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Thank u in advance <3

human au

Warnings: homophobia, homophobic parents, tears, crying, hurt/comfort???, kind off not "happy" ending i suppose?, but not really like it's all good

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Virgil looked down on the ground, staring at a tiny plant that had pushed through the old, worn down asphalt that the sidewalk was made of. He knew that the sooner he kept walking the sooner this would all be over, but he had had to take a moment to breathe. If that small weed could survive growing on a sidewalk where people frequently walked, then Virgil should be able to survive doing this.

"Remember that we do not need to do this. We can wait for however long you want until you feel ready." Said a voice next to him. Virgil saw Logan's hand come into view as it grasped Virgil's, which was balled into a fist to make it less obvious that it was trembling. Virgil raised his gaze, looking his boyfriend right in his eyes and shaking his head.

"No. I wa- I need to do this." Virgil said, relaxing his hand and allowing Logan to entwine their fingers. Logan squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"I might be anxious about this. More anxious than I'm letting on. But I can't stand hearing them talk about my future girlfriend one more time. I am so tired of hearing them say horrible things every time the news mention anything to do with lgbtq+. I know this probably won't end well, but I am eighteen years old, I've got a job and I make my own money. And I have to tell them this now or it'll be revealed in a worse way at a worse time. I just..." Virgil quieted for a second or two.

"I just wish I wasn't such a disappointment to them." He mumbled, then letting a deep sigh slip between his slightly parted lips. It was not a lie. He was his parents only child, and nothing like they had hoped. He had anxiety, he hated sports and loved reading and drawing, he had no interests whatsoever in girls. It was a punch in the gut every time his mom mentioned how happy she would be when Virgil eventually found a girlfriend.

Logan let go of his hand, and Virgil for a moment thought Logan was going to be angry about the way he spoke of himself. Instead he felt Logan's arms around his middle, pulling him in close. Virgil closed his eyes, then feeling Logan's lips brush against his cheek and he let himself be held by Logan for a little while.

"If they think you're a disappointment then they are wrong. Anyone who cannot see how amazing you are needs to rethink their ability to judge others. To me you are perfect. No matter how this goes, I'm here for you." Logan said lowly. Virgil pressed his face into the crook of Logan's neck, wrapping his own arms around Logan and simply enjoyed the feeling of having his boyfriend so close.

"I love you, you know that, right?" Logan then said. Virgil smiled.

"Yeah, I know. I love you too." He stepped out of the embrace, taking Logan's hand again. He took one step past the weed, then continuing down the street. They were about a hundred meters away from Virgil's home. It had never been so hard to walk home from school before.

At least he had Logan with him, and even if he didn't want to inconvenience Logan since he could be doing more productive things (like studying) he was still happy that he didn't have to walk here and face his parents alone. He could see his home, and he knew that both his parents were already home, waiting for him.

There was no point at all in postponing the inevitable, so Virgil marched right up to the house with the uncomfortable feeling of being very aware of his own heartbeat that he always got when anxious. Virgil stopped a step away from the door, taking a breath, turning to Logan.

"You don't have to be here for this. Maybe it's safer if you go. I can handle myself." He said. Maybe it was not the best of ideas to bring Logan to this, even if his boyfriend had insisted. Logan gave him an unimpressed look.

"Virgil what kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you to do this on your own? I'm not leaving. And when this has been done and if the response is bad I am bringing you back home to me and my dads. They both adore you and as I've said they have promised that you can stay with us for as long as you want."

Virgil knew that, he loved Logan's dads, they were both incredibly nice. And god did he envy Logan. He had never once in his life had to think that his parents would hate him if they found out he loved boys. On the contrary Roman and Patton, Logan's two dads, had been absolutely delighted when finding out about Virgil.

He wished his parents would react the same way, but if there was one thing he was sure of it was that the conversation they were going to have in a moment was not going to end with a group hug and reassurance they they loved him. With a deep and shaky breath Virgil knocked on the door.

Yes, he knocked instead of walking right inside, even if the door was most likely unlocked and Virgil even had his keys in his pocket. He just suspected that they wouldn't want him and Logan inside. Besides, it was also easier to leave if he was outside rather than inside the house. In only a moment the door was opened and he came face to face with his mother, who looked mildly confused.

"Virgil? Who is your friend? Didn't you say you were going to bring your girlfriend home today?" His mother said, and Virgil, for some strange reason, realized in that moment that he would actually really, really miss her. She was his mom after all.

"No. I said I'd met someone who I'd bring over tonight. I used no pronouns ...I never said 'her'. This is Logan, he's my boyfriend." Virgil said. He was actually quite impressed by how steady his voice was despite the expression of horror that was beginning to show on his mother's face. Her eyes weren't on his face anymore, instead they had trailed down and were staring at Virgil's hand that was still held in Logan's.

"Don't be silly, Virgil." She said, faking a laugh. "Is this some kind of joke? Do you have someone filming me to see my reaction?"

"No. I'm not joking." Virgil said. His mom still suspiciously glanced out over the street, probably waiting for someone to jump out from behind a car with a camera. When realizing this wasn't a joke she just looked confused.

"But... You're not one of those kids." She said, and the way she referred to them in barely masked in disgust had him biting his tongue to not say anything to make the situation worse.

"I promise you, this is just a phase. Let us help you, we only want what's best for you." She continued and Virgil saw his dad come through the hallway from the kitchen, probably wondering what was taking them so long by the door.

"It's not... it's not a phase. I can promise you that." Virgil was uncertain about a lot of things, but he was for sure gay.

"I love him." He said slowly, and his mother put a hand over her mouth, looking like she was seconds away from bursting into tears. As if he was telling them that he was dying, or had committed an unforgivable crime. His dad pressed his lips into a thin line, a clear look of disapproval on his face.

"Come inside and let's talk about this. Don't be too hasty, you're young and have been confused by homos you've seen on the streets. I'm sure that if you just let us help you you'll eventually fall in love with a girl. We'll help you be normal." His mom now pleaded, a clear tone of desperation in her voice and Virgil had to take a slow, calming breath.

"I'm not being too hasty. I've loved Logan for almost three years, and I haven't told you because I knew you would react like this." Virgil said, voice breaking for a moment and he felt Logan giving his hand a reassuring squeeze to remind him that he was standing right there next to him, even if the way his parents were staring at him made Virgil feel very alone. His dad coughed and frowned as if he had swallowed something really sour when he heard Virgil's words.

"Three years? You've got to be joking? Virgil, it's not too late to fix you. You're not actually in love, you just think you are." His father said, and maybe this was not the right time for this but his words made Virgil angry, even if anger was not going to help him in this moment. Who was he to tell Virgil he didn't know what love was?

Virgil took another deep breath, trying to calm himself. He was not going to break down. He was not going to cry. He was not going to yell.

"Can't you just... accept me and love me for who I am?" Virgil asked. He wasn't sure if that was a wise question to ask, because the answer to that had always been very clear and it was an answer he did not want.

His mother backed away a few steps, shaking his head at him as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing. Then she turned around and walked away towards the kitchen, shoulders shaking. Virgil stared after her and realized there was a lump in his throat that hindered him from swallowing properly. His father's voice was what made him finally force his eyes from where he'd seen his mom disappear.

"Now you've really upset her. Is this how you repay us for taking care of you?" His dad continued. Virgil bit back a rude response that would surely not make anything better.

"Dad-" Virgil began.

"No. You are being disrespectful, you refuse to accept our help, and you have upset your mother. You've clearly made your choice, a very unwise one at that. If you want to ruin your life, then fine, but do not think we will allow such things while you live under our roof!" His father's voice was harsh, but not loud. He was probably scared the neighbours would hear. Scared what they would think of them to have raised a gay child.

Virgil thought that he should probably not mention that not only were he and Logan gay, but the both of them were asexual too. He didn't need his parents to try to convince him that that part of his identity was fake and made up too.

"If you insist that you are..." he made a gesture at the two of them with a face of someone who had just stepped in some dog shit on the sidewalk, "that, then we cannot have you here. You need to make a choice. Either you come inside and let us help cure you, or you can keep up this game of yours, but then we don't want to be responsible for you. We don't want you here. Stay or leave."

Those were the words Virgil had known were to come, what he had tired to prepare himself for since the very day he realized his sexuality. He had always known his parents would want him out of the house. It still felt as if someone had put his heart in a blender, then poured out the mix on the floor and stepped in it a few times.

Virgil just smiled at his father, or at least he tried to. He wasn't sure if he could manage an actual smile, but something similar to it. Then he turned around on the spot, dragging Logan with him as he silently said goodbye to what had been his home for the past eighteen years of his life. He could hear the front door being slammed shut, then the clicking as the door was locked.

Virgil didn't want this, and even if he had been expecting it it still sucked. And it was quite honestly terrifying because he now did not have a home, even if he could stay at Logan's and had already brought his most important belongings there. But his only other option was even worse, even more terrifying.

He could never and would never give up Logan, no matter what was at stake. Even before any romance was involved in their relationship Logan had been his first ever close friend, the one person he could fully trust and tell anything to. He would never get over losing Logan.

So between a future in convention therapy and without ever seeing the man he loved again, and a future without a family... the choice was clear, even if it was a horrible decision to have to make.

Virgil realized he was walking quite fast, he was practically dragging Logan with him. He forced his steps to slow as soon as they had gotten far enough away to not see the street where he no longer lived. He saw Logan quickly tapping on his phone, most likely sending his two dads a message to prepare them for Virgil's less than cheerful mood.

"Verge, my dear, calm down please." Logan said quietly. Virgil suspected that he was very, very obviously upset. Logan never liked seeing him upset.

"Why? You think I'm gonna punch someone?" Virgil was only partly joking while trying to stomp forward in the same speed that Logan was walking, which was terribly slow. Punching someone would actually feel quite nice at the moment, but there was no one he would want to hit. He let go of Logan's hand, pressing the flats of his hands against his face, running them through his hair, then shoving them in his pockets.

"No, I'm scared you'll punch something and hurt your hand." Logan said, grabbing Virgil's arm and making him stop. He stubbornly looked away from him, refusing to meet his eyes. Virgil felt that it was likely that he'd break down if he looked at Logan. Logan now had his hands carefully placed on Virgil's shoulders, not urging him to look at him, but not moving either.

"She has no right to cry because of this. Or to try and tell me who I should love. It's not their business!" He said, though it bordered at yelling. Virgil shouldn't let his parents words get to him like this, he had known what would happen and how they would react. But it stung like hell and he wasn't sure what to do. There was nothing he could say for his parents to change their minds.

It was still hard to accept that his parents could look at him with such strong dislike just for such a thing. Maybe in the future his parents would come to their senses and they could work through this. Or maybe he would forever be the disappointment of a son and would always be met by a face of disgust from them.

It was likely. He didn't want to think about it.

"I can't begin to understand what this feels like to you. But, love, please do not let the lack of their acceptance make you have any less pride in yourself." Virgil turned his head and finally looked at Logan, immediately having to try and swallow the lump that formed in his throat.

"A small part of me had hoped, no matter how unlikely it was, that maybe they'd love me enough for them to realize that being gay isn't a choice, and that it isn't some sort of... disease." His voice shook, his throat hurt from the tears he was forcing down.

"It's stupid, I knew the whole time that they were going to react like this. I should probably be happy that it didn't go worse." He said, easily imagining how horrible it could have gone. The events that had just transpired were far from good, or even acceptable, but at least no one got physically hurt.

Too many times had he heard his parents agree that someone should 'beat some sense into them' in regard to all the news they heard involving lgbtq+. Virgil was lucky in a way, he supposed.

"If you think I'm not as angry as you, or maybe even more, then you're wrong. In an ideal universe it would be acceptable that I threw my heaviest book right in their faces, but I suspect that violence is not what will solve problems like these." Logan said with a sigh. He moved his hands, now cupping Virgil's face in them. Virgil bit his lip. It didn't make it easier to keep his tears away, and everything blurred.

He rubbed at his eyes, gasping for air before pulling Logan closer and hiding his face against his shoulder. He didn't want Logan to see him cry, but he couldn't just walk away so this was the next best option. Logan's arms were around him in an instant, he didn't seem to care that Virgil got tears on his shirt.

"I- I knew that... it would go like this, but-" Virgil said, broken sobs interrupting him. He thought he would have been more prepared for their rejection after years of knowing the outcome this conversation would have.

He pressed a hand against his lips to try and quiet himself more effectively. He gave up on speaking for now, his words were mostly high pitched voice cracks and he wasn't sure Logan could even hear what he was saying anyway. His shoulders shook from repressed sobs. He didn't want to cry so obviously while standing in the middle of a street. At least Logan's arms tightly around him gave him some sort of feeling of comfort. He was not alone.

There seemed to be no end to his damn tears, his eyes kept overflowing with the annoying, persistent, hot liquid. Virgil felt Logan run a hand through his hair, something he always did when Virgil was upset. Probably because it did often make Virgil feel better.

They stood there for what might have been several minutes, Virgil didn't know and he didn't care. All that mattered was Logan's hand in his hair and his arm around his waist and how his touched seemed to soothe him even when everything felt as awful as it could. Logan kept playing with his hair until Virgil had calmed, the tears stopped and he was only standing there in Logan's arms.

He sighed into the fabric of Logan's button-up, not feeling very tempted to lift his head and face the world. He would much rather stay in the safety of Logan's embrace until he could no longer stand on his legs, but Logan's parents were waiting for them and Virgil didn't want to keep them waiting for too long.

He slowly raised his head, letting go of Logan in favour of wiping his face on the sleeves of his hoodie. He sniffled and hoped that he was able to wipe away most of what remained of his makeup, because it was most likely ruined now. A bypasser walking his dog gave them an interested look as he walked past. Virgil ignored him and instead followed the dog with his eyes. Seeing cute dogs always made things better too. (Which was another wisdom from Patton.)

"Now, let's go back to my house, I'm sure dad made cookies as soon as we told him you were coming out today. He always says that 'everyone deserves cookies when they're sad, and if no one's sad then let's eat cookies as a celebration'." Logan said, pressing a kiss to the side of Virgil's head. Virgil didn't move just yet though even if Patton's cookies were one of the best thing in the world.

He made a small humming sound to indicate that he was indeed listening, he just needed a moment to rest his head on Logan's shoulder and find the strength to actually walk the rest of the way home to Logan. A little while later he took a step back from Logan and wondered why his boyfriend looked at him in such a fond way. He surely looked like a gross mess at the moment.

He sighed. "I promised myself not to cry. This eyeshadow was expensive."

Logan shook his head at him, smiling, grabbing his hand once again and they kept walking until they reached Logan's house where they just walked right in without knocking or anything. Even if Virgil had come alone he wouldn't have knocked. Ever since he and Logan became friends they had been hanging out at Logan's house, even more frequently since they became boyfriends, because here Virgil didn't need to worry about being outed. Virgil had practically been part of their family since five years back.

Now he supposed it was the only family he had left.

As soon as Logan closed the door behind them Logan's dads were already in the hallway. Virgil wasn't surprised to see that Patton had a jar of cookies in his arms. He held the jar out to Logan who took it, and now when Patton had his arms free he immediately pulled Virgil into a hug that only made Virgil feel a little awkward.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" He asked, taking a step back but with a hand securely placed on his shoulder. Virgil stayed quiet, it was not really a question that he had the answer to. He mostly felt tired. Exhausted from crying.

"You can stay here for as long as you need, and you do not need to pay us anything." Patton said. Virgil shook his head.

"I have a job, I'll pay for my expenses." Virgil said, knowing that Patton was too nice to allow him to do that, but he would try to anyway. "Also, I don't want to be in the way."

"I got thrown out of my home when my parents found out I was gay. I lived on the streets for several weeks before a relative of mine let me stay in a room in their basement until I had the money to get my own apartment. I won't let you go through that." Roman spoke up. Logan didn't look surprised in the lest, so Virgil supposed that it was only him this was news to.

"Thank you." Virgil mumbled. He did not think he had any relatives that would take him in, and he was eternally grateful that he had somewhere to stay.

"How are you feeling?" Patton asked, then taking the jar of cookies from Logan and holding it out for Virgil to take one. Virgil took a cookie, shrugging as a response to the question. He wasn't sure how he was feeling. Better at least, knowing that even if his parents were as homophobic as they could he still had people who supported him.

"You wanna slam a door or something? Let some anger and disappointment out?" Roman said, making Virgil smile a little. He shook his head. He would rather take a nap actually. A long nap on the couch, cuddled up close to Logan with a warm blanket over them

"When I slam a door you always scold me." Logan said, a mock hurt expression on his face that one could only master if raised by Roman who was as extra as anyone could be.

"Kiddo I promise you that if we disown you because of your sexuality you can slam as many doors as you want." Patton said, and Virgil actually allowed a small laugh to escape him.

"Who wants to watch some movies? I have put all the disney movies we own on the living room table. You two can choose one while Patton and I make popcorn." Roman said, pointing at the doorway to the living room. Virgil followed Logan there, seeing the huge pile of dvds that pretty much hid the table's surface. Logan picked up a movie, holding it up for Virgil to see. He gave him a nod, plopping down on the couch as Logan went over to the dvd player with the movie.

Virgil picked up his phone out of habit, unlocking the screen only to find that he had several text messages from his mother. He locked his phone again, throwing it to the table where it landed in the pile of dvds. Virgil didn't need to read the messages to know the contents of them. They would all be longer and more detailed repeats of what she had told him earlier, which was the last thing Virgil needed at the moment.

He looked over at Logan who was already staring at him with a fond look, blushing when realizing that Virgil had caught him staring. Virgil grinned at him, immediately feeling better when seeing that Logan was unable to keep himself from smiling back.

Maybe things absolutely sucked sometimes, but yeah, he would be alright as long as he had Logan by his side.

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Written: 18th, 19th, 20th & 21th January 2019
Published: 31st January 2019

Words: 4368

kind of want to come out but also like no thank

I often misspell speaking as soeaking

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