Feeling really terrible on main, I guess

CW// Hallucinations and ghosts

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Sometimes I can't see what's real versus fake and it gets so bloody creepy

Something amazing can happen, and I'll see it as a dream and laugh, "can't wait to do this today," until my mom says that was, indeed, yesterday

And then I'll forget about something because I thought I did it already, then just never do it and then get angry when I have to do it or are told that I need to do it, because I've already done it, why do I have to do it again?

And it gets so bad because I rope my family and friends into this weird world I live in, and it gets so terrible

I was in my kitchen very early [or was it late-] a bit ago and heard a murmur and walkie-talkie static, just behind me in the mudroom. It was so creepy and I literally grabbed my friends that were online on Discord at the time into this big idea that some person was in my house, and said friends were in fact very nice and helped me get myself safe from this imaginary person. It was so terrible, I sat there for over 45 minutes with them as they gave advice and all this other stuff, it was very bloody scary for my early morning brain

But when I told my dad when he finally came downstairs, he just kinda laughed and said that that was impossible, he didn't pick anything up on his security camera outside and that the porch light would turn on. My mom just said it was nothing and my sister didn't care, it was so terrible, it felt so real I was shaking

I hate this because my brain loves to hallucinate all this stuff, my world always feels real, but there's always something off or some glitch going on in this game of life

Hearing breathing in an empty room and no-one's there; seeing something move out of the corner of my eye. Repeatedly seeing this blob floating around, that looks vaguely like my dog

Living in a house with a ghost/ghosts get so weird, too

I'll be doing something, then see some figure standing there

I think it's only one, I'm pretty sure.

They're really curious about life and the people here, and what we do

They kinda freak out when they're found or seen, they really don't like eye contact. They like small things and seeing stuff I do, they like watching me do things. They're usually a good person to point small things and glitches on when something happens. They're just nice and like wandering- I only see/hear them every once in a while- once every 1-2 months or so.

Nobody else in my family has seen or heard them at all, though; other than me. My mom acts like it's some imaginary friend of mine I made up, and my dad just doesn't care. My sister acts weird whenever I mention them or say to do something for them, like keep the bedroom door open so they can leave in a few minutes. This makes me really afraid that they are, in fact, just another figment of my imagination. That they aren't real, and that I hallucinated all of it.

That I've gone insane with all these things living in my head. I don't want that.

But I also don't want them to leave? It makes my house feel more alive, even if it keeps me on edge most of the time, or takes up part of my day just talking or hiding stuff or doing anything with them. They're kind of like a weird part of my family nobody sees other than me. Like the grandma in Paranorman, where all of Norman's family keeps getting angry at him for talking about ghosts and his grandma, because they're dead to the others. Nobody cares.

I know I sound so insane- that I'm off to some mental hospital with all these worms digging around in my skull or something. Writing all this down is so weird to me, I finally get to leave this somewhere and let it out, but I notice how unhinged I sound. I sound like that weird uncle in Paranorman, just some berserk guy running around in the woods with the faeries.

I guess I relate to Norman and some of the other characters a lot.

It's not as fun as they cut it out to be, though, even without all those creepy demon stuff that starts to happen in the movie.

It's really weird, seeing stuff nobody else sees. It's not a fun power or something either, it's actually really creepy. It's not fun most of the time. It's creepy and scary and you feel like some insane freak when people look at you so weird when you talk about it, where your friends all just nod slightly and go back to their conversations about actually real things everybody can see. I don't have some happy-go-lucky buddy that wanders around with me and laughs and talks about the ghosts with me. I'm alone in this scary world on my own. Even the ghosts don't talk to me. They just... stand there and watch and do things without me.

If I'm the main character in this story, they've cut this out of the movie or book. They want everything to seem fun, make little kids think seeing ghosts or hallucinations are actually fun and all the rage nowadays. If you see this, it isn't fun.

Not only do i see al these hallucinations of ghosts and beings and all that stupid stuff, but i keep thinking there's someone or something out to get me. I check in the bathroom closet and turn on all the lights when I take a shower. I think the most terrible things about what's in that closet, and always expect the worst. I film myself on my computer when I have to do homework when nobody else is downstairs. I talk to myself when I do that work and always look around, just so nobody would sneak up on me or bash through the window or sneak out from under the cabinet. I've caught myself seeing one of the weird hallucination-blobs of my dog on camera, but it was offscreen, and I've already deleted the video.

I feel like some insane person, like Elwood, the main character in Harvey. Just a guy that can see something nobody else does, and everyone treats him like some insane martian. He just wants a normal life, and live it with a hallucination he has. But everyone keeps him away, to the point of making sure he goes out to what I think was the bar, so he wouldn't be at a dinner party his sister wanted to have. He scared every single person there when he finally arrived. They all treated him as insane, and nobody believed anything he said. If you said his name, people would shush you or flinch or something. I feel like him, in a sense.

Even by the end of the movie, Harvey's existence is still not fully shown. It's hinted that he's real, but nobody really says so.

Of course, Elwood was seeing a giant rabbit, and I see some random stuff, not rabbits. At least he gets a cool animal that talks to him, and people even so slightly care about this darn rabbit. His sister even saw it once or twice! He at least sees his things clearly. Norman does, too. They see their ghosts and rabbit like full, clear, real beings, not some random blob or an actually defined being for just a split-second.

I feel insane.

If you made it here, please comment on this. please, I just need to know if someone is there and actually knows what to do, or at least is there to chat

Thanks

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