Disclaimer, this is gonna be a long one-
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So, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you guys, and even typing this out, I'm having some second things. But I need to say this.

As many of you know (or if you don't, I'll explain in a second), I have some pretty bad self-worth issues. I've alluded to it in the past with my vent book, but I don't think I ever outrightly said it.

Anyway, about a year ago, I was a lot worse than I am today about my mental image. I was super harsh on myself, always striving to be the best. I had to be this amazing talented writer, or else I felt like I wouldn't deserve to have the wonderful people I call friends on this site.

This mindset was draining, but I just kept going, kept pushing towards that impossible goal of being something I just wasn't at the time. And it hurt.

I was suffering a horrible writer's block and was being much crueler to myself than normal. I was also going to a temporary college thing, so that added to the stress.

It all came to a boiling point when we were supposed to write about our dreams and aspirations as an assignment. I wrote how I wanted to be a great writer some day.

And I kinda know why the professor said this, I just wish she wasn't so awful about it.

She said I'll probably never be a professional writer. That simple statement shattered me.

I left the classroom, practically barricading myself in the nearest restroom.

It's hard to admit it, but I let my emotions get the better of me then. It took so long for me to compose myself and get the strength to go back to the classroom.

I left that place not long after that anyway. College wasn't for me if I couldn't handle that kinda criticism.

But... in a way, it helped me in the first steps of finally freeing myself of that toxic state of mind I trapped myself in.

I'm not completely free, I still have these horrible feelings that if I do one thing wrong, I'll lose everything I worked so hard for.

I know it's probably not true. I'm still working to be completely free from that mindset, one little step at a time.

Thanks for listening.