I avoided being alone with Katsuki for two days. Two whole days. I honestly wasn't sure if it was worth it. Having an uncomfortable conversation, getting over it, and falling asleep in the blond's arms was looking better and better. We were leaving for home at the end of the school week, it was just another weekend visit, but I was hoping that Katsuki would forget all about it by the time I got back. Then, things could return to normal, or as normal as they ever got with us. 

"You ready to head out?" Eijirou asked, looking over at Hitoshi expectantly. We'd just returned from school and were hanging out in my room. The question had caught me completely off guard, because where were they going? Together? Since when did they do that? 

Hitoshi slung his bag back over one shoulder. "Yup." 

"Where are you guys going?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in worry. They rarely hung out alone and there was always a reason. I was just a tiny bit offended that I wasn't invited.

Eijirou was already at the window, ready to head back to his place when he threw a lopsided grin over his shoulder. "Kats told me you're avoiding him, so we're leaving and you two are gonna figure your shit out." 

"You're joking." It wasn't a question, but a statement. I was in utter disbelief that Katsuki had gone that far to talk to me over a 'joke', a conversation he clearly wouldn't have in front of the other two. 

Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I knew it was Katsuki. My hands rested against his wrists, my brain still hadn't caught up. "Nope, we're having this conversation, angel." 

"There's nothing to have a conversation about!" I exclaimed, turning my head slightly so I could just see him out of the corner of my eye. "It was a joke." 

"Then why were you avoiding me?" he asked, his grip on my iron-clad and unwavering. No matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be getting out of this. Time to double down on the lie. 

"Because I knew you'd do this," I hissed, turning around in his arms. I could hear the other two shuffling out of the room and decided to ignore it. Neither of them would be on my side anyway. "It was a stupid, self-deprecating joke. I make them all the fucking time, why does it matter?" 

"Because it wasn't a joke," he said in a firm voice, leaving no room for arguments (like that was gonna stop me). "We won't let you put cigarettes out on your wrist anymore and you're trying to find an alternative." To his credit, he didn't look or sound mad, just stern. There was a hard set to jaw like he was holding himself back from saying more. He was still trying to not hurt me, even though he knew it was exactly what I wanted. Ugh, fuck him for being a good boyfriend or whatever. 

"Okay, and?" I asked, catching him by surprise. He hadn't expected me to admit it so easily, and neither had I, but he'd already figured it out. Katsuki was probably the most stubborn person I'd ever met, I wouldn't have been able to convince him otherwise. 

"I smashed a few pumpkins and you think I'm magically fixed?" I pressed, not letting up on my verbal assault. Why could they never just let me be self-destructive? Just for a little while. "My father told me to kill myself twice, I ran back to drugs, and I'm pretty sure my mom resents me. I won't kill myself, but I have to do something. My brain points out every minuscule thing I fuck up every day and pain is the only thing that ever shuts it up. I'm sorry if that's more fucked up than you can handle, but I've always been overly honest about my baggage." 

I was softly panting by the end of my speech, my anger evaporating almost instantly. Katsuki wasn't the one I was mad at, he never was. The only person my anger ever seemed pointed at those days was myself, but I had blindly lashed out. Everything was just too much all the time. 

I avoided his crimson eyes, but I couldn't ignore the feeling of them on me. His gaze was so intense it almost burned to be under. 

"Fine." 

I snapped my head up at the word. What the fuck did he mean by fine? I didn't get to ask before I was roughly pushed backward and tripped over my feet. The hard floors never broke my fall, instead it was my mattress. 

"What're you doing?" My voice trembled slightly, worried I had officially pushed too far. It wasn't that I wouldn't welcome any pain he inflicted on me, but I didn't think he could live with himself if he lashed out now. One of Katsuki's greatest fears was hurting me, had I fucked up so badly he didn't care anymore? 

I was pushed down onto the mattress with one harsh shove as he climbed on top of me. "If you want pain, then I'll make you hurt," he said simply, a glint in his eyes. "But on my terms." 

Oh. Oh. Yeah, I could work with that. 

All my resistance vanished. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So the talk went well." Hitoshi's voice cut through the hazy static of my brain, but just barely. When had he even gotten back? Was Eijirou with him? I couldn't find it in me to care, too content to fall asleep against Katsuki's chest. 

There was still a slight sting on my scalp and a deep ache in my bones, but they just added to my relaxation. I was sure my entire body was littered with bruises and marks. Katsuki had done an amazing job turning my brain off. 

I felt the vague shifting of Katsuki beneath me, shrugging his shoulders the best he could with my weight on top of him. "He wanted to shut his brain off, I did my job." 

Eijirou let out a snort of laughter at his blunt words. "Eloquent, Kats, truly." 

"Can't believe you even know what eloquent means."

"Now that was just rude." 

"You're the one that started this shit." 

"Doesn't mean you have to be a dick." 

"It was a compliment, you surprised me." 

"How the fuck do you think that's a compliment?" 

"Oh my fucking god," Hitoshi said through a groan, so far away from me. Why were they all far away from me? Couldn't they clearly see I wanted a cuddle pile? "Would you two give it a rest already?" 

Eijirou chuckled again at the interjection. "Was honestly just waiting for you to say something." 

"You two are fucking exhausting." 

I weakly shifted in my spot, a noncommunicable noise leaving me from the back of my throat. I didn't know how else to relay the message of get the fuck over here and stop bickering in my current state. 

"Needy fucking angel," Hitoshi pointed out with a quiet laugh that I suspected he'd tried to cover. It didn't matter what he was saying, because I felt the bed dip and I was shifted to the side, another body slotting in place behind me. 

"Happy now?" Katsuki asked, amusement clear in his voice. 

I let myself go lax, fully relaxing into the arms around me. It seemed like the perfect time for a nap. "Relatively." 

"So fucking needy." 

tbh yall are just lucky I didn't kill anyone off this chapter. I'm listening to the depression playlist again (literally just because those songs are fun to sing and I'm high oops) and all I want to do is write angst.