[TW: suicide and self harm]

If I get a single report for this goddamn chapter I'm deleting this book.

I've never felt such a strong urge to cut myself. I don't know what even happened but the urge kept me up last night.

I still can't,of course,because there's a camera in the kitchen and my dad works at home.

Sometimes scratching myself makes it go away,But I've mostly resorted  to self-projecting my thoughts and emotions onto fictional characters (mainly seven) so I can feel better.

It's supposed to make me feel better.

It'll make me feel better.

Along with drawing.

Drawing is also supposed to help.

...

I miss my brother so fucking much. I just want to hug him and play halo with him like we used to before he moved out and we moved to a different country.

I act like I'm fine about it but I'm really not.

I just want things back the way they were and I didn't have to feel this way.

I want him back.

I'm scared to wake up and for someone to tell me he's gone.

Along with the fact I feel like I'm overthinking some things bc I have a different opinion than someone I know or look up to so I feel the need to change myself just because I'm scared of upsetting people.

My mom told me she might tell my brother about my account,but I desperately don't want him to see this,so I told her not to.

She was sketchy,but obliged.

...

I hope people I know irl never see this book.

Or tell me they've seen this book.

My head hurts,I need to lay down.