Warnings: deceit being annoying, secret being revealed

Based off this tumblr post

Tho I changed goth to emo

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"So what's the big deal about people's dreams?" Logan asked, talking over Roman and Patton's pointless blabbering. What Thomas did not need was to only focus on his dreams, he needed to focus more on his work. Deceit turned to him and smiled, and Logan didn't at all like the way he was being looked at.

"Asked the logical boy who dreams of the emo boy." He said, as if he was narrating a story, voice not raised but based of how every other voice in the room quieted and he saw how all the others turned to stare at him he was fairly convinced that everyone had heard. Fuck.

Should he try to convince the others that this was yet another one of the lies that Deceit told? Logan did not think he could fool the others, the others had became much better at figuring out when they were being lied to lately.

"Oh, man... that was... private." Logan breathed, one hand reaching up to fix his glasses and the other grabbing the handrail to the stairs. He was feeling weirdly... calm? That might not be the right word.

He'd always imagined that if the secret would come out he would be feeling completely exposed, that the world around him would begin to dissolve, that he would panic.

But Logan mainly feels tired. Tired of the fact that he has no control over even his darkest secret, something that had never been spoken, never written down even in a diary. The fact that he felt those kind of feelings, that he felt them for Virgil, these are realizations and thoughts that has never left his mind.

"How could you possibly know that? I have never told anyone, I have not spoken about them even to an empty room, not even written it anywhere." He said, doing his best to forget the fact that everyone was still staring at him, but if he kept his eyes on Deceit maybe he could pretend it was only the two of them. That everyone did not hear everything that was being said.

"Oh, Logan, you lie so confidently to yourself, how can I not notice when the lies are so persistent and denied so forcefully?" Deceit spoke almost softly, but lips curling into a smile that could not be described kindly. Logan turned away from him. And all the others were still looking at him.

Logan closed his eyes, inhaling slowly, exhaling slowly, opening his eyes again.

"I suppose this is my cue to leave." He said, voice far more steady than it had reason to be, and he sent Virgil a quick glance, feeling that ever so persistent flutter in his chest at the sight of him, and he averted his eyes before even a second had passed and then he'd already sunk out of the room and into his own.

He found himself standing in the middle of his room, and a small sigh escaped him as he ran a hand through his hair, loosening his tie and letting it drop to the floor.

Right.

His biggest secret was out in the open.

The one thing he had spent months worrying what would happen if anyone ever found out.

Over and over when finding himself thinking of Virgil and telling himself, no, failing at convincing himself that these feelings were not significant, that they'd go away soon, that it was fine because no one would ever know what Logan was thinking in the back of his mind or in the late nights when he found himself lying awake, and what scenarios played in his mind at those times and even as he was asleep.

And Deceit had told them all as if it was nothing.

Logan should be feeling more upset. Actually, Logan wasn't sure what he was feeling. Was this normal? Should he not be freaking out?

Surely this would be brought up by the other sides when he saw them next, perhaps Virgil himself would even come looking for him now, or another of the sides. They would likely want to make sure Logan was alright. Was he? It was hard to say.

Logan sat down on his bed, crossing his arms, uncrossing them. Was there a certain way he was supposed to react? Logan wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself at the moment. He laid down on his back and stared up at the glow in the dark stars that had been put up so many years ago that he never really noticed them anymore.

He should definitely be more freaked out, but it's almost (almost) a relief to no longer be hiding it and worrying that someone would somehow find out.

The worst had already happened so what had he to fear now?

A knock on Logan's door and Virgil's voice asking if he was allowed inside answered that question, because it felt as if his heart was startled enough to forget to beat a couple of times, and Logan sat up quickly. His hands smoothed down his shirt, tried to fix his hair to look less of a mess. He had no idea what he looked like.

"Yes, of course, Virgil. Come inside." He said, because what else was he supposed to do? Pretend he wasn't there? Lock himself in his room and avoid the others for as long as possible? No, he might as well get it over with.

The door was pushed open, and Logan watched as Virgil stepped inside and closed the door behind himself before as much as looking up at Logan, and once he did they ended up simply looking at each other, Virgil's hands fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie that had slipped down over them, and Virgil sighed softly.

"Look, I didn't really plan what to say or anything before coming here but, um, are you okay?" Virgil asked, and Logan almost smiled because of the fact that Virgil cared enough to first make sure he was alright before asking about what had been said.

"Yes, at least I think so. I seem to be far less panicked than I had anticipated myself to be if anyone ever found out." Logan shrugged and Virgil finally moved, advancing towards him until he was standing by where Logan was sitting. He sat down next to Logan, carefully, not too close, and then they were back to being silent, Logan not being able to think of anything to say.

Was there really anything to say? It was not as if he could explain himself because there was nothing to explain, he was in love with Virgil, had been for months, and that was all there was to it, and Deceit had already revealed what Logan felt. Perhaps he should defend himself, but from what? No, it was for the best to simply stay quiet and let Virgil speak, because if he'd only came to make sure that Logan was okay then he would not have stayed after Logan had said he was, so clearly he had something more to say.

"So..." Virgil said, confirming his guess, and Logan dared to turn towards him, letting himself really look at him like he hadn't dared to since he realized his feelings for his fellow side, scared his feelings would be detectable somehow. That was clearly not something he needed to be concerned about anymore.

"So?" Logan echoed, and Virgil met his eyes. Logan briefly wondered if sheer eye contact should really be enough to have him feeling that fluttering feeling in his chest.

"Was Deceit, um, telling the truth? I mean, clearly he was but I have to ask anyway because what if he wasn't..." Virgil said, looking down into his lap, hands clasped together tightly. Logan wasn't sure what Virgil hoped his answer to the question was going to be, but he was sick of pretending like it wasn't true, he might as well say it, it was not going to ruin anything that Deceit hadn't already.

"I'm in love with you, Virgil."

Such normal words, put together into such a foreign sentence, it almost felt weird to say. Maybe because he'd been spending so much time telling himself the opposite. Maybe because it was the first time during his existence that he'd said those precise words stringed together into that precise sentence.

Logan let out a small, breathless laugh and he averted his eyes from Virgil and he found himself with his gaze fixed on his own hands which were tightly holding on to one another and placed in lap. And even if partly terrifying to say there was also such a strange sense of relief from saying it out loud, to Virgil himself. "I am so in love with you, and I don't even know how it happened."

"Oh... How long- um, how long have you...?" Virgil stumbled over his words, fingers pulling at his sleeves, but he kept his eyes on Logan even though he looked as if he found it frightening to ask questions.

"Months." Logan said vaguely, not really thinking the exact time was very important, and neither did he know when he really started to feel this way about Virgil. At first he hadn't even realized, and then he had been denying it all he could, but then the feelings had got stronger and harder to ignore.

"Closer to a year than not, let's just leave it at that." Logan elaborated when seeing Virgil glancing at him. He disliked admitting how long ago it really was that he'd fallen for Virgil, but if Virgil for some reason would feel better knowing, then Logan wasn't going to keep it to himself he supposed.

Logan moved himself backwards onto his bed, pulling his legs up and turning towards Virgil sitting cross-legged on his bed. Sitting next to each other and stealing glances now and then was fine and all, but face to face was preferable in Logan's opinion, and thankfully Virgil mirrored how he was sat.

Logan slightly awkwardly shifted where he was sat. He really got the feeling that either of them should say anything, but Logan couldn't think of anything. What was there even left to be said?

Had he not already unwillingly revealed everything? All that was important was known and Logan didn't have anything else needed to be said. But Virgil must be wanting to say something more. If Virgil had gotten all the answers he was looking for then he would have left, but he had stayed and he had sat down on Logan's bed with him and they were sitting quite close together.

Had either of them shuffled closer? Logan swore that they neither had been leaning in this much from the moment they sat either.

Logan dared meeting Virgil's eyes, a darker shade of brown than his own. One of all these small details that made Virgil so beautiful.

Logan pushed that thought away and watched how Virgil's eyes trailed down, then flicking back up and meeting Logan's again. He wasn't entirely sure how to think of that and instead he noted the faint pink color on Virgil's cheeks and ears.

"Can I..?" Virgil started, not getting any further than that but his eyes momentarily flicked down again and Logan didn't think it was actually necessary for him to finish his sentence.

"Please." Logan murmured and Virgil didn't waste any time before carefully pressing his lips to Logan's, though very briefly, Virgil was soon pulling back, but that short kiss had definitely been enough to have Logan's heart beating about twice as fast as normal and he doubted that he'd ever be able to forget how Virgil's lips felt like against his own.

Their eyes met for a second, and Logan can't tell if it was he or Virgil or both of them that pulled the other back close, but they're kissing again and Logan can't honestly say he was able to focus on anything else. No, all he was able to keep his thoughts on was Virgil's hands twisted in the material of his shirt, Virgil's lips on his, Virgil's tongue brushing against Logan's lower lip and willing his lips to part, Virgil.

After those numb minutes since Deceit had revealed what Logan had hidden for so long his feelings for Virgil felt more vibrant than ever before, not that he understood why, maybe it was simply because of the fact that they were both gripping to each other and kissing as if their lives depended on it.

Virgil's hands ran down his back slowly, fingers brushing against his lower back where his shirt had ridden up, and Logan hadn't been prepared for the contact and he gasped against Virgil's lips, breaking the kiss, and he wondered how in the name of everything that was sane how Virgil's mere touch against his bare skin was that overwhelming.

Logan could tell their mouths were still less than an inch apart, he could feel Virgil's warm breath fanning his lips because to be fair them both were breathing harshly and neither of them seemingly being able to pull away completely from the other.

Logan would perhaps be needing another few moments to regain the ability of actually thinking coherently as his mind was still reeling with the fact that they had kissed, that Virgil still had his arms around him, hands pressed to his back, and how Logan still was gripping to Virgil's waist.

Maybe Logan should let go of him, maybe he should open his eyes, maybe he should say something. Virgil carefully untangled himself from Logan, and he finally willed his eyes to open. He didn't want to seem completely at a loss for words from only a minute or two of kissing.

Virgil's eyes met his and he was sent a small smile that radiated nervousness, and all Logan wanted was to kiss him again but he supposed they should talk about all this, even if that sounded horrid. But he didn't want Virgil being nervous, so he better get something out soon.

"I- I, um... give me a minute." Logan stuttered, scratching his arm and looking anywhere but Virgil, at least until Virgil laughed, quiet and breathlessly, then Logan couldn't help himself.

Logan ran a hand through his hair, most likely messing it up but that thought did not become him right now, there were more important things at hand.

"Did that... mean something, or should I go back to assuming my feelings are unrequited?" He finally said as his mind calmed enough to actually form a full sentence.

Virgil bit his lower lip, raising his brows, eyes burrowing into Logan's.

"That definitely meant something. I'm not cruel enough to go around kissing you like that just for the fun of it." Virgil said, averting his eyes again and Logan reached out and took one of Virgil's hands in his.

"Of course, I apologize. That was not what I meant to insinuate." He said, squeezing Virgil's hand lightly, and Virgil smiled.

"I know, it's fine, I would've asked too. Just to make sure, I get it." Virgil entwined his fingers with Logan's, and Logan stared down at their clasped together hands. Everything that had happened since Virgil stepped inside of his room was making Logan feel all sorts of emotions that he would normally be pretending that he was not able to feel.

"Am I correct in assuming that you do indeed, uh, feel similarly towards me as I do for you then?" Logan said, somehow maintaining a steady voice throughout speaking the whole sentence even though he felt as if his very core was trembling.

"Of course I do." Virgil mumbled, and they both shyly glanced back up at the other, Logan could not help the smile and the giddy feeling in his chest. He exhaled a shaky breath, feeling tension leave his shoulders as he attempted to entirely fathom the events that had occurred today.

"I suppose the next logical step is asking you if you'd perhaps consider becoming my romantic partner, right?" Logan said, raising his free hand and pushing his glasses up, but the nervous habit did not give much relief.

"If you're asking me to become your boyfriend..." Virgil began, sounding mildly doubtful of if he'd understood Logan correctly and Logan nodded, "yeah, then yes. Of course yes."

Logan tried not to become a flustered mess at the realization that with that Virgil was his boyfriend. Just like that.

"Can I kiss you again?" Logan asked, not daring to assume that just because they'd been kissing a little while ago it was still okay. That's not how consent worked.

"Yes." Virgil leaned in half the way, Logan leaning in the rest and placing a hand on the nape of Virgil's neck, kissing him softly and carefully, attempting to convey his many and overwhelming feelings through the kiss.

They parted again and Logan was most definitely smiling like a fool in love, but to be fair that was perhaps a quite accurate description. He leaned back a bit, still holding onto Virgil's hand. He would rather be kissing Virgil more, but he had questions.

"What- what happened after I left?" Logan asked, slightly curious and slightly scared. He supposed the others would have found it very interesting to find out that Logan had feelings, but he didn't exactly like the thought of the others speaking about it.

"Oh, you should've seen Patton, he just turned to Deceit and started scolding him as if he was a child who'd done something very bad. Gave him a whole speech about respecting others' privacy. I mean I only stayed for a few minutes, but it was kinda funny to see." Virgil said and hid his grin by ducking his head, and even that was enough to steal Logan's breath away.

"That's good, I think. Um, would it be possible for us to stay in my room for a while today?" Logan said, feeling quite uneasy to leave. Even if the others wouldn't intentionally make him uncomfortable or ask too much he knew they'd be very interested by the fact that despite his claims Logan felt a great deal of emotions.

"Oh, yes, please. The others will be dying to find out what we've been talking about and, uh, yeah. No thanks." Virgil said.

"So, talk a bit more or what?" Virgil added, Logan giving him a small nod. They probably should talk more about this, about them. And Logan was quite curious to find out how long Virgil had been feeling this was for him.

--

Written: 16th, 17th, 18th & 19th August 2019
Published: 12th October 2019
Words: 3172

This was so fun to write, I hope you liked it

Sadly we can't go to that trans store this weekend, but hopefully some weekend soon

Also can school pls let me live? I am very small and very tired