(TW, mentions of suicidal thoughts, yelling, and possible abuse)

Alright, let me keep this short and simple.
I'm 99% sure I live in an abusive household now.
My mom literally yelled at me and whipped my ass three times over the fact I'm too implusive and bought a notebook I didn't need.
I can't control myself, okay?!
I probably have ADHD or autism or WHATEVER, and she won't get it checked because I wasn't diagnosed with it at birth, so she'll defintely think I'm just a mistake.
And my aunt, who saved me from suffering a similar fate the last time I messed up in front of her didn't help me out this time, at ALL.
She said it was because I needed to learn a lesson.
ALL HITTING ME DOES IS MAKE ME AN EVEN WORSE PERSON!!
It feels like only my grandma cares, and for all I know, she could die whenever.
At this point, I might just kill myself.
There's more than enough knifes in the kitchen to use.
I just need to be alone.
Maybe that'll be soon.