I was having fun forgetting I was trans until I was alone for too long and had a dysphoric breakdown about how my body will never be male ;)
and even the mention of it fucks with my mind at this point. I hate living so much. I hate having to tell people that I'm 'afab' or that stupid shit. I hate being trans. I really wish I was a cis guy. But I'm fucking not. WHY AM I NOT? WHY WHY WHY WHY THE FUCK WHY WAS I BORN THIS WAY WHY WAS I MADE TO SUFFER WHY ME WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS FUCKING HELL I'M FUCKING SORRY OKAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID JUST PLEASE PLEASE MAKE ME MALE PLEASE TAKE AWAY THE DYSPHORIA I HATE IT I HATE LIVING SO MUCH PLEASE PLEASE JUST FCUKING KILL ME I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY I WANNA FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY BODY AND NOT CONSTANTLY WISHING I WAS FUCKING DEAD AND NO MATYER HOW MUCH I WORK OUT IT'LL NEVER BE AS FAST OR PRODUCTIVE AS A CIS MALE'S WORK OUT