One Year Later

I sat in front of my mirror in my bedroom, fixing the last stubborn curl that wouldn't abide to the fashion the rest of them were taking. Maybe it was because of the way my hands trembled, or maybe it was the fact that I had forgotten my conditioner in the shower today.

I had been too distracted to focus.

Sighing, I finally let the curl be when it was somewhat decent. In truth, it shouldn't matter much... not today, anyway.

My phone suddenly lit up on my makeup table, and with a quick swipe, I answered the phone and I lifted it to my ear with a little smile. "Hey, daddy."

"Not quite yet, but we're on our way," Dan chuckled in the other end. "Just wanted to call and hear how you're holding up."

My heart thudded quietly in my chest, aching ever so slightly. It was a duller pain than I had expected... but then again, I had had a long week to prepare.

"I'm okay," I replied. Despite what the day had in store for me, there was one reason to smile; Dan and Kyle, who had lasted about a year and a half now, were finally taking the next step after living together for almost a year. The two of them had grown lonely and bored together and found themselves longing for something more. Something... to take care of.

– A golden little retriever by the name of Zeus was waiting for them to come pick him up from the animal shelter downtown. He had been rescued a couple of weeks back by a woman who found an abandoned crate of puppies by a river. Dan had seen it on the news and had nearly thrown a royal fit. Kyle hadn't needed much persuasion before the two of them had taken the train down to visit the furry little puppers.

Zeus, apparently, had run right over to Dan and sniffed his groin.

– Dan said it was fate.

So now, a few weeks later, the puppies were ready to leave their foster home after their worm cure treatment and rehabilitation. They were picking up Zeus today, which was a pure coincidence with what was happening for me today.

"You promise to send me a picture the second you got him, won't you?" I said, hearing Kyle's voice in the background asking Dan something about directions. Dan replied quickly before returning to my question.

"Of course. Zeus gotta see his auntie right away so he's warned. You're coming to visit him tomorrow, right? If you're up for it..."

His voice trailed off, and I held my breath for a moment before blowing it out. My nerves and emotions were in a mess, but if I started crying now, there was no way I was going to...

"I will," I promised. I looked around in my single bedroom apartment, the one I had moved into after Dan and Kyle had moved in together. After... everything, they had waited two months until I was back up on my feet and functional again before moving. I had quit my job at the Aristocat Lounge. It was time to start fresh and get back on track again, so I had started applying for different jobs, most of which paid poorly, but jobs that were in my field. After what felt like tortuous months of interviews and countless no's, I finally landed one.

And as Dan would've said, it was fate.

Paid helper at a homeless center, just a few blocks away from my new apartment, seemed almost too destined to be true. It was a different part of town and nearly half an hour away from Dan and Kyle's new place, but it was perfect. It was just ten minutes by bus from my own apartment – my very own. I had paid for it myself, I had earned my own money and created my own home that was completely mine and mine alone.

And to be honest, I had never been happier.

At first I thought living alone would be scary and lonely, but after everything that had happened, a year with some silence to rehabilitate turned out to be exactly what I needed. It was quiet when I came home from the busy world, silent every morning I walked out the door, always wondering if today was going to be the day I turned a corner and ran into...

But then last week happened.

"Alright, then, I've gotta go, we're almost at the shelter now," Dan said. "Talk to you later. Call us if you need us. And Mel?"

"Yeah?" I whispered as I looked down at the black square folder on my table.

"I love you. You're strong, don't forget it."

I smiled through a single tear and then nodded, even though he couldn't see it. "I love you, too. Go get my nephew and kiss him for me."

"Promise. Bye, gorgeous."

We hung up and I lowered my phone onto my table next to the flat, black envelope. The letters on the paper were written in a beautiful silver cursive font.

When the letter had come last week, I hadn't really been surprised... I had stared at it for ages, though, trying to process how it had happened... when it had happened...

But then I had always known it would happen.

A part of me had wanted to cry, while another part of me wondered... how the letter had found its way to me. After a whole year, we had each gone our separate ways. Very separate...

My heart ached to know how he had ended up on this path. How if he had been alone for too long and then decided to... or if he had just made the choice himself at last to pursue... what must've been the only path forward he could see.

I swallowed and smoothed down my black dress one more time before grasping my bag and the long thin stem that laid beside it. I hadn't been sure if I should bring anything... if I would even get close enough to... but I had still bought the single red rose and walked out of the door with it now.

It was finally time.

I hailed the first cab I found and gave the driver the address. The second the car started moving, everything else shut off. The world closed down and so did my eyes. I heard and felt only one thing.

Thud-thud. Thud-thud. Thud-thud.

The traitorous thing wouldn't stop beating.

The car stopped too soon. It felt like it had only been a second before the driver was giving me 'we're here' and my hand automatically reached out and handed him the money. My body lurched on autopilot and climbed out of the car, stepping onto the gray pavement.

I wasn't ready for this.

I couldn't even look up as I entered the beautiful building. The large doors were open, but I sensed nothing around me. Even as someone handed me a program, I couldn't stop to look at who gave it to me. My lungs were starting to hyperventilate and my hands were clutching around the rose, nearly breaking the stem.

I wasn't ready for this.

My eyes stayed on the floor and somehow, my body knew just where to go. It wasn't my first time, after all.

The aisles were so narrow, I had always detested that. No personal space to brace yourself for what happened in here. No room to breathe, no quick and easy get-outs if you needed to run. If you couldn't take one more minute of it.

I found a seat way in the back and leaned back, closing my eyes.

I wasn't ready for this, but I would get through it. A year later, I was strong enough for this... strong enough...

We had never said goodbye. Maybe this... maybe now we finally could...

Now that he was where he needed to be.

My eyes slowly lifted, and with my breath in my throat, I finally looked up and around the beautiful ornate space and then looked towards the front. Up where it would all happen... where... he... would be.

Center stage, at the Peter Jay Sharp Theater.

People were pouring in around us. Men and women in tuxes and dresses all made up for the afternoon concert at the Juilliard school. They all carried the same pamphlet as me, the program for the symphony. It would be about 45 minutes long. 45 minutes to behold and listen to the magic this stage was about to be swathed in.

– The grand debut of the musical prodigy, Anthony.

His name brought tears to my eyes as I looked around and took in the large stage up front. A large red theater curtain hid it thus far, but in a short moment it would rise and reveal the face of the man that been a ghost in my mind for nearly a year.

I took a deep breath and lowered my eyes to my hands. They were shaking in my lap and fiddling with the program. Some programs had pictures of the performing artist... I was too scared to look. Too scared to open it and see his deep blue oceans stare back at me, piercing my soul once again.

I couldn't... handle this.

"S'cuse me," A man with a slight accent maneuvered past me and took a seat a few seats from mine. I moved my feet so he could step by, but then the light blinked twice.

It was about to start.

A compulsion inside me wanted to jump up and run. I couldn't do this. Even to say goodbye, maybe it would be too much. The rose in my hand shook, and for a second, I wondered if the petals would fall off.

But then... the room suddenly settled.

Conversation stopped and the last guests took their seats as the light dimmed. The doors were closed and the spotlights centered on the red velvet curtain. My breath choked in my throat and all the air in the concert hall evaporated.

The curtain rose... And so did my heart.

An applause broke out, but I heard none of it. The lights focused on a man in a tuxedo that stepped forward. He took the stage and stood there, waiting for the audience to settle. It wasn't until the vibrations around me stopped and the blurriness from my eyes cleared, I realized...

I recognized that man.

Tall, lean and no longer wearing a trench coat, he smiled silently to the crowd that welcomed him. He stood calm and still and took in the applause.

My mouth opened.

It wasn't... possible.

The man on that stage wasn't the man I remembered. He was the same height, same built, but he wasn't hulking anymore. His back was straight and his hands were folded behind him, head bowing in respect as the applause finally settled.

Then, his eyes looked up. Even from my seat in the back, I saw them scan the audience; searching. I don't know if they found what they were looking for, because the next moment, he moved and freed one of his hands.

With a gesture, he turned and extended his arm towards the stage behind him. Five people with stringent instruments walked out, and a new applause arose. They settled on chairs behind him, one coming up with a suitcase to him and handing it over.

My throat hitched as I recognized the same old scuffed leather briefcase. The instrument inside it had been destroyed, but there had been one survivor...

He knelt down on the stage as he opened the suitcase and pulled a new violin out. A fresh victim to torture. The crowd held their breath like me. I didn't realize I had leaned forward until my chair almost disappear beneath me. He stood tall again and then... he lifted the slender instrument to his chin.

– The chin that was still scuffed with a trimmed full beard, contouring his entire bottom face.

His hair was pulled into a lose manbun, the one I vividly remembered from my clouded past, the manbun that had suffered and hung so many times in careless agony. Today, it was tied neatly, yet calmly.

The combination of his tux and his old self peaking through his new appearance caused a ripple of something familiar to course through me.

He was still in there. Tony was still in there. Some things never changed.

My cheek was wet before he started playing this time. I leaned back in my seat and cupped my mouth, feeling a shaky sob spill from it as the quartet behind him followed his lead and all raised their bows.

But my sobs came from smiling lips.

Tony closed his eyes, and like that, I knew it was still him. Tony was still alive. As the bow came to the strings, I waited for the onslaught that would bring the whole room to its knees. The one I had dreaded coming here today to listen to, yet anticipated like an addict returning to its favorite opium.

– But the blood never came.

A gentle, blithe note filled the theater. The string quartet started playing behind him, beautiful harmonies flowing from the instruments in a steady stream. It poured over me in a wave as I saw him weave his music, so calm, so collected...

He was at peace.

– Finally.

Anthony.

I cried silently throughout most of the show, wiping my tears away as the symphony continued. There were heartbreaking pieces, beautiful pieces, melancholic pieces and one that was crazy and in uproar. A journey.

But then came the final piece.

My eyes sunk into my program and welled up with new tears. Each composition had a name, each pieces branded something beautiful. The last one had been called Blue.

But the final song was what caught my attention.

'My Melody.'

The string quartet filed out quietly and Tony was left alone on stage. His forehead was shining with a light sheen of sweat, and under the spotlights, he was beautiful as he grasped his bow one last time and looked towards the audience, but then changed his mind; his eyes shut and he exhaled a breath.

And then, he played.

By the time the piece ended and people arose from their chairs to applaud the genius, I stayed sunken in my seat, holding on to my heart with my mere weak hand. It was trying to escape through my fingers, trying to deafen the uproar of the hands clasping together in awe and amazement.

For the first time ever... he had played me the right way.

For God knows how long, me and my heart sat together silently and tried to figure out what had happened to the man we once loved and let go. The haunted man who's last act was to destroy the violin... now performing for hundreds of people... or just one?

People eventually started to file out after the last curtain had fallen. There were no encores, no speeches. The people gathered their things and their emotions, talking lively about the beautiful melodies, while I stayed put, trying to piece together what was left of my heart.

He had been reborn. He had finally found his peace.

His Blue.

Throughout his entire symphony, one thing had sung higher than the notes of the instrument in his hands. While his eyebrows had still been fused together in heartache, it had not been the same kind I had seen back then. Back when he couldn't connect... back when all he felt was what his fingers remembered...

This time, he had played with heart, soul, mind and body all connected. He had felt it all and not just slung it mercilessly onto his audience with brutal lashes.

For the first time, he had played... his melody.

My eyes lifted, and through blurry vision, I realized the theater had emptied completely. The curtain had opened again and a single person stepped out.

He knew.

Without word, and without his calling, I arose from my chair voluntarily and walked towards the stage. He followed me with his eyes and his body, turning as I walked to the side of the stage and shakily ascended the stairs.

My hand clutched the rose tightly.

I walked across the stage, but slowed when he came towards me. My steps halted and so did his. Five feet and one year apart, the distance seemed so close, yet miles too far.

Then, his voice broke the silence of the theater.

"I didn't think you'd come."

His voice was the same rasp I remembered. Deep, heavy and sharpened against stone, but there was something different... something... missing.

The hollowness was gone.

My eyes refused to lift and stayed on the ground, but it wasn't cowardice that kept them anchored. There just wasn't enough breaths in this lifetime to prepare me for this.

"I could never have missed it."

I whispered the words with love, just before my eyes lifted and joined with his soul.

Tony stood in front of me. His face seemed so familiar, yet so foreign. He seemed... older, somehow. The indents between his brow and the lines faintly visible around his mouth seemed deeper and more prominent.

But those eyes...

His face softened as a simple tear slid down my face, a tear I quickly dried away with a brave hand. I saw his hand twitch as I wiped it off in my shirt, before looking up at him again.

And then the unexpected happened.

I smiled.

I smiled and shook my head sillily as I offered him the rose and felt my body tremble under his gaze. It was surreal standing before him again... yet here we were, and I was still breathing.

"Melody..."

His hand closed around mine as he softly took the rose. Our fingers lingered as the delicate flower exchanged hands. When my eyes shifted down, I saw him cradle the rose gentle in his hand.

"You played so beautifully. Congratulations," I said and gave another smile, looking around the large theater. "You deserved this. I... I always imagined you here. O-one day..."

Tony looked down at the rose, a single finger coming up to caress the delicate petals. "Thank you."

A silence stretched. It was filled with the promise of everything unspoken between us, something we had left between us for over a year. It was strange, though... I had always imagined I'd see him again sooner or later... here, or with God some day... walking amongst the angels where he belonged...

But here we stood, two simple human beings in a world of destruction.

"Wait here," Tony suddenly voiced. I looked up with surprise to see him skirt sideways towards the edge of the stage. I rose a brow in light confusion when he disappeared behind a curtain. A few seconds passed. I wondered if there was someone back there. Someone he wanted me to...

When I Fall In Love started pouring through the curtain with an old rustic grit to the music. The sound of a pin scratching against a record made my heart flutter into my throat as Tony stepped out once more, slowly coming towards me.

God.

He held out his hand towards me. An offer, not an order. My whole body squeezed tightly together as our eyes met yet again, his so calmingly Blue.

Calm.

I slowly reached out and took his hand.

Like a feather, he pulled me against his frame and gentle slid his hand around my waist. My eyes closed as my own came to rest on his chest and my cheek fell to his shoulder.

– He took the lead, but he never controlled my movements.

"Melody," He whispered. The way he spoke my name again after a year... He didn't break it, but for the first time... he sang it.

Like a true melody.

"I have so many things I want to say to you," He murmured in my ear, his hoarse voice a lullaby to my soul as it fell into a peaceful coma against his shoulder. There was no charge between us... no strangled air. I could finally breathe around him.

"You don't have to," I whispered back. I exhaled so slowly, I almost didn't dare to breathe in again when I was scared it wouldn't last... but it did. Air went into my lungs again, and it didn't rattle my body. "I already know."

"You still deserve to hear it." Tony stilled our slow rocking for just a moment as his hand shifted from my back to my cheek. His chin came on top of my head and his heart slowed against my hand. "I'm so sorry."

My breath didn't falter, nor did my heart stutter. Instead, I softly squeezed his hand. "Me, too."

Tony exhaled against my hair before picking up our slow waltz again. There was still so much left to say. "What I did to you..."

"It's long over." I lifted my head. We stopped dancing again as our eyes met, mine so peaceful, his so... calm. But still that heartache...

"Melody..." He brushed his thumb over my cheek and I gave a weak smile.

Without asking for his permission, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him into my embrace. His arms came around me like he was falling and gravity had made me his earth.

He clutched me tightly and I couldn't help but snivel softly as I felt the last piece of my soul mend itself from a year ago.

Both of us had been so broken... but now how things had changed.

A small smile lifted on my lips as I peaked up through my lashes and looked out into the theater again. He really did belong here... where his gift could be heard, where his talent could help others as well... not just himself and me.

With everything that had happened between us, the music from that instrument had always been beautiful, no matter how hard it had been to listen to. Music was international after all... and could fix the wars going on inside the heart.

"You finally found her," I voiced. I felt his arms slowly loosen around me, drawing back as I continued to speak. "You finally found... Rya."

She was here on stage with him. Beating within his heart. Probably always would be.

"Yes," Tony replied, pulling back to meet my eyes. "And no."

My eyebrows grew together in slight confusion. "No?"

Tony then did the last thing I expected; A faint line marred his face as his lip turned up in the faintest of smiles.

"I remembered her name. And nothing more."

And nothing more.

"But..." I felt my heart begin to beat slowly. "But you... you didn't... search for her after..?"

He slowly shook his head. "No."

Now my heart stopped. He hadn't tried to find her. But then that meant... tonight... for a whole year...

"I'll never forget her," He told, his voice frail like wet paper. "But I'm done chasing her. For years, I searched for something that made sense... anything that came to me in flashes," He lowered his eyes before looking up at me again, so much calm in his eyes. "I was so busy chasing what little I had, I never stopped to see what I had found."

I wasn't breathing again, but this time it wasn't his energy or soul affecting me. It was the weight of his words.

"You gave me so much, Melody," He said. "And I took so much from you. You sacrificed yourself for me and all I did was keep looking for something that was long lost. I thought the answer lied in the melodies I played from the violin..." His eyes skirted towards the side of the stage where the gramophone still softly hummed with Nat King Cole's gentle voice. "But I was wrong. The answer wasn't within it, or you, or anything else. It was within me."

I blew out a pained breath when he slowly lifted his hands out towards me. My own automatically reached out and took his, trembling.

"The best thing you ever did was leave me, Melody," He smiled, gently. "Without that..." My heart clenched when he squeezed my hands and made me meet his eyes, seeing his heartbroken smile shine through me. "I never would've found myself."

I let out a small sob. I lifted one hand to muffle it, to stop the tears from falling... "Tony..."

"I spent so long looking for her when should've been looking for myself. I thought she was peace... I thought finding her..." Tony closed his eyes and shook his head. "I was so lost, Melody. I was so lost and I dragged you down with me. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head, rapidly. "N-no, Tony... you helped me so much."

I launched forward and couldn't hold back my tears anymore as I collided with his warm embrace. His arms came around me and I buried my face in his tuxedo, crying uncontrollably.

For a year I had been mending myself, but crying in my bed almost every night for the soldier I left behind on the battlefield. Leave the wounded behind, they said. But the pain of that would haunt you forever.

But now...

"I wasn't okay either," I said, trying to speak through my tears. "You met me in a bad time in my life, and I... you were a beautiful distraction from my own mess. You didn't drag me down; We dragged each other down. I'm so sorry."

Tony squeeze my back and slowly wove one hand into the bottom tangles of my hair. "I saw your pain and I did nothing... you saw mine and did everything."

I shook my head. "You didn't do nothing." That, he didn't.

We stood in more silence, holding on to each other. I realized then something important as I listened to the steady beat of his heart.

Tony was half a man. He had half a heart, half of a soul and only so much to cling on to, and he probably always would.

And yet here he was, alive still.

What little he had left was not much, but it was nonetheless his heart and his own unique love. He knew as well as I did he would never love wholly again, even back then, and that's why it never would've worked between us. He was missing half of his heart, half of his soul, half of himself, and it meant he could only offer as much.

But a half could still be loved wholly.

"I never found her," He whispered. "But I started to find myself."

And I had found myself. He had been searching for a broken half, and had found a broken Melody instead.

But it was broken no more.

"Whoever you are..." I whispered back. "I'm glad you're you."

And just then, as the gramophone finally stopped playing, we both pulled apart. I smiled up at Tony, seeing the peace in his heart, and he gave me a smile back, squeezing my hand.

We were finally both whole, half-heartedly.

"There's a coffee shop just around the corner," I said, taking a deep breath. "If you'd like to catch up..."

Tony smiled crookedly and then looked down at our joined hands. "I'd like that."

And then, side by side, we walked off the stage, just as the curtain lowered on our past.

The symphony... was complete.

• • •

The End