"Hilarious."

Erika had set herself a particular set of rules after her parents died, left her to the mortal coil of the earth without their guidance, their love with only grief and strife left in their place to force her to grow. Well, she'd set herself one rule anyway, she'd never been the type to overdo such things to the point of headache, mainly because her memory was shit and half the time she forgot her own age nevermind like, fifty rules or something as equally dramatic...and that rule was pretty simple, don't get close to anyone lest she wanted to be ruined by her own devastation at their inevitable loss.

It had been easy enough to follow for a while, she'd never been good at making friends in the first place, always struggling with holding a basic conversation that wasn't about dinosaurs or something else she'd been obsessed with at the time and not allowing the other person to get a word in edge wise, she'd never been good at explaining to people how she was feeling and why until it was too late to do anything about it and she'd scream and curse and lash out because her emotions were tricky things and she either couldn't feel them enough or they overwhelmed her completely to the point of tears.

She used to long for connection, used to stare mournfully at the other children who hovered in their groups of friends, laughing and playing games while all she had was her mother who'd push her on the swings and take photographs of beautiful things that she and her father would then spin stories about, telling her about all of the dragons who used to haunt the skies that one day flew too high and became the blistering sun, about how the stars were once people who had loved so selflessly that the moon granted them immorality to dance in the night with her for all eternity.

But now, she was glad for her rather difficult personality that never sat well on anyone's tongue because of her indifference, because of her blunt cruelty that made others avoid her like a plague. Because now that she didn't wish for the embrace of completion, it meant that she didn't have to worry about the ever patient and unpredictable hand of death that could strike in a moments notice and send her plunging down into the depths of the abyss of her own mind once more, something she wasn't sure she'd survive a second time, something she wasn't sure she'd even attempt too.

And yet, all it had taken was one bastard conversation with Peter Parker for that rule to break quicker than a soft heart in the space of a few mere months as he somehow managed to weasel his way into a friendship with her through seemingly his own stubborn force of will, waving at her in the hallways, becoming partners with her in history class for projects which really ended up being a godsend really because the vast majority of the time she had no idea what was going on, but still, it was all very frustrating because it was like she was begging fate to finally push her over the edge into ruin because she couldn't help herself.

The saying went speak of the devil and he should appear, or at least it was something as ominous as that...but when her eyes happened upon the Parker boy as he awaited by her locker, drumming his long fingers against his skateboard and seemingly in his own little world as he read something from off one of the bulletin boards, she found herself wondering if the same could be said for angel's too as she quickly disguised her smile, her longing look into an expression that came far easier, less transparent and far less threatening to the appearance she held so very dear.

"Don't you have your own locker you can linger at, weirdo?" She said rudely, her brow quirked and eyes rolling as he looked over to her with that stupid grin on his stupid face that made butterflies flutter in her lower stomach until it made her feel sick as she shouldered past him, nimble fingers quick to twist the combinations so she could swiftly dump the rest of her books inside so she didn't have to think about them for the rest of the night until she'd be forced into this living hell once more because apparently education was so very important...more so then her mental stability unfortunately.

"Ah, but at my locker I don't get this friendly service, do I?" Peter smiled, the sarcasm surprisingly not lost on her as she shot him a dark look, but it seemed that not even her vile and quite withering glare could damper his spirits as he shrugged his bag up higher. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that he actually liked school and wasn't constantly on the urge of a sensory overload that would take hours to recover from, but even if he did she was still sure he'd like it, would probably call it a challenge or something because he was smart and capable and perfect...and Erika was a trashcan of a human human being just going through the motions of surviving.

She hummed mockingly, rolling her eyes again and wondering if it was possible that one day they'd just simply roll right on out of her head as she shut the locker door, her shoulders sagging in relief like a physical weight had been lifted from her at the thought of home that made her hope sing, ring-clad fingers dancing over her own bag where her ever precious cargo lay, reminding herself to find time tomorrow to develop some more photos as well as buying another scrapbook because she was running out of space in her old one, before she turned around and began to walk, not getting very far until Peter came up beside her with that same grin.

"So, have you finished the history project? Gotta' say that for a while there even I struggled with it, so it must of been torture for you." He murmured, stretching out his words in some kind of exaggeration as amusement flickered in his warm eyes, something that only got stronger as she froze, looking up to the sky for half a second as if she was begging for strength before she looked back over to him like she was awaiting a blow or something equally as painful or catastrophic.

"...What project?"

"You know it scares me sometimes how much I know you. Because luckily for you I took the liberty of doing the research for you, you just need to write it up, and I know- I know, I'm amazing, you don't have to tell me." Peter said with a chuckle, and then for the next minute struggled to pull said papers out of his bag far more chaotically than her rather sluggish mind could comprehend as she huffed, opening the door for him so he didn't walk into it with an almost fond smile curling at her lips as he ducked under her arm, still rifling through before apparently finally finding them with a grunt, holding them up with triumph as she quirked a brow in fronted boredom.

Because the truth was she liked the way he way he looked at her, talked to her, followed her and tried to make her laugh, softly, head bowed and smile blinding, secretive like they were the only two in the world capable of hearing each other as everything else simply faded into background noises and blurs of colour and tremors. He said her name and she felt like the whole sky was talking, and no other word left her mouth as tender as his own, it was a dance that she wasn't even sure he'd ever notice, not when his eyes would linger on Gwen Stacy as they passed through the halls, something that made her heart shrivel up in jealously until it burned out of her skin and encased her in red flame.

Everyone knew that there had been something there, between them once, something that had ended quicker than it had begun with Gwen's fathers death, though no one knew why or were brave enough to ask. And she knew that too, truly, she did, but she couldn't help but wonder when Peter would finally decide that Erika wasn't worth his time and find his way back to the blonde who looked like an angel gracing the earth with her ethereal glow...but then she quickly shook her head, clearing her throat awkwardly to push away such thoughts and hide then under her usual facade of nonchalance.

"You're my hero." She deadpanned, pulling them from his hands and into hers with affection pooling in her stomach that pushed her cruelty to the surface to mask it, mockingly fluttering her lashes up at him and then quickly dropping such a look as he smiled, shaking his head in amusement with his bottom lip tucked under his teeth, like he had heard an inside joke that she wasn't privy to know about much to her annoyance, however, it was quickly forgotten about when instead of turning left like he should of to head home, he turned right with her causing her to let out a loud groan of frustration before shooting him a dark look. "Seriously? Are we really doing this again?"

Look, it was strange the first time and it was only getting stranger with every day he did it, it was only a matter of time before she called him out on it because what the hell was it all about? But Peter only let out a startled laugh, obviously having no clue what she was talking about and she was quick to answer his unasked question with a roll of her eyes and a groan of indignation. "You walking me home? You know I'm starting to think a restraining order is needed here, weirdo."

"What? I can't walk you home? Is that- is that a crime?"

"I wasn't aware I needed a carer."

"Oh you definitely do, I care so you don't have to. We bounce off each other like that, we're a dynamic duo." He gestured his free hand between them, grinning that grin that made an uncomfortable heat curl at the back of her neck to make her blood run hot while the fulfilment of her treacherous desire disgusted her, the lengths she thought she'd go to see that crooked smile bloom like a flower in spring, humiliating and raw because the more he reached out through the distance between them, the distance she placed between herself and everyone to not lose herself in insanity, the more guilt she felt for her walls of defence that shook and crumbled with their every interaction.

Sometimes she wished she could explain it to him, the only person who was trying to see her even though she wasn't sure she wanted to be seen, wished that she could tell him she needed to guard the distance because without it she was scared of what would be left...but she could never be that vulnerable as she instead clicked her tongue in frustration as forced her gaze away from him to glare at the streets. "Hilarious. Seriously, why are you so keen on walking me home? It's not like the scenery is great, I mean just last week I watched an old lady fighting with like, ten raccoons over by the alleyway."

And honestly, that wasn't even in the top five of the weirdest things she'd ever seen in New York, it was something she hadn't even flinched at in truth because it looked like the woman had needed to get some pent up frustration out and the wild animals did have numbers on their side...plus, she was pretty sure if it went really wrong then Spiderman would obviously swing down and play hero like he usually did, and obviously, Peter had some follow up questions as he tried, and failed to hide a smile as he narrowed his eyes.

"Okay you know what, before I answer that, who won?"

"I'm going with the old lady, she had a walking stick and the look of someone's who's killed before and will kill again." Erika said matter of factly, shrugging her shoulders as she glanced up at the sky that had become dull, that heavy feeling brimming in the air like a warning of rain as she grumbled quietly, hoping she'd manage to get home before being drowned in its downpour like last time, her gaze flickering towards the streets as if waiting for another appearance from the old lady but only seeing regular people going about their day, wandering in and out of shops, feeding the pigeons or even trying to stop their children from crying.

But as usual, Peter managed to distract her from her little observations, her fingers itching to sink into her bag and take out her beloved camera to start taking pictures of the blowing trees and graying skies that blended in with the tall skyscrapers just ahead. A constant desire to find beauty in mundane things in an effort to stop her from hating the world so completely that it threatened to ruin this life for her in lost dreams and death. "Well there you go, I'm here to protect you from crazy raccoons or killer grandmas."

The girl didn't even try to hide her scoff as she smirked up at him, honesty thinking for a moment that he was joking only to find the almost offended look on his face at her quick deflection, her obtuse disbelief at the idea that he could protect her, like it was the biggest joke of the century which was definitely just a little bit insulting as she quirked her dark brows up at him. "And what's your presence going to do to stop them? Don't take this personally dude, but those lankly limbs of yours aren't going to be much help, not unless they're scared of trees or something."

And then he laughed again, like it was forced out of his chest in startled suprise, and it was a quiet sound that she adored more than her favourite song, she wanted to take a picture of his laugh and frame it completely so she could listen to it every night.

But instead of saying anything, instead of trying to capture such a moment and sear it into her mind because it was as close to him as she'd ever be like icarus and the sun, she instead pretended to scowl up at him as he looked down at her as if he knew something she didn't, curled lips opening to reply to her with something sarcastic no doubt only to suddenly freeze, his brows furrowing for half a second as his whole body seemed to shiver all the while she watched him cautiously with her head slightly tilted. "Hey, you alright? You've got that really weird look on your face again."

"What?- oh yeah, yeah I've just- I gotta' go, I uh, I forgot something back at school- don't- hey don't wait up! I'll see you tomorrow!" He called over his shoulder and even if Erika had wanted to argue about what the fuck kind of goodbye that was she couldn't, because by the time her lips had opened to mouth his name in some breathless indignation he was already gone from view like he hadn't been there in the first place, disappearing around the corner like the hounds of hell themselves were nipping at his heels and spilling red morality all over the ground after him.

They weren't of course, and that wasn't the first time, and no doubt it wouldn't be the last time either that Peter would leave her randomly, never having a pattern in time or place or even excuse, the only common denominator being him there one moment and gone the next, which she could never really understand if it was a blessing or a curse. She'd tried to be alone for so long that things such as dependency or longing felt like a crime, something out of her ignorant grip that would only shatter such delicate things as to feel stronger than she was.

And no matter how hard the Parker boy tried, no matter how far he'd worm his way into her ruined heart that ached with grief, her haunting memories would always be stronger than a simple crush or the tentative brush of friendship. She was frightened of death, of loss, of feeling that awful mourning that tore at her completely...and everyone who got close to her must suffer so she wouldn't have to feel the cold brush of the reapers hand ever again, and yes, perhaps it would be a lonely existence, perhaps she wished she was capable of seeing past such extremities...but even the likes of Peter Parker wouldn't tear her from her rules.

Well, he wouldn't tear her from her new rule considering the other one was shot to shit, something she was sure she was going to stick to no matter what would happen because it was the only way she was going to survive the friendship with her heart and mind still in tact...And that was that under no circumstances was she to fall in love with him, or for anyone for that matter, because at the end of the day it hadn't been the impact that killed her mother, but the heartbreak at the thought of living without her husband and not caring for the passion of their love that they left behind to rot in a cruel world full of dangerous intentions.

It was selfish, cruel and despite what others would think not romantic at all, it was just so completely and utterly selfish that sometimes she truly questioned if they were worth her mourning at all because how could they do that? How could they leave her? The only people who ever understood her, the only people who ever fucking tried.

Erika shook her head before she could truly start thinking about such things once more, knowing that in the end it only caused more harm than good to think about her ever haunting ghosts of the past that would never leave her, no matter how much she tried as she turned away and began walking down the street once more, cursing Peter under her breath with a roll of her eyes as she pulled out his notes from her pocket, flickering through then for just something to keep her mind busy, glaring down at his god awful chicken scrawl and having more trouble trying to decipher just what the hell he was talking about more than the subject itself.

Her eyes lingered over the words slowly, looking over the way the letters curled and stretched over the paper, imperfectly perfect just like the boy who wrote them, and she supposed it was a rather ironic coincidence indeed as for a moment, a barely there smile twitched at her lips as adoration took hold...something that quickly dropped at the sound of a terrified scream alongside the screeching of rubber burning that almost forced her to her knees as she grunted, dropping the notes to cup her trembling hands over her sensitive ears, barely even sparing a glance over to the fluttering paper that danced through the air with a hidden symphony.

But when she looked up she found the source of such a headache, she froze in terror at the sight of bus spiralling towards her, time slowing down to stretch around her in awful blurs as her breath caught and her heart seemed to stop and her soul seemed to shatter. Because sometimes she wanted to leave her mortal coil on the earth, sometimes she lingered just a little too close to the edge of buildings, of heights and hoped no one would catch her...but looking the certain death barreling towards her, all she felt was fear, and not the relief she wanted to expect.

And then there was a sudden tugging at her waist, something strong and sticky planting itself into the small of her back before she was physically yanked back from the sidewalk where she'd frozen and into someone's arms as they held her close, but only for a second as her expression didn't even have time to change into anything other than a hanging jaw and frozen fear. "I got you! You alright? You good? You hurt? No? Great, alright just wait here, I've got a bus to catch."

Fuck my life, Erika thought to herself with some kind of hysterical calmness, because she'd just been saved by fucking Spiderman as she watched the unfortunately familar sight of red and blue swim across her vision as he leapt into the air, following after the screams like the hero he was while Erika was struggling to catch her breath as she curled in on herself like she was squatting, trembling like a shitting dog with her arms resting against her thighs and gasping deeply to the point her lungs ached with her greedy intakes as she desperately tried to keep herself calm and sane...and then she noticed the lack of weight on her shoulder and shot straight back up in a panic.

Where was her bag? Where the fuck was her bag?

Her wild eyes, constantly on the edge of tears and rage frantically searched around herself, fingers shaking as she roughly patted herself down, hoping it was an illusion, a trick that the near-death experience came with but there was nothing, just nothing like what she was sure her hollowed corpse would feel like when she was finally cut upon and left to bleed out by the seams. And then, with horror scratching it's way up to her bleeding throat to choke her on her own terror, her gaze ever so slowly moved towards the sidewalk where she'd stood moments ago, hoping against hope that they'd be nothing there but the reapers disappointed hand that couldn't enclose over her soul quite yet.

But Erika had never been that lucky, fate had always conspired against her, forcing her to crave loneliness because it was better than listening to the haunting howls of the increasing ghosts of lost love...because her bag was on the pavement, far flatter than it should of been for carrying such precious and heavy merchandise, and even without having to see the evidence of its ruin, she felt that numbing mourning began to embrace her completely.

She sucked in a breath and began to walk, each step striking her like a blistering whip of agony as her still healing wounds began to get ripped anew, just pulling and pulling and pulling at her until her bottom lip wobbled and her dark gaze ached with unurshed tears that she couldn't allow to drip down the sharp contours of her face that were as blank as paper. And when she finally came into reach of her plain bag, the edges still frayed and the colour dulled with its years of use, she already knew what she'd see as her hands laced with painful tremors peeled the flap open.

The camera, her camera, her mom's camera was broken, the lenses smashed, the whole thing crooked and crumbling like her sanity as Erika stared down at it, her face paling and shaking as an awful mixture of grief and hatred poured inside her like a cup overfilling. "No, no, no, no please, please." She whispered, picking up some of the broken pieces and holding them in her palms as if they'd magically fuse back to it, but nothing of the sort happened, of course it didn't. There was no such thing as magic in the world, there was no chance at happiness for girls like her, there was just nothing.

And just like that, her feelings towards Spiderman went from bored indifference...to burning hatred that consumed her completely, because to feel anger was better than to feel nothing, and unfortunately for the so called superhero...it would only end in death.