⚠️ Abusive Relationship⚠️

Pain.

Worthless.

Unwanted.

Mistake.

Pathetic.

Words circle around me, suffocating me as I know they're true. Said by people I trusted, saying what they really think about me.
I sink down to my knees and sob, not able to take my eyes off of my old friends. I start gasping for air, having a panic attack in my dream and most likely real life. I sob, making the situation worse.
The chanting seems to get louder as my breaths get shorter.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

Useless.

Mista-

I gasp awake, crying and panting and unable to breathe. Logan helps me sit upright and tries to calm me down. He isn't the best at this, so he wakes Patton up via shouting and he comes away from his corner of the room. I look around. Everyone slept in here with us tonight.
Patton pushes Logan away from me and turns me around. My head lulls to my left onto the headboard and Patton places his hand on my chest, feeling my uneven breaths. My lungs burn as he lifts my hand to his chest and holds it there while I slow my breaths again. He ruffles my hair and let's Logan back on the bed. I painfully shuffle to face forward and lean on him while he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"Hey, Virgil how are you feeling today?" He whispers and I move towards him. I still don't feel very strong but I am a little bit hungry.
"I could eat, but I don't know if I could keep it down or not." I say honestly and look up at my love. He smiles gently back at me and shoves the covers off of us. I slowly swing my legs over the edge of Patton's bed and try standing up. Logan was beside me in case I fell or buckled. I push off of my feet and I stay up, but the moment I take a step or two my knees buckle and Logan has to catch me. I mumble a string of apologies and curses as he picks me up again and walks towards the kitchen.

He fires up the hob and oils a pan. He gets many ingredients out and mixes a batter. Pancakes. I secretly hope that he doesn't make too many. I love pancakes but my stomach is still... dodgy.
He grabs 2 plates and flips a pancake on the pan. I watch and smile, liking the caring part of Logan. He glances occasionally over at me to check on me. I get an unexpected dizzy spell and fall off the stool I was sat on. I hit my head off the floor and everything went black.

I come to slowly. Firstly, I can hear someone trying to wake me up. I also hear another voice, maybe Patton. Then I was able to open my eyes. I felt quite a bit better, but tired and now my head is splitting.
When I open my eyes, my head seems to get worse but before I can sleep again Logan notices my alertness. He rushes over and starts speaking.

"Alright stay awake for us Virge! We had to check but your pupils are really dilated which is a sign of a dangerous concussion. You can't sleep right now." He says and rushes over. I'm now on the couch and he's making me sit up. I just wanna sleep.
Wait he's talking again!
"-gil. Virgil!! Can you talk to us?" He shouts at me. My hands fly to my head and I try to say 'no' but it comes out more as 'nghh' which pretty much answers his question. He turns to Patton and explains something without me. Oh well, I'm hungry.

I stand up and immediately face plant. I think I said ouch but I have no idea. Logan hauls me up and I lean on him. My head really hurts, but I know that Logan seems worried so i should listen to him.

#Logan's POV#

10 minutes before

I turn around to flip a pancake and when I turn back around to ask Virgil a question, I see Virgil hit his head on the counter, then the seat beside him and then onto the floor. I rush over and lift his head off the floor. I yell for Patton and lift Virgil onto the couch. I check his eyes and see they are extremely dilated. Patton comes running in and notices Virgil passed out on the couch, immediately worried.
I explain what happened and then look over to see Virgil awake and groggy. I run over and ask him to stay awake as there is a chance this is a grade 3 concussion. I sit him up and he says for a little while and then settles. He seems groggy and tired, but I need to find out if he can speak properly.

"Virgil. Virgil. Virgil!!" He finally responds after me shouting his name three times.
"Can you talk to us?" I ask and he supports his head as if me talking hurts him. Then he replies 'nghh' and seems shocked at that same reply. I turn to Patton.
"He definitely has a dangerous concussion. We cannot let him fall asleep or leave him alone. He has classic symptoms. Dilated pupils, points of unconsciousness and unable to hold a conversation. Be careful, go alert the others." I say to Patton while adjusting Virgil, who is leaning on my side. I make him sit again and check his eyes. Much less dilated than before. He is also isn't unconscious anymore.
"Hey Virgil? Wanna tell me how you're feeling?" I ask, hoping for a clear answer. He looks up and frowns.
"My head really hurts, but I don't feel weak or sick anymore." He says and I chuckle. He's okay.

#Virgil's POV#

Things become clearer and I dont feel tired anymore. My head still hurts, but that's the only thing wrong with me. Logan takes my hand and says he just needs to check on the rest of me. He imagines a doctors office and makes me sit on the table.
"Alright, zip down the first part of your onesie please" he says.
Oh god. Oh now he's going to see my scars. I can't let him see. He'll be angry. He's never seen anything below my shoulders, why now?Ohgodohgod- I feel myself start to spiral into an attack so I take deep breaths and calm myself down. He asks me to unzip again.
"No. Umm, sorry no thank you." I get nervous, not wanting to be too rude. He looks curiously at me before asking once more politely. I can't possibly turn the request down again. I unzip the top half of my maleficent onesie and he looks shocked for only a moment before continuing his exam. He checks my arms, seeing old self-harm scars and whip marks, and feeling broken bones that healed wrong and fractures that are still a bit sore. He finishes pretty soon.
"Virgil, these scars and broken bones are years old. What...what happened?" He asks, concern flashing across his eyes. I sigh and then jump after hearing a voice I hoped I would never hear again.
"I'm sure you don't mean my handiwork."

I push off the table and hide behind Logan while crying and zipping myself back up. Logan brings me back around and hugs me while I cry into his shoulders.
Not him. Why him? No. No. No.
I sob while they talk.
"Deceit? Why are you here, and why did you hurt Virgil?!" Logan asks, hugging me tightly to comfort me. I hate that Deceit will tell him the truth for once.
"Oh, Logan. You see, when your little Virgil was a Dark Side, we dated. Those beauty marks are from the games we would play." He says, and I can hear the smirk in his voice. Logan keeps one hand on my back and one hand on my head to hold me close and hide me from Deceit as much as possible.
"N-No. You didn't date. If you loved him, you wouldn't have hurt him, for whatever the reason." Logan replies. I feel guilty that I hadn't told anyone until now, but he needs to know the real truth.
"No its true." I say quietly and push off Logan. "I loved Dolos for a long time. I locked myself away when I became a Light Side. When I was still...there...I fell in love. I got hurt for good reason. I forgot or disobeyed rules so I deserved it..." I mumble and leave the room, knowing Dolos will leave soon after.
I head to my room and open the door, getting used to the cobwebs and darkness once more. I fall onto my bed not bothering to close the door, and start having flashbacks to Dolos and I's abusive relationship. Images of whips and knives, anxiety tablets and chains, gags and rapes flash before my eyes like a movie, but much more horrific. I sob until it turns to a panic attack, and during some point I hear a voice comforting me.
They tell me to take deep breaths and it takes a while, but eventually I can. I look up to see Logan with worry written across his face like a book. I sigh and roll onto my back and shift up and sit. He looks at me and takes my hand.
"Why didn't you tell anyone? We've told Thomas this, repression can be harmful." He says, very matter of factly. I cry silently as I explain easily.
"I deserved it. I disobey, I get punished." I answer, as if it's obvious. It is.

He looks concerned and takes my hand, and leads me to the others.
"You know why we're here. Roman, you nosy bitch, overheard all of our conversation, and told everyone else." I looked at Logan with shock and panic evident on my face, and he looks back with pity. He leads me to the couch and gives me a pad and a pencil with a rubber.
"Virgil, I know you dont want to, but could you write down what Deceit did to you to punish you, and what we can do to help you? We really need to know." Logan pushes on. I nod my head but my hand shakes as I write.

Whipped me
(Dont touch my back to get my attention)
Cut me/ I cut myself
(Dont let me cook alone)
Forced Anxiety medication
(Can't take tablets)
Chained to a wall for days/ Starvation and Dehydration
(Make sure I eat, dont buy me jewellery)
Gagged and r

I cut myself off and start sobbing again, turning to hide my face in the couch behind me. I feel the pull of Thomas summoning me and I'm pulled into my position at the stairs, still crying and feeling disgraceful. Thomas shouts my name and I snap back to him.
"Hey buddy, are you okay there?" He asks and I shake off my feelings.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be. What's up then, get this over with." I ask, fed up and ready to cry. He explains that he's been getting way more Panic Attacks than usual, but he doesn't want to take pills again. I show him how I can actually be summoned during an attack and take it away. Of course I didn't tell him that it hurt me. That would just make him feel bad. He lets me go and I sink out into my room. There I see Logan and Patton waiting for me on my bed. I walk towards them and sit beside Logan.

I break down crying and both of them rush to comfort me, none of us needing to say what happened to me. Patton holds me close and Logan whispers comforting things into my ear. I cry until I get a headache from dehydration, and we head to the kitchen. Patton gets me a white chocolate cookie and milk for me and we join Remy and Roman on the couch, arguing over which disney movie to watch.
"Hey Virgil! You pick a movie since my insolent brother cannot." Roman shouts to us, and I hurry to sit on the corner seat of the couch. I think for a moment, hearing many suggestions from all 4 sides. I finally decide.
"Corpse Bride?" I say, rather unsure if anyone else would want to watch it. There are some groans and some cheers around the room as "According to Plan" starts playing.
We sit through th movie and I fall asleep pretty quickly, snuggled in between Patton and Logan.

Images of Dolos flashes across me, surrounding and suffocating me, closing in on myme and pushing me to the ground. Dolos laughs and starts kicking me and cutting me with a machete. All I feel is pain. Burning, red hot pain.

I shoot up off the couch. I look around to see Logan on one part of the cough, I was on the other part, Patton is on the floor and Roman is cuddling him. I remember the dream and my stomach flips. I step over Patton and Roman, darting to the kitchen and hurling into the sink. I gag and choke, flinching when someone places a warm hand on my back and applies gentle pressure. I finish and look up to see who helped me. Patton smiled down at me and helped me back into the living room. Logan and Roman were now up and tidying the mess of crumbs on the carpet. I feel faint for a minute and stumble slightly.
"Woah there Virgil, steady now." Patton says trying to stop me from falling down. I grip onto him when I stumble again.
"I-I need to sit down. P-Please." I feel even worse. I still haven't really kept anything down for roughly 2 weeks. Patton leads me to the edge of the couch and sends Roman to wake his twin up while Logan got me some water. I lean back and close my eyes as another faint spell hits me. I open my eyes while Patton keeps me talking, mostly about the movie we watched last night, and Logan soon returns with water and a nut and oat bar. I take sips of the water and then I eat the bar. I feel a bit better but still faint. I smile lightly at Logan and he walks closer to me, and he PICKS ME UP  A G A I N. He walks into his room and puts me into his bed.
"I'm not letting you out of this bed until I know you're okay."
I groan and lean my head on the backboard. I love him being overprotective but this is extreme. I lift my head up and try to argue, but before I can he's leaning in and kissing me.

He moves back quickly and I shuffle towards the edge of the bed. He sits beside me and we both move under the covers. I lay on my side and he wraps one of his arms around me and snuggles into the crook of my neck.
"Logan, I-I lo. I love y-you." This was the first time I said that word ever. He moves his head and I turn on my back to look at him. My breathing picks up as he stumbles over his words, trying to come up with a logical answer. I sit up and throw the covers off. I dart to the communal room and see Patton on the couch. There are black spots around the edge of my vision, and my breaths are loud and gasping. My movements are clumsy as I misstep many times to get to Patton. He's holding a cookie and listening to what seems to be the Campfire Fun Song from Spongebob. I tap on his shoulder and gasp his name. He takes attention to my panicked face and makes me sit down. He places my head on his lap and played with my hair while I listened to his breathing and heartbeat. It takes a few minutes for me to fully calm down, but I do quicker than usual.

I look up and thank him, pushing myself off his lap and sitting beside him. I look to his right and see Logan looking at me solemnly. This cannot be good. He sits beside me and takes my hand, giving it a light squeeze.
"Virgil, I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way." He says, and my heart breaks.
So stupid. Why would he like you? No one likes you.
I rip my hand from his grasp and bolt to my room. I go to the adjoining en suite and find my old blade. I used to call it Dolos but maybe I'll start calling it Logan now. I drag it across my arms, loving the burning pain that follows. I head back to my room to see a plate of cookies with a note.

Hey kiddo,
You missed dinner so I left some cookies from my stash for you. See you tomorrow, sleep tight.
-Patton.

I put the note by my bed and continue to nibble at a cookie. Patton likes to pretend he cares for me, but I know no one does.
This unhealthy pattern repeats for several days until 2 inevitable things occur. I run out of cookies and...I cut too deep. Now after three days of no food, and now feeling dizzy from blood loss, I need to somehow avoid seeing Logan and find one of the others. My hands tremble as I open the door. More blood rushes out my self inflicted wounds and I rush to the kitchen. Maybe I can fix this myself. I found a needle and some sewing thread. I sat my left arm on the kitchen island, trying not to yell in pain from the needle going in and out of my skin. I hear a clatter behind me which brings me back to the present. I turn around, leaving the needle and thread hanging from a half-sewn cut. I see Patton look shocked, a baking tray on the floor. He grabs my right wrist and I hiss in pain.
"You...you cut?" He asks, but it was much more of a statement. I burst out crying and he wraps his arms around my shoulders, leading me to the couch. He sits me down and summons Roman, who then rushes to comfort me while Patton looks for a med kit. I sob into his shoulder and scratch at the makeshift stitches. Get them out! Get them out!
Roman pulls my arms away from me and tries to calm me more while he detached the needle from the thread. I keep crying as Patton returns, med kit in hand and starts pulling out the stitches. Roman lets me rest on his lap when Patton finishes putting in sanitary stitches. I let tears fall as I explain why I hurt myself. I then realise I've still not eaten in three days, so I tell Roman the situation. Patton replaces him and Roman leaves to make some toast. Patton leaves as well, but returns very soon with a box. I sit up and he hands it to me. There's a post-it note on it that reads 'For Virgil/Anxiety' on the lid. I lift it off and see several things. A blanket, a necklace and a short letter. I put the necklace on, and notice that it has chewable silicone on it. I pick up the letter next.

Hey kiddo,
I made this box in case you ever self harmed again. It reduces your anxiety just in case you feel upset or wanting to hurt yourself. The blanket makes you feel like someone's hugging you, but if you ever need a hug I'm always available! The necklace helps you distract yourself from intrusive thoughts, so I hope you like it. The purpose of this note is to tell you that I want you to be watched by someone all the time, to make you feel safe and make sure you don't hurt yourself. You can pick, so you aren't uncomfortable, but it's just until you feel comfortable without hurting yourself.
I love you my dark strange son!
~Patton

I look up at Patton with pleading eyes and he sat beside me. I leaned into him and asked if he would mind staying with me. He smiled and led me into his room, where he made a blow up bed and some sheets with a pillow.
"You can sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the air mattress. Now, before we can do any fun, we need to clean those cuts. I've called Roman, he's gonna do it and I'll make sure you dont move too much." Patton said, worry evident in his voice. He pulls up 2 chairs and we sit in them. Roman arrives soon after with sanitary wipes and some bandages. He kneels before us both and chuckles.
"Usually I would make you two bow to me but, I guess I'll make an exception." He murmurs, making Patton and I chuckle too. He opens the wipes and I flinch lightly when it makes a loud sound. I move my chair closer to Patton and I ask.
"Could, could I maybe...oh god, maybe hold your hand?" I stutter, which seems to happen a lot lately. He smiles and links hands with me while Roman cleans my other wrist. I hiss in pain as he finishes up and I can no longer hold Patton's hand. I let go and allow Roman to clean my cuts. I cry out when Roman presses too hard on the deepest cut and it begins to bleed again, stitches becoming loose and ripping from the skin. Patton rushes out of the room while Roman applies pressure to the reopened wound. I bite my tongue to stop from crying again and Patton returns with medical supplies. He stitches my cut up again and sent Roman out of the room.

"Let's head to bed now, shall we?" He asks. I nod and push our chairs back. Patton pushes me onto the bed. "Stay. Here. Sleep." He says forcefully and pulls the covers over me. He goes to the bathroom and returns with 2 hot water bottles, placing one on his blow up bed and one by my stomach. I pull the scalding sack under the covers and place it by my feet. I prefer a cold bed, but I dont want to make Patton feel any worse. Sharing a room with me is taxing enough as it is, refusing a comfort device is a bit too far.
I try to stave off sleep by going on tumblr and pinterest, hearing snoring from the floor after only 5 minutes, but it's no use as the terrorising pull of sleep tugs me into unconsciousness.

#Patton's POV#

I wake up in a happy mood, about to leave and make some breakfast for Virgil when I realise my alarm isn't going off. My happy mood is dampened slightly when I focus on hearing thrashing coming from the bedsheets beside me. I stand up and witness Virgil whimpering in his sleep, kicking his covers off and scratching at his neck, almost drawing blood.
I run into Roman's room, almost tripping over scattered papers and props in my haste. I shake him awake.
"Roman! I need help." I whisper and he instantly seems more alert. He smiles at me, about to make some joke until be sees my facial expression. He sits up and swings his legs over.
"What's the emergency, Padre?" He asks as he follows me to my room. I leave the question unanswered as he rushes beside Virgil. I stand still, holding back a grimace as blood is drawn by Virgil's clawing. Roman shuffles Virgil down the bed and positions himself behind Virgil. He sits in a straddle position and pulls Virgil into a sitting position in front of him. He wraps his arms around Virgil's to stop the thrashing and waits for him to wake up.
Finally, he awakes, sobbing and breathing ragged. I ask Roman to move and I sit beside a slumped Virgil.

"Virgil, can I touch you? Can you hear me?" I ask, receiving a small nod and meeting the frightened eyes of Virgil. I pull him into a hug and whisper.
"Virgil, what you saw isn't happening. It's okay now. This is Patton. Can you breathe? In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8, yeah?" I ask, but he frantically shakes his head and tries pushing me away, but I latch on stronger.
I continue to whisper the breathing exercise to Virgil until his breathing isn't laboured anymore. He cuddles me and I hold him as close as possible to my chest. He whispers and sobs, mumbling words I can't understand. I try to calm him down for a while until  I run out of things to say. I blurt out.
"You want pancakes?" And he looks up with a wet smile.
"Is that even a question?" He replies, giving a small laugh, which in turn makes me chuckle.
"Let's go!"