Here's a fic with the very original idea of virgil being anxious

Warning: anxiety, anxiety attack, one mention of blood from when Virgil bites his cheek, briefly mentions previous anxiety attacks, swearing, soft boys uwu

-- 

Going downstairs at one in the morning to look for his notebook that he might have left there yesterday was maybe not what Logan should be doing at that time of the night, but that wasn't stopping him.

At leat not until he almost stumbled over a dark figure sitting curled up on the floor near the stairs, back to the wall and arms around his knees. It didn't take Logan many seconds to realize who it was, but no matter who it'd been the notebook would have had to wait. Clearly.

He carefully kneeled a bit away from him.

"Virgil?" He was almost sure Virgil must have seen or heard him by now, but Virgil flinched when hearing him and gave him a guarded glare.

"Go away." He said after a moment of silence, going back to staring at nothing.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that Virgil. How are you feeling?" Anyone could tell that the answer to that question was not 'well', but Logan had to ask anyway because he was sure that if he began pointing out to Virgil that he could see his hands shake and how stiff his posture was, as if he'd been sitting there for at least an hour without moving, and hear how unsteady his breathing was, well Logan was sure that that would anger him.

"Fine." Virgil said. Logan was almost offended that Virgil thought that lie would work on him. Anyone could see with ease that Virgil was close to an anxiety attack, or already having one.

"I cannot say I know what you're feeling, but-" Logan began, wanting to tell Virgil that he did not believe him when he said he was 'fine'.

"I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that, since you're emotionless." Virgil muttered and Logan took a deep breath, reminded himself that he should not lose his temper now, not let the bitter tone in Virgil's voice make him respond in a similar manner. This was not the time to reveal that that was a lie, anyway.

"Virgil," Logan said calmly, refraining to reach out and touch him even if there's a chance that the touch would be grounding, because as anxious as Virgil was it might make matters worse instead, "Virgil, I know you're anxious and upset, but please do not turn that against me, it won't do either of us any good. Instead, how about you let me help you." 

Virgil was shivering, tightening his arms over his chest defensively and he said nothing. 

"Would you like a blanket?" He asked, and Virgil gave him a tiny nod that he almost didn't see. He stood up and looked around the room, immediately spotting all the blankets they had on the couch, at least one for them all each, and he went over there and grabbed the nearest one, then going back to Virgil and carefully draping the blanket around him. Virgil pulled it tightly around himself. 

"You can leave now." He said, and Logan wondered how Virgil could think that was even an option. 

"I cannot do that, Virgil. I do not want to leave you like this." Really, how could anyone leave before making sure they'd done what they can to help?

"What do you care? Just leave me alone, I can deal with this myself." He said angrily, pulled at his hood until it hid his whole face, curling in on himself further. Logan was quiet for a moment, thinking over if there was any use in trying to convince Virgil of how much he did care for him, but he decided against it. 

"I know you are very capable of dealing with your anxiety, at most times, but tonight it seems very… heightened. I don't want you to simply suffer through it, I want to help you deal with it." Logan could not understand why Virgil was so very against allowing him to help.

"I've been managing it myself just fine all day." Virgil shot back. Logan hoped that didn't mean Virgil had been feeling this way all day. Logan hadn't particularly noticed that Virgil had been this anxious and agitated earlier, but then again he had barely spent any time outside of his room, which made it difficult for any of the others to know Virgil was feeling this way.

"From previous experiences we know that my logical reasoning can provide you with what you need to hear to feel safer in situations like these. If you'd just tell me what it is that has had this effect on you." Logan tried. All he wanted was to be allowed to help, he hated seeing Virgil like this, and despite what Virgil may think it was not only because it affected Thomas. 

"I don't even know, just a bad anxiety day. Or some fucking shit like that." He stubbornly stared at the wall across the room and refused to look anywhere close to Logan.

"You can't help, just go." Virgil continued, but Logan didn't at all like Virgil's short, quickened breaths, and he wasn't going to go anywhere until he knew Virgil wasn't going to begin to hyperventilate at any moment.

"I believe that if you give me a chance I could assist with calming you down." He said. Virgil responded to that with absolute silence, which likely meant that he was busy thinking 'go away' on repeat and trying to ignore Logan. Logan chose to instead think that that meant Virgil wouldn't push him away if he tried to help.

He moved to sit next to Virgil.

"Five things you can see." He asked, watching Virgil writhe his hands together, his foot tapping the floor, quickly but without rhythm. One of the many things that told him that Virgil was further from okay than he tried to pretend by being irritated and angry towards anyone getting too close.

Virgil leaned his head back against the wall, giving Logan a look of dislike that he chose to ignore. Virgil seemed to at least realize he wasn't getting rid of Logan until he got this over with, so he spoke up.

"Tv, you, couch... door, and ceiling." He mumbled, barely audible despite no other sounds disrupting.

"Four things you can feel?" He coaxed and Virgil sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. 

"The, um, the floor. Blanket, my hoodie. Death closing in." 

"Virgil." 

"What do you want from me, four's too many, I-" 

"Okay, that's alright. Three things you can hear?" Logan interrupted before Virgil got too upset and his anxiety worsened. Virgil was quiet for a while, so long that Logan was just about to repeat his question when he spoke up.

"Your breathing. Uh, the tap in the kitchen dripping. The fabric of the blanket dragging against my hoodie when I move." 

"Perfect, now two things you can smell." Logan continued, relieved to note that Virgil's breathing had become calmer,

"You, uh, I mean, your blanket, it smells like you." Virgil dug his fingers into the fabric and it was first now Logan even realized that the blanket he had grabbed was his. Virgil buried his face in his arms. 

"And… sweat, I need to wash my hoodie." He finished, raising his head again.

"One thing you can taste?" Logan finished.

"Blood. I bit my cheek earlier." He said. Virgil slowly and shakily took a deep breath and Logan gave him a few minutes to just breathe before bothering him with any more questions.

"How are you feeling now?" Logan asked. Virgil shrugged, staring at the windows, not looking like he was focusing on anything special.

"Tired." Was all he said for a long time. Logan could only imagine. There had been a few times where Logan felt anxious enough to have what could be called anxiety attacks, very few and not at all as bad as Virgil's. 

Virgil rubbed his eye, slowly stretching his legs out and looking as uncomfortable as someone whose whole body was aching. Virgil was still not looking at him when he spoke again.

"I'm sorry for being so hostile... and I'm sorry for..." He said, seemingly not getting any further and instead shaking his head, either not knowing what to say or changing his mind about what he'd had in mind.

"I just want you to be alright." Logan said, more quietly than he'd thought he would and he hoped Virgil couldn't read all the emotion in his voice that had accidentally come with the words. 

He didn't know what made Virgil do it, if it's the exhaustion or something else, but Virgil leaned his head on Logan's shoulder. Logan was almost relieved that Virgil hadn't responded to what he'd said. But he didn't know what to do with how they were sitting now, or what to think. Virgil had a talent for making him confused, think or feel things he didn't know what to make off.

Logan knew they needed sleep, it was late and at this time of the night even he had usually put away any distractions and went to bed. But he sat still yet and it took several minutes of complete silence between the two of them before he spoke.

"You should get some rest, we both should." Logan finally said.

"Yeah." Virgil mumbled, not sounding entertained by the thought and not making any attempt to stand. Logan had to be the one to stand, after giving himself two more minutes of sitting there with Virgil, he carefully moved from Virgil before standing and he reached his hand out to help him up.

Virgil took it and after a bit of effort, mostly from Logan, he got to his feet. Virgil did not immediately let go of his hand and Logan didn't want to be the first one to step away.

"Hey," Virgil said to get Logan's attention (as if he did not already have it), "I'm sorry for saying you're emotionless. I know you're not."

Logan opened his mouth but didn't get further than that because his brain hadn't decided how to respond. Protest against Virgil's statement? Accept the apology? Logan closed his mouth after deciding neither option felt right. Instead he looked at Virgil for a moment and a half, then gave him a small nod.

What that meant Virgil got to decide for himself, because Logan was not sure.

"I'm glad you didn't leave. I still feel shitty, but it's better and I think I'll even manage to get some sleep now." Virgil continued, then letting go of Logan's hand, taking a step back.

"I'm glad I could help. Now, get some rest." Logan fixed his tie, even if he was soon going to take it off and switch into pajamas.

"You too." Virgil said, then turned and walked up the stairs, Logan's blanket still wrapped around himself, but Logan didn't mind him keeping it for a while.

--

Written: 10th, 11th May 2020
Published: 6th July 2020
Words: 1873

I've got,,,so many reads :D <3

Also hand holding is good stuff, feels weirdly nice