I sometimes wonder, would I be better off without emotions? I get so sad and angry and I hurt, alot.
I don't see much use for my emotions really, I may aswell just have sadness because that seems to be the only thing I can feel.
Sadness and anger, they can't really be controlled, can they? I try to supress my sadness but it flows out of me, I'm sure anybody can tell I'm sad.
But, its not just sadness, I feel alot of different things, sometimes I think, maybe despair, the whole world if it took over, everyone would feel like me.
But how do I describe my feelings, I mean to be fair I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, I guess I just wanted to vent.
My life really hasn't been the greatest, primary school was horrible but my parents just put it down to "kids being kids" It kinda hurts, having your experiences doubted by parents who weren't even there to experinece it all.
I don't really get an "escape" I'm stuck with this, this depression, sometimes I feel like I've made my depression into a whole new emotion, something different from what other people experience.
I have alot of really low points, I'll just cry and cry, sometimes I'll put on a happy face but thats just a mask.
A histerical mask, my depression, it feels like its driving me insane sometimes, I feel so numb but at the same time I'm feeling almost everything.
I want to be taken away to a different world, where she cares, the girl I've tried so hard for, I just, I want to feel, I want feeling so badly.
But at the same time, I never want to feel another thing, because its so goddamn painful, I mean I'm in constant pain, whether It be mental or physical, I mean sure people are nice to me but it just, I can't fully appreciate it.
I feel like a broken record writing this, I feel as if every line is just repeating the same thing, with no difference, but depression isn't even the only thing weighing me down.
She really thought I was getting better, because I was starting to look after myself a little more, but I guess I was just unintentionally masking it, can you even do that, put a mask on without even realizing it?
I guess stress is also a big factor in all of this, middle school, oh boy, I mean sure in thr long run it sounds fun but it makes me feel even worse, the people here are much smarter than me.