I want to scream so bad right now, but I can't.
She won't understand, she might get mad because of it.
I might get whooped just BECAUSE I did something simple or I forgot something important again.
Most likely the forgetting thing, I'm a dumbass after all.
She thinks hurting me will make me act better.
It won't.
I'll only cry more.
And she should know by now once I start crying I can't stop.
She should know.
....
....
I hate this.
I hate myself.
I hate my life.
I hate her.
I HATE IT, I JUST DO!!!
I GET THAT I'M FORGETFUL, I GET THAT I'M LAZY, I GET THAT!!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!
"Oh, I'm not even raising my voice!"
MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T DO SO CONSTANTLY YOU COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE!!
"You don't even care!"
OF COURSE I DO, YOU'RE MY FUCKING MOTHER!!
"The people at my work care about me more than my family!"
WELL GUESS WHAT?! THE INTERNET FILLED WITH PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW CARE FOR ME MORE THAN YOU!!
"One day I'll be gone and you won't have to deal with listening to me anymore."
GREAT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR YOU FUSSING OVER ME BEING SLIGHTLY LAZY. MAYBE I'LL BE THE HAPPY JOYFUL PERSON I ONCE WAS AGAIN WHEN THAT HAPPENS. AND I AM LISTENING, YOU JUST CAN'T SEEM TO TELL.
I WISH I WAS A MISCARRIAGE, JUST LIKE THE TWO BABIES BEFORE ME!!
MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE HERE!!
I WISH I WAS DEAD!!
I WISH I HAD THE GUTS TO TIE A NOOSE OR GRAB A KNIFE AND SLICE MY NECK!!
I wish you were actually nice for once...
One day, I'll probably run away or end my life.
One day.
You better not cry when that happens.
It was bound to eventually.
"You'd rather listen to someone else than your own family?"
With you acting like this, yes. YES I WOULD.
....
....
....
...I wish you understood.
I wish you understood EVERYTHING.