This is a work of fiction, complete and utter satire trash of various genre cliche's, tropes and fan-gasms you could swing a whole box of cats at and it still wouldn't measure the sheer amount of crazy put into this...thing people call a story.

The saying goes, take things with a grain of salt. I say, grab the entire bottle of salt and use it to ruin your choice of beverage and then throw the entire thing on your road to keep the ice away because by hell you are gonna need it.

Have fun and try not to die, newb.