Summary: sitting by the edge of a forest and looking up at all the stars in the sky logan finally addresses those feelings that's been between him and virgil for so long.

Warnings: hints and mentions of homophobia, past internalized homophobia, a generally sad and soft vibe over this fic

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Logan was lying in the grass, not warm enough to be completely comfortable but not cold enough to actually do anything about it. It had been a stressful week and it was finally Saturday. Luckily it was even a clear night, Logan couldn’t see a single cloud in the sky.

The air always felt so much cleaner here than it did in town. Logan knew that wasn't too true, but it was still easier to breathe when lying here.

One day he was going to buy a telescope and come here on a clear night and take a closer look at the stars, hopefully he could bring Virgil too. There was a lot of 'hopefully' when Logan thought of the future.

Logan heard steps in the grass, no doubt coming towards him, and he sat up quickly, turning around just in case. Of course it was Virgil, no one else ever came here as far as Logan knew.

"I was just thinking that I should text you and see if you were still awake." Logan said as Virgil sat down next to him. "Why are you still awake though?"

"Dunno, could ask you the same." Virgil said with a small shrug. He stared up at the sky, an almost unnoticeable smile on his face. Logan could see how Virgil relaxed, his shoulders dropped and he was breathing calmly. Virgil was usually able to relax here, and so was Logan. Especially if it was late at night and the sky was clear.

'Here' was a field that stretched out far away, surrounded by forest. They were sitting by the edge of the trees, far enough out onto the field not to have the sky above them covered by the branches and leaves from the trees. They had found it around the age of ten when playing in the forest and it was perfect since they seemed to be the only two to ever go there.

After all, it took half an hour to walk through the forest to get there, mo one else seemed to spend that much time in the forests around the town.

Logan observed Virgil rather than the stars now, eyes searching his face as if he hadn't really seen him before. Which Logan definitely had. He knew every detail about Virgil's face and probably his body too since they had close to always been friends and not very shy around one another.

"So, I went to your house and your mom said you were at work, so I figured you were here as you don't have work at ten in the evening on Saturdays." Virgil said with a snort.

"Luckily at least my mother believes me. Though can you blame me for lying? How else would my parents let me be out at this time? I needed to get out of the house and saying that my boss had asked me to work an extra day this week was the best excuse I could think of." Logan said, eyes following a shooting star that disappeared after a millisecond, leaving Logan wondering if he'd imagined it. It didn’t matter though. Logan couldn't decide what to wish for anyway.

"Yeah. I get it. I just told my parents I’m staying at your place tonight." Virgil said. Logan supposed that neither of them especially enjoyed being at home, even if their parents did love them. Or at least they loved who they thought they were.

Logan had quite early on figured out that his parents loved their idea of who their son was, and therefore there were many things they would never know about him. Logan knew Virgil's parents were the same.

"Would it be indecent of me to say that I've formed a strong attachment towards you?" Logan said, eyes still fixed on the millions of stars up above them. There was no use in not speaking of this, he'd decided that a while ago. It's not like it was a secret.

He could see Virgil shift in the corner of his eye as he waited for a response. He didn't fear what Virgil would say very much. He was sure both of them knew of how they felt. It was just nothing either of them had acted on until now. Logan just did not want all of this to go unsaid any longer.

"No, of course not. We've been friends almost forever." Virgil said. Logan could feel Virgil's gaze on him, but he didn't meet it. Logan wasn't sure if Virgil was pretending not to know what he was speaking about, not actually knowing what he was speaking about, or just being sarcastic. Knowing Virgil it could be either one of those three options.

"Yes but, you know, the feelings I am speaking of are of the romantic kind. The ones we never mention.” Logan clarified.

"Oh." Virgil breathed out. He didn't seem surprised, not really. Possibly surprised that Logan was actually outright speaking of these feelings, but not surprised that Logan had them. "Those. Yeah, generally it's been easier not to think too much about those."

"Would you say it is wrong of me to have fallen for you? I'd hate to ruin anything, but I cannot see how it would be bad to tell you that I quite adore everything about you." Logan said.

He turned his head and actually looked at Virgil. If it hadn't been so dark outside perhaps Logan would've been able to be certain if Virgil had a slight blush on his cheeks, but it might as well be his eyes tricking him.

"No. No, I wouldn't say that's wrong of you. Everyone else might think so, but I don't care. I never have, you know that." Virgil said, his voice and the slight breeze rustling the leaves in the trees and the high grass around them being the only sounds to be heard. Logan felt the tips of Virgil's fingers graze against the back of his hand. He turned the palm of his hand up and their finger entwined tightly.

Logan let out a breath that he hadn't been aware that he was holding at the comforting gesture. He let his eyes once again focus on the never ending glimpses of lights that brightly shone from thousands of millions of miles away.

"People won't like this." Virgil said quietly, Logan could detect the slightest bit of bitterness in his voice. Logan did know that, had been thinking of that ever since he had started realizing just what kind of feelings were forming for his best friend. Logan gave Virgil a nod.

"Of course not. It is the main reason why I, and probably you too, have hesitated to tell you for this long. But we are eighteen, we won't have to stay in this town for much longer." Logan didn't know how to feel about that fact. For sure they would not stay there for many more years. He and Virgil had been talking about moving far away since they were kids.

It's not like either of them had had many friends, or even people who were nice towards them. Virgil and Logan had never really tried to make any other friends, and they didn't like sports, and they didn't like talking about girls. That's about as weird you can get in the eyes of the other students in their school and therefore they'd always been seen as strange. Not to mention people had told Logan and Virgil they were too close all their lives.

"Do you remember the night after the school dance two years ago?" Logan asked and heard a small chuckled fall from Virgil's lips.

"I'm offended that you have to ask. Of course I remember. We went alone since two guys can't even go together as friends, and we didn't stay very long since it wasn't much fun to do. Then you brought me here after it had gone dark outside and we danced to the music playing on that little radio of yours. I can clearly remember how bright the moon were, we didn't trip once even if we're both awful at dancing." Virgil said with the small soft smile that always seemed to be reserved only for Logan.

"I was really close to kissing you that night." Logan admitted. He still had strong memories of how he had felt that evening, with his heart beating rapidly as they danced together and laughed any time either of them had done it wrong, and the constant thought of how handsome Virgil had looked in his black jeans and purple button up. That night had been a real test on Logan's self restraint not to tug Virgil closer and kiss him.

"That thought did cross my mind several times that night too. I was just too much of a coward to act on it." Virgil said.

"Clearly so was I." Logan said, grinning. Virgil turned to Logan, staring at him until Logan met his eyes.

"If this is your way to try and ask me if you can kiss me, then just know the answer is yes." Virgil said, and Logan now knew that Virgil was definitely flustered. If it was because of how close they suddenly were or if his blush had darkened enough to actually be visible Logan wasn't sure of. It didn't matter.

"You know me too well." Logan said, seeing Virgil roll his eyes. Before his friend had any chance of telling him that 'of course I know you well, we've been best friends practically since birth' Logan leaned in and pressed a kiss to Virgil's lips. It wasn't particularly special, nor was it passionate or lasted very long.

That didn't matter either, it was something Logan had wanted to do since many years back and it was perfect for them, and Virgil was smiling so very brightly when they had both pulled back and opened their eyes again.

Logan placed his free hand on Virgil's shoulder, squeezing it slightly. Virgil had somehow placed his other hand on the nape of Logan's neck without him even noticing, and now he was pulling Logan closer and kissing him again.

Logan had been right those times when imagining what it would be like to be kissed by Virgil, because of course he had not been able to keep those kind of thoughts out of his head, he'd been wondering and daydreaming of this moment since he was fifteen. Or maybe even younger.

Virgil's lips were soft, even if slightly chapped, and Logan got the feeling Virgil felt at least a little confident at the moment. At least Logan couldn't notice any sign of nervousness, and Logan always knew if Virgil was feeling nervous or anxious.

This kiss lasted longer simply because neither of them wanted to pull away nor let go of the other. Logan had waited way too long to kiss Virgil and he didn't want to waste the opportunity he now had, and clearly Virgil felt the same way.

They parted way too soon for Logan's liking, but he supposed that since the both of them had finally stopped pretending they weren't in love he would have many opportunities to kiss Virgil for the rest of his life, as long as no one found out about them before they lived somewhere safe for people like them.

"We should've done this years ago." Virgil said, and Logan didn't know if he was just imagining things or if he could really see the stars reflect in Virgil's eyes.

"Perhaps we weren't ready. Perhaps it was for the best that we both decided not to deal with these feelings until now. After all, if anyone finds out we will not be receiving much support from anywhere." Logan said. He had no doubt in his mind that they had both known of the feelings they held for each other for god knows how long.

"What made you decide that we are ready now?" Virgil said, leaning against Logan and putting his head on his shoulder. Logan looked down at their clasped together hands.

"I'm not quite sure. Perhaps I am just tired of pretending that we aren't in love? After a few years it gets tiring and I can no longer bring myself to care for what everyone else in this godforsaken town will say if they found out about us." Logan stared across the field, at the forest at the other side, feeling an almost overwhelming urge to drag Virgil with him and walk far, far away without looking back.

"Yeah. Me too. I had actually decided on just asking you out soon because, fuck it. I'm tired of everyone who lives in this dump. I'd stop going to church if I didn't think it'd make my mom have a heart attack and that she’d then force me to read the whole bible. But man I'm just so tired of listening to that homophobic priest." Virgil whined.

Not that Logan could judge him. His parents forced him to the same church and he had to listen to the same tiring hateful words.

"We can leave though. Soon." Logan said. He'd saved up all the money he could get, and he knew that so had Virgil. Just for the chance of leaving this town and starting a new life far away as soon as possible.

"God I hope so." Virgil mumbled, suffocating a yawn. "It'd be nice, you know, to be able to hold hands when walking through town. Or something like that. Though I've always kind of wanted to do so here too."

"Why's that?" Logan asked, curious to hear Virgil's reasoning. The last thing Logan wanted to do was display any affection towards Virgil when anyone could see them.

"Well, wouldn't it be interesting to see if half the town would actually show up outside our houses with pitchforks and torches?" Virgil said.

"Sure, would be hilarious until they lit your home on fire." Logan said sarcastically, making Virgil laugh.

"I suppose so." Virgil said. Apparently neither of them knew what to say after that because they both fell silent. Logan didn't mind, there was never an uncomfortable silence between him and Virgil, and he enjoyed the moments of silence where they both looked up at the stars.

Logan couldn't help but feel comforted by the vastness of space. It made him feel small, and that his existence was utterly unimportant to the universe around them, which somehow made him feel that whatever problem he was currently dealing with wasn't going to be the end of the world nor his own life.

"Hey, know that I quite adore you too." Virgil said with a grin, apparently deciding that there had been enough of silence. Logan rolled his eyes fondly. Of course he knew that, had known it long before they had finally kissed.

"Yes, I know. I suspect we might've gotten together at fourteen if it wasn't for the overwhelming fear that anyone would find out we weren't straight and how we've been taught since we were young enough to understand adults that liking someone of the same gender was a sin and not actual romantic feelings, making us believe that these feelings shouldn't be acknowledged, thought of, or ever acted on in any way." Logan said, maybe having gotten too serious.

"Rude. I’ve liked you since I was like twelve, not fourteen." Virgil said and crossed his arms over his chest with an affronted look on his face, a pout to top it all off. It might have almost been a little convincing if Virgil hadn't still be gripping to Logan's hand, and if Logan hadn't known Virgil so well.

"A few more months, then we should have money enough to be able to get away from here." Logan said, even himself hearing how his voice sounded odd. Maybe he just wasn’t used to himself sounding hopeful. Especially not about the future. Logan shifted and turned around until he was sitting turned towards Virgil.

Virgil groaned at not being able to lean against Logan any longer, but adjusted his position so that he was turned towards Logan. Logan took Virgil's other hand in his, looking into his eyes.

"When I turn nineteen, run away with me?" He asked. It wasn't the first time he'd asked, wasn't the first time he'd let Virgil know he wanted to start a new life with him somewhere where they could be themselves. And therefore he already knew what Virgil would say.

Virgil smiled softly at him, like he always did when Logan told him to run away with him one day. "Just tell me when and I'll have my bags packed before you have the time to finish your sentence."

Logan returned the smile and ignored the part of his brain that told him it was beginning to get late and that he should probably be returning home soon. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He was awfully tempted to text his mother or father that he was staying over at Virgil's and then stay here with Virgil all night. It's not like they would suspect a thing or ever find out.

Though Logan supposed they wouldn't be sleeping very comfortably on the ground, but he wasn't prepared to leave their, even if small, safe haven. Instead he stood up, pulling Virgil up with him.

"Dance with me?" He asked, even if it wasn't really a question because he knew Virgil wouldn't say no.

Virgil apparently didn't think responding was necessary, because all he did was pull Logan closer, a smile on his lips that wouldn't fade any time soon.

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Written: 11th May 2019
Published: 29th May 2019
Words: 3051

Are y'all shy around your friends? Like I can with ease change clothes in front of either of my two best friends. I'm not shy at all lol

I've written 4 fics in 3 days, I love myself and this rare, strange productive phase I'm in lol