Sorry in advance, but I really like dark and twisted Eijirou underneath all the sunshine bullshit. 

"That's what I said!" I exclaimed, cracking a smile at Eijirou. I, personally, thought it was hilarious. Eijirou and Katsuki just looked very, very mad. 

"I am not fucking stalking you," Shindo said with a roll of his eyes. "I do not have to try that hard to get my dick wet." 

I was on my feet and standing between Eijirou and Shindo in one swift step. My hand was pressed against the redhead's chest, really not wanting us all to get kicked out. "Eijirou, sweetie, I want to go home and go to bed. I do not want to go home and clean your busted knuckles," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. 

When that seemed to at least still his movements for a moment, I turned around to face Shindo with my back still pressed into Ei. "It's in your best interest to just leave, Shindo," I said in a bored tone, trying to mask my anxiety. It was a little impressive how well I did. 

"And why would I want to do that?" the raven-haired boy asked, his words slurring together just enough to tell me he was finally starting to feel the alcohol. 

I smiled sweetly at him, letting my head lean back until it hit Eijirou's chest. "Because Eijirou has incredible restraint over his anger issues, but he's had a really shitty week and now some jackass is hitting on his boyfriend, who he is insanely protective of, while he's drunk. Correct my math if it's wrong, but I think that equals you in an ambulance." 

Shindo had enough functioning brain cells left to realize he was fucked. His eyes managed to widen as he gulped hard, carefully thinking through his next words. "Ha! Great to see you guys again, I'm gonna head out-" He was already on his feet and backing away from us. 

"Might wanna hurry up," I said with a playful lilt to my voice. Scaring the shit out of Shindo was my favorite hobby, after all. "I can only hold him back for so long." 

As if to punctuate my words, Eijirou's arm wrapped around my waist and held me with a near-bruising grip. 

Shindo tracked the movement with his eyes, before meeting mine one last time. He gave a two-finger salute before swiftly walking towards the door of the club. 

"I think he actually pissed himself that time." 

I whirled around, courtesy of Ei loosening his hold just a fraction, and saw that Kaminari and Sero were standing next to Katsuki. "How long were you two there?" I asked with a raised brow. They hadn't been present when the boys first showed up and I hadn't noticed them join up. 

Sero leaned his elbow on Kaminari's shoulder with an amused smile. "Around the time you brought up Kirishima's anger issues." 

I let out an awkward laugh before focusing on Kaminari. "You really think he pissed himself?" 

The blond let out a loud laugh, knocking Sero's elbow off him from the movement. "For sure dude, I swear to god he did." 

I looked up at Eijirou with a wide smile. "I am so in love with you," I told him earnestly. 

"Fucking better be," he grumbled before leaning down to place a kiss on both of my cheeks and my forehead. He pulled back to fix me with a hard look. "What'd he say to you? Did he try anything? Did he touch you? Ow-" 

Eijirou's head snapped back and he was pulled away from me. It took me a second to process the fact that Katsuki had grabbed a fist full of his hair and yanked him back. "Let him breathe, fuck," the blond said in annoyance. 

His eyes shifted to me after he released Eijirou. "You okay, angel?" 

I quickly nodded my head, glancing between him and the scowling redhead. "Totally good, thriving even. Best night of my fucking life," I said honestly. 

"See?" Katsuki asked Eijirou while waving a hand at me. "The nerd's fine." 

"Fuck you," was the grumbled response the redhead gave while rubbing the back of his head. 

"You're such a cranky drunk," Sero said, rolling his eyes as he walked toward the bar.

The rest of the group seemed to follow suit, so I used the opportunity to slip my hand into Eijirou's while we walked. "I didn't know you were a cranky drunk," I said in a teasing whisper, not thinking too hard about Sero's words. 

He leaned down to place his lips next to my ear before responding. "You've never seen me drunk, darlin'. That was on purpose." 

That didn't make me feel great about drunk Eijirou. 

"You're an angry drunk?" I asked as he pulled us to a spot at the bar. It was at the end of our friend group, so we could continue our conversation without them in the middle of it. 

I took a seat on a stool while he leaned against the bar with a shrug. "Had to inherit something from my dad." 

I let my eyes wander over him, trying to gauge his level of intoxication. Before I could say anything else, he beat me to the punch. 

"I'm fine, Iz," he said with a breathy chuckle. "Getting your hair ripped out sobers you up surprisingly fast." 

"I wasn't worried," I corrected swiftly. "I handled drunk you just fine." 

The sound of his laughter made me relax in my seat. I hadn't liked the tension that had started to build. 

"Guess I'm whipped sober and drunk," he said with a shrug, not appearing bothered by the revelation. 

"Took you this long to figure that out?" Katsuki asked with a snort as he moved to stand next to me. 

I was utterly appalled when he rested his elbow on top of my head.  I get it, I'm short, but that was just uncalled for. In retaliation, I jabbed my finger into his side, hoping he'd jump. 

The bastard tanked the hit without flinching. 

My backup plan was to push his arm away with a scowl. It worked, but the blond looked way too smug. 

"Hello to you too, angel." 

"Don't 'angel' me right now, that was mean," I said, being petty and turning my attention back to Eijirou. 

"How was that mean?" Katsuki asked in disbelief. 

Eijirou just shrugged, his own eyes fixed on the other side of the bar. I couldn't tell if he was spacing out or gazing longingly at the alcohol. I frowned, not a fan of either option. 

"It made me feel like an object and that's not cool, Kacchan," I chastised, reaching for my drink.

"Katsuki hates PDA and he wanted to touch you, he actually wasn't trying to be mean that time," Eijirou said with a sigh, folding his arms on the bar and letting his chin rest on top of them. 

"I know, I was just teasing," I grumbled, lifting my cup toward my mouth before pausing. It had sat at the bar unattended for at least five minutes and there was a nasty feeling growing in my gut at the sight of it. I decided it'd be a good idea to just set it back down. 

"Sprite?" Katsuki asked, looking from me to the discarded glass. 

"Yeah, but-" I couldn't finish explaining why I'd stopped drinking it, Katsuki had already started off down the bar. "What the hell?" 

"He's getting you a new one, darlin'," Eijirou explained, ever the Katsuki translator. 

"Why can't he just say that before taking off?" I asked, mirroring how the redhead was leaning on the bar. 

He chuckled softly, readjusting so just his elbow was on the bar top, propping his head up. "There's only so many times he can admit out loud that he cares about us." 

"So, he can blow my back out but can't admit to getting me another drink?" I mused, watching the blond a few feet away already talking to Dabi. 

When I turned back to Eijirou, he shrugged. "Kats has got his own issues with intimacy. Sex is one thing, love is another." 

"You're awfully insightful, Ei," I said, resting my chin in my hand. "You still buzzed?" 

"Oh yeah." 

My eyes turned down to look at the bar while my free hand traced over the lines in the wood. "Am I a terrible person for being happy you guys have issues? You guys just always seem so... okay and I'm a fucking mess all the time. It's nice to know that I'm not the only fucked up one, ya know?" 

Eijirou laughed loudly at my question, causing my eyes to dart to his. "How did you think for even a second that we were okay? The first time we hung out Katsuki took off and I had to talk him off a ledge." 

I shifted in my seat, redirecting my gaze back to the bar. "Compared to my issues, you guys seemed like the picture of good mental health. Wow, that makes me sound like an even worse person. Okay, cool." 

"You're not a bad person, Iz," Ei said with a shake of his head. "You've had the shittiest year known to man, you're allowed to be a little distracted by that." 

Katsuki rejoined us, handing me a new glass full of soda. "Here. Sorry for making you feel like an object or whatever," he said in a gruff voice. 

"Kacchan," I whined, leaning my forehead against his bicep. "You didn't actually make me feel like an object. Just made me feel short." 

I felt him shake against me and quickly looked up, worried he'd started crying or something. Instead, I was met with an amused smile and faint laughter. "I know, nerd. I was giving you shit." 

"Mean!" I shouted, smacking his arm lightly. I sagged into my seat, taking a begrudging sip. "Thanks." 

"Anytime, angel." 

I placed my cup on the bar in between Eijirou and me, three sets of eyes watching over it. "Speaking of the shittiest year, can we maybe not tell Toshi about tonight?" 

"Why?" Eijirou asked, tilting his head to the side. 

I was surprised that I needed to spell it out for them, but did anyway. "He's the one most likely to commit murder." 

"Well, that really is too bad," Katsuki drawled, crossing his arms over his chest, "because I already texted him about it." 

"Why do you guys text now?" I whined, letting my head drop against the bar. "It was almost easier when you guys hated each other." 

"Tough shit, Ei loves him now," Katsuki said with a teasing smirk toward the redhead. 

Eijirou groaned loudly, running a hand down his face. "Whatever. He's one of our best friends now and you know it. The only person we spend more time with than him is Izuku." 

I glanced over at Katsuki with a smile. "If you would have told me that Eijirou would be saying that two months ago, I would have laughed in your face." 

"You would have laughed if I told you that you were dating the insomniac now." 

"No, no," I corrected, placing a hand on his arm. "I would have yelled at you and I did. Multiple times." 

Eijirou chuckled at us. "And look at us now." 

I hummed as I took another drink. "Hey, does getting Shindo to piss his pants equate to me being able to drink tonight? I feel like I deserve a reward." 

"Nice try, angel, but Ei's the one that made him piss himself," Katsuki said with a shake of his head. 

"I played a very important supporting role!" I exclaimed, not ready to drop it. If I had to deal with a seething Hitoshi when I got home, I wanted to be at least buzzed. He'd go all soft and sappy if I was under the influence. 

"He's got a point," Ei agreed. I didn't enjoy the fact that he was the only one on my side, seeing as he had substance problems as well, but it was better than nothing. "We're leaving soon, anyway. He can't get that fucked up." 

"Ei, sweetie, that sounded like a challenge," I said, resting a hand on his arm in a patronizing way. "One I'll win a different night." 

"Eye bags is gonna be pissed," Katsuki pointed out, like it would be enough to sway my decision somehow. 

"But I'll be buzzed and flirty and he'll wait until tomorrow to lecture me," I countered because we all knew I was right. 

"He'll be mad at us." 

I furrowed my brows in confusion at why that mattered so much. "I know you guys are besties now, but do you really care that much?" 

Katsuki rolled his eyes at the question. "He can lock your fucking window on us." 

Oh, that makes so much more sense. 

"Ei's proven multiple times he can get around that," I said with a shrug. I was putting my all into this argument, determined to win. 

"Thought you crazy proofed it?" 

"Exactly," I said with a nod that just confused him more. "I can crazy proof it, Toshi has no idea how to." 

Eijirou raised one red brow in my direction. "You ever gonna tell us how you do it?" 

"Fuck no," I said with a laugh. "I have to have something to lord over your heads." 

Katsuki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, just go fucking order your drink." 

"Fuck yes!" 

All of them have so much fucking baggage and I'm so hyped about getting into it.

bone apple teeth bois.