Payne

Alexis cried herself to ѕleep murming words that added up to what was making her cry but without her explaining herself I knew she was torn about what happened with her parents. I would have thought something was wrong with her if she hadn't cried or reacted the way she did even though in the moment of the big reveal I was hysteric and trying to hide it, its just that she looked so adorable when she was upset, her face would turn a light shade of pink and her small mouth would tighten into a small  pink ball on her face. She was so angry I wonder if she noticed she was slightly shaking?

While Alexis cried into the pillows I felt extremely useless because I had no idea what to do.
I had no idea if she liked when I hugged her when she cried because in my last attempts she pushed me away.

I ended up lying next to her and stroking her back as she cried and got mesmerized by how warm and soft she felt even over her PJs.

I fell asleep at some point and the next thing I knew I woke up crushing Alexis with my body.

I flew off of her the minute I noticed and landed on my feet next to the bed almost falling in the process.

I cursed under my breath.

With my body's absence she turned in her sleep and curled up into her pillow.

Watching her blindly search for me in her sleep brought a smile to my lips and I was even tempted to go back to bed with her.

I'd never slept with someone before, didn't like the idea of someone possibly drooling on me or someone hugging me for an entire night.

Well, all that plus the fact that people were scared to even be too close to me. I didn't really mind though but like I said about a hundred times, Alexis was different and my only acception.

Stretching I decided to go back to my room. I had a lot of things to get done today. I needed space from Alexis too.

We'd made a big step in our relationship last night and I had no idea what I'm supposed to do now. Yes, we were officially together or whatever and even though we had a thorough talk about this I couldn't help the worry that was weighing on my back. What had I been thinking when I kissed her in front of everyone?

Or yeah, I was cheering her up.
I knew how it felt to give up and wish for death, hell, I would have killed myself years ago if it weren't for my sister.

Opening my bedroom door I entered into the black room, all my rooms were black, in all my houses I had to have a black room, it just felt right.

Going to my bathroom I showered and shaved my growing stubble. Spiking out my hair I changed into a grey hoodie and black slacks. Shoving my  feet into a pair of slippers and exiting the room I heard Payge's almost silent snoring and decided to check up on her.

Entering into her purple and pink room it screamed girly except for some black furniture inbetween.

I could see her black long hair spill out from under her white bed sheets and suddenly the snoring stopped.

She rose off the bed ungracefully and big grey eyes met mine.

"Fucking hell Payne! Trying to give me a heart attack?" When her shock wore off she laughed a bit then went silent.

"Sorry to wake you u—"

Her face turned pale and she dry heaved. Then she so much as flew off the bed as she ran into the bathroom and in there I could hear her throw up.

It was unsettling and I felt obligated to do something other than stand in one spot but I stood there, by the door, looking at the purple walls. They seemed really interesting at that point.

Reentering the room I noticed she was only in a bra and very short shorts, her stomach was the same flat muscle I knew it to be and I found myself intrigued by the idea that she had a baby in her. Raising my eyes up to her face she groaned and I smiled.

"You look beautiful this morning."

"Fuck you too Payne." I burst out laughing and she seemed surprised by the action but then covered it up quickly. "What are you even doing in here?"she asked warily climbing back into bed and lying on her back she groaned.

"Came to check up on you... are you okay?" I looked at her belly and she sighed and shook her head no.

"I feel like shit. Morning sickness is the worse and I'm seriously craving ice cream right now," as if struck by an idea her eyes grew and her mouth part more as she spoke, "and pancakes, with strawberries and whipped cream, lots of whipped cream and chocolate syrup. I want pineapple juice, orange and even a fruit punch. I'm dying to get some chilly too but I heard from Michael's wife that pepper isn't good for the baby you know? Did I also tell you that my boobs feel extra sensitive. Like last night....."

My eyes were wide and my mouth was ajar.

What the fuck?

I listened her entire story about last night's events where she bumped into some girl and the girl hit her boob and she felt like killing another person for the night. I had no words by the end of her speech because after the boob she went on about telling me how she was terrified of pushing a baby out of her...

"Holy fuck Payge please shut the fuck up!" I yelled covering my ears and closing my eyes trying to disappear from this torture.

Her laughter filled my ear and I found myself joining in with her.

My intentions for this morning was to go over to the pack house and find some mated and in love idiot to ask for advice but now, in this relaxed weirdness with my sister I felt like maybe I should talk to her...

Or maybe not?

Just a little.

"Payge." I sighed out leaning against the door frame. How was I supposed to do this?

Opening up was so hard and overrated as fuck. Trust someone when there was the possibility they could just shit it back in your face?

But I'd try with my sister, I mean, she was family and even though she was a weird psycho bitch, she was sincere, sometimes.

Seeing that I had gotten serious Payge sat up from the bed and a hopeful look followed with a hint of mischief bathed I'm her eyes.

"I want to talk—"

"Did you guys have sex? Did you mark her? Did you?! Did you Payne?" A smile tugged at my lips and I had to fight to keep my cool and I ran a hand down my face to force my smile away. Fuck no, I hadn't even thought about that.

"Payg–"

"You guys so did ! I knew I should have given you two privacy. Next thing I know I'll find out Alexis is pregnant too !!"

At the thought of Alexis pregnant my smile fell and I felt the tension grow thick in the air.

Payge caught my reaction and thankfully shut the fuck up.

"We didn't have sex and I didn't mark her. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about but I've just realized this was a big mistake."

My breathing became ragged and before Payge could apologize or anything I just stormed out of the room. I couldn't do this.

What the hell was I thinking?

Talking to Payge?

Stupid.

"I can't do this." I ground out as soon as I entered my room and was alone. Alexis and I were official now and what am I supposed to do if she asks for a baby? I definitely can't give her that! And most of all what will I do if she wanted to have sex with me? What if I hurt her?

See! This is why I don't talk to Payge about anything. I go for answers for one thing which is figuring out what you're supposed to do in a relationship then I come out with a whole new problem.

Ah, shit. Its not that I didn't want to, put it bluntly, fûck Alexis, hell, my body was already reacting to the thought but I couldn't. That... With her? Not now. We still had to figure this shit out. Moving too fast will only ruin everything.

I laid on my bed for a while stuck in my thoughts then realized I was acting like a girl on her fucking period. Walking over to the mini fridge I kept in my room I took out a bottle of vodka, whiskey and tequila then went back to bed.  Today was going to be my thinking day, or maybe not thinking day.

I had no choice but to figure this out on my own and I couldn't deal with this alone, my soon to be best friend Alcohol was going to help me out. Shit knew I needed help.

I'll check on Alexis later, whenever I got sober. Maybe tomorrow?

I think we both needed this day away from each other.

Chugging down my first drink of Whiskey I felt everything begin to slow down. I was on my way to a safe place where I didn't have to worry about messing up anything.

Somewhere between my whiskey and vodka switch I felt my mind fully relax.

Then it all hit me.

I didn't have to figure out or get advice on how to deal with my own mate, I knew her to a T and I think she liked me the way I was.  That weirdo.

She saw good in me, I didn't see it but I knew she cared deeply for me and I really, really wanted her, in all ways possible. After this, I wasn't going to make things more complicated between us, I was going to completely open up and be close to Alexis. Give her my all, Its the least I could do after she gave me hers, I'd try. Try as much as I possibly could have and I'd love her.

I really wanted to love her.

I wanted to kiss her too.

I really wanted to kiss her.

I missed lying with her. I was almost tempted to either go for her and bring her sleeping form here or go back to her room and sleep with her.

With the fantasy of making out with Alexis playing in my head I chugged down more of my drink and instantly, knocked the fuck out.

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Short but the previous one was long. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, I have no idea when I'll update another, school is starting back for me tomorrow so my work load is going to begin stacking up and I won't be able to update as much and as often as I'd like.
I thought maybe a Payne P.O.V would have been a nice gift for you all and I hope you enjoyed it.
BTW... #Spoiler... Just in case you guys were wondering, eventually Payne and Alexis will have sex ..will I have a long steamy chapter dedicated to such? Yes!!! ... But right now they're on shaky groundt and I have a lot still to come before the sexy stuff.

Lol
..
So stick with me guys. Imagine how messed up that will be if they just rushed everything? I've read a lot of werewolf books where all the guy said was "you're mine" and the girl's panty was off.

That's messed up..

I'm not going to move in a slow pace and bore you guys but I won't rush it either. I hope you understand.

Xoxo
Random.