He didn't die in vain...We got Eren and Historia back, so-"
"All of this shit is pointless, so yeah, he did die in vain." I snarked, choosing to remain horizontal upon the lumpy bunk. "Who the fuck is Historia, anyway? I don't care about them...I mean, I'm glad they're alive...but..."

Am I, though? I don't think I would have batted an eyelid if Eren didn't make it back...I really hope Reiner is okay...I...Wait, no! Don't think about him anymore!

Jean hesitantly came to sit on the edge of the bed; right on the very damn edge, and looked down at the floor.
"Well, I'm glad you're alive...It was touch and go there for a little while..." I watched his thumbs twiddling together, and that was where I kept my focus.
"Why are you here, anyway? You're the last person I would've expected to wake up to..." My head was still pounding, and I prsyed he wouldn't try to start any drama. I knew it would be impossible for me to hold it together.

Jean didn't answer me for a while, but once his eyes dragged up to meet mine, I knew it wouldn't be a response I wanted to hear.
"I...thought Captain Levi wouldn't be the best person to break the news...him being so harsh and all..." He started slowly, and that was when I tried to sit up. "Oi, no, stay in bed! You need to rest!"

I grabbed one of his wrists as he tried to ease me back down, refusing to comply. Headache or not, I wasn't going to just lie there.
"Break what news, Jean?" My voice stern, I pushed him to go ahead with it. I could tell it was bad, but what was worse was that I had no idea how to react to the next words that came out of his mouth.

"Uh...your brother...Nicholas...he...was injured in the battle...I'm sorry, (Y/N), but he passed away before we made it back..."

Oh...

It was a strange feeling that came over me after that. A cocktail of anguish and relief, which I despised. He had been a part of my childhood nightmare, and the final push that had ended the life of the only good person in my world. Despite all of that, he had been my brother, and he had tried to right those wrongs. I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Th..thanks for telling me, Jean..." I thanked him in a pitiful whimper, and I watched his eyes widen as tears began to pool along my waterline. The last thing I wanted to do was cry again. The only thing it was good for was worsening my headache, but it wasn't under my control. I didn't fight against Jean as he slowly pulled me in for a hug, patting my back gently, keeping his mouth shut for once in his life.

"The captain wanted to talk to you about his...funeral, I guess...It's being held in a few days in the interior..." He spoke up after a while, seeming reluctant to let me go when I began to pull back.
"R..right...I'll find him later..." I sniffed back the ooze that wanted to drip from my nose and wiped my eyes. "D..damn...I thought you were dead, you fucking j..jerk...Don't go getting flattened by titans again, o..okay..?" Jean pulled me right back in, chuckling almost sadly as I just rested my forehead against his chest.
"I'll do my best...Sorry about that..."

I don't wanna lose anyone else...So many people died out there...Boy, Nicho, Erw-

Jean yelped as I shoved him back, taking his shoulders in my hands and jostling him enough so that my own head hurt.
"Jean, what happened to Erwin?!" He seemed more concerned about me moving around too much, and he tried to get me to calm down.
"H..he's alive, don't worry! But...he lost an arm...It's only been two days and he's already back to work...That guy is really something else..."

Right, then!

My size was no match for his as I tried to spring off of the bed, and for a few moments I was positive I looked like a feral cat as I flailed about in his arms, hissing and scratching.
"I need...to see him..!" I barked, immaturely biting at the material of his shirt and tugging until I felt the fibres fray.
"Qu..quit it, you maniac!" He snapped, sounding oddly flustered as he carefully pried me off, keeping his gaze on the far wall. "Y..you don't have any fucking pants on..!"

Well, shit.

I stopped struggling immediately, hurrying to yank the sheets over my lower half once Jean placed me down.
"W..well then go get me some, Kirstein!"

-----------------------------------------

It was slow moving once we left the infirmary. The bottoms Jen had grabbed for me were baggy and lose, but they worked well enough, and I held onto his arm for balance as we wandered into the building where Erwin had set up office.

Glancing up to my comrade, he was staring dead ahead, his brows knitted together, with a slight flush to his cheeks.
"Why do you look like you have a turd wedged up your piss hole?" I asked with a yawn, glancing up at him at just the right moment, seeing him splitter.
"Wh..what the fuck has that captain been teaching you?!" He spat, though no real aggression could be heard. "I..it's just that your...chest...is all up against my arm..."

Oh, so that's why...

I could have pulled away, but that never happened. Nor did I squish them closer. I just continued on as I had been, trying to pick up the pace once I could see his door at the end of hall.
"Slow down...I thought you two didn't get along...Y'know, after he nearly blew your brains all over the training grounds..." Jean muttered, forcing me to stay by his side.
"Yeah, well, he had his reasons for that..." I grumbled, unintentionally holding his arm a little tighter. "He's an ass...but his heart is in the right place...I think...Plus we go way back..."

"Maybe you could tell me about it sometime?" Jean coughed awkwardly when I peered up at him, trying to act unphased. "I mean, it's kind of shitty to think that I...we...don't know shit about you apart from you having been from outside the walls..." His reasoning was fair, but I wasn't sure. I didn't need any more pity, nor did I want to risk him having anything he could hold over me in future arguments.

Though...is Jean really that kind of guy..? He's being awfully nice to me...

Before I had a chance to respond, he was rapping on the large wooden door, and I paused in wait.
"You may enter." I was sure I felt bad for Jean somewhere deep in the recesses of my soul when I knocked him flying, but when that door opened, I made a mad, very stupid dash towards that head of blond that sat on the couch by the window. I barely even noticed Levi's presence when I shoved past him, diving into Erwin and pressing my face into his stomach, as I had become legless on impact.

"I SAW YOU FUCKING DIE, YOU EYE-MOUSTACHED FUCK!" The sob that I released was pathetic, and it only intensified when I felt his hand come down and brush through my (H/C) hair.
"I'm very much alive, (Y/N). Though, I weigh about ten pounds or so less now..." He sighed, and his voice sounded so warm and...normal. "I'm more concerned about what you're doing out of bed."

"I thought I asked you to watch over her, Jean." I heard Levi address the copperette, who coughed at his sudden recognition.
"Well...I tried, Sir...but you know how stubborn she is..." He replied awkwardly, still lingering by the door.
"Right. I can't deny that, I suppose. You can go." Attention returned to me once the door clicked closed, but I didn't want to pull back from Erwin's lap. I didn't want to really see the extent of his injuries.

"Come on, sit down and have some tea with us, (Y/N). You need to at least have some sort of hydration." The Commander tried to coax me, but I just smooshed my face further into his body. "(Y/N), don't be like that. I'm perfectly fine. I would much rather know how you're holding up." Hesitantly, I sat back on my heels, finally looking up at the damage. Erwin's sleeve was tied into a tight not right below where it started, near his shoulder. Bandages were hidden well by the make of his off-white shirt, and he didn't look all that sickly. He was just like he always had been, apart from the faint bags beneath his crystalline eyes.

"I..I'm fine..." I murmured, unable to rip my eyes away from the sight of it. After what he had gone through, I didn't feel like I had the right to complain.
"You're a pitiful liar, girl." Levi scoffed, nudging me with his boot to make me get off the floor and take a seat. "We need to discuss something with you, anyway. Considering you barged in here ahead of schedule, it may as well be now."

"I didn't barge...Jean knocked..." I grumbled, wiping away my tears and climbing up to sit right up against Erwin's side. "It's about Nicho...isn't it..?" The Commander nodded, seeming to be perfectly accepting of my closeness, and leant back in his seat.
"Yes, there is a funeral, of sorts, set to be held within the interior, in the Orvud district. Both Levi and myself noticed how you seemed to be responding to him before the battle, and we both wanted to know your thoughts on the matter." He explained, turning to look at me with a soft expression. "The matter being whether you wished to attend or not."

I...don't know...

"It's rare for any sort of scout to have a proper funeral like this. Bodies aren't typically recovered from battle, really. Plus, along with his prior status-"
"Levi, you should be a little more sympathetic." Erwin nagged at the captain, realising I was being awfully quiet. "It just felt wrong to keep this information from you. We are both well aware that the remaining members of your family will be in attendance, but if you do choose to go, you will certainly not do so alone."

Do I want to..?

Nicholas had really tried to make things somewhat right. He knew that being in the Survey Corps meant that days were numbered, but he went along and did it anyway, because of me. I had been the one to send him to the back lines, where his maker awaited him. It was all a jumble in my aching head.

"C..can you go with me..?" I looked up and across at Levi, who cocked a brow at my request. Uncrossing his legs, he leant forward, disrupting the flow of steam rising from his cup of tea.
"Is there any particular reason why you would request me, of all people?" He questioned, very much perplexed, despite his facial expressions not showing the bulk of it.

I'm more comfortable with you...

"Because...you're scary. Plus, you can kick ass if they try to start shit..." I offered him my reasoning, and he clicked that tongue of his, rolling his eyes as he sat back.
"Damn right I can. If I'm not needed here, I guess I can go out of my way..." He sighed, not seeming all that happy about it.
"Good, I'm...glad..." I murmured, rubbing at my forehead, which throbbed incessantly.
"Listen, you need to go get some more rest. We can let you know the details later, so just try to focus on recuperation, alright?" Erwin nudged me gently with his shoulder, and I frowned.

"Right...I guess so..." I said quietly, standing up and turning to give him a small, tired smile. "I'm really glad you're alive, Winnie..." After giving Levi a quick nod, I left the room, silently dreading the upcoming events.

They're going to find out...and that's not going to end well...

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***Levi POV***

After the door closed behind (Y/N), I caught Erwin looking in my direction. I knew he was thinking some kind of ridiculous thoughts by the way one of his annoyingly thick brows raised higher than the other.

"What?" I returned the look with a hint of aggression, knowing I was in for it.
"You've gotten soft with her, Levi." He chuckled, undoubtedly noticing the way my jaw tightened.
"Do you want to lose your other arm?" I growled in empty threat, reaching for my teacup and taking a long, drawn out sip. Erwin mirrored my action, but only kept hos lips against the edge of his drink.
"Oh, don't get so embarrassed, old friend. She's had a rough time, so it's a good thing that you're supporting her." He paused, and after seeing his lip twitch, I could tell he had something to add that would frustrate me to no end. "Besides...I can tell that you're rather fond of each other."

I didn't mean to splutter. It wasn't exactly my intention to have my tea dribble all over my brand new cravat, staining the flawless white material, but I did mean to shoot Erwin an antagonizing glare.
"I support anybody who is a part of my squad, Commander...You are well aware of that." I muttered, yanking my cravat from my neck and laying it upon the table. "Youre a smart man. The girl and I merely share an undomesticated comradery. Fondness doesnt partake."

At least not on her side of things.

Erwin openly smirked, crossing his legs and giving me a look that told me he wasn't buying what I was selling.
"The two of you fight like titans and men, but I can easily spot the kick you both get from those exchanges. You don't have to hide it from me, Levi." He chuckled, sealing my attention with intelligent azure to deliver the final blow of our spontaneous debate. "Don't think for a second that I didn't notice her wearing your shirt that day."

The fact that he was right only pissed me off. I was well aware that I had a proclivity for giving (Y/N) unnecessary attention. It wasn't like I did it deliberately, but it still seemed to happen. That girl reminded me of somebody I had known in the past, but her effect was vastly different. Protecting her didn't feel like an obligation, but even when I tried to ignore whatever trouble she was getting herself into, I couldn't help but be there.

Seeing (Y/N) so close to Eld had set off a dull itch beneath my thickened skin, yet I knew they needed each other. The same irritation would trigger whenever I saw her close to anybody, really, and I wasn't oblivious to what that meant. When we clashed heads; spitting ruthless insults back and forth, it gave me a sense of gusto. She never failed to bite back with equal, uncensored ferocity, which I found to be a charming trait. That's why I was beyond pissed.

"She's just a brat, Sir. If you're suggesting I have a thing for someone on the final peg of their teenage years, you must've hit your head out there." I stood up, brushing the imaginary filth from my lap and clicking my tongue. "What a disgusting thought..." Erwin sighed in amusement, following to stand and making his way over to his desk.
"Age is just like our days on earth, Levi. Numbered. Since when does following convention fit into your design?" He was really trying to push his point, but I wasn't having it.

"You should quit trying to play match maker and practice doing paperwork left handed." I scowled half-heartedly as I grabbed a sheet of paper and tossed it over in front of him before turning towards the exit. "Call for me if you need me. I'll be around." With that, I left the Commander to his devices, stopping outside of the closed door to smooth down my hair.

Dammit...

Erwin truly was a know-it-all at the worst of times. Everyone had better things to do than discuss affairs of the heart, especially the two of us.

I'll just treat her the same as everybody else. No more favouritism. (Y/N) is just another squad member, nothing more.

I began to walk towards the courtyard, mindlessly toying with the buttons beneath where my cravat usually covered, and my tongue clicked involuntarily, sending my lips curling down into a grimace.

Yeah, right...As if that's ever going to happen...

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***OOC Levi, anyone?
I had something much better written for Levi's part, but Wattpad glitched during the save last night and I lost it...So I'm pissed off.***