I've been reading so many things on different social medias about how the people I follow or just people that I'm in a group with, that I never comment in, are just... happy about love. They're just happy being with their boyfriends or girlfriends and I'm just sitting here trying not to cry after reading them.

I know... I'm so selfish... I'm a selfish little bitch... wishing and wanting what they have, just a person to love... I have a best friend that's there for me everyday to just talk and things... but... it's not like what other people have.

They have a love that talks to them, listens to them, shares interests with them, roleplays a lot, and is really just there for them... a lot... in real life, they probably come over a lot or they live together, doing things that couples do... even just cuddle and watch movies...

Me, I'm just a shy person... and I try to talk to people but it's either very short or they don't reply back. It's the same on here basically...

I really try talking to male people, even in real life, but I'm just... not knowing what to do. I say Hi or Hello and they reply back with a simple hi or something. I really don't know what to say next after that... and I wish I did. I actually do try talking to guys in real life that are my age or like close to it, but I just get so awkward...

I'm really awkward with guys, especially the guys in my family. Basically all of them hate me... most of them are relatives I haven't seen in years.

Just feeling this way all because of people saying they're happy with their lover... I'm just... broken...

I'm still crying over it as I write it, doubting myself, and if I was with someone in real life and told them what I'm thinking, they would've probably told me, "Stop being so damn awkward and maybe you'll get a guy." Or "Just smile and maybe a guy will notice you."

I even told myself that if I kept being like this, being selfish, that I'll be a magnet that pushes them away.

That's all you have to know about me:
I'm selfish, I'm awkward around and to guys, and I'm such a fucking crybaby over everything...