SUPER UN-EDITED (idk if that's even a word).

Enjoy!

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"Does it give him bad diarrhea?  Ow! Why in hell carnation is your elbow so fucking sharp?!"

"I will claw out your teeth if you don't stop," I growled.   

Roger's mouth leaned further into my ear.  "Will he be shitting bricks later?  As in actual bricks?  Why do humans use that term anyway?  Why not sandwiches?"  He paused and lifted his head up, speaking in an aesthetic, casual voice.  "You'll be shitting sandwiches."

I flicked my pen against his temple.  "Is there any sign of brain in there?"

"Nah."  He dropped his cheek into his open palm.  "The Zombies ate mine looong ago."  My gaze fell back to the physics lesson on our desk.  "Do you think that drink messes with his hormones?  Does it enlarge his dinga ling-ling?  I heard one guy died because his dinga ling-ling was too big.  He got all wooey-wooey and it exploded-"

I clamped a hand over his mouth.  "He's coming." 

I felt Roger's smile widen under my hand and it took me three seconds before I had slap him again.  "You disgust me," I grumbled, wiping my hand across my jean skirt.  His eyes twinkled in amusement as his attention slowly shifted back to his own paper. 

"Nice of you to join us, Archer," I heard Mr. Grim say. 

I kept my head low, my pen moving across the worksheet. 

"I don't see any tents in his pants.  Are you sure you gave him enough?" Roger's voice lowly murmured. 

I stabbed my pen into his thigh and he howled in pain. 

Mr. Grim drew out a long sigh, removing his glasses.  "Yes, Roger?" 

He wildly shook his head, red cheeks puffing out.  "Mhm, no sir."  I retracted the pen and watched him slump against the chair, his sausage fingers covering over the wound.  "What the actual hell, Vhal?!"  His whisper was pretty damn close to a scream. 

"You wouldn't shut up," I simply answered.  I finished colouring in the little heart I put on my 'i'. 

"So you stab a pen into my thigh?!"

"Just put a band aid on it."

"You stabbed me and you want me to use a band aid?!"

"Boo hoo.  You'll heal."

"No, I won't!  I'm not exactly a beast if you recall."

"I love how you always find a way to sneak personal, highly classified conversations in the most public areas," I sweetly drawled. 

His retorts dissolved into murmuring curses as he carried on with his work: writing, reaching for his sandwich sitting on the corner of the desk, biting into it and putting it back. 

Archer already left for his next class before we could catch him.  I shrugged, and watched Roger stuff his papers into his bag, the sandwich held in his mouth.

"The day there will be no more sandwiches, is the day you will die," I told him. 

He hauled the strap over his shoulder, half his bag still unzipped.  The bread yanked apart between his teeth and he didn't even need to chew as he swallowed it whole.  "I'm sure you can't wait until that day rolls around."

"At your eating rate, I'm sure that day is coming soon."  We walked out the classroom, villains instantly dodging out of our way. 

"When will you understand eating time is all time?" Roger said.  A trail of paper began from his backpack. 

"I don't know whether to kill you or ignore you," I remarked.  

Roger was practically a hamster to me.   

I picked him up when he was freshmeat (not freshmen, we call 'em freshmeat because all those higher practically feed on their vulnerability-and flesh), and saved his ass enough to him to sophomore year. 

"When can I boss you around?" he always complained.  He thought he was a tough guy.  It was cute. 

"When you're taller than me," I always said with a laugh and patted his head.  Like all freshmeat, he was five feet and plump with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other.  If it wasn't for me, the fear squad bitches would've ate him up at a glance.   

People always wondered why I kept him around-there were rumours where I had a fetish for short, fat guys or he was secretly my little brother or I was using him as a slave. 

None of that was true of course-I mean, he did clean my room and do my laundry but he wasn't still alive because of that. 

"And anyway."  I hugged my textbooks to my chest, my skirt swaying like my long, pink ponytail.  "That Bloodlust potion doesn't affect his hormones or his bladder.  It temporarily screws with his mind. He'll be back to normal in a few hours.  So stop asking questions."

"What does it do?  Yeowch!  Again with the elbow?!"

"Quiet your voice down, will ya?  You'll understand at lunch."

Satan must've been listening because Roger didn't speak about Archer until we were sitting in the cafeteria. 

Price and Lance's seat still empty, Roger sidled next to me, carrying a pungent smell of ham and cheese. 

He waved the sandwich, using his hands as he spoke.  "I don't think your potion thing worked on our fellow Hero."

"It should be working right about now," I defended.  Not feeling the macaroni 'n spleen on my tray, I pushed it towards Roger. 

He happily dipped his hand into a slimy piece of organ and stuffed one in his mouth, before taking another huge bite into his sandwich.  "Are you shhhure w'bout that?"

"Don't question me!"

He nudged me to look over our table.

Archer shoved a freshmeat to the side and took the poor vampire's blood pudding.  A ghoul with chain necklaces and floating blue hair winked at him and he shoved his hand in her face, pushing her off. 

"He seems pretty normal," Roger said.  Crumbs rolled down his cheeks and freckled over the lunch table. 

"Shut up." 

School dragged on and it wasn't until curfew I saw Archer again.   

I made a pit stop to the boys' dorm and dropped by Roger's room to find him and Archer snoring away.  I gently closed the door and held in the desire to stomp my way out.  "For Satan's sake, why isn't it working?!"

Fuming by the time I was at the girl dorms, I slammed the door shut and stared at the empty chair and clock in the corner of my room.  Both in my mind and heart didn't want to sit and relax.  The monster in my head could wait to rest.  I tossed on my tunic and loose pants, slipping into soft cushioned flats.  Yanking open my drawer, I removed the machete and boxing gloves. 

It was time to lose some steam. 

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My machete sliced across pink flesh, splitting bone and then finishing off at a clean cut.  The wolf hit the ground hard as the top of his head rolled away, brains spilling like marbles out of a bag. 

The 'losing your marbles' phrase never made so much sense up until now. 

The darkness of the night and forest soothing me as the trees were a cloak to hide my insanity.  I rubbed the blood between my fingers, the scrunched up ball of anger melting in my chest. 

My shoe pushed aside the brains, hand wiping off bits of flesh and I grunted to lift the dead wolf over my shoulder.  I hooked my two pinkies under the ears of dead rabbits and scooped the machete up with my foot, kicking it up and catching it between my teeth. 

Then a beep from the academy stirred the crickets, and Headmistress's voice on the speaker silenced their songs and the whistle of wind-the leaves even refused to rustle.  "All villains must report to the academy. I repeat, all villains must report to the academy."

I advanced one step before exhaustion swept over my body.  My mind burned, the beast inside moaning to rest.  "Hells Bells," I puffed out as my next step was heavier.  Branches scratching up against my pants, I made it out to the log and stuffed the creatures inside, before hiking back to where I killed the wolf.  I wiped the machete across my tunic and hitched it on the side of my belt.  Unhooking the boxing gloves off the branch, I swung them around my neck and made my way back.  

A bead of sweat dared to roll off my cheek and I dug for that strength to haul me through the forest.  The trees beginning to clear, I stared out to the dark blanket of stars above me, a faint streak of pink just past the horizon.  It must've been no later than five in the morning. 

The school doors whined as they swung fully open for me.  Eyes of sleepy villains blinked back at the sudden rays of moonlight pouring into the academy.  Their gaze soaked in my bloody attire. 

"It's rude to stare," I said and walked off, the edge of my blade gleaming under my tunic. 

"It was you!" a screech went off.  The football captain shoved the student in front of me and advanced forward.  "You did it, didn't you?!"

"You clearly shoved your head in bleach because your thoughts are making less sense than that shirt with those pants," I said, flicking my hand aside for him to move.

"Y-y-you're"-the football captain choked on his words. 

"You don't think I know my name?" I ground between my teeth.  I hissed into his ear.  "Note it, don't state it."  I tossed him to the ground and the crowd flinched back, staring wide eyed at the clumsy boy. 

"Monster!" he exclaimed and stumbled into his friends, shoving off helping hands and disappeared. 

"Monster, villain, we're all the same," I said.  With an eye roll, my boots thumped against the floor, hips swaying.  "Move it, loser," I snarled, eyes flickering to a liquid blue.  The crowd broke apart, not daring to make contact. 

Feared eyes watched me down the halls, teddy bears hugged tighter, hair shielding more of the face, girls tightening their grasps on boyfriends (and vice versa). 

"Students, make your way into the gym," the headmistress barked through the speakers.  

I busted past the flow of the crowd, my ponytail slapping the faces of other annoyed villains.  My hand slapped over someone else as I pushed them to the side.  "Hells Bells, whatdaya assholes want from us?!"

A sharp gasped to my left triggered the crowd of students to move, but I was already staring.  "Shit me a sandwich."

Hundreds of ripped limbs and dismembered bodies spread across the gym.  As if the wooden floors were dipped in a bucket of red oil, the moonlight fell through the top windows and caught the slick glimmer of the floor.  Necks and legs were twisted in unnatural ways, crusts of blood stuck in hair.  Shredded wings piled beside motionless lumps of black and brown fur.  Skin was peeled back like potatoes, revealing moist, pink flesh that dripped of sticky fluids and blood.  All empty eyes kept open as their last glances were in the gaze of a killer.  A skipping rope wrapped around the neck of a werewolf and vampire, dangling them from the ceiling. 

"Isn't that Faith?"

"That's her boyfriend!"

"They're dead?!"

A sticky sound came off my boots each time my soles stuck to the varnished floors. 

"Take a seat," Alice ordered.  Her gaze weighed over my boxing gloves and the lump under my shirt. 

"What?" I snapped and shouldered past her.   

The click of hooves, and soft patter of bare feet and slippers filled the gym, the squish of flesh being stomped on mixed in.  The bleachers groaned at everyone's weight.  I took a seat on the front and crossed my legs, aware of the hissing fangs and pointing talons behind me.  

"Morning, everyone!" Alice chirped.  A henchman placed a podium by her feet and she rested her slender fingers on it.  "Isn't this a nice surprise?  Half of our villains slaughtered in our own academy.  I thought you'd all like to see the scene before we clean it up for today's class."

"It was you!" a voice worse than helium shrieked.

Someone shot up from the bleachers and I rolled my eyes, slowly turning towards her.    

Hope, another vomit material with glossy lips and floral prints, flashed her fairy wings behind her.  Black glitter pooled around her bunny slippers.   "You hated Faith!  And you said her boyfriend sucked in bed."

"If that was my reason for killing villains, half our population would be down."

"Because you hated them or because they were horrible sex partners?"

"Both."

"Enough!" Alice said.  "Both your voices are annoying me.  Hearing lady banter makes me want to kill myself.  Unfortunately, I have to look after all you freaks so that can't be arranged."

"What a pity," I sneered.

"Vhalerie."

"What? You don't think I did it, did ya?!" Her silence made my jaw clench.  "You can't be serious?!" 

"She is legitimate," Hope said with a smug smile.  

"You all think I did it?!" I screeched toward the bleachers.  A clang of metal hit the floor and hundreds of eyes darted to my machete.  "You gotta be shitting sandwiches.  Have you seen these bodies?!  A machete couldn't have done that!"

"But a beast could," Hope defended.  She stood on top of the bleacher, the dark clouds in her eyes parting to reveal shimmering diamonds.  "A very powerful beast."

A screech of quick feet shot from the hallway and Lance's voice echoed into the gym.  "Vhalerie!  I can't find Archer.  Do you-"  His tiptoes skid to a halt and he wobbled forward, before stumbling away from the bodies.  "What in the name of justice..."  Price nearly fell over him as he stopped dead behind him. 

Alice swerved her head to me.  "Vhalerie, where is Roger?"

"Sleeping.  You did clear out the dorms didn't you?"

"We went back for them, but their beds were empty," Price answered from the doorway.  They've never seen this much blood.  That was for sure. 

Noting the scrunched brows and murmurs from the villains, I cleared my throat and quickly told her, "We'll find them."  I leaped over limbs and splattered brains, my toes squishing down a pink liver.

"I'm coming with you!" Alice bellowed. 

A breeze whisked past me and Alice was already standing dangerously close to Lance and Price.  "I don't like not knowing things."  Her glare flickered over to me.  "You should already know that, Vhalerie."

I hid my hard swallow with a light laugh.  "How could I forgot?" 

"Let's go," Lance said, shrugging off Alice's hand.  I noticed his shirt darkened with the sweat dripping down his neck and chest.  I put a hand on his arm and he flinched back.  His worried eyes held mine.  "We need to find them before it's too late."  

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A/N: There.  I literally dug this up in a day and thought, 'Screw this. I'll post it.  Hopefully it's not full of too much crap.'

Sooo. Thoughts on who you think killed those villains? Vhalerie? Alice? Roger? Archer?

MWHAHA.

Anyway, get excited because that story with the pregnant Satan (Yes, the Devil is a female in my story and yes, she got pregnant and yes, she has beer for breakfast)? The new one I'm writing?  I'm working on it now! Are you interested in reading it?

Please vote and comment if you want ;)

I want to hear your thoughts! Most of you didn't say anything so I'm really interested in your feedback.

Love you!

Xx8tracks