Something I, the writer, keeps forgetting ^ and it's the main reason why I'm some times anxious over publishing.

Heyo I started writing this at 00:45am and I am very tired now at 02:05am (23rd june)

Now I'm continuing at 00:32am (27th june)

Am I a disaster writer or am I a disaster writer

Hello again (00:31am 28th june)

01:09 am, 1st July

00:16 am - 04:30am, 21st July

00:19 am - 01:26am, 22nd July

Warnings: swearing maybe? None more that I can think of. This fic is a trainwreck, but not as much as another oneshot I'm writing

--

Virgil hadn't realized that he was looking at Logan, absentmindedly observing him with a tiny smile. He then woke up slightly from his thoughts, realizing he was once again sat with his eyes glued on Logan. The insight did not make him look away, as long as Logan didn't notice it there was no harm in simply looking at him, was there?

This often happened lately, he'd find himself staring at Logan at the most inconvenient times. At least no one had noticed his strange behaviour yet. The last thing Virgil needed was for the others to attempt to figure out why.

It was nothing that he was ready to admit to anyone yet, his feelings for the logical trait. That didn't stop him from getting lost in thought about Logan though. There was nothing that forbade Virgil from spending all of his free time thinking of him (involuntarily or not). Almost all the time he found himself thinking about Logan, it was as if his mind could not focus on anything else.

To be completely honest, Virgil had started to find it inconvenient. He did have things to get done, which his bad concentration (on anything that wasn't Logan) was not helping. He then remembered what he had been doing before his mind had wandered, and he turned his attention back to the sudoku he had been attempting to solve. He threw the newspaper onto the couch beside him, he wasn't going to get it done today.

Virgil looked at Logan a lot, not only because it was satisfying to do so (he found Logan and his eccentricities to be absolutely dashing), but also because there was something calming about the logical side, and Virgil felt better just by looking at him when he was feeling worried or nervous.

He once again, for what might be the 921st time this week, found himself sitting and observing Logan. He was so busy admiring him that it took him several minutes to realize that Logan was looking right at him. Shock and embarrassment hit him like a wave and his gaze immediately dropped, looking down at his hands that were now anxiously fiddling with the hem of his hoodie sleeve.

He blushed profusely, and it did not fade when he dared to glance up at Logan and discovered that he was still being observed by him. Logan had an expression of mild interest as he looked at Virgil, his head slightly tilted to the side. Virgil averted his gaze again, ignoring the voice in his head that had started talking about how cute Logan was being at the moment.

"You keep looking at me." Logan said, making Virgil flinch slightly. He had not expected Logan to speak. Refusing to look up Virgil persistently stared at a smudge of blue paint on his sweatpants. He must've accidentally gotten them stained while painting earlier today.

"I got lost in thought." He mumbled. A very poor excuse, he knew that, but it was the best he could come up with. And it was also not a lie, he had been almost unaware of the fact that he had been staring at the other side. (But the fact that he had been did not surprise him, Virgil found himself lost in thought about Logan so often that he was used to, and expected it, by now).

"You get lost in thought very often then, this is not the first time I've found you staring at me." Logan added, making Virgil suck in a breath of surprise. Virgil had not expected Logan to notice him staring. He hadn't expected Logan to notice him at all. Virgil was used to not being seen, he was the kind of person that was invisible. That's why it shocked him so much that Logan would have been paying attention to him. Then again, Virgil would also pay attention to someone that stared a lot at him.

"I guess I do." He said nervously, for a second time daring to glance at Logan. He was instantly calmed, Logan did not look like he was angry or bothered. He was actually smiling, a small smile, but it was directed at Virgil. The calm did not last very long though, but that was to be expected since Logan had a habit of making him so terribly awkward and nervous.

"You fascinate me, Virgil." Logan then said, and Virgil felt as if hundreds of tiny butterflies broke havoc in his stomach at his words. Why in the world would Logan find him fascinating? He looked up, his gaze finally meeting Logan's. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. Logan just shrugged. He then put the book he had been reading down, he even put a bookmark in, so Virgil knew that he planned on continuing the conversation they were having.

The logical trait then stood up, taking few steps from the end of the couch where he had sat and sat then down next to Virgil, who was sitting on the other end. The safe distance between them were gone now, and Virgil did not understand why Logan wanted to sit closer to him, not that his betraying body and mind had any real complaints.

The thing that he minded the most was the effect Logan had on him. As if nervousness and embarrassment weren't enough he also had to attempt to ignore the way his heartbeat sped up. Virgil rubbed his hands against his sweatpant-clad knees.

It was already ridiculous that Logan's presence made him nervous, did it also have to make his heart beat quicker and his hands sweat? He at least attempted to look normal and calm, not knowing if it looked convincing in any way.

"I'd like to know why you spend so much of your time looking at me. Am I fascinating to you, Virgil?" Logan questioned and there was a hint of a smirk on his face. Virgil swallowed nervously, it was quite obvious that Logan was trying to get some kind of reaction out from him. What it was Logan was looking for, Virgil did not know.

"I- I guess so, I suppose I find you, uh, fascinating." Logan did not say anything else after Virgil had said that, he only looked at him. It made him feel a bit uncomfortable, was this how Logan felt when he found Virgil staring at him? In that case he really needed to stop looking at him so much.

"I do not know what you are trying to do, but it's making me feel very nervous." Virgil said silently. At some point in their conversation the distance between the two of them had become much smaller.

"Oh. Apologies ...it was not my intention to make you uncomfortable." Logan said and straightened his back so that he wasn't leaning so close to Virgil. He exhaled, feeling slightly relieved, and slightly annoyed at the part of him that wished Logan had gotten even closer instead.

"It's alright, I just get anxious when I do not know if people's intentions are good or bad."

"My intentions..." Logan sid, training off, "I fear I cannot explain my intentions to you, for I am not certain I understand them myself."

"What do you mean?" Virgil asked, not being able to hide his curiosity. He was affecting Logan in a way Logan didn't understand? Interesting.

"I find myself thinking of you very often. You make me more confident and nervous at the same time, I do not understand why. You are truly ...fascinating." He said to Virgil, who was beginning to realize that maybe his feelings for Logan were not as unanswered as he had thought. The only problem was that if Logan did feel that way about Virgil, he was not aware of it yet.

"Virgil, you look flustered. Have I made you uncomfortable again?" Logan said, pulling Virgil out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh. No, I've just made myself nervous by thinking too much. It happens." Virgil said with a shrug and a, hopefully, casual smile.

"Thinking is always good." Logan said, because of course that's his opinion on thinking.

"Then maybe you should think some more about your feelings." The words slipped out before Virgil had even realized he had opened his mouth. His anxiety did not appreciate that he said that, so much was clear.

What was he doing? He did not even know how Logan felt. Maybe he just wished Logan would feel the same way enough to start imagining things, he had no proof at all except for two sentences that Logan had said that could very well just mean that Virgil made Logan feel uneasy. He really should just shut up and leave Logan to think however he wanted of him.

"What do you mean?" Logan sounded confused, and Virgil couldn't blame him. Okay, his fight or flight reflexes were beginning to kick in, and fight was certainly not winning.

"I have to... I have to go." Virgil said, and without explaining himself further he stood up from the couch and quickly made his way out of the room and up the stairs. Hiding in his room for the rest of the day until Logan had forgotten all about their weird and out of place conversation seemed like a nice plan.

--

Turns out Logan did not forget about their conversation. Logan was confused by it, and that just wouldn't do. As the logical aspect he did not enjoy the feeling of confusion, he should hold the knowledge of everything regarding him and the things and people around him, and he wanted to find out what Virgil had meant when he told Logan to he should think more about his feelings. Did he think Logan was not clear with how he felt?

Well, he was indeed not certain how he felt about Virgil, and he had mentioned that. It was most likely what Virgil had meant. But why should he do that? He knew Virgil was his friend, was that not all he needed to know? Yes, Logan was certainly puzzled by their conversation, and it was the only thing he had on his mind for the next hours to come.

Logan's mind also seemed to refuse to let go of the fact that he so often fond Virgil observing him. Was Virgil scared of him? Logan did not mean to make Virgil uncomfortable, yet he always seemed to be flustered and nervous when Logan was near. It troubled him, that he always seemed to make Virgil uneasy.

It is not what he wanted. But what he wanted he did not understand. Logan was beginning to feel as if he should ask someone for help, someone who might be better suited to understand feelings. But should not the person he discussed this with be Virgil himself? It was after all Virgil who confused him so much. Maybe he had the answers Logan searched for?

--

Virgil was awoken from his nap by someone persistently knocking on his door. He groaned and clicked his fingers so that the light turned on and the door opened. With a groan and he sat up, blinking at the bright light from the lamp before turning his attention to the someone who was hesitantly standing in his doorway.

"I was taking a nap, what's so important?" He yawned, then he spotted Logan who looked like he was not certain if he should step inside or not. Virgil immediately closed his mouth. What was he doing here?

"You can come inside." He said to him, and Logan stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Thank you." Logan said, then looking up at Virgil and pausing for a moment, looking like as if his breath had caught in his throat for a second. Virgil became very aware of how he looked. Did he have a bedhead after sleeping for, he glanced at his watch, over an hour and a half? Was his makeup smudged (more than it should be)?

He wasn't wearing his hoodie, he had thrown it of when he had decided to take a nap, because sleeping in it was way too hot. Logan cleared his throat.

"Our previous conversation made me think." Was all he said, and Virgil made some sort of sound to indicate that he was listening to him while he picked his hoodie up from the floor and put it back on so that he felt less exposed.

"So... it made you think," Virgil said, "about what?"

"Well, that I know we are friends, but that I am not sure how you actually make me feel. And I deduced that since you are the one that confuse me, then you should be the one I discuss this with, correct?" Virgil could feel his face heat up at his words. Him talking to Logan to help Logan understand what it was Virgil made him feel? That sounded... positively terrifying.

"Sure." Was what Virgil responded, his voice a pitch higher than usual. What he was getting himself into he was not sure about, but saying no and telling Logan he had to figure it out himself seemed rude. And what if he might be angry at Virgil if he refused to help? He wanted to avoid that.

"Oh, thank you." Logan sounded slightly surprised, maybe he hadn't expected Virgil to actually want to help him. Virgil did though, even if he wasn't sure how he was supposed to be of any help. It's not like Virgil was going to say 'hopefully your feelings for me are romantic, because I've had a crush on you for a while now', no that wasn't happening.

"So how am I supposed to gain complete understanding about my feelings? Because I do not think I have that regarding anything. Sure I have a basic understanding of feelings, but not the exact meaning of them, or why I am feeling in a certain way." Logan continued, then looking at Virgil, and after a while of not being able to tear his gaze away from him he realized that Logan was waiting for Virgil to say something.

"Okay, well," Virgil cleared his throat, looking down at the floor, then sitting down on his bed, "I can't really guess what you're feeling, and I'm not sure how I am supposed to be of any help."

"Please, just take a guess." Logan said, almost, almost, with a begging tone in his voice.

"I might have an idea, or more of a wish." He muttered, immediately regretting the words he had chose to say, because now Logan would of course ask what it was Virgil thought he had figured out.

"And what might that be?" Logan wondered, just like Virgil had thought he would do.

"I'd rather not say." Virgil replied sheepishly, closely observing his hands that were in his lap to avoid looking at Logan. He could hear Logan sigh, and in the corner of his eye he saw how he began to pace around in Virgil's room.

"Please?" There was no mistaking the begging in his voice, it really did bother him to not know. If it was another topic, another time, and if Virgil wasn't Virgil, he might have laughed at Logan's desperate need to have knowledge about everything under the sun.

"Well, is there anything that you have an urge to do?" Virgil asked awkwardly. He really did not understand how he would be of any help. He didn't know what to ask or how he was supposed to be able to guide Logan. He barely managed his own feelings and emotions, he wasn't fit to help someone else with theirs.

"I- I don't..." he sighed, his frustration clear to see, "I can't think when I am around you."

"And why is that?" Virgil asks, his heart doing some sort of weird skip in his chest. Were they getting somewhere? He had to admit that what Logan was telling him only made him more and more hopeful that Logan might feel the same way. Logan sat down next to Virgil on his bed, too little and too much space between them for Virgil's liking.

"I don't know, Virgil. I just... I don't know. I cannot understand this. Realistically I should not feel any different about you than I do about Roman and Patton." Logan mumbled, looking like he was in deep thought, and Virgil felt the need to bang his head against a wall, or fall backwards onto his mattress with a deep sigh and a groan to let some desperation and frustration out.

"Virgil, if you do not want to help me then I will leave. I do not wish to bother you." Logan then said, Virgil let out a small sigh, looking down at the floor.

"You're not bothering me, and I do want to help, and I will do my best. You just have to understand that- that it is really hard for me to do these kinds of things. I am anxiety, making guesses about what you might feel about me without knowing if I am right or wrong obviously makes me a bit anxious."

"Ah, apologies Virgil. I was not aware that I was causing you to feel uncomfortable."

"It's alright." Virgil said, and Logan gave him a doubting look. Virgil only responded with a small, somewhat reassuring, smile. He felt like escaping from the room, find somewhere he could think clearly, but it seemed impossible when all he could think about was Logan.

"Virgil, could you, if you do not mind of course, maybe describe how you feel around me? Because then I could compare your feelings to mine and I can get a more accurate outlook on the difference between the way we feel about one another." Logan said, as if that was a great plan, and maybe it was. But it would not work well for Virgil and his growing anxiety. There was not a chance that he'd be able to sit here and tell Logan exactly what he was feeling for him. He doesn't think he could do that even if he wanted to, it's far too terrifying to even imagine it.

"Logan... how it it even possible that you are unable to figure this out on your own? It is your feelings and I can't read your mind. I really can't tell you how you feel, because we do not feel in the same way, even if it is possible we feel similarly." Virgil exclaimed, letting some of his frustration show. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to slightly lose his temper, because Logan's gaze dropped and he stared at the floor.

"I- I know I'm hopeless when it comes to these things. I apologize." Logan said, and Virgil wants to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for, that he hasn't done anything wrong, but the words get stuck in his throat.

"I can't do this!" Virgil buried his face in his hands, then standing up, taking a few steps away from Logan.

"Can't do what?" Logan said, and Virgil could hear how he stood up too. He tensed as Logan placed a hand on his shoulder, turning him back around, and damn, if Logan wasn't so caring he might be able to actually think, but right now his only thought is fuck it.

He leaned in, placing his lips on Logan's in a short kiss. Then he stepped back from him, fear of Logan's possible reaction washing over Virgil. Why in the word did he think that this was a good idea? Why wasn't Logan saying anything?

"I'm sorry," Virgil mumbled, on the verge of freaking out over what he had done, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I should not have done that. I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry-"

Logan was looking at Virgil, a stunned and surprised expression showing on his face that did not calm Virgil in the least. Why wasn't he saying something? At least if he would say something then Virgil would know how to respond. Logan lifted his hand up to his face and touched his lips, a blush spreading over his face.

Then he seemed to really realize how anxious Virgil was feeling, because he started to look a bit concerned and the hand he held against his lips dropped before he carefully placed his other hand on Virgil's shoulder.

"It is alright, Virgil. Remember to breathe. And please do not apologize for that, it helped me come to a more correct conclusion about my feelings for you. I have never before considered the possibility that... that I am able to feel romantic feelings towards anyone." And when Virgil looked up at Logan with an expression of disbelief Logan only smiled, before gently kissing Virgil. His eyelids fluttered close and he could feel Logan's hands cupping his face.

Virgil let his arms wrap around Logan's waist, and he kissed back, not being able to think of anything else than Logan's lips on his and their bodies pressed together. Kissing Logan was even more overwhelming than he had imagined, and quite honestly he wondered how he had ever survived without the warm feeling that was beginning to spread within him.

"Shit, Lo." Virgil almost gasped when they parted, breathlessly clinging to him and blushing bright red. Logan wasn't much better, Virgil had never seen him so flustered before. To avoid thinking about how he must look he closed his eyes and pressed his mouth against Logan's again, their lips softly moving together. He could feel Logan lean against him, allowing the kiss to deepen and his hands to wander down to Virgil's shoulders, running down his sides and gripping at his hips.

Virgil didn't know what to do with his hands, so he kept them on Logan's waist, eagerly kissing back, enjoying the feeling of their lips pressed together. Then Logan broke the kiss, his lips leaving Virgil's. He opened his eyes, fighting the urge to immediately kiss Logan again.

"So, have you figured out what you're feeling for me?" Virgil asked without having caught his breath yet, and Logan let out a shaky laugh.

"Yes. Yes I think I have a fairly accurate idea of how I feel for you, and ...I'm both surprised and a bit embarrassed over how long it took me to realize it." Logan admits sheepishly, and Virgil fights a smile.

Logan left a feather light kiss on Virgil's lips, it was barely a brush, but enough to send shivers down Virgil's spine. Logan felt that and smiled against Virgil's lips, kissing him again before they separated, creating at least a few centimeters of distance between their faces.

"This is why you were staring at me all the time? You have feelings for me?" Logan said a few seconds later, making Virgil have to repress a laugh.

"Yes and yes, obviously." Virgil said with a small smile. They had been kissing for several minutes, how could Logan still be uncertain of how Virgil felt? Then again, it's not like he has the right to say anything, he worries about things all the times despite having proof.

"Good, because I have feelings for you too." Logan said quietly, and Virgil's heart did a pirouette in his chest despite this not being news by now, and he smiled softly at Logan who responded by looking so fondly at Virgil that he forgot to breathe for a moment.

Then Logan hugs him closely, and Virgil rests his head on Logan's shoulder, his arms around Logan's neck and Logan with his arms around his waist. He smiles at the thought that now he will be able to do so much more than just stare at Logan.

--

Written: 23rd, 27th, 30th June & 1st, 21st, 22nd July 2018
Published: 31st August 2018
Words: 4157

I publish every 3rd-5th day, usually every 3rd, but I haven't had as much time to write lately and don't have a lot of fics finished, so I might be posting closer to every 5th day now

Sorry for the inconvenience, but if I don't have a few finished fanfics I'll be stressed because I have to finish a fic before it had been 5 days

I don't work well with deadlines oops