Trigger warnings cause this chapter needs it:
Grieving, drinking issues, implied self-harm, suicide attempt, funeral, and divine intervention.

-------

If life was a movie or a book, the pages must be blurred. It's all Tommy felt anyways. The most important characters of the book or movie were gone. His family, his best friends... They were gone. The only people left in his life weren't much of family. They hadn't been his family since he was 7. 

Tommy didn't like this book very much. All he did was suffer and be around for his presence to make others suffer. He was surrounded by death and pain. His life was a blur, a cult is taking over his city, he isn't dead but wishes he was.

And it didn't help that their killers are still out there. Eating dinner with their family. Celebrating birthdays and anniversaries together.

DreamXD... How old was Tommy now? 

17? 18?? Maybe he was 20. He didn't remember nor did he care.

Tommy was now "celebrating" his 5th- maybe 6th anniversary of running away with Ranboo after attempting suicide alone. Sure, he spent it alone anyways, but there will be no waking up to his roommates joking around being fucking kids. Acting their FUCKING AGE!

No. 

Instead, they were being digested by the egg. Or whatever happens after a parasite red egg creature eats you after being beheaded. 

Maybe that was why Tommy was sitting alone in an empty apartment that's rent he stopped paying after watching his friends die the brutal death they didn't deserve, surrounded by alcohol and a broken pencil sharpener.

Maybe that was why Tommy took up drinking. Maybe that was why Tommy was developing addictions he couldn't support.

It wouldn't matter anyway, would it? Everyone he cared about was dead. 

Now he wasted his time and money getting wasted or bleeding from his wrists.

Tommy was too depressed to go to work or pay rent. Or do anything, really. So, he got kicked out. 

-----------

9:00.

Tommy clutched the bottle of alcohol he carried as he drunkenly wandered the streets with his suitcase that had been half-heartedly packed with the only stuff he kept from his apartment before getting kicked out.

He wheeled his sad little suitcase around town, taking a big sip of the bottle as he wandered without purpose.

9:30. 

He ran out of alcohol. He now wandered with the empty bottle and half-packed bag. Tommy sighed as he looked around and spotted it. 

The bridge. 

10:15. 

It took a while to wander over there. But here he now was, feet dangling above the frozen river underneath him. He set down the empty bottle and the packed suitcase next to him. 

10:50. 

You know, it really was nice from up there. 

Tommy swung his feet over the railing, not yet ready to jump. Tommy sobbed as he watched the beautiful night sky in front of him, light burning his eyes. 

Tommy sobbed harder than he ever did as he had to relive Tubbo and Ranboo's cruel, sickening deaths in his head over and over on repeat through his thoughts. 

No matter how drunk or high he was on anything, he couldn't get it out of his head. He had to relive the memory over and over without rest.

Tommy sobbed hard enough for his lungs to give out. He sobbed hard enough for him to die of a broken heart rather than suicide.

11:55. 

Tommy calmed down. Well, not really. But at least he stopped sobbing. If he could still cry, he still would be. 

He cried himself to a point he felt numb-er than he ever had and could no longer bring himself to cry or sob anymore.

Tommy closed his eyes.

A year ago he had been watching the time tick away with the ability to worry about the future and what would he would be.

If only he knew how much he would fail.

11:58.

He swore this year would be better. He swore that his birth family wouldn't find him. So how did things go so downhill so quickly!? How did he ruin it all in a year!?

11:59.

He was going to die one way or another. Death was inevitable. He was merely discontinuing something unnecessary.

Like canceling a television program you never use.

Tommy wiped his tears away with his hand and sighed.

"Second times the charm."

He said the line in a quiet, hushed, painful voice that made it clear he'd been sobbing for days.

12:00.

And then he proceeded to let himself fall forward to reach his inevitable death.

---------

He doesn't know who called, who saved him, or who's paying for the bills. But here he is, lying in the hospital after yet another suicide attempt.

All he really knows is Tubbo and Ranboo haven't had a funeral yet and the only people he had to visit him are Techno and Phil. 

Waking up after the attempt was probably his last moment of peace. He got to wake up looking for Tubbo and Ranboo as if they were still alive and forget it all for a moment.

But then reality had to hit him like a brick as Techno sadly looked at him, knowing Tommy wasn't looking around for anyone but the two.

His peace ended with being told they were gone for good.

----------

"Tommy. You're gonna stay with me for a bit until we can get you back on your feet, okay?" Techno explained to him, talking to Tommy as if he was still a small child.

Tommy didn't know what day it was anymore but he didn't care. It didn't matter either. Time was passing but life stood still for him. 

Techno recommended therapy. After all, he did just witness a horrifying event and attempt suicide for the second time.

Tommy refused to go.

Tommy refused to do anything. All he did was cry and sleep.

He was grieving, what else could he do?

Nothing probably hurt more than what Tommy was going through. 

He watched the only real family he's ever had get beheaded and their bodies get taken by a weird living egg parasite thing.

He's never going to see them again.

No more waking up to yelling because someone forgot to do the dishes. No more bickering and ignoring each other because they got into a stupid fight like kids do- because that's what they were. Kids.

Sure, Tommy's probably 18 at this point- but they literally raised each other.

They were family. And now it was just Tommy. Now he's stuck with people that only started caring for him after he was gone.

And sure, Techno and Phil we're nice enough now, but that didn't erase the past. He was still driven to suicide by them. And you could probably go as far as calling them emotionally abusive and neglectful. Some heroes they were.

------

Tommy left Techno's house for the first time since being brought there for the funeral. Not many people showed up. The only people who did were Tommy, Phil, Techno, a couple of syndicate heroes who were there for the mission, a couple of Tubbo and Ranboo's friends from their past jobs, and an unexplainably familiar... Being.

The whole funeral felt like a blur. Nothing felt real. Like he was just going through the motions.

The day was actually rather perfect to hold a funeral. Either that or the universe was mourning with him.

The funeral was held outside, a little closer to the city than Wilbur's statue was. 

The two were buried in the same forest as Wilbur.. somewhat nearby Wilbur's statue.

Tommy sat down in the pouring rain as everyone started leaving, starting at the small gravestones given to such good, loyal, amazing people.

He would've cried if he could. But the surreality of it all made it impossible. Maybe this was denial. 

If it was denial he never wanted to reach depression.

Tommy turned and saw the mysterious figure who hadn't said one word at the funeral or even been acknowledged by a single fellow attendee. 

The figure wore a mask with XD written into it and glowed white slightly. It was easy to see him in the dark pouring rain.

It was like looking at an extremely realistic painting with lots of detail, but the image of the otherworldly-appearing creature was slightly blurred in a way.

Something about the creature was calming in an oddly familiar way.

The creature turned and headed further into the forest. 

Tommy felt light and as if he was no longer in control of himself. As if his brain was set to autopilot, he followed the creature down the path that lead to his brother's statue. Except the statue was no longer Wilbur.

It was now a rapidly changing scene made of marble recounting Tommy's entire life.

Then it showed him a marble face that mirrored him perfectly-- It was as if he was looking at a mirror without color.

Tommy turned to the creature as it outstretched its hand. 

Tommy in turn reached for the creature's hand and felt himself drift off.

------

Tommy woke up to an alarm blaring. Confused, he sat up and shut off his phone alarm. Tommy looked around for a moment as he realized he wasn't in Logstedshire.

L'manburg. He was in his childhood home in L'manburg. 

Tommy jumped up and ran down the familiar hallway to the bathroom and examined himself in the mirror.

He looked to be about 14. 

Tommy stood in the bathroom and looked at himself in shock and screamed.

He heard a pair of feet running up the creaky old stairs and turned to face whoever had entered the hallway.

"Tommy?" 

When he looked over, instead of seeing a marble recreation of his brother meant for war heroes, he saw a kid with brown fluffy hair and round glasses starting back at him.

"Wilbur!"