Warnings: virgil with bad mental health, mentions crying, mentions wanting to disappear, hurt/comfort I suppose

I was feeling depressed when I wrote this so I take it out on my boys lol sorry verge

Non au I guess, not really important

--

The sound of someone knocking on his door woke Logan up and after fumbling for his glasses and turning his night light on a quick glance at his clock told him that it's nearing two in the morning. There is really only one person that could be needing him right now and he forces himself to sit up and call out that the door is unlocked.

The door is opened quickly after that and Logan can feel his heart ache at the sight of Virgil, standing there in the doorway and looking lost as if he wasn't sure he should be there at all, his hair a mess and his eyes red as if he had been crying not long ago.

Virgil stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. He looked up at Logan and he did his best to not allow his eyebrow to knit in worry while he waited for Virgil to say something. Virgil shifted the weight on his feet, rubbing his eye and looking away from Logan before speaking. 

"I'm sorry for waking you." He said with a hoarse voice. Logan shook his head, he'd not have Virgil feeling guilty about that.

"I've informed you of this before, but in case you've forgotten, you are always welcome here." Logan said, not entirely sure how to make Virgil actually believe that he found him more important than sleep. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"...Can you please just hold me for a little bit?" And Logan opened up his arms and pulled Virgil in close, and Virgil practically melted, pressing his face into the crook of Logan's neck and sighing deeply. Logan doesn't know what is wrong and Virgil makes no attempt to speak or explain, so Logan left it at that, thinking that whatever it was that had upset Virgil he would find out later, it was not the most important thing right now. 

"I've got you." He said, standing there and simply embracing him until Virgil eventually decided that he'd gotten the amount of stability that he needed at that moment.

"Thanks." He said quietly and pulled back a little bit.

"We need some rest, love." Logan said and Virgil grunted a little. Logan chose to take that noise as an agreement and Virgil didn't try to fight against it when Logan led him towards his bed. They laid down together, Logan pulling his covers over them both. He took his glasses off, putting them on his nightstand before fully lying down next to Virgil who was just looking at him.

Logan wished he knew exactly what to do to make Virgil feel better, but sadly he wasn't the best at comforting others, he never knew what to say.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm just so… I'm so tired, Logan. I'm so fucking tired." Virgil mumbled, closing his eyes. Logan did not want to acknowledge that Virgil was not only talking about physical exhaustion, but it was painfully obvious at this moment. He reached out and brushed Virgil's fringe out of his eyes, kissing his forehead. 

"I know." 

Logan couldn't exactly understand how Virgil was feeling, or why (of course he had an extensive knowledge about anxiety and depression in theory, but he had no personal experience to go from), but he figured that that wasn't the most important thing. 

Even Virgil had said to him that he 'don’t need people to understand exactly what was going on in his head' and what he really wanted was to 'just have someone who would simply be there' and wouldn't 'demand happiness' from him.

Logan could do that.

It wasn't logical to expect anyone to always feel fine. Sadly the 'bad' emotions needed to be felt too, even if they all had trouble accepting that (and Logan himself had had trouble accepting that he felt at all, but he was improving).

"Music?" Virgil asked quietly, having conjured up his phone out of nowhere, spotify opened up already. Logan nodded with a slight, hopefully reassuring, smile. Since he and Virgil became romantic partners and started to occasionally share a bed he'd learnt that sometimes, especially on bad nights, music helped Virgil fall asleep. It didn't hinder Logan's sleep much so of course he didn't mind.

Virgil pressed play on the playlist, then lowering the sound on his phone before putting it beneath his pillow. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath.

"Like, I know this is just temporary and I'll feel better tomorrow and whatever, but that thought really doesn't matter, somehow. It's irrelevant to me right now, plus I know that I'll end up feeling this shit again too, so… I don't know, I just wish I could disappear sometimes, but I can't and it sucks and I don't know what to do with myself." He said, drawing a shaky breath and stubbornly wiping away new tears falling from his eyes.

"But whatever, I just want to sleep, I can't deal with me right now. But I can't stop thinking and that keeps me from falling asleep but, fuck, I need sleep." Virgil said, which was definitely true, he looked exhausted and Logan didn't doubt Virgil had had a tiring evening. He wished Virgil would've come to him sooner.

"Yes, but try to get some rest, starshine, you do indeed need it," He said and Virgil hummed, taking Logan's hand between his both, not looking particularly hopeful.

"I love you, do not forget that." Logan reminded him, aware that some times a simple reminder as such could greatly dampen his anxiety or bad mood.

"I love you too." Virgil said and after that they settled into a somewhat comfortable silence, however comfortable a silence could be when Logan knew his boyfriend was feeling far from okay and that he could not really do anything to help except stay with him during trying times as these.

It did take a while until Virgil finally fell asleep, but the music and having Logan there seemed to help. Logan was soon to follow, hoping for a better day for his boyfriend tomorrow.

--

Written: 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th March & 16th & 17th April 2020
Published: 4th June 2020
Words: 1099

Happy pride month :D

Been sick for like a week :/ but am better now

Got summer break today :D