Celenore

Claire fled camp the moment Koldis landed. She took off into the wilderness hoping to escape everything, to leave it behind. She ran, gripping her waist against her shooting side ache. She fought to see through the blur of tears, half crying, half gasping through her sobs.

"Claire!" Koldis chased after her. "Claire, stop!" He caught her around the waist, gently spinning her to face him. "Claire..."

"It's my fault! It's all my fault. I can't go back to camp." She dropped to her knees, head in her hands, rocking back and forth. She couldn't be there when the others returned. She couldn't face them. Not now. Not when she was responsible for....

Another sob broke free.

"Claire..." Koldis crouched before her, rubbing her back in calming circles. "It's not your fault. Everyone with us knew there were risks. We never told them it would be safe."

"But I—"

"No. I will not let you take the blame for this."

She stayed silent. It didn't matter how he sugarcoated it. She blamed herself regardless. This was her fault. "I can't go back yet. I can't face them..."

"We don't have to go back yet. Besides, they won't return for some time. Deep breaths. Come on. Breathe." She nodded into her hands, trying to do as he said. But each breath was more of a painful gasp.

"What...what happened back there?" he asked. "Tell me what went wrong." He took her by the wrists, gently pulling her hands from her face. She was forced to look at him through tear streaked eyes. She hated the genuine concern in his expression. She'd rather see the cold, unfeeling looks he used to give her when they first met. That was the face she deserved now. "Tell me." He kept his voice low.

"I...It was all a mess. I thought I had it under control but...the images. I couldn't focus through them. When I didn't get it right on the first try, I panicked."

"Images?"

"I don't know what they were. Flashes. I saw things. Scenes of what was happening in the villages. From the Drengr. I didn't know what it was, what was happening to me. I...I panicked."

He swore. "You saw projections."

"What?"

"Projections. When...when we go into battle, words are often too much, take too long. Drengr revert to a more primal form of communication. Emotions, images, feelings, bursts of thought. It's hard to explain. It's...instinctual."

"I...but I'm not a..." She shook her head. What did it matter? It wouldn't bring Hiondel back.

"I did not think..." He hesitated, studying her face. "You can hear our voices but I never imagined you would be capable of projections. None of us would have guessed it. Not even King Talon. I should have warned you earlier but the possibility didn't even cross my mind." He sighed and sat back on his heels.

"It's not like it's your fault," she muttered. "How were you supposed to know?"

"Because unlike you, I'm not new to all of this." He fell silent.

She wiped her tears and calmed her breathing, but every moment felt like a single crack away from shattering all over again.

"You should get some sleep," he said at last. "Come on." He stood and pulled her to her feet.

"I can't sleep like this, Koldis. Someone is dead! Don't you get it?! Hiondel is dead because of me!"

He growled then, the sound deep and primal. And when he opened his mouth, she took a faltering step back. "No, that's enough! I will not let you take the blame for this. Hiondel is dead because he had a misstep and got stabbed. You did not stab him, did you?"

"I...of course not. Why would you—"

"If you did not stab him then—"

"I failed to work my magic in time!" she roared, angry with him for not understanding. "Had I burned them when I was supposed to, Hiondel wouldn't have had to...wouldn't have...wouldn't..." Her breathing came in great gasps. It wasn't even just Hiondel. The villagers had suffered too. She didn't even know how many were harmed. How many had died, because of her.

"I cannot believe you expect this level of perfection from yourself, Claire. You're living under a delusion! Stop it. Wake up. Magic takes a great deal of practice. You're trying to do Sprite magic. Magic that you have no training with. Just because it worked once, does not mean you will get it on the first try, or every time thereafter.... Gods!" He threw his hands in the air. All she could do was watch his outburst wide-eyed. "What you just did up there in the sky, I have never seen anything like it. It was..." He shook his head. "Nothing short of incredible. Our magic does not work that way. We couldn't have—none of us—done anything on that scale. You destroyed them all! And you're standing here blaming yourself because you didn't get it perfectly right the first time? Just—stop."

She could only blink at him, speechless. She wanted to fight back. To argue. To tell him how wrong he was. But she couldn't find words.

"Now, come. You need sleep. Talon would kill me if he saw you in this state." He took her hand, leading her back to camp.

The moment she saw all their belongings scattered about. Bedrolls. Cooking pits. Packs. The tears started all over again. She was careful to keep her face averted in the muted glow of dawn. The sun was close to rising and she didn't want Koldis to see her supposed weakness. Not after his outburst.

"I'll just sleep then," she muttered, dropping his hand. She went to her bedroll and buried herself in the blanket, blotting out the rest of the world. The cocoon was welcome. A sliver of safety while everything else around her went to shit.

The sound of Koldis's boots stopped beside her. His voice was close, like he was crouching over her. "Claire...I may not have said it, but thank you. For what you did. Not just for risking your safety, but for risking us too. I'm...I'm proud of you even if I haven't been the best at showing it. I'm proud of what you have accomplished. And King Talon would be too. Please...please do not let your grief overshadow your success."

His words cracked something deep inside her. Fresh tears flowed in full force. When she didn't answer, he stomped away. She wanted to listen, to take his advice, but something held her back. So she cried and cried, letting everything out until it seemed there was nothing left to give.

Eventually, her exhaustion was deeper than her grief and she drifted off into a deep slumber. When she woke, the pressure was still there, deep in her chest. She couldn't fight past it. The sadness. The disappointment.

Her ears pricked. There were noises around the camp, but she didn't have the courage to emerge from beneath her blanket and look. Groans of pain broke the silence. She knew what it meant. The wounded had returned. And she knew what kind of wounds they had suffered.

At this very moment, Vodar poison was threatening their bodies. Turning skin black as they used their magic to fight it, to keep it at bay. She knew what that felt like. Knew exactly what kind of pain it was.

She huddled deeper beneath her bedroll. It wasn't simply Hiondel's death she'd have to face when she saw them. And because of that, she wanted nothing more than to disappear and never be seen again. Better she had died in Hiondel's place than face them now.

At some point, she drifted off again. It was nearly dusk when next she woke. The camp was louder, signaling the return of the remainder of their party, back from the villages where they'd spent the day helping rebuild.

"Claire..." Jovari's voice this time. He stood near her, trying to coax her out. "Claire, surely you'd like to eat. You should come out from there." His voice was low. She felt a gentle tug at the blanket. "No one blames you."

"Go away," she said.

"Claire, we're going to heal the others. Their magic is barely strong enough to hold back the poison. If we don't, they could die overnight. It's spreading." She winced, thinking about it. "One of us isn't enough to heal them. Not even Koldis with his affinity. But together we can combine our strength."

At that, she sat up, pulling the blanket away to look at him. "You mean, they aren't going to have suffer with it, like...like..."

"Like you and Cyrus did? No." He looked her over in the fading sunlight. "Gods, you look like hell." She grunted, rolling her eyes. He grinned. "I thought that would work. You going to help or not?"

"I will do everything I can, just tell me what is needed."

He nodded helping her to her feet. She wrapped her cloak around her shoulders. It took all her self control to keep from pulling the hood over her head, to keep from hiding her face.

She followed him through the camp, keeping her eyes averted. The others mutely watched as she passed. She expected a train of telepathic thoughts in her wake, but there was nothing, like they were all too numb to speak amongst themselves.

She stole a glance at one face, and then another. Instead of narrowed eyes and anger, she saw the opposite. Until she spotted Lilly, not five paces from her. She stopped dead in her tracks. "Lilly..." she whispered. "I...I'm so sorry." Lilly gazed back at her with a blank expression, then turned and walked away.

She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a sob.

Faedrol strolled up, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What you did, Claire. We have never..." He shook his head, glancing over to where Lilly retreated. "She lost her mate today. Her hurt isn't directed at you. Do not take it personally, all right?" He searched her face. All she could do was nod and pretend that she wouldn't. She couldn't tell him what she really thought. What she really felt.

Jovari stood silently, waiting.

"What...what will happen to her now?" she croaked. "Now that Hiondel is..." She couldn't even say the word.

"Probably best not to discuss that right now," Jovari answered, crossing his arms.

"No. Tell me. I need to know."

Jovari sighed. "She will die."

"What?" The word came out choked. She swayed on her feet. Faedrol's grip on her shoulder tightened.

"Not immediately, but Hiondel's magic is fading from her. The years of her long life will catch up rapidly. She will quickly age and..." He sighed. "Come, we should heal the others."

"You mean, I didn't just kill Hiondel? I also killed her?"

Faedrol swore, looking over at Jovari. "She blames herself?" Jovari nodded. He turned back to her. "Lady Claire, that is not the way of it. And Hiondel would be dishonored if he knew that you took the blame for his actions and his death. You must allow his soul to rest in peace. Taking this burden will not bode well for him in the afterlife."

"I..." She blinked back at him. "You mean—"

An anguished cry split the air. Koldis rushed over, his face etched with worry. "Some of them are in bad shape," he said, breathless. "We don't have long. We must act now if we are to save them. Come." He motioned to the others standing around too, and they all gathered about the injured, stretched out on bedrolls. Made as comfortable as their meager supplies allowed.

Drengr and Rider alike had suffered at the hands of the Vodar. She tried not to think of the villagers who had been killed instantly by the poisonous wounds, didn't even have the courage to ask. At least the Drengr and their Riders had magic to hold the poison in check.

Some of the injured were worse than others. Jorsid had a massive gash on his leg. Darcie had been stabbed in the gut. Rhywyth was curled in a ball groaning, his wounds hidden. Edith had a gash on her arm.

Her stomach lurched as memories of Cyrus's suffering came bearing down on her. Her leg gave a twinge; she felt the phantom pain of her old wound. She tried not to look at those injured for too long. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut before turning to Koldis for direction.

"We will link up," he said. "I will lead the incantation."

Those uninjured crouched together, gathering around the wounded. They placed their hands on shoulders and arms, until they were all linked through physical contact. She hadn't realized it would strengthen the magic. She did the same, sitting on her heels as she placed her hand against Koldis's shoulder. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. He glanced at her and nodded before turning back to Rhywyth. Jovari placed his hand over hers. She sighed at the warmth of his familiar contact.

"Let us begin." Koldis began to speak, filling the air with his incantation, words of the old language. She felt a surge, like a powerful wave sweeping her up, from all the minds linked to hers. Her eyes blurred with tears, overcome with emotion, with exhaustion. She wanted nothing more than to fix them, to heal them, to undo what her panicked mistake in the sky had done.

Koldis continued to chant. The sound of his voice wrapped around her, his words melding together. She didn't realize she had started humming along with him, a painful keening at first, creating a musical backdrop to his words, until Jovari's hand squeezed hers again and his voice whispered in her ear, "Don't stop. Whatever you're doing, it's working."

The wounds on the injured began to glow as the air was filled with the magic of healing. It twisted together into shades of blues and greens, until she realized what was happening. Something in her voice was lending assistance to Koldis's words.

If she questioned it, the moment would be lost. Instead, she shut her eyes and continued humming, until her voice turned to soft singing. They were words she did not know, words she'd never heard before, of a language that simply seemed...right. A language filled with the emotion of everything she felt. Everything hurting within her. She set about weaving her words around what came from Koldis. Like adding threads of fortification to his incantation, tightening it with ties and knots. Fixing it into place. Making sure it held fast.

Her song followed his lead. Lifting up to a crescendo before dying down into softness. And then it ended.

She opened her eyes, removing her hand from Jovari's grip and Koldis's shoulder. A weariness flowed through her, but different than what usually came after performing the typical kind of Mage magic. This exhaustion was filled with the satisfaction of having done something...good.

Her left shoulder burned, too. On her back just below her neck. She resisted the urge to claw at her skin, almost certain that if she looked, she would find a new Sprite mark glowing there. Instead, she turned her attention outward, glancing around. No one was looking at the wounded. They were all staring at her, some wide-eyed, others with open mouths. She scowled, not quite understanding their expressions.

"Is it...did we do it?" she asked. "Are they healed?"

Koldis grunted. "Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable." She opened her mouth, then closed it. "Yes, Claire. They are healed, no thanks to whatever it was that you just did."

"I...I think I need to lay down."

She tried to stand and stumbled.

"I've got you." Jovari's hands wrapped around her, lifting her, guiding her away from the others. "Sleep for a bit. Unless you'd like to eat first?" On cue, her stomach gurgled. He laughed. "I'll get you something to eat."

She took a seat on her bedroll, groaning. No one bothered her. They were still huddled around the recovering wounded, who were now getting to their feet. Darkness had fallen. She had to squint to make out their shapes.

"Someone get a fire going," one of them called.

Not long after, a blaze of flames lit the camp.

It all felt like a disjointed dream.

Jovari returned with some dried meat, cheese, and bread, passing her a water skin after she'd had a chance to devour some of it. "What you did back there, was that more Sprite magic?"

She finished eating, licking her fingers before wiping them on her pants. "I...I think so." As if to answer, the burning near her shoulder flared and then disappeared.

"How did you know to do it?"

"I..." She shook her head, too exhausted to think about it. "I don't know. Instinct, I suppose. It just felt like the right thing to do."

"Well, whatever it was, it worked. I'm not sure you know much about healing magic. Koldis is the best at it, next to some of our Magoi. Remember your leg?" She shuddered. How could she ever forget? "It took him nearly an hour of incantations to stop the poison from spreading to the rest of your body. You were passed out for most of it, if I recall."

"Your point?"

"It took minutes to heal them, Claire. Minutes. Minutes for what should have taken an hour or more with all of us linked like that. I don't know what you did, but it worked." He shook his head, taking the water skin from her hands and having a drink. He cleared his throat. "You need to sleep now. Go on."

She nodded, getting situated beneath the blanket of her bedroll. Jovari knelt and adjusted the blanket, tucking her in. She almost laughed at his fussing like an old nursemaid, but she was too tired to do more than watch him before her eyes fluttered closed.

"Sleep well, Lady Claire..." She felt his fingers brush her forehead, and then she felt nothing at all, drifting off into an exhausted slumber.

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