Ik you're tired of hearing it, cause I'm certainly tired of saying it.

And Ik I have a vent book for her now, but each update doesn't notify everyone following you, just new books do.

I'm going to be 100% honest. I want people to see this.

I want the attention cause I fucking need it right now. And if that makes me a 'selfish brat', quote from my sister, then idc.

We got into another fight. This time it wasn't a fight. (Most times it's not a fight anyways, it's just her yelling at me)

She said some fucked up things.

And now I wanna slit my wrist deep until I bleed out tonight.

For example:

"You selfish brat"

"Horrible person"

"Make everyone's lives worse (with my problems as well)"

"Go away, no one would care"

"Worthless"

"Dumb fuck"

And literally all I told her was "this is exactly why I wanna go live with dad" I literally didn't talk for half of it.

Yes, should I have not told her? Yeah, it was dumb on my part, but she was gonna find out already.

She's right. All what she had said is true. She's said it so many times now that I believe her. Even if I didn't, her voice always crashes against any self worth/self reasoning I had.

I can't wait any longer. Someone needs to talk me outta this mindset.

And Ik going online and ranting about crap to strangers is selfish. It puts too much pressure on people, especially when they say they're going to kill themselves.

But I have no one else to go to. I feel like all my attempts irl fail me.

So please. I need help. And I don't know what to do besides write about it and post it on the internet cause I'm just that pathetic.

Sorry. Sorry if I don't post much. Sorry if I do make everyone's lives worse. Sorry if my existence is wrong. Sorry if you fell in love (friend of not) with someone like me.

I'm just so sorry.