I just love parental analogical a lot okay

Human au

Warnings: tears, frustration, self doubt, insecurities

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Virgil was lounging on the couch, lazily staring at the tv screen which isn't even playing a show and only displaying the Netflix page. He hasn't been able to decide on what to watch anyway, and he wanted his husband to come join him, and they of course can't watch something that would terrify a two year old.

But before Virgil can think any more about what to watch there was a loud, angry toddler scream coming from the kitchen, and Virgil winced. He heard how Logan tried to shush him at first, offering him his pacifier, then bribing him with a cookie for his silence when that didn't help, and nothing that he tried seemed to work.

Not begging either, and it had been a few minutes and their son was still crying loud and angry and Virgil decided that it was time to intervene, see if maybe he could help, or at least give Logan a break from the frustrating situation of a toddler who refused to calm.

He forced himself up from the couch, entering the kitchen where he finds a distressed two year old sitting in his baby chair by the table, an upside down bowl of baby food in front of him, and leaning against the kitchen counter is his husband, helplessly staring at their son.

Their eyes meet, only for a few seconds, and Virgil couldn't exactly read Logan's expression, and Logan turned away before Virgil could even try figuring out Logan's current feelings. Logan walked straight out of the room, and a few moments later Virgil heard the front door shut, hard.

He didn't blame Logan for leaving. There had been once or twice when Virgil had been too overwhelmed with Patton's screaming to stand it, having to leave the room or step outdoors for a moment to breathe and calm down. Plus the infinite amount of times he'd have to escape a situation at other points in life.

No, Virgil understood Logan fully, and all he wanted was to run after him to make sure he was doing alright, but he had a screaming two year old to calm down first, Logan would sadly have to wait.

"Hey buddy, upset are we?" Virgil said softly, grabbing one of Patton's pacifiers that he luckily found nearby, and he stood next to Patton, sighing at the sight of him with tears and snot running down his face, not to mention the fact that he had baby food smeared all around his mouth.

Virgil grabbed a paper towel from the roll on the kitchen table and did his best to wipe Patton's face clean, which was difficult as the toddler tried to avoid his touch completely, much more interested in loudly wailing.

When Virgil deemed Patton clean enough he lifted him up from where he was sat in his chair, trying to check if there was something obvious what would have made Patton upset. He didn't need a diaper change, it surely wasn't hunger since he'd just been having dinner. Possibly he was overly tired, or just upset about something that Virgil couldn't figure out.

He stuck the pacifier in Patton's mouth which at least had him crying at a lower volume, which Virgil's ears were very grateful for, and then he carried the toddler into the living room where he found first best children's show which he pressed play on, and he held Patton so he could see the screen, and luckily for them all Patton seemed to find the show distracting enough to forget what he had become upset over.

Virgil had figured out early on that the best way to calm a toddler from a tantrum was to just distract them, they easily forgot why they had been crying.

Virgil put Patton down on the floor in front of the tv (he was scared that if he let him sit on the couch he'd fall down from it when Virgil wasn't there), making sure he was entertained and wouldn't be wandering off as soon as Virgil turned his back to him.

And then he hurried out after Logan, finding him sitting on the porch right outside the door, on the steps down to the lawn, head in his hands and he didn't look up when Virgil closed the door behind himself.

He sat down next to Logan and put a hand on his shoulder, Logan finally looked up, and it hurt Virgil's heart to see that his husband wasn't frustrated and annoyed, but clearly upset, hurt even. Virgil always hated seeing Logan cry, and there were definite tears rolling down his face and he sniffled.

Logan wiped at his eyes with his hands, not doing much good, and Virgil dug up a paper towel from his pocket (always having those on him now when he was the parent of a two year old). He handed it to Logan who simply held it in his hands at first, not seeming to find it worth it to dry the tears yet as they kept coming.

Virgil leaned closer, wrapping an arm around Logan and pulling him closer so he was practically leaning against his chest. Logan sighed deeply, and they sat in silence for a while, Virgil giving Logan time to collect himself and take a few proper breaths before urging him on to speak.

"Logan, starshine, please talk to me?" He murmured, pressing his lips to the top of his husbands head and letting his free hand loosely grasp one of Logan's. The response was a grunt that could mean anything and then more silence for a moment before Logan actually spoke up.

"How do you do it?" Logan asked quietly, voice far from as steady as it usually was. He dried his eyes and cheeks with the paper towel, then crumbling it up in his hand.

"Do what?" Virgil wondered, not entirely sure what Logan was asking about even though he could make a general guess of the topic. Logan sighed again, squirming a bit before elaborating.

"Calm him down. It seems so easy for you, me he never listens to." Logan said, and Virgil wasn't entirely sure what to answer, because all the ways of calming a tantrum throwing toddler down he knew Logan was already aware of.

"Stop trying to make him listen, he's two years old and isn't screaming to annoy us, he's screaming because he's too young to communicate in another way that he's overly tired or hungry or frustrated or uncomfortable in a situation. And the only reason I know all this is because you've told me about it, Logan. Please don't stress about it love, you're doing your best." Virgil said, knowing that his answer probably wasn't what Logan wanted.

And as a confirmation Logan yet again sat in a silence for a few long moments.

"Still, he... I can't do it, and there are times I wonder if becoming parents was even a wise decision. What if it was too soon, what if I'm not ready? It makes me feel like a horrible person to have those thoughts because I love Patton so much, but I can't help noticing that I am not doing as well as I had hoped I would, and what if I'll never be a good father?" Logan said after a while, stubbornly staring down at his lap and wiping his eyes with the crumpled up paper towel.

Virgil handed him a new one and pressed a kiss to his temple, wishing that he could magically erase any doubt from Logan's mind, wishing that Logan could see himself from Virgil's eyes because then he would know how Virgil had ever only proudly admired Logan for being so good with Patton for the five months they have been his fathers.

"Lo, I get your concerns, I really do, and I have to admit I feel the same at times, because being a parent is definitely more challenging than I thought it would be, but please listen to me now. You're not a bad father. In fact, I think you're an amazing father, and I'm not just saying that." Virgil said softly, hand running through his husbands hair and he decided he'd need to elaborate, because Logan neither agreed or disagreed, he stayed quiet and Virgil would not stop speaking until he knew Logan wasn't doubting himself.

"Patton asks, like, billions of weird questions every day and you answer every single one truthfully and patiently, and he really listens to you. And you listen to all of his jokes and laugh at them even though you hate most jokes and they're not even funny since he's two years old, don't have a very extensive vocabulary, barely speaks in full sentences, and is still figuring out what really makes a joke funny." Virgil said, and Logan made a small acknowledging sound.

"I often don't know what he's saying but he keeps laughing at his own jokes and it's so endearing, I can't not encourage him." Logan mumbled.

"See, this is what I'm talking about. You are so thoughtful and considerate, always doing everything you can." Virgil said, smiling.

"You always get him to daycare on time, and you're never late picking him up after work. You make sure that Patton eats his greens, I haven't got a clue how you make him eat carrots because he's told me he hates them and every time I try to get him to eat some he spits them out." Virgil said, sighing a bit at the memories. He'd given up on trying to feed Patton carrots.

"I can go on, Logan, we could sit here for hours while I count up all the things you do that makes you an incredible father, but Patton is alone inside and we should probably get back to make sure he isn't doing something he shouldn't." Virgil said. Logan nodded, sniffling and pushing himself away from Virgil's hold.

"Yeah, lets go inside." He said and stood up, offering a hand and helping Virgil up, and once on his feet he pulled Logan in for a proper, though quick, hug. He pressed a kiss to Logan's cheek before letting go of him.

"I assure you I am adding more to this tonight when we have a bit of time to ourselves because, Lo, I won't have you thinking this way. Okay? Now take a moment to breathe, love." Virgil said, Logan nodding and closing his eyes where he stood, leaning into Virgil's touch as he reached out to brush away Logan's hair from his forehead.

"Okay, I'm good, I'm fine." Logan said a moment later, taking Virgil's hand that he offered and together they entered their house again, finding Patton exactly where Virgil had left him, all his attention still on what was going on in the show he was watching.

He and Logan sat down on the couch together, Logan tiredly leaning his head on Virgil's shoulder and playing with Virgil's fingers as they both watched whatever show it was that Virgil had started playing for Patton. It was strangely entertaining for something that also entertained a two year old.

Virgil glanced at Logan now and then, every time relieved to see Logan calm and okay. They'll be talking more about this tonight, Virgil is going to spend however much time it will take to convince Logan of how amazing he is doing, and they will talk more about their fears, because it is clear that they both have fears and worries, and those are best addressed and out in the open.

Virgil saw how Patton stood up, following him with his eyes as he waddled up to the two of them, stopping in front of Logan and staring at him for a good ten seconds before reaching his arms up towards him, making grabby hands. Virgil doesn't have to see Logan's face to know that he's smiling as he lifts Patton up into his lap, kissing his cheeks which makes Patton giggle and almost drop the pacifier.

Virgil looked at his husband and son fondly, their smiling faces most likely the only thing he needed to be happy in this world.

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Written: 16th August 2019
Published: 7th October
Words: 2114

Communication is key babey

Anyway

I think me and a group of friends are going to secretly go to another city to visit the only store in sweden that sells trans things this weekend lmao

I'm mostly going as moral support but hell yeah I'm gonna try on a binder cuz tits only makes clothes look wrong hahah