Warnings: uhhhh anxiety, bit of sleep deprivation

5+1 fic!

--

[1]

They're stargazing (or stargayzing, as Virgil liked to refer to it as, seeing as they were both so very gay), an activity that Logan has, clearly, been doing for longer than any of the other sides could probably guess.

It was the first time Virgil was sitting there with him under the infinite sky full of brightly shining stars, obviously, as he had only found out about Logan using the imagination to stargaze a few nights ago when Logan was sharing a fact about a constellation that Virgil had already forgotten all about and when Virgil had made a remark about how much of a star nerd Logan was he had, instead of huffing and playing offended, simply smiled just slightly and told him about how often he used the imagination for stargazing.

He doesn't quite know what he has done to deserve to be invited, but when Logan had knocked on his door and asked if he had wanted to join him there had not been more than a second of hesitation before Virgil had nodded.

"There's the Andromeda galaxy." Logan said, pointing towards a spot in the vastness of the space above them and Virgil tried to find what he was talking about, trying to refocus his thoughts around what Logan had been telling him.

"Hmm?" Virgil thought he saw what Logan was trying to show him, a tiny cluster of stars that vaguely made him think of a very small version of the little dipper, which one of the few constellations that he could actually find on his own.

"It can be difficult to fathom that something that is two thousand five hundred and thirty seven million light years away can be visible to the naked eye." Logan said with what Virgil recognized to be a small sigh of simple wonder. Virgil didn't know how to explain the light feeling in his chest at the sight.

"Even more so that in over four billion years the Andromeda galaxy will collide with our own." Logan continued, pushing his glasses up a little bit, the light of the small lantern he had brought with them reflecting in his glasses. (It was nice to at least slightly be able to see each other and where they had put their mugs of hot chocolate, or they would have definitely spilled at least one of them over Logan's picnic blanket by now.)

"Huh, cool." Virgil said, keeping the cluster of stars in his sight and trying to imagine what that collision would be like, vaguely aware that the information Logan had just provided did not scare him in the least.

It definitely felt like the kind of thing that would have Virgil nervously chewing on his nails and walking around with a gut feeling of dread and impending doom for a week, even if he wouldn't be alive for the event. But there was a comforting feeling of calm in the very air around them, or at least it felt that way.

He hadn't even been worried about the darkness around them and what might be hiding away in it, because he was far too busy with the fact that he was being trusted with something clearly so important to Logan, and the fact that he simply felt safe when Logan was with him.

Maybe it wasn't so weird and unfathomable why Logan had decided on bringing Virgil with him to stargaze. Sharing things that were important with people who were important almost always made said thing even better. But he still couldn't really fathom that he had deserved that trust.

Then again over the past few months they had grown a lot closer, what with the other four sides always around having begun seeking out the much calmer company of each other. Virgil cared very much for all of them, but Logan was definitely the one out of his fellow sides that was the easiest to spend time with.

It didn't demand as much energy as Patton or Roman, who were almost always so energized, or Remus, for obvious reasons, or Janus who, despite not trying to, stressed Virgil out as he did not trust himself to figure out what was lies and what was truth. Although Janus had been very considerate and trying to avoid the whole lying thing when Virgil was around, which he was very grateful for.

But, yeah, Logan was definitely the easiest to spend time with. They could just exist in the same place, doing their own thing but still knowing they had someone right there next to them or across the room.

Though what started as quietly escaping the more extroverted sides of the mindscape soon turned into actually hanging out, reading each other the books they brought with them, solving puzzles together, helping each other with their work (which, no matter if it was Logan helping Virgil, or Virgil helping Logan, made Virgil feel so much less anxious and so much more in control of what was happening, which was probably a relief for all of them, most of all Thomas and Virgil himself), and they would watch Logan's favorite documentaries together even if Virgil thought they weren't that interesting, and watch Virgil's favorite conspiracy theory videos even if Logan obviously thought it was all a very large pile of utter bullshit.

It was fun for the both of them when Logan would spend an hour debunking the theory, though.

Okay, it was safe to say that Logan was, if one would feel the need to use terms like that, Virgil's best friend. He'd never said it out loud, because that would be embarrassing to admit, but he had considered Logan his best friend and the side he was the closest to for a long while now. The words were not exactly enough to describe what he felt about the logical side, but they were the most fitting ones he had found so far.

Well, no matter why Logan had decided that Virgil was trustworthy enough to share something like this with Virgil was very happy that he had. They had already been sitting there for what had to be around an hour, at least, and Virgil didn't have a single thought about going back inside. There was simply something so serene about sitting with Logan and stargazing.

He lowered his eyes from the sky, feeling his neck ache slightly from the awkward angle, instead fixing his gaze on Logan who's eyes were searching the sky for something that Virgil had no idea what it was. He probably wouldn't be of much help as he didn't know more constellations than the big and Little Dipper, Orion's belt, and Cassiopeia, and even if he would be he was sure he would still have found it infinitely more interesting to watch Logan rather than the stars.

Logan looked so unlike how he usually presented himself, less serious, less stoic and cold, as if there was nothing to be stressed about at all and as if the only thing that mattered and existed was the night sky. He was clutching his mug of hot chocolate with both hands, even if the drink was probably far from hot enough to even warm his hands by now.

He wondered for a moment if Logan's neck didn't hurt from how long he was spending staring up at the stars, and right then Logan lowered his head and their eyes met and Virgil felt so oddly caught despite having done nothing wrong or weird.

He averted his eyes and searched for his mug that he had placed somewhere in the grass in front of himself, seeing the dim light of the lantern glint in the purple plastic of it, just two feet away in front of him, and he grasped it and took a sip despite it having gone completely cold.

"I'm glad you wanted to come with me tonight." Logan said after a moment's silence during which Virgil refused to look up. He felt something like a little jolt of positive emotion in his chest at Logan's words (which was a very strange sensation that only Logan ever was the cause of, the only jolts he usually felt were of panic when he remembered whatever anxiety inducing task he was procrastinating) and he allowed himself to smile just slightly.

"I'm glad you let me. It's really nice. And calming." Virgil said, taking another sip of his cold chocolate and wondering how it was possible that his words made him both feel like what he had said was not enough and as if it was leaving him entirely exposed.

"I hoped you would think so. I was a bit worried that the experience might bring you more anxiety instead of less, and I am delighted that it does not and that I get to share this with you." He said, turning his gaze back to the stars (Virgil didn't even know when he had looked back up at him instead of continuing to pretend that the surface of his drink was terribly interesting) and it was hard to tell in the low light from the candle in Logan's lantern but he would have swore that the tips of Logan's ears and his cheeks were just a little bit red.

Logan's lips were curled into a gentle and just purely happy smile that he either didn't care to hide or was simply unable to.

Either way Virgil's chest felt as if it might burst with emotion that he wasn't really equipped to identify, because he was the reason for that smile. He either made Logan so happy that he couldn't hide it, or made Logan feel so safe that he didn't feel as if he had to hide it.

Pride and fondness and a boatload of affection were among the emotions trying to break out from between his ribs, definitely, and something much softer and greater that, as he couldn't tear his eyes away from Logan's wonderful little smile, was shaping into something that Virgil could understand.

Love.

He loved that intelligent nerd and his ever so unsatiated interest with stars and space and plants and the oceans and the very universe itself, and he loved his vocab cards and his obsession with crofters and his favorite books that he would read out loud for Virgil when he didn't have the energy to read them himself, and he loved his smile and the way his eyes shone when he got to talk about the things he found interesting and his intelligent dark brown eyes that seemed to always understand what Virgil was thinking and why, and- and Virgil just loved him.

He simply loved all the little things that made Logan Logan, which was definitely an insight that would have normally, and should have probably, pulled him straight (well...) into an anxiety attack and have him panicking until the day he died.

But the feelings didn't drown him, just sort of gently made themselves at home in his chest and despite the cool air of the night in the imagination Virgil felt so warm and so very, very content to be exactly right where he was, enjoying the beautiful sky and the even more beautiful side next to him.

Three words that Virgil wouldn't have even considered imagining telling Logan were right then on the tip of his tongue, and the only thing that surprised him was how big of a part of him wanted to voice them, but he simply couldn't, the words stuck inside of him as if he had forgotten how to even form those words.

(Maybe he had, he certainly didn't use those three words together often, maybe he never had, he couldn't remember.)

"Yeah. Me too." He said instead before the silence between them stretched for too long.

Logan hummed slightly, putting his mug in the grass, taking a moment to make sure it wouldn't tip over and spill its contents before lying down on the blanket to look up with more ease.

Virgil pretended he wasn't observing Logan out of the corner of his eye, that he wasn't considering reaching out and taking Logan's hand to find out exactly how it would feel to entwine their fingers together. He couldn't imagine it felt like anything else than finally finding where he belonged.

(He blamed every single one of these sappy thoughts on how late it was, non sleep deprived Virgil would rather be caught dead than find himself thinking things like these.)

"Would you like to hear about a constellation of your choice?" Logan wondered, moving to rest his hands behind his head and pulling Virgil from his daydream. What a stupid question.

"How about Cassiopeia?" Virgil offered, choosing between the few constellations he knew of, having no doubt that he would have learnt about at least a dozen new ones before they found themselves returning to the mindscape.

--

[2]

Okay, so, Virgil was definitely panicking.

It had been days since he and Logan had been out stargazing and while the memory of the evening still made him feel uncharacteristically soft it was almost entirely drowned out by the wave of anxiety he felt every time he was reminded of his feelings for Logan now that he was back in reality rather than sleepy and alone with Logan and the stars.

Which he constantly was since, even if he hadn't left his room since that night, he found himself thinking about Logan just about all the time.

To be fair that was not a lot more than usual and how hadn't he understood the extent of his feelings sooner? That has to be one of the many many reasons why Logan is too smart and too good to ever want to be with Virgil because, really, Logan was too intelligent to fall for Virgil.

The thought that Logan would love him back was laughable, although every time Virgil thought about it he felt closer to sick than amused.

Because why, why, did he have to go and ruin the best friendship he had ever had?

The actual last thing he wanted in the entire world (except for very few things) was to lose what he had with Logan, how close they were, how much of a safe place their friendship was. And now that was going to be ruined just because Virgil couldn't stop daydreaming about running his fingers through Logan's hair and pulling him in for a kiss, or curling up together with their fingers entwined under a blanket when they were stargazing together.

If Logan had been there he would probably be telling Virgil that he was magnifying, or be bringing up cognitive distortions, and then explain to him why he actually didn't have to feel as if his entire world was falling apart just because of some changed feelings. But Logan wasn't there, because he had been hiding in his room for several days to try and will his stupid feelings away.

...It was not working.

And any day now the other sides would be knocking on his door to make sure that he was alright because they got worried for him when he disappeared for too long. Curse having a caring family, no matter how great it was, it was also inconvenient when he was trying to avoid all his problems and pretend he didn't exist.

Which was why Virgil would have to pull himself together and get up and join the others for dinner and pretend that everything was fantastic and that he wasn't regretting his very existence.

...Any time now, he just had to find the strength to get up from his bed where he had curled up in misery a few hours ago after giving up his attempt at distracting himself with one of the books Logan had leant him.

(It had failed spectacularly because all Virgil could think about was that this was yet another thing that Logan enjoyed and wanted to share with Virgil simply because he thought they could both enjoy it.)

He unfolded his limbs from the ball he was curled up as, giving the door separating his room from the rest of the mindscape a loathing look. He didn't need this, everyday life was difficult enough to navigate already because of his anxiety, not to mention having to navigate Thomas' life too to the best of his ability, which rarely felt as much.

There was three knocks on his door, which rang loudly through his quiet room and made Virgil, who had been entirely unsuspecting of any noise happening before he left his room, flinch hard, and he asked himself and the universe in general how he was supposed to handle falling for his best friend when a simple knock on his door had near given him a heart attack.

He ignored how hard his heart was beating from the slight shock from the sign of life from one of the other sides and finally got up from his bed and made his way over to the door to open it.

It was Logan standing on the other side, hands clasped behind his back, wearing the same clothes as he always did, and his eyes immediately met Virgil's.

"What's up, L?" He said, averting his eyes because eye contact was just generally not his thing, it felt too awkward, though he had been getting better when it came to Logan. That progress was short lived.

"Patton asked me to inform you that dinner is ready in fifteen minutes and that he hopes you will join us as we all miss you." Logan said, reciting the message he had been asked to deliver without displaying much emotion at all, which wasn't very unusual as the side in front of him was Logan, but Virgil had learnt to read him pretty well by this point.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I will." He promised easily as he had already decided by himself that he would be eating with the others this evening instead of just conjuring up the plate of food that Patton always left for him when he didn't show up for a meal.

"Um, anything else?" He added as Logan did not immediately give him his usual small nod and turn away to leave, and he did not miss how Logan hesitated for a mere moment before speaking again.

"I miss you." He finally said, sounding so much more sincere and just a little bit vulnerable at the admission.

"Oh." Virgil really wished he could simply kiss Logan, which was not at all what his reaction should be to his friend missing him, but here he was.

"Sorry, just needed to be alone for a while. Got a bit overwhelmed about stuff." Virgil said, giving a more honest answer than he usually would have wanted to, but he felt that Logan deserved it. Sometimes his tendency to isolate himself in his room was not really fair on the others and he knew he needed some better coping mechanisms, but that was definitely a problem for another time.

"I have been unable to conclude that I could have played any part in your disappearance, but if I somehow did anything to-" Logan began and despite that he knew how much Logan hated to be interrupted he couldn't keep quiet because that was the last thing he wanted Logan to worry about.

This was entirely Virgil's problem and his problem only.

"No, no you haven't done anything. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry." Virgil said, sighing very, very quietly at himself. When was his anxiety going to stop making him somehow take it out on the people he cared about?

"It's quite alright," Logan said despite Virgil feeling that it definitely was not, "and I'd be happy to help you if you have a dilemma you're struggling to solve on your own, if you would be comfortable with that."

("Yeah, actually, how do I tell you that I'm in love with you without dying from anxiety or screwing our friendship up?" Virgil really wished he could ask.)

"Thanks, but I'll figure it out myself, somehow. I don't think anyone could help me with this one." Virgil said, shrugging in the most carefree way he could manage to really convey that everything was fine and there was no reason for Logan or anyone else to worry about him.

He was pretty sure they all worried about him though, which he hated. It'd be much nicer if he was the cause of a positive emotion instead.

"If that's what you want. You know where to find me if you change your mind." Logan said and smiled, small and careful. And Virgil thought that maybe he was the source of some positive emotion, sometimes, although he really couldn't figure out why or how when he was being so difficult all the time.

They were both silent for a few seconds during which Virgil had the time to realize that the worry in his chest had loosened and turned into something much softer, Logan's mere presence as so many other times working more effectively than any breathing exercise even when he was the source of the worry.

But their short conversation had been a nice and grounding reminder that things between him and Logan did not need to change even if his feelings had (although a tiny and insane voice in the back of his head tried to convince him to wrap his arms around Logan's neck and murmur that he loved him against his lips, which were making things just a little weird, at least to Virgil who had to listen to his own stupid thoughts.)

"Hey, um, don't tell the others I said this, but it's okay if you come and check up on me even when I seem like I don't want anyone's company. I probably don't, but talking to you usually makes me feel better anyway, so if you worry about me, um, yeah, just knock on my door or something else that is difficult to ignore." Virgil said, thinking that admitting what he just had was worth it if it would help him feel better and, more importantly, help Logan feel better.

He worried for a second that it might come off more as a 'I expect you to make me feel better whenever I need it' rather than a 'I'd do almost anything to keep you from worrying that I don't want you in my life', but he met Logan's eyes and watched the corner of his lips curl into a soft smile that had his entire chest fill with stupid butterflies.

"I'm delighted that I can help." Logan said, reaching a hand out to give Virgil's shoulder a small squeeze that Virgil really tried not to take as the most affectionate gesture he had ever been shown.

Virgil really had been wondering a lot these past days how it had taken him this long to realize that he had absolutely fallen helplessly for Logan when he had literally been feeling all these stupid emotions about him and had all these stupid gay thoughts about him for weeks at least.

In hindsight he was the most oblivious fucker in the entire mindscape, which was saying a lot.

"Shall we go downstairs and join Patton and Janus in the kitchen? It is the calmer choice as Roman and Remus were in the living room last I saw." Logan said, taking a step to the side to give Virgil room to join him, an obvious gesture that Virgil should leave the comfort of his room, which wasn't even a difficult choice to make because, stupidly, disastrously, in love with Logan or not, he was even more comforting and safe.

He took a step outside, closing the door behind him and pretending not to stare at Logan's persistent smile as they walked downstairs.

Surprisingly enough Virgil felt like they would be fine and that maybe he didn't have too much to worry about.

--

[3]

Virgil hadn't grabbed his phone to check the time in a long while, having refused to give in because he knew that he would only find himself watching hours of youtube or doing something else that was not sleeping, which was what he should be doing.

But sleep was evading him. Not because he was worriedly tossing and turning and fighting back nausea inducing anxiety or anything like that, sometimes his mind was just busy and decided that sleeping might as well wait until later.

Though just because it was not anxiety that kept him awake didn't mean it wasn't just as annoying, and Virgil had been deciding for the past several minutes that he was about ready to give up, so, he kicked his purple comforter off of himself and got out of bed.

He grabbed his hoodie and a pair of sweatpants that he had thrown on the floor earlier, pulling it on, feeling more comfortable like that than in only his sleep t-shirt and underwear. He found a pair of fuzzy, soft socks too, knowing that otherwise he'd be freezing.

All of the 'dark' sides tended to run cold, though Remus was the only one who enjoyed the feeling of freezing.

It had been surprisingly cold in the mindscape lately though, something that was surely Roman and Remus' fault as Virgil had heard them discuss something about making a 'winter wonderland' and a 'winter horror-land' outside. He had definitely not looked outside to see what it was they were doing, unsure which one of those two choices would scar him the most if he looked at it for too long.

He preferred staying inside with his warm hoodie and a copious amount of coffee and tea that he could drink sitting under heaps of blankets.

A cup of tea was exactly what he was after right now. Thomas had found a nice tasting tea that had no caffeine and was supposed to help him fall asleep, and Virgil had made a habit to make himself a cup every time that he couldn't sleep.

He didn't know if the tea actually made it easier to fall asleep, but if he was lucky there would at least be a placebo effect and his brain would start to associate the warm drink as a sign that it was time to fall asleep.

It was Logan who had suggested it, both the tea and the whole 'making routines around bedtime', when Virgil had told him he struggled with it sometimes.

He pocketed his phone, feeling slightly proud of himself for still not checking the time as he knew he would then also be stressing about how many hours and minutes of sleep he would get if he fell asleep within a few minutes.

After putting the socks on he quietly made it downstairs, practically tiptoeing down the steps only to stop at the bottom and practically holding his breath when realizing he heard noises from the kitchen.

He stood still as a statue, listening and concluding that there was not some kind of monster from the imagination that had gotten into the mindscape again, unless the twins' monsters now knew how to use the electric kettle.

He stepped onto the living room floor, pretty sure he wouldn't be met by some kind of beast when he peeked into the kitchen but not taking any chances. Carefully sticking his head through the doorway to the kitchen his heart kept up its speeded beats, though for another reason this time.

"Didn't expect to find you up at," Virgil gave up and quickly looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall, "two in the morning."

Logan jumped, spilling half his teaspoon of instant coffee powder over the counter instead of putting it in his cup, and Virgil felt slightly bad but mostly amused as Logan turned around, one hand pressed to his chest as if to still his heart.

"I did not hear you come downstairs." Logan said and stuck his spoon into the coffee powder package, very gracefully avoiding the unspoken question as he made another attempt to put the powder in his cup.

"I'm quiet." Virgil said, actually walking into the kitchen and opening the cupboard to pull out his favorite cup. He filled it with water, then poured it into the kettle, making Logan's near boiling water go still, which he cringed at, but Logan showed no sign of annoyance.

"Why are you not asleep?" Logan apparently dared to wonder despite not having answered when Virgil asked.

"Dunno, just couldn't. Not anxious or anything, just can't sleep." Virgil rummaged through another cupboard for the tea that had been pushed behind another tea whose box colorfully announced that it tasted like garbage trucks smelled. Another lovely addition Remus had brought to their kitchen that he was also the sole user of.

"How about you?" Virgil wondered, knowing that Logan couldn't just ignore the question if it was actually asked outright because he was smart enough to figure out that Virgil would worry more then. Logan did however seem to focus wholly on the cup he was holding as he answered, clearly also smart enough to realize that his reason for staying up was not easily defendable.

"I was researching things for the next Sanders Sides video and time moved a lot quicker than I had expected." Logan said, not mentioning why he was making coffee as if he was preparing to stay up the rest of the night too.

Virgil got two teabags out of the box, putting it back in its place before closing the cupboard, hearing by the sound of the kettle that the water was boiling. He put one tea bag in his own cup, then as Logan was reaching for the kettle he stole the logical side's cup, emptying the coffee powder in the garbage and rinsing it under the tap before Logan had the time to protest.

Not that he would, they both knew neither of them should have coffee at this time of the day. Though Logan had the expression that meant he was holding a pout back as he wordlessly poured the boiling water into their cups after Virgil had put the second tea bag in it.

There was a silence between them, not an uncomfortable one, never with Logan, and Virgil held his cup and leaned against the fridge, attempting to simply look at Logan without feeling so incredibly gay about it. (He was failing, spectacularly.)

"So, wanna watch something?" He wondered when realizing that he would just keep wondering about how soft Logan's hair would feel between his fingers if he kept watching him, deciding on instead bobbing the tea bag and watching as the water turned faintly green-yellow-ish from the green tea.

"What do you have in mind?" Logan wondered, already throwing the tea bag away and blowing on the hot drink. He took a small sip, eyebrows furrowing just slightly as he pressed his lips together, most likely having burnt his tongue.

Wait, why was he staring at Logan again?

"Um." Virgil said, trying to remember what it was he had brought up. Right, watch something together to assure that Logan wouldn't be going back to his room to keep working.

"I was thinking maybe an episode of Midsummer Murders? Or whatever you'd like." He shrugged, busying himself by following Logan's poor example and taking a sip of his tea too, getting the same result as the logical side had.

Late at night when it was only the two of them up seemed like the perfect time to keep watching the show as it was only the two of them watching it. Patton wasn't very fond of the whole murder mystery genre, Roman thought it was too boring, and Remus didn't find it gorey enough. Janus might like it, though they didn't know as they hadn't asked him to join them and honestly Virgil wasn't planning to.

Nothing against Janus, he simply liked that it was one of those things he and Logan shared together. Sometimes he had to allow himself to be selfish.

"Sounds like a nice way to spend a sleepless night." Logan agreed, already walking towards the living room and Virgil smiled to himself as he followed him, feeling as if maybe not being able to sleep might have been the best thing that could have happened to him tonight because now he got to have Logan all to himself for just a little while.

It didn't take long until they were both sitting comfortably, the intro to the episode playing. As every other time they watched the time it only took about ten minutes before Logan was explaining his theories for who the killer was and what motive they had.

Virgil, in retaliation, would come up with the wildest and weirdest motives. They were equally often right about who it was and why (which was never as guessing during the last twenty minutes was not allowed).

Virgil sipped his tea that was finally a temperature which was not constantly choosing violence against his mouth and he leaned back against the couch cushions in the corner of the 'L' shaped couch, momentarily considering wrapping himself up in a blanket, but the only blanket nearby was on the other side of Logan and Virgil just didn't have the energy to bother.

He watched Logan discreetly instead, seeing the steam from the cup he was holding to his mouth fog up his glasses and remind him that he had in fact been about to take a sip when whatever was happening in the episode had distracted him.

He exhaled softly, trying not to be so obviously distracted by Logan. Virgil's feelings for him really didn't seem to be going away anytime soon, but at the very least he wasn't as scared of his feelings anymore.

Logically (Logan better be proud of him) even if Logan would find out about his feelings that wouldn't be the end of their friendship, which meant Virgil didn't have to worry.

...Virgil was however definitely still worrying about it, but it was more of a 'this man keeps accidentally being so stupidly adorable I might just blurt out that I love him and make things weird' than a 'these feelings makes me suffer every day and I feel like the world is actually ending', which is what those feelings had been for the first few days when he had purely been worrying about messing things up between them.

Logan leaned forward and put his half empty cup on the table, then pulling the blanket next to him into his lap, beginning to unfold it and shake it out. Then he looked over at Virgil, catching him looking but not saying anything about it nor the fact that Virgil had practically jumped when their eyes met.

"Would you like to share the blanket? You seem cold." Logan said and Virgil felt as if they were both thinking about the fact that Virgil could just conjure up his own blanket if he really wanted one, but as long as Logan wouldn't bring it up then neither would Virgil.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks." Virgil said before he had the time to overthink how this might be the worst idea ever, the desire to sit close to Logan and steal his warmth winning this one with ease.

Logan gave a little nod at nothing in particular, then moving closer to Virgil, close enough for their legs to press together (Virgil had to forcefully remind himself that he was not enough of a disaster to be dying about such a small, non skin to skin, contact) (which was a lie because he totally was), and Logan calmly pulled the blanket over them both, then leaned back and turned his focus back to the screen.

Virgil ran a breathing exercise in his head to distract himself, trying his best to follow the episode instead of wistfully imagining how amazing life would be if he could simply put an arm around Logan's shoulders and press a kiss to his cheek.

If there was one thing Virgil actually hadn't expected it was how much of a sap he was for the man next to him. He had really thought he would be somewhat cool, not sitting and thinking about how pretty Logan's smile was and what he wouldn't give to be the cause of it, and other disgustingly Roman-like things.

Logan yawned into his hand and Virgil thought that it wouldn't be unlikely at all if Logan was a lot more tired than he let on. He had a habit of working late, and working a lot (although he was definitely not overworking himself as much as he used to, thankfully) and he always insisted on being out of bed well before nine in the morning because he didn't want to sleep the day away.

How did he fall in love with someone so insane? How would Logan ever quench Virgil's thirst for sleepy mornings spent together in bed if he got up before nine?

...He was definitely getting ahead of himself, forgetting the part where Logan obviously wouldn't want to date him, even less spend mornings lazing in bed with him.

(But wouldn't that be just wonderful though, to get to spend more time with a sleepy Logan and cuddle up to him and play with his hair and hear his voice all deep and raspy and they would both be so warm and comfortable and-)

He felt a weight on his shoulder, just for a moment before Logan jerked up again and into a somewhat more conscious state of being, blinking and looking like he really had to force himself to focus his eyes on the tv. Virgil tried at least just as hard not to grin at Logan.

"L, you can go to bed if you're tired. We can finish this episode later, alright?" He pointed out, more than willing to pause it and give sleep another try if it meant Logan would go to bed and get the rest he so obviously needed.

"I'm aware, I," Logan yawned, cutting himself off in the middle of the sentence, "would like to finish the episode now, though. I value the time we spend together and I do not want to leave you just yet."

He leaned his head back, looking up at Virgil who felt as if something very soft was threatening to choke him, and the fact that he would only have to close a distance of three decimeters between them to kiss Logan had his heart racing.

He wouldn't have even if he dared, because the first time kissing someone shouldn't be without having asked first, especially not if the other guy was almost falling asleep sitting up, but just the fact that they were sitting so close and Logan was being so sincere and caring had Virgil barely knowing how to function or speak at all.

That was probably for the best though, as Virgil wanted to ramble about how he loved to spend time with Logan too and that he loved him, so much that he sometimes didn't know what to do with himself.

Though, despite the fact that his love confession seemed to always be on the tip of his tongue the words seemed to simply evaporate from Virgil's plane of existence any time he found himself in a situation where the dumb and yearning part of his brain took the reins.

"Okay, yeah, we'll finish the episode." Virgil said once he found his voice again, wondering how Logan could just say things like that. Maybe it didn't seem like much to some, but Logan was not exactly the kind of person to say sentimental things like that, and the fact that he did, purely because it was true and maybe also to reassure Virgil that he was important to him... Fuck, Virgil loved him.

They stayed up watching the rest of the episode, because no way he was bullying Logan into going to bed when he was being so soft, and Logan did seem to be able to keep himself awake even if his head somehow wound up resting on Virgil's shoulder again.

Were they cuddling? No? Did leaning against someone count as cuddling? Either way he never wanted it to end, almost wishing Logan would fall asleep because then he would get to sit there with him for hours. He didn't even know if it had to do with his very gay feelings for Logan or the fact that he did not get a whole lot of touch from other 'people', either way he was absolutely reeling.

Regretfully the episode eventually ended, Virgil still not moving as much as an inch from Logan who showed that he was awake by reaching up and fixing his glasses but also didn't move away for a few more wonderful minutes.

Then Logan sighed and got up from the couch, folding the blanket back up while Virgil tried not to let his disappointment show.

"We really should sleep now." Logan said and Virgil nodded, sighing and standing up too. His own bed seemed so uninviting compared to the persistent thought of them curling up together and Virgil getting to drift off with Logan in his arms.

Logan met his eyes just briefly before taking one step closer and wrapping his arms around Virgil, just for a moment.

"Good night, Virgil, sleep well." Logan said, and then he disappeared up the stairs before Virgil even had the time to wrap his arms around Logan and cling to him, which maybe was for the best.

Virgil stared after him, hearing the quiet click of Logan's door shutting and feeling his face burn. It took him a minute before he even managed to sink out and into his own room, immediately dropping onto his bed and burying his face in one of his many pillows.

He was too gay for this, all of it. It was stupid and kind of sad and Virgil kind of hated how his feelings for Logan got in the way of their friendship, but on the other hand just a quick hug had filled him with giddiness and right then Virgil couldn't help but to feel loved and it didn't really matter if that love was platonic or romantic.

--

[4]

He'd come to the living room of the mindscape because his own room was so quiet and empty, and sometimes he did want company. Although today he had quickly realized that their company was a little much as they (Patton, Remus, Roman, and Janus) were all in the kitchen, making a huge mess and being incredibly loud.

He'd entered the kitchen to see everyone except Janus engaging in a flour fight and had walked right out again, not even interested in finding out what it was they were baking and only wanting to get out of there before they got flour on his newly washed hoodie.

He had decided on sprawling out on the couch instead, making himself comfortable with lots of pillows and turning a somewhat interesting show on while he played a game on his phone, the loud yelling and laughing from the kitchen being close enough to actual company.

Sometimes just doing his own thing around other people was the perfect way to spend time, which is why his friendship with Logan was so perfect.

Logan, in general, was so perfect. (Ah, here we go again, gay thoughts.)

Virgil glanced up from his phone, confirming to himself that Logan didn't seem to be downstairs, which meant he was holing up in his room, avoiding the commotion in the kitchen too. Hopefully he was listening to the podcast Virgil had suggested, because he really wanted someone to talk about it with.

It did not take long until he heard quiet steps down the stairs and Logan showed up, dressed in black jeans and a warm sweater that had the collar of a button up showing, and god damn, could Logan please just not be attractive now and then?

How was he going to act cool and like he had never had a non-platonic thought about Logan ever in his life if Logan just kept being pretty? It wasn't fair.

"Greetings, Virgil." Logan said, giving him a little nod before continuing towards the kitchen.

He returned soon, having spent a mere few seconds in the room before retreating, closing the door to the kitchen behind himself and meeting Virgil's eyes. They shared a less than impressed look.

"Retrieving my crossword puzzle book will have to wait, I suppose." He said with a grimace.

"Yeah... As long as they're having fun, or whatever." Virgil said with a shrug. Logan glanced back at the sound of a disgusted exclaim from Janus, while Virgil kept his eyes on Logan the entire time.

"As long as they clean after themselves." He said.

There was a particularly loud and high pitched shriek from the kitchen which could only have come from Roman, followed by immediate cackling from Remus, and Virgil visibly cringed. Not liking sudden loud noises and living in the same mindscape as Remus generally didn't always mix well.

He glanced at Logan, finding him already observing him, and he raised a brow in a silent question, wondering if there was anything Logan wanted to say.

"Would you like to join me for a walk?" Logan said, something unidentifiable in his voice, but his question seemed sincere.

"I was planning on taking one in the imagination, and since you seem bothered by all the noise I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. Although I would have asked you to come anyway, because I'd like your company." Logan fixed his tie, then clasped his hands behind his back.

"You good?" Virgil wondered, because was it just him or was Logan acting a little weird?

"I am adequate." Logan stated in a way that felt like it left no room for arguing and, well, Virgil wasn't going to push.

"Okay, well, sure, I'll come on a walk. Can't be more stressful than hearing the mess they're making." Virgil said and reached for the remote to turn the tv off as Logan sent a mournful look towards the kitchen, likely thinking of all the ingredients being wasted.

Sometimes Virgil was very happy they were not human.

He immediately regretted his words though, instantly wondering if he had just jinxed them and something terrible, side-specific, and super stressful would happen to them. He got up off the couch and took a deep breath, pushing the thought aside.

Nothing really bad could happen to them, because they weren't human. He did not have to worry.

"Lovely, would it be okay if we left right now?" Logan wondered.

"Yeah, please, kinda starting to feel a bit on edge." Virgil said, thinking that Logan's calm company would be working much better for him right now.

Logan nodded in understanding, gesturing for Virgil to come with him and they both ventured up the stairs and towards the door at the end of the corridor that led to the imagination.

It had used to only be a closet, but after the sides grew closer together and they realized it was not only Roman and Remus who wanted to use the imagination they had made sure there was a common door for everyone's use instead of the doors they had in their rooms. Maybe they got tired of people asking to use the imagination and walking through their rooms.

Virgil didn't particularly care what kind of place they would be walking in, as long as it wasn't cold. The 'winter wonder/horror-land' the twins had transformed the outside of the mindscape into a few weeks ago had finally been removed a week ago and he was very happy about not being constantly cold.

He had not had to worry, though, he realized as soon as Logan opened the door that immediately led towards the part of the imagination that Logan wanted.

It was very sunny, the sky light blue with fluffy clouds that never blocked the sun, the grass was brightly green and the leaves on the trees shifted between green, yellow, orange, and red, as if it was a very, very warm autumn day. Though, even if Virgil knew just about nothing about flowers, the flowers which grew all around seemed to be the ones usually seen in spring, so he was not entirely sure what season Roman had been going for when creating it.

He was definitely sure it was Roman who had created it as everything about their surroundings were impossibly perfect. Roman loved to show off what he could create, and none of them were ever complaining. Virgil especially wasn't complaining the evenings when Roman's creations let him stargaze with Logan.

The sound of Logan closing the door behind him made him snap back to reality (could spending time in the imagination be called reality? It was certainly real to them, but the world around them wasn't real, even though it kind of was...) and he looked back at Logan, waiting for him to show him where they were walking.

Logan pushed his glasses up, taking a look around the, likely familiar, place and nodding to himself. Then he started walking at a fairly slow pace, and Virgil followed, easily keeping up with him.

Yeah, he really was not cold at all. There was a slight breeze which was just enough to make him not overheat in his hoodie, but he caved after only ten minutes and pulled it off, tying it around his waist. Logan had simply conjured away his sweater, leaving only his short sleeved button up.

Virgil wondered briefly if it was possible for him to change the temperature of the imagination or if that was something decided when a place was created and then sort of set in stone.

He had to admit, though, that feeling sunshine against his skin was kind of wonderful. And he didn't even miss his headphones, it was kind of nice that it was quiet, save for birds chirping and the breeze rustling the leaves.

He glanced over at his friend, noticing that he pushed his glasses up again, which Virgil remembered was one of his nervous tells, and what it was that had felt kind of off about him clicked. Logan was nervous?

He couldn't help but to feel that that was a truly awful sign, because what could make Logan nervous? Was he planning on telling Virgil something bad? Was that why he had wanted them to go somewhere alone? Or was he just stressed and tired? Or was something wrong with Thomas?

No, no he would know if something was wrong with their host. He was very good at knowing if something was wrong and at thinking something was wrong when it wasn't. Not once had Thomas had an issue that Virgil hadn't known about immediately or predicted.

Virgil reminded himself to take a deep breath, keep his breathing steady. Logan was not the kind of person to bring him somewhere discreet to tell him something, he was pretty sure. Logan was blunt. And he was blunt in a surprisingly kind and careful way when he knew his words might make someone upset, or anxious.

So, okay, the world was probably not ending, and Virgil couldn't think of anything he had fucked up lately that Logan would need to talk about, especially as Logan wouldn't be nervous to bring that up anyway.

But Logan was still nervous about something and Virgil did not like it. What could he do to help, though? Logan was practically a master at making sure Virgil didn't get overwhelmed by his anxiety. Virgil really wished he could return the favour whenever Logan was overwhelmed.

He looked around, trying to think of something to say, eyes falling again on the wildflowers growing throughout the forest.

"Hey, uh, flowers have meanings and stuff, right? Heard something about 'flower language' once?" He said, hoping he didn't come off as nervous and instead as if he was simply making small talk.

Logan looked up at him at his words, and Virgil practically saw that spark of interest ignite.

"Yes, that is correct. Every flower has a meaning, and bouquets can have different meanings depending on how they are arranged and which flowers are in it." Logan said, sounding like he had lots of information to share with Virgil.

"Cool, cool. What does that one mean?" He wondered, pointing to the nearest flower, which he was pretty sure was a bluebell.

"Ah the bluebell. It represents humility, constancy, gratitude, and everlasting love. It is said that if you wear a wreath of bluebells you can only speak the truth. It was once believed that bringing them into your house brought bad luck and that a child that picked them would be taken." Logan informed him and Virgil wondered what the hell people had been on back in the day.

"How about that one?" He said, pointing at a bunch of yellow ones growing in a sunlit spot.

"Daffodils." Logan said, then frowned and after a moment pulled his phone out, glancing up repeatedly to not stumble over any roots or rocks sticking up from the well worn path through the woods.

"Here we go." He said after a moment, seeming to have found what he had been looking for. "Daffodils are one of the first flowers seen after winter, normally, and because of that it represents rebirth and new beginnings."

"How about sunflowers?" Virgil wondered, not actually seeing any, but the flower popped into his head.

"Sunflowers are seen as a happy flower, often gifted to brighten someone's day. They symbolize adoration, loyalty, and longevity." Logan said, counting up the words on his fingers.

"Oh, how about those small ones, those are called snowdrops, right?" Virgil said, pointing at another flower.

"That is correct, and snowdrops symbolize purity, innocence, and sympathy. In Victorian England, if you sighted a snowdrop, it was a sign of death and bad luck. It is also one of the flowers that are believed to be bad to bring inside. The flower was believed to be a sign of bad luck because it was often found growing in graveyards."

"Oh, cool." Virgil said, wondering if Roman would freak out if he let that information slip and then somehow made a bunch of snowdrops grow in places that looked ideal to bury a dead body. Remus would love that prank idea.

"How do you know so much about flowers, anyway?" Virgil wondered, glancing over at Logan who chuckled.

"Oh, well, wikipedia rabbit holes at three in the morning." He said, which made a lot of sense. Virgil could definitely picture Logan obsessively reading about bluebells at the early hours of the mornings.

"I'm not surprised." Virgil said, grinning.

"Thank you for distracting me." Logan said, as always knowing exactly what was going on, although being so easily seen through was slightly embarrassing.

"Oh, um, no problem." Virgil said, not wanting to ask again what was wrong and thinking that if Logan wanted to share his thoughts then he would do so unprompted.

"Sometimes I still struggle with emotions. They can be... stressful." Logan offered, which Virgil nodded along to. Emotions could definitely be stressful.

That seemed to be all Logan wanted to say, at least for now, and they continued quietly through the forest. It really looked like something straight out of some fairy tale, big gnarly trees, sun shining through the branches and making the grass and the flowers seem even more bright and colorful.

Logan looked beautiful in the sunlight, and he was on the verge of telling him so before realizing how weird that would be.

He stumbled on a root sticking up in the middle of the path, having been too busy thinking about how pretty all of Logan's eccentricities were to look where he was going, and Logan reached out, grasping his arm to steady him.

"Careful." He said, holding on to him and Virgil felt himself flush red and he hoped Logan thought it was just from the embarrassment because it seemed a little too pathetic to be flustered just because of the touch.

"Thanks." He mumbled, staring down at the ground in front of himself, keeping close tabs on anything that he might stumble on again and trying not to think about how much he wanted to do stupid stuff like take Logan's hand and entwine their fingers or let his thumb rub small circles to the back of Logan's hand.

Ugh, being in love sucked, he could no longer tease Roman for being such a huge romantic without being a big, sappy, hypocrite. He couldn't scoff at Roman's lovey-dovey nature when he was simultaneously daydreaming about Logan returning his feelings.

"Ah, right up ahead is a place where we can take a break." Logan said, gesturing forward, although all Virgil saw was still trees.

That changed in just a few minutes though, as they stepped out from under the tree crowns and onto a mossy cliff.

"Oh, wow." Slipped from Virgil at the sight of the view and he stared out over a near endless green field stretching out, far away in the distance turning into a wide beach and then the ocean, glittering in the sunlight.

So far being 'outside' was a lot less terrible than Virgil usually made it out to be.

"Yes, the view is rather impressive." Logan agreed, crouching down and touching the moss before sitting down. Virgil joined him on the sun warmed ground, trying to do some totally platonic math in his head about if the distance between them was normal or if he had sat down too close to Logan.

Ignoring his thoughts he enjoyed the view and the warmth of the sun instead, tilting his head back to look at the sky as a fluffy cloud hid the sun for a moment, keeping Virgil from being blinded.

"This is probably an amazing place to sit and stargaze." Virgil said, before even thinking through the sentence, but he doesn't even regret it because the thought of sitting there with Logan, stargazing, filled him with so much excited joy.

"Hm, that is indeed very likely, we must find that out some day." Logan said and Virgil felt himself go warm at the fact that Logan had used 'we', because that must really mean he wanted Virgil there with him.

"I could probably turn it into night time, if I wanted to." Logan said, mostly to himself, with a thoughtful expression, gazing up at the sky. Virgil didn't interrupt, observing Logan with the same intensity that the other side directed at the fluffy clouds lit up by sunshine.

The sky darkened, as if the day had been put on fast forward it turned orange and purple and the sun sank lower. The whole sunset, until the sun was just above the horizon, happened within a minute. Though then it stopped and Logan frowned.

"Hm, maybe Roman has not made a night sky for this place yet. Or I simply do not know what I am doing." Logan said, shrugging and then sitting down.

Virgil considered voicing how proud he was of Logan for being able to admit there was something he did not understand, as Logan had always struggled with understanding his worth if he did not know everything and existed as some sort of walking encyclopedia, but he figured it would just make things awkward.

"Is it difficult to make stuff?" Virgil wondered instead, never having actually spent much time in the imagination by himself, which meant he had never tried to create something of his own.

He had always had a nagging feeling (anxiety, of course) that he would be doing something he wasn't actually allowed to do, or that he would somehow ruin the amazing things Roman or the others had created in the imagination because what if him being anxiety meant he would only create bad and scary things?

Like Remus, however, Virgil was pretty sure it was a choice made by the other side to only create gross or terrifying things.

"Depends what it is you are trying to do. I've had a bit of practice with Roman and mostly it is just about being able to imagine something springing into existence, though it gets a little bit more tricky when you are trying to create or change an entire scene and not just focusing on a single thing at the time." Logan said, holding his hand out between them and creating a little bird that flapped its wings and quickly disappeared into the forest.

"You could try to create something, anything." Logan said and Virgil bit his lip, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the possibilities. He really didn't like having to make choices. He ended up making the wrong one too often to feel comfortable with that kind of responsibility.

"Um, like what?" He wondered, hoping that Logan could simply tell him what to do.

"How about a flower?" Logan said, which was pretty fitting as that was what they had been talking the most about.

"Okay, um, here goes... I guess." Virgil said, not feeling very confident at all but trying his best to think of any flower and make it grow, or whatever it was it did when it came into existence.

Something sprouted between them, quickly growing into a rose the same shade of purple as Virgil's recently dyed hair, exactly what Virgil had imagined.

"Oh. Cool." Virgil said.

"Hm, a purple rose, symbolizing enchantment or splendor. A rose meant for royalty. It is the rarest color of a rose, and the lavender ones symbolize love at first sight." Logan recited and it struck Virgil that roses must have different meanings depending on the color.

"This one, then?" He said, having created a deep blue rose, the same kind of blue that was Logan's color.

"Blue roses symbolize mystery and attaining the impossible, however if you research it you can find several other meanings too, which makes it somewhat difficult to know which or if all are correct as I have not done a lot of research about this flower, I only read a little bit about it a year ago. Logan said, sounding as if remembering some fact about a flower for a year wasn't a big deal.

Virgil glanced at him, wondering what it was like to have a good memory because he didn't even remember the plot of the fanfic he had read two days ago or where he had left his favorite nail polish yesterday, and his painted nails were already chipping.

He stared at the two roses between them, concentrating on finding out how long he could make the thorns and then poking one carefully to see if it was sharp since he couldn't help it.

It was, and he flinched, bringing his hand back quickly and checking if he was bleeding or not, and he cursed himself for making stupid choices. He glanced at Logan to check that he hadn't seen him be an idiot, but he was watching him with an amused look, though he looked away once their eyes met.

He wasn't sure what that meant but didn't want to read into it too much, instead pressing his finger to his shirt and deciding to see if he could make the roses turn into glitter. Apparently he could, the roses poofing into blue and purple glitter that fell onto the ground.

Virgil dragged his fingertips through the glitter.

"Virgil," Logan said, somehow pronouncing his name so gently and yet there was something about the situation that made Virgil instantly feel incredibly nervous, as if he could tell something serious was going to be said, although at the same time he didn't trust himself to not be making things up or overthinking, "I..."

Logan paused and for a moment all Virgil was aware of was his heart and how hard it was beating. Logan wasn't looking at him, eyes instead fixed somewhere far away across the field.

"There is something I have wanted to tell you for quite some time now." Logan continued and Virgil pretended as if his heart hadn't just practically stopped in his chest from fear.

"Okay?" Virgil said, voice coming out a bit squeaky and with a hint of distortion, and Logan actually looked at him, something pained in his expression for only a second.

"I apologize, the last thing I want is to make you feel anxious, though I am feeling quite nervous myself. What I am about to say is not a bad thing. You have not done anything that has made me or anyone else feel bad, I am perfectly happy with every part of our friendship, nothing bad is going on as far as I am aware." Logan said, which actually did make Virgil feel marginally better because at least Logan's words assured him this was not about any of his worst fears.

"I really wish I were better at things like these, we both know emotions are not my strong suit. However I feel that I have to tell you that I..." Logan took a shaky breath and Virgil glanced towards him, his heart almost stopping in surprise when he felt Logan's hand being so very carefully placed on top of his own.

"I have developed romantic feelings for you, Virgil, and I am very sorry if that makes you uncomfortable or makes our friendship difficult. But if you feel the same way I would really like to have a more romantic relationship with you, or take you on a date, whatever you would be comfortable with." Logan said, still staring ahead at the horizon and the frozen sunset.

Virgil didn't blame him for that, he could barely look people in the eye when spilling emotions either. Maybe he was quiet for a few seconds longer than he should have while trying to remember how to think and how to speak, but since Logan was obviously nervous he forced himself to snap out of it and give some sort of response.

"I- yeah, that sounds good." Virgil said, trying to sound as if he was not in complete disbelief and shock over the words Logan had just said. He wasn't entirely sure he was not hallucinating this entire conversation, even if he had never hallucinated before in his life.

Logan turned to look at him then, eyes wide as if Virgil thinking his suggestion 'sounded good' was the last thing he had expected.

"Are you certain?" Logan said and Virgil understood the unspoken 'I don't want you to agree to anything just to spare my feelings', because if he had been the one confessing then he would have definitely worried that Logan just went along with it to not hurt him, but at the same time it was unfathomable to Virgil that Logan could think that he didn't want him, desperately.

This was the perfect time, if any, to tell Logan that he had been in love with him, had been pining hopelessly for him, for weeks (at least), but he was so god damn awkward when it came to speaking sincerely about his emotions. He just didn't know how to do it, no one had ever taught him emotional vulnerability, and of course he, like every other time, didn't end up saying what he wanted.

"I am, I like you too, L. Like, romantic feelings and all that." He said, not managing to look at Logan while he spoke, but he did dare to turn his palm up and let their fingers entwine, not without feeling his face burn, though.

"Oh," Logan squeezed his hand gently, sounding the most relieved Virgil had ever heard him, "I'm very happy to hear that."

"Would you prefer to be boyfriends or start with a date? Or is there any other way you would like to proceed?" Logan asked, which made Virgil sort of blank because, as previously stated, important decisions weren't really his thing, and not to mention that he had an awful lot of problems with asking for anything he wanted.

"Uh... can- can I say... both?" Virgil wondered, which might be the bravest thing he had ever done, and daring a glance at Logan he saw him smile.

"Of course. I'm pretty sure being boyfriends involves going on dates, anyway." Logan said.

"Okay, cool, we're boyfriends then." Virgil said, ignoring his internal chorus of 'holy shit, holy shit, holy shit-' because he just didn't really know how to deal with this whole situation. He could almost never believe that good things would happen, and Logan being his boyfriend had been feeling unattainable in the same way as not being seen as the bad guy once had.

"Yes, boyfriends." Logan echoed with what seemed to be carefully restrained joy. Neither of them seemed to know what to say after that, sitting there silently and holding hands

Sometime soon they would have to get up and return back to the mindscape, (because Virgil needed to go to his room and scream into a pillow) but neither of them seemed to be too stressed about that at the moment.

--

[5]

"L?" Virgil wondered, finally voicing what it was he had meant to ask when entering Logan's room an hour earlier.

"Yes?" Logan replied, not looking up from where he was sitting, curled up with his nose buried in a thick book, leaning into Virgil's side.

Virgil had been quietly alternating between playing on his phone and reading over Logan's shoulder the entire time, not sure what else to do and not having wanted to interrupt Logan's reading despite the numerous times over the course of the past few months of their friendship that Logan had reassured that he didn't mind.

"You wanna go on a date with me?" He wondered, after hopefully discreetly taking a deep and steadying breath.

They'd been boyfriends for just over three weeks now, and they had been on two whole dates, two wonderful dates, which Logan had planned. Which, even though it shouldn't, had made Virgil feel a bit stressed because surely it was about time he was the one to plan a date?

So he had. And then he had realized that asking his boyfriend on said date was still terrifying even if they were literally boyfriends.

"I would love to." Logan said, proving instantly that Virgil hadn't had to worry for days about asking, but what else had he been supposed to do?

"Oh, okay. Great." Virgil said, leaning his head to the side to sort of affectionately bump it against Logan's. "How about tonight?"

"Sounds good." Logan agreed.

"Cool, okay, um, nine tonight, my room? And dress comfortably." Virgil instructed.

"Will do." Logan said and then they both fell silent, Logan returning to his book and Virgil trying to calm his heart that was beating embarrassingly hard from their short conversation.

It was not as if he had expected Logan to say no and break up with him, but neither had he been able to rule out something like that happening, because being the embodiment of anxiety meant always assuming the worst.

Virgil checked his phone, sitting with Logan for a few more minutes before growing restless and remembering that Patton and Roman had been baking cookies the day before.

"I'm gonna go see if there's any cookies left." He told Logan and gave him a little kiss, still barely fathoming that that was a thing he could simply do, and very much enjoying the small smile that Logan's lips formed afterwards.

It turned out that there actually were cookies left and he put about ten of them in a napkin before going to his room, curling up on his bed with a TARDIS blanket that he may or may not have stolen from Logan. In his defense, Logan had forgotten it in his room a week or so ago and Virgil had simply not given it back since his boyfriend hadn't asked for it.

He ate the peanut butter cookies and watched youtube, taking breaks to go over the date plan he had decided on. It wasn't anything complicated, but he didn't want to screw it up somehow. Luckily he was more excited about the date than nervous about it, because otherwise he would have been stressed out for the rest of the day.

Virgil stayed in his room until dinner, only slightly nervous to eat what Roman and Remus had cooked, but luckily even they couldn't fuck up pizza, though Virgil suspected that was because Janus or Patton had supervised them to make sure Roman didn't accidentally add too much salt (like last time) or Remus managed to add something poisonous or gross.

Nine o'clock was then approaching impressively quickly and Virgil had been pacing around his room, dressed in his skeleton onesie and trying to watch youtube to keep his nerves at bay, which worked somewhat but he constantly found himself biting his nails.

At precisely nine o'clock there was a knock on Virgil's door and he spun around towards it from where he had been pacing. It took him three steps to reach his bedroom door and pull it open, revealing his boyfriend dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and a dark blue sweater.

Fuck, why was Logan always so pretty?

"Hey." Virgil said, a second later remembering to move to the side to let Logan into his room.

"Hello, Verge. Are these clothes sufficient?" Logan wondered, gesturing to himself as Virgil closed the door behind him.

"Yeah no, those clothes are fine. But I really won't judge if you wear your unicorn onesie, L." Virgil pointed out, walking past him and glancing back to see Logan considering his words. The desire to wear his onesie seemed to win, because a moment later he snapped his fingers and was wearing his unicorn onesie.

Fuck, he was just cute wearing anything, huh? How was Virgil seeing a grown man in a unicorn onesie and having butterflies in his stomach?

"So, what are we doing?" Logan wondered.

"Oh, yeah. I know you haven't been getting as much sleep as you should for the past few days so I was thinking we could stay inside and watch that show I know you've wanted to watch, and if you can still keep your eyes open by twelve then we could go outside and stargaze a bit." Virgil said, shrugging slightly to show that if Logan had any objections to that plan then Virgil wouldn't be upset if he voiced them, but Logan merely smiled impossibly softly and sat down on Virgil's bed, grabbing the TARDIS blanket.

"I see you have checked the weather report." He said, avoiding acknowledging his sleeping schedule, and Virgil huffed slightly.

"Incredibly homophobic of Roman to have the imaginations weather default to being the same as the weather Thomas is having when he isn't around. I still don't know how to control the weather." He said, sitting down with Logan.

The skies wouldn't be clear until midnight, but at least he had made sure to plan the date around possibly inconvenient weather, ready to cut the stargazing part out if necessary.

Honestly, Virgil didn't think they would be stargazing tonight, not when Logan had been going to bed around the same time as Virgil had (he would send Logan a good night text at two or three in the morning when he forced himself to sleep, if they were not spending time together before bed, and for the past few days he had gotten one back) and then still woken up at six in the morning.

Virgil wasn't entirely sure how he had fallen in love with someone who was crazy enough to wake up at that time, out of free will, but there he was.

"Neither do I. Or, not very well, at least." Logan said, pulling the blanket over himself and holding it up for Virgil to crawl into bed and join him under it (which he did gladly). "What are we watching?"

"The Good Place. You were saying before that you had heard good things about it, right?" He said, letting Logan drape the blanket over his legs.

"Oh, yes! I have heard very good things and I think it is a show that you will enjoy, too." Logan said, lighting up slightly with excitement. From the few gifs of The Good Place that Virgil had seen on tumblr he also thought he would like the show, which is why he had thought it would be kind of perfect to have a date night watching it.

Not to mention having a date night watching tv in bed had to mean cuddles, which was still something neither of them was good at initiating but still happened sometimes when they were up late together. Virgil would be lying bad enough to make Janus show up in his room if he tried to deny that he hadn't wanted that to happen.

Logan leaned back against all of Virgil's pillows as Virgil found the show and pressed play on the first episode. It didn't take Virgil long to realize that whoever wrote the show was a comedic genius, and once Eleanor began to study ethics with Chidi he could tell Logan was trying hard not to chime in with his opinions and the knowledge he had on the subject.

Virgil wouldn't be surprised at all if they would be having an ethics debate at one in the morning someday soon. Though, as Virgil didn't know a lot about the subject it would probably turn into Logan rambling about ethics while Virgil tried to follow what he was saying without being distracted by how attractive he was when talking about something he found interesting.

They made it through seven episodes before Virgil realized Logan had fallen asleep where he was cuddled up to him. About an hour ago he had actually been brave enough to wrap an arm around Logan's shoulders, and then his boyfriend had immediately let his head rest against Virgil. Sometime since then Logan's hand had also found his and their fingers had been loosely entwined since then.

Virgil never wanted to move from how he was currently sitting, but he did manage to pause the episode they were on. He didn't want Logan to miss anything.

Virgil turned his head slightly, debating with himself for a second before kissing the top of Logan's head. He didn't want to wake him, not when Logan clearly needed some rest, but he did reach for his phone and took a picture of the two of them all cuddled up together. Logan was adorable and he was a sap, so sue him.

It was just irresistible not to take a picture, sometimes. His phone background was an adorably picture of Logan, completely unaware of Virgil snapping the picture of him, sitting in the sunshine of the imagination with a book.

Some days, when Roman made sure the weather was warm, they all had at least one meal outside, as a sort of picnic. It was pretty nice, even if Remus could be pretty chaotic to be around (Virgil would know). The best part had always been when Virgil would sit with Logan a bit away, making it feel like it was just the two of them, talking or just quietly enjoying each other's company.

He saved the picture to an album with the rest of the pictures he had of Logan, then pressed another kiss to Logan's hair, leaning his cheek against his head, listening to his calm breaths, entwining their fingers again and enjoying the feeling of Logan's hand in his.

Virgil conjured up his earbuds, managing to put them in his ears and find a youtube video to watch without moving too much or letting go of Logan again, utterly content to stay cuddling with Logan until he fell asleep too.

It was pretty amazing to just be able to cuddle with Logan while he watched youtube, about three weeks ago he wouldn't have even dared to believe that he could ever have anything like this.

Life was good and he was so, so gay.

He stayed watching youtube and cuddling with Logan for a pretty long while before ever so carefully easing himself from Logan's side, incredibly careful not to wake him as he slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom.

He entered his bedroom again a few minutes later, finding Logan awake but looking very sleepy, sitting up in the middle of the bed and smiling slightly at the sight of him.

"There you are." He mumbled, hiding a yawn behind his hand. "What time is it?"

"Like half past twelve." Virgil sat down on the bed, watching Logan who was carefully considering his words for a moment.

"That means the sky should be clear now." Logan pointed out and Virgil gave his sleepy boyfriend a skeptical look.

"You really want to go stargazing now? You seem pretty tired." He said and leaned back against the headboard of the bed.

"We do not have to stay in the imagination for long. Just a little while." Logan said, getting out of bed and reaching a hand out for Virgil. Despite knowing that they always ended up spending hours stargazing in the imagination he took Logan's outstretched hand, because how was he supposed to resist?

"Alright." He said, considering telling him to get a few extra hours of sleep in the morning but then deciding not to, always worried of being annoying.

He let Logan lead him towards the hallway, making sure to shut his bedroom door to make sure no escaped rats from Remus' rooms would make it into his again as Remus was not always the best at keeping track of his pets.

"Just a moment." Logan said and they stopped, Logan then making a little hand motion to switch his unicorn onesie to the sweatpants and sweater he had been wearing earlier. "There we go. I would rather not remake the mistake of getting grass stains on my onesie."

"Oh, good idea." Virgil changed his clothes too to avoid getting his onesie dirty, instead wearing an old t-shirt, his hoodie, and a pair of black sweatpants.

The two of them made it to the imagination door, currently styled by Remus and looking like the door into some kind of dungeon, grime and what was probably supposed to look like blood smeared on the door.

Despite that the door still opened up to reveal a pretty meadow and an impressively starry sky, and a quick glance at Logan to see his eyes widen in delight at the sight assured Virgil that he had found a good place.

He pulled Logan outside and they closed the door, making it disappear behind them. Virgil let out a small breath of relief, glad they had not met anyone on the short walk from his room to the door of the imagination.

It wasn't that their relationship was necessarily something they hid from the others, but they hadn't told them about it, and they didn't exactly kiss or hold hands or anything overly affectionate like that when they were around any of the other sides and, okay, maybe they were somewhat hiding it.

In Virgil's defense he really didn't need the others squealing over them (Patton) or wiggling their eyebrows at them (Roman and Remus), because any attention to their relationship would just make Virgil more nervous about it.

They walked through the grass for a bit until Virgil found a good enough bit of grass to sit on (he didn't want to crush too many of the flowers growing everywhere), and he conjured up two blankets, having to let go of Logan's hand to spread one out over the grass.

They sat down together and Logan tore his eyes from the sky to take the second blanket from Virgil's hands, carefully wrapping it around them both. He looked over at Logan again, noting that he was looking a lot more awake now despite the dark and the calm around them.

Logan's arm ended up around his shoulders and soon he was guided to lie down, giving them both a better view of the stars and less of a strain on their necks. The blanket and the grass made a surprisingly comfortable bedding.

"Got some facts you wanna tell me about?" Virgil wondered, shifting to be able to lightly tap against Logan's temple with his fingertip, causing the other side to have to bite back a smile.

"Always." Logan said, which was pretty much what he had though Logan's response would be. Sharing all the information he had was pretty much Logan's favorite pastime.

"Did you know that there are nine thousand and ninety six stars that are visible to the naked eye? Do you know how stars are made? It starts with a gas cloud collapsing and the process takes around a million years." He started, launching into a long explanation of how stars were created.

It was fascinating to listen to Logan talk, he always knew so much about everything and his excitement and interest was so visible in his voice that it was impossible not to get excited with him. He could listen to Logan for hours, had listened to Logan talk for hours about things that interested him.

It really wasn't surprising to Virgil that by the time he checked what time it was it was nearing half past one, but he still sighed before sitting up, the blanket falling off of him.

He stretched his arms above his head, yawning and looking back at Logan who was slowly pushing himself up, his eyes leaving the sky to look at him, the expression on his face as always unchanging and Virgil wondered what he had ever done to deserve someone who looked at him the same way he looked at a sky full of stars.

"Should probably get back inside soon." Virgil said, trying to fight off the blush on his face.

"You are correct, of course." Logan said, lifting the blanket up and wrapping it around Virgil again, taking his hands in his, and Virgil got the feeling that Logan wasn't quite ready to go to bed yet. He let their fingers entwine, giving Logan's hands a gentle squeeze.

"There's no way you can convince me that you wouldn't sit here until sunrise if I let you." He said, knowing very well that he was right, he had been stargazing enough with Logan to have first hand experience with them going from stargazing to watching the sunrise.

It wasn't as if he would complain if that was what they ended up doing tonight, but part of his date plan had been to get Logan to get some more sleep. Now Logan was kind of ruining that part by being too cute to say no to.

"Thirty more minutes? I do not want to be difficult, and if you want us to go back inside then of course we will. It's just..." Despite the darkness that surrounded them Virgil was almost entirely sure that Logan was flustered, "This is a very lovely date that fits the two of us very well, and I find myself not wanting it to end."

"I'm- I'm really glad you think so." Virgil said, unable to properly articulate how much relief his boyfriend's words gave him.

"I wanted it to be calm and relaxing and, you know, stargazing is pretty important to us both." Virgil said, shrugging a little as if to show that none of this was a big deal while he was still feeling incredibly proud of himself to have managed to make Logan happy.

"Actually, it was during one of those evenings that we stargazed that I realized that, that I-" ("that I'm so in love with you that sometimes there's nothing else I can think about than how your very presence makes me happier than anything else-") "that I have feelings for you." He said instead, but Logan still smiled as if it was the loveliest combination of words he had ever been told.

Virgil really, really loved to make Logan smile.

"I'm not sure I can pinpoint an exact moment when I realized I had these feelings for you. Maybe it was during our stargazing evenings, or movie nights, or one of all those times you listen to me ramble without even looking bored. Possibly I have felt this way for longer than I am capable of recognizing." Logan said, sounding just a little rambly, and his words had Virgil feeling so loved and he wanted to tell him that he loved him so badly.

But he didn't, of course he didn't, instead he took Logan's slight tug on his hands as an invitation to climb into his lap, pressing their foreheads together and wondering if, if he just thought about it hard enough, the close contact would help his feelings just be transmitted into Logan's brain without him actually having to say it.

It did not work, of course not, because mind reading was not a real thing that any of the sides were capable of (and thank fucking god for that, honestly).

However, Logan let go of one of Virgil's hands, instead coming up to gently cup his face, and a pleasant little shiver ran through him as Logan's lips softly brushed against his.

He did not hesitate to kiss back, small careful kisses quickly turning more lingering and leaving them both breathless, long since having forgotten about the usually so distracting night sky above them.

Anxiety and nerves be damned, he would definitely be planning more dates.

--

[+1]

One of Virgil's absolute favorite things about his relationship with Logan was when he would wake up first.

It had taken them a couple of weeks to be comfortable with sharing a bed (it was strangely comforting to know that Logan had been about as nervous as he had about it), but once they had, and Virgil had coaxed Logan into turning off his alarm for six in the morning most nights they shared a bed, he had been quick to discover that getting to have Logan near all night was undoubtedly amazing.

And with how much of a disaster both of their sleeping schedules were, it wasn't that uncommon that Virgil was the first one to wake up when there was not something forcing Logan to consciousness.

Which meant he got to laze in bed next to his boyfriend until said side eventually woke up. And once Logan woke up he could easily trap him in bed for another hour of cuddles.

(Virgil didn't know if he would ever stop being impressed about the fact that he had someone who actively wanted to give him the affection and attention he craved. He wasn't sure he had gotten used to it yet. It was amazing.)

And there he was, blinking sleep from his eyes and letting out a content sigh, burrowing his face back into his (Logan's) pillow and slowly coming to terms with the fact that he was awake. He pulled the warm covers tighter around himself, listening to Logan's calm, deep breaths.

Oh, Logan.

Virgil opened his eyes, rolling over onto his back and looking to the side, spotting Logan lying curled up with his back to Virgil, still fast asleep. Virgil watched him for a moment, lying there and smiling at nothing in particular other than the fact that life was generally good, which had a lot to do with him getting to wake up next to Logan.

Horribly sappy, he knew, and he didn't care.

He reached out and tugged up the covers that had slid down to Logan's waist sometime during the night, then he wrapped his arm around Logan's middle, cuddling up to him.

Virgil pressed a kiss between Logan's shoulder blades, his boyfriend making a sleepily content noise that had Virgil feeling as if he was melting with fondness. He wasn't sure if Logan was anywhere near conscious, but he found Logan's hand and left a little trail of kisses up to the nape of his neck.

He didn't bother sitting up to look over Logan to see what time his alarm clock displayed, too comfortable right where he was to disturb his position. It didn't matter what time it was, he had no plans on getting out of bed any time soon anyway.

Virgil laid there attempting to not think such nauseatingly sappy things about his boyfriend, almost worried that his reputation would take a hit even without him voicing his thoughts.

He ended up almost drifting off again as it was difficult to stay awake when warm and comfortable and safe and still somewhat sleepy, but just as his consciousness was slipping away Logan shifted slightly and Virgil forced his eyes open, moving back just slightly to allow Logan some room to move.

"Morning." Logan mumbled somewhat audibly, his fingers wrapping loosely around Virgil's hand.

"Good morning." Virgil said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Logan shifted, rolling over onto his back and looking over at Virgil. He squinted slightly, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards in that almost-smile that Virgil adored so much.

"What time is it?" Logan wondered, his eyes slipping shut again. Virgil conjured up his phone, checking it quickly.

"Bit past ten." He said, conjuring it away and reaching out to brush away the hair that had fallen over Logan's eyes.

"We should- we should be getting out of bed soon, then." Logan said, a yawn cutting him off.

"Or, hear me out, we stay in bed for, like, another hour because we're warm and comfortable." Virgil suggested, and Logan was quiet, clearly thinking his suggestion over, which was a very good sign for his hopes of a lazy 'morning' in bed.

"Come on, we don't even have anything to do today and we did all agree yesterday that today would be a self care day." He pointed out, as to win him over.

Logan reached out to wrap an arm around Virgil's waist and cuddled closer to him, letting his lips brush against Virgil's jaw and managing to send a wave of warmth and affection through his entire body.

"Alright, you propose a compelling argument." He said, making himself comfortable and looking like he had every intention to fall back asleep. An hour or more of sleep would probably do him good though. He had fallen asleep while Logan was sitting by his desk, working, and he somewhat remembered briefly waking up at half past three when Logan went to bed.

Virgil started a tv show he was watching on Logan's tv that was conveniently angled towards the bed, turning the volume down to just about audible and putting subtitles on.

Then he only hesitated for fifteen minutes before slowly running his fingers through Logan's hair. His boyfriend made no movement but he guessed there was a fifty percent chance that Logan was still awake.

Then a moment later he heard a quiet giggle at a joke in the show, answering his unasked question and also sending a rush of affection throughout his entire body.

Honestly, he was trying hard not to be a gay disaster, but how was he supposed to stay cool and not melt into a sappy puddle of affection for his boyfriend when he got to hear him laugh when he was sleepy? Virgil didn't stand a chance. And he had thought he was bad enough before they got together...

Virgil tried to not acknowledge all his lovey-dovey feelings, instead focusing on the episode that was playing as he continued to brush his fingers through Logan's soft hair. They made it through about four episodes before the streaming service paused the show, asking if they were still watching.

Virgil didn't really care to reach out for the remote to press play again, knowing that Logan would be insisting to get out of bed and start their day sometime soon as the agreed on hour had nearly passed. Virgil would be entirely happy to stay exactly where he was, though.

"You know, I really like mornings like these, this is pretty great." He hid his face as well as he could in Logan's mess of a bed head.

If he was lucky then him expressing that he liked lazy mornings when they could cuddle together would end up in Logan letting him 'force' him into this more often. And more mornings like these meant more time spent with a sleepy boyfriend.

Logan was undeniably adorable when tired. He seemed to find it easier to be affectionate when he wasn't thinking entirely clearly, and Virgil definitely didn't mind that. He'd never known how deprived he was of affection until regularly receiving it.

"Agreed. This is pleasant. And we both know we need an extra few hours of rest now and then." Logan pointed out, one of his hands lightly patting Virgil's arm.

"Especially you." Virgil said, not thinking it was at all the same when they both stayed up really late and Virgil then slept until lunch time and Logan still woke up at around six. He would preach a lot about selfcare and then not follow any bit of it himself.

"Perhaps." Logan said, looking over at the bedside table to check the time and then reaching out for his glasses. Virgil watched as he put them on, then returned his attention to Virgil and saw how Logan's expression softened as soon as he laid eyes on him again.

"What?" Logan wondered, resting his fingertips against Virgil's jaw and looking up at him with a shadow of a smile that was almost irresistible to not kiss. Maybe Virgil had been just wordlessly looking at him for a bit too long, but could anyone blame him?

"Nothing, I just..." He shook his head slightly, resting his hand on Logan's as he tried to find words that could somehow describe how he was feeling.

"I just- I love you." The words sort of just slipped from his mouth, as if he hadn't at all been struggling to say that very thing for months, at this point.

He would have been offended at this taunt from his mind if he didn't immediately start stressing about what he had said as he watched as Logan's eyes widened ever so slightly.

During the whole two seconds of silence between them Virgil had the time to panic and regret his entire existence, because what if this relationship wasn't as serious as he thought, or what if Logan wasn't ready for that admission yet and now he had made things awkward between them, or any other thing that had been stopping him from telling Logan the extent of his feelings ever since he realized them.

"I love you too, of course I do." Logan then said, as if it was the easiest three words to say in the entire world. Virgil did not have the self control to not lean in and kiss that pretty smile, trying to convey the rest of the feelings that he was near bursting with by pressing their lips together.

Then he abandoned all attempts to try and act somewhat cool about the whole 'I love you' exchange, hiding his warm face into the crook of Logan's neck with no intentions to emerge anytime soon.

An arm wrapped around him and he could feel Logan leave a little kiss to his hair, which did nothing to make him less flustered and he was just lying there smiling and comprehending that he had finally gotten those words out and that Logan loved him too.

Logan leaned his chin on Virgil's head and they stayed wrapped up in each other's arms for a long while, not even Logan seeming that hurried about getting out of bed and properly starting their day. Virgil didn't mind that in the least, there was nowhere else he would rather be.

--

Written: 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th & 30th November & 20th, 21st December 2021 & 10th, 15th, 16, 17th, 18th, 19th, 27th, 29th & 30th January & 10th, 11th &12th February 2022

Published: 30th March 2022

Words: 16729

I think that no matter the dynamic you write logan and virgil having they are also still the two softest dumbasses in the entire universe for each other

i guess im at the chapter limit....this is a whole end of an era (': began writing this book at the very end of 2017 and now it's 2022, damn. it's been a ride yall ): will miss this book!

will keep writing analogical ofc, will just put them in the all ships oneshot book, and keep on the lookout for more events and stuff. will post an analogical au soon i hope

love yall so much <3 some of you have been here for a looong while, either way i appreciate every single one of u. soo much. <3<3