PART III

Kat couldn't remember being in more pain in her life.

Even so, she felt more like herself than ever. Like the woman she had been before the madness had started, before she'd stumbled into Cage's castle and found out just how powerful magic still was.

Like the girl looking out for her father, trying to survive the winter and avoid marriage to a man who was not that bad.

Life had been hard then. It had also been much easier. The dangers back then were not starve if they didn't get food or freeze in lack warm clothes. Then there was the scorn of their town. Easy to fix in the grander scheme of things.

She never wore black back then. Now she was draped in it, tears stinging her eyes as they refused to leave the tiny boat amid the raging waves.

She was not that girl anymore. That girl would have fallen off her feet, and tried to keep vomit in. This woman had sea legs, magic, fear, and doubt. This woman had a fire raging inside her.

This woman was alone and in agony even as she stood among people she had come to consider friends. But she'd betrayed her friends. Her agony and theirs were of her doing.

"We will miss you, old friend." Jazz's voice was grave as he lifted a longbow.

Jinx leaned towards him and set the tip of the arrow on fire. With a loud twang of well-adjusted spring, Jazz launched it into the night and in a matter of moments, the little boat turned into a pyre, burning Harrison to ashes to be spread out at sea.

A sailor's funeral.

The tears finally cascaded down Kat's cheeks and she clutched her shoulders tight, trying to keep herself together. No one had blamed her for what happened and it felt wrong. Jazz had mentioned that it looked as if Harrison was killed by a cannonball. But for some reason, she couldn't shake the guilt and the terror inside her. She couldn't believe him, even if she desperately needed to.

She'd seen what she'd done, the damage to their ship. With her own two hands, without holding back and without a mere thought of the consequences, she'd launched everything she had forward.

The incident had torn her apart, tore her away from the others in a moment when she needed someone more than ever. Her eyes instinctively moved to Cage.

He stood tall and fierce, dressed in black as well, his strong arms crossed over his chest, leaning his shoulder against the mast. His eyes were lost on the flames of Harrison's boat, for once not glassy. The expression on his face was unreadable.

In the day they'd been on the ship, he hadn't spoken to her. As a matter of fact, he hadn't spoken to anyone at all. Kat still had no idea what had happened in Wolfbane's lair and if Trix had shared anything about it, it wasn't with her.

Her curiosity had been buried by the pain, and she hadn't asked. Given the state of Prince Ferdinand when she'd seen him, if that was even him, she wasn't even sure she wanted to know. It was difficult to fit into her own body when she was so distraught and yet so aware that she needed to provide comfort to Cage.

His brother had died. Harrison had died.

This was all her fault.

Her grip on her shoulders hurt, but she pushed harder, trying to keep the pain inside, respect the others' grief. They'd known Harrison so much longer and she'd taken him away from them. Jazz lied. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she was certain. Maybe to keep Trix and Jinx from tearing her to shreds.

Trix stood next to her, once again himself. His eyes were both uncovered and he looked even stranger dressed in black. He placed a gloved hand on her shoulder. It felt heavy and exhausted.

Then, he started to sing. It was a low, humming sort of tune, without any verse to it. Jinx picked it up immediately, her crystal voice bringing a surreal note to it. Then Jazz, who had an unexpectedly beautiful voice. The melody was haunting, like a melodious mourning which got lost in the darkness and among the waves.

From their left, Cage joined in, his voice dreamy, like an afterthought, as he kept his distance. And yet, he felt closer to the rest of the crew than she ever could be. Sudden lightning flickered among the dark clouds, lighting up the night sky.

They all knew what to do, how to say goodbye, what was proper. She didn't. The sound echoed inside her, bringing with it a desperate need to be a part of this. Be there with them, not apart. But she couldn't. It would feel forced. Faked. And she had truly cared for Harrison.

The pain of loneliness brought Kat to her knees and she hugged herself tighter as she bent forward. The sounds of muffled yells made their way out through her gritted teeth, betraying her weakness and her fear.

"No, no." A pair of slender arms wrapped around her shoulders and Leila was suddenly there, holding her.

Kat wanted her off. She didn't deserve the respite. She needed to suffer for what she'd done, and Leila, who'd nearly been killed by her as well, should not be the one offering relief. But she had no strength to push anyone away so she just let the hurt out, her cries joining the farewell song.

✨️

It seemed to last forever until the flaming boat was gone. Once it was, Kat knew she needed to pull herself together. So she stood and squared her shoulders, her chin still trembling. Leila released Kat as well, stepping back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

Like they were one, Jinx, Jazz and Trix headed towards the door leading inside the ship. Both Trix and Jinx squeezed her shoulder as they passed. Jazz only gave her a tiny nod before they all disappeared inside, leaving her alone with Cage. He still leaned against the mast, his gaze lost among the waves. The weight of the world seemed to have fallen over his shoulders now that their mourning was done.

She watched him for a while, too afraid to approach him. There were so many things left unsaid between them. When he'd broken into Wolfbane's lair, there had been hope and fear. Worry for the other's safety.

Now there was just the fear left, but for what each of them had done.

Killed people. In Cage's case, so many people. In her case, just one, but who was their friend.

Like in a dream, she remembered asking if killing was easy for him. That question seemed to be floating between them now, like toxic smoke. Had killing been easy for her? The question smothered her and she shook her head.

No, it hadn't been. It had been awful. It was killing her.

And yet Cage stood tall and bold, looking thoughtful after tearing his way through so many people. All that blood, all those bodies, the sailors trying to escape the wrath of the beast. He'd let it out. He could control it now, so whatever had happened, it had been his choice.

A dreadful new thought invaded Kat's mind. What if Ferdinand hadn't been dead when Cage found him? What if it had been the beast who'd done that to him?

The image of the beast tearing through the handsome prince had her entire body shuddering. It was at that moment that Cage finally turned to her, scrutiny in his gaze. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. The guilt in his eyes spoke volumes. It only escalated her fear, her pain.

They were back to the time and place when she'd decided that what he'd done was too much for her. That even if she loved him, she couldn't be with someone who took lives lightly. She'd ran back to him then and never regretted it.

But now... Now she was afraid of him and herself. Now she had no idea what to do with her own guilt, so she wasn't sure if she could handle his. She needed him and resented him and resented herself for it all.

"We should go inside." His voice was hoarse from lack of use.

Hers was gone completely, so she just nodded. He strode to her and stopped, the hesitance on his face reminding her that he was more than strength and danger, so much more than the beast inside him. When he ran his fingers down her cheek, barely grazing her skin, she took in a sharp breath. There was a question in his eyes, but she couldn't read or answer it.

He looked away and the moment was gone. Once he strode inside, she followed, making her way towards the mess hall.

The room had no place existing without Harrison in it. They'd all taken their seats in their usual spots, save for Cage who posted himself at the head of the table, next to a barrel of rum. Harrison's usual spot. She forced herself to move past Cage and sat on the bench next to Leila. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control and one question was loud and clear.

"What now?" she whispered.

"Now, we drink," Jazz said, nodding towards Cage.

He already had a pint in his hand and had most likely drank at least half of it. At Jazz's words, he downed the rest, then fished more pints out of a cupboard and filled them up from the barrel. With every one he filled, he filled his owned and downed it. By the time she had her own pint, Kat wondered how come he wasn't vomiting from all the drinking.

"To Harrison," Jazz said, raising his pint.

"To Harrison," the room echoed.

Kat took a long drink, but it did nothing to numb the panic inside her. The others also drank in silence, and she had no idea what to do with herself. She just wanted to disappear.

"I know I continuously criticized his cooking, but he was a good man," Trix said, sliding his pint over to Cage for a refill.

"We all know you actually loved him, Trix," Jinx said. Her voice wavered as if she'd tried for snark but failed.

Kat's stomach twisted. It was so hard to see Jinx subdued, but ever since they'd escaped Wolfbane's island, she seemed to have lost her fire. She was either silent, or glancing at Jazz with worry. Kat couldn't blame her. Jazz did seem a bit lost and there had to be more to it than what happened to Harrison.

"Yeah, the old man made things interesting," Trix mumbled.

"I'm so sorry." The words left Kat before she could even think them.

"Stop saying that," Jinx said. "It's not your fault. Jazz said it was a cannonball."

Kat's eyes instinctively moved to Jazz, but he didn't grace her with a glance. Instead, he stared at the surface of the table, drawing circles around the mouth of the pint absently. All the magical effort from the previous night seemed to have drawn the energy out of him.

"Yeah, Kat. What happened was awful, but you ended up saving the ship, so all of us. We would have been captured without you," Trix pointed out. "Not to mention that demonstration of power..."

His words had her shuddering. The power scared her, but that didn't mean magic didn't flicker under her skin. She hadn't depleted it, not by a long shot. At some point, it will want to come out again. The thought in itself was terrifying.

"We need to train you better, though," Jinx said.

Kat flinched and looked at her. "Train me?"

"Yes. Your magic is obviously strong and you'll have to learn to control it." Jinx turned to Jazz. "Right?"

Kat wasn't sure Jazz would answer, because he still looked dazed. Then, out of nowhere, he flinched, as if someone had stabbed his side. His eyes flashed white, and the look of anguish that crossed his face like a shadow had Kat convinced that he'd seem something horrific. Jinx placed her hand on his shoulder and moved closer.

"Jazz?"

He didn't answer, drawing away from her.

"No, stop it. You're too exhausted for this!"

The despair in Jinx's voice made Kat's skin crawl with unease. Jazz slumped on the table, his eyes still eerily white. But he snapped out of it and gave a curt nod.

"Don't do that," Jinx said, but there was still fear in her voice.

"Sometimes I don't have much of a choice," Jazz mumbled. He did sound exhausted and Kat realized that seeing their fate was like any other magic. Of course it exhausted him.

"So we do train Kat?" Trix asked.

Jazz flinched but nodded again, looking away from them. Kat didn't like the looks of that, but she supposed Jazz would be against it if it truly was a bad idea.

"You should train. You need to learn to live with it, Kat," Leila whispered from next to it.

"Yeah, you can't just let it burst out of you without you meaning for it to," Trix added. "If we're going back to Iride, you'll really need to learn how to hide it unless you want to hang from the gallows."

"I think they burn witches in Iride," Jinx said, thoughtfully. "Ironically enough."

"Not everyone can survive fire, Jinx. They can actually burn me," Trix said.

But their banter, though natural enough to unwind some of the tension inside her didn't cover the true meaning of the affirmation.

"Are we going back to Iride?" The question was a fearful whisper.

She expected the answer she was aware of from Jazz. Of course they were, because the deal had been for the Marauders to take her and Cage to Wolfbane. They'd gone well and beyond their contract by training them to use magic and actually helping them get away. They'd put their lives and their ship at risk for two strangers.

But Jazz didn't answer. Instead, everyone turned to Cage. His eyes were bloodshot and there was a feral look about him as he downed his pint.

"I think it's time you told us what happened out there," Jinx said, her voice low.

"Is it?" Cage's voice was more like a growl. "Trix hasn't told you?"

"Trix hasn't even told us what happened to him," Jinx said. "With Harrison and putting the ship back together..." She bit her lower lip in a rare show of hesitance. "Maybe parts of us didn't want to hear it."

"Where is the prince?" Leila asked.

"The prince..." Cage dunked his pint in the rum barrel and took a big sip. "Is dead."

Even if she knew it to be the truth, Kat still shuddered at the news, at the bitter way in which Cage announced it, at the snarl on his face. Of course Ferdinand was dead, or he would be there with them. But that still left the biggest questions, which Jinx fortunately asked.

"How? Didn't Wolfbane hold him to gain favor with Iride?"

Cage huffed and downed the rest of his drink. A good part of it poured down his front and it became quite obvious that he was inebriated. "Wolfbane didn't care about the favor of Iride or Endir. Wolfbane only wanted chaos. Magic. Anarchy."

"Cage, I'm so sorry," Jinx whispered.

Kat hugged herself, aware that she should be the one comforting him, but she couldn't, not until she had the confirmation that it was Wolfbane who had killed Ferdinand and not Cage himself.

"The asshole sliced him open in front of me," Cage mumbled, bringing the pint to his lips. He noticed it was empty and dunked it in the barrel again.

"Yeah, thought so," Trix said. "There was nothing you could do."

"Wasn't there?" Cage lifted his fist and lightning coursed from his wrist to his elbow.

"If I'm not mistaken, you were cuffed when I barged in. And knowing Wolfbane, they were iron."

Cage didn't answer, just stared at his fist, at the uselessness of his magic. His grief was palpable, like an aura surrounding him, intertwining with the smell of alcohol.

"Cage, I'm--" Kat's words died in her throat when he raised his eyes and met hers.

There wasn't just turmoil there, but a rage which terrified her.

"He'd gauged his eyes out, broken his legs," Cage continued. "It should have been obvious to me from that moment what would happen. I hoped... I foolishly hoped that..." What he had hoped, he never mentioned, downing his pint instead.

"He was going to kill you, too, you know," Trix said, his voice quiet. "I saw it, inside him, when I touched him and took his powers."

Jinx, who had been focused on Cage, turned so fast she nearly fell off the bench. "You touched that monstrosity?"

Trix clenched his jaw. "I had to. It was the only way to unbalance him enough to give Cage the opportunity to end him."

Kat straightened in her seat, the fear inside her morphing into curiosity. "Did you?"

Cage focused on her again, the fire in his eyes still twisted. "The beast tore his throat out. He's dead. I felt it on my tongue."

She couldn't help the shudder in her body as conflicting feelings tore her from the inside. Yes, Wolfbane deserved to die, but she'd witnessed firsthand what the beast could do and it reminded her of that dreadful day that she'd done her very best to forget. To act as if it didn't matter that Cage had nearly killed her.

Specks of dust shining in the sun, like tiny diamonds floating in the air. The blood trails she'd left behind as she crawled up the staircase, trying to get away from the man she loved because he'd torn her open.

Love... As she watched Cage now, she could see the blood on his hands, on his face, dripping out of his mouth. She blinked and the image faded. He'd cleaned himself up for the funeral. There was nothing but rum on his shirt. And yet...

Is it easy for you? Killing?

Something was wrong. They were not supposed to break apart. They were not supposed to fail. She was not supposed to feel this way, as if she didn't belong with him. Didn't belong in her own body.

"What are you going to do now?" Trix asked.

"I don't know," Cage muttered. "Don't ask me that, because I don't know."

"I think it's a little soon for any decision making," Jazz finally said. "We need to rest and recover. We need to get as far away from Principala as possible. Wolfbane might be dead, but his goons are not. They might try to avenge their boss."

"I think they're already slaughtering each other over his throne," Cage said, laying his face down on the table.

"That would be the better outcome," Jinx said, placing her hand on Jazz's shoulder. "But we should rest. This has been... A lot."

It had. The guilt and pain still swirled inside Kat and her feelings made no sense. In any normal circumstances, she would seek to comfort Cage, but she couldn't. Both because she felt so broken herself, and because she felt he didn't need her to. Nothing about his posture screamed that he wanted anyone touching him and the feeling of rejection kept her away.

Jazz was right. It was too soon to think and make any decisions. They all needed to recover. Independently. Yet, Jazz and Jinx left the room together, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, hers around his waist. Kat gave Cage another lingering look, but he stayed with his forehead pressed against the table, his fingers still curled around the pint.

"Come, Kat," Leila said, taking her hand and pulling her gently towards the door.

"I..." But she didn't know what to say, so she let herself be dragged away, down the corridor and into her room.

Leila led her to the bed and pushed her down. Then, she crouched in front of her, worry shining in her pale eyes.

"You really need to rest," she said. "You've been through a lot."

"So has everyone else. Cage lost his brother. Maybe I should..." Kat made to stand, but Leila held her in place.

"He needs to be alone," she said. "Just like you. You need to rest." She hesitated for a second. "And then you need to train."

Her words tore a sob from Kat's chest. "I'm so afraid. Of my magic, of what I can do."

Leila shook her head. "You don't need to be afraid of your magic. You can do wonderful things. Remember that your power saved this ship. Saved me. You did nothing wrong."

Kat still shivered at the memory of the magic tearing out of her. She had felt confident and powerful, at least until she'd realized the consequences of what she'd done.

"Harrison--"

"It was a cannonball, Kat. He was already dead."

She hadn't fully believed Jazz, but Leila was there. If she said Harrison had been killed before she'd shot magic at them, she believed her. A large weight seemed to lift off her shoulders and she could breathe again.

"You did nothing wrong," Leila repeated. "And you need to understand that the magic is a part of you. Until you reconcile and let it flow freely, you will always feel scared and trapped."

Kat swallowed heavily. "I don't want to be afraid anymore." 

She was sick of it, of feeling like she was constantly in the wrong, like nothing she did was ever right by anyone.

Sick of the prejudice, the lies and her own traitorous mind.

Sick of her overdependency and the need for Cage to validate her. 

Is it easy for you? Killing?

"Then accept yourself," Leila said. "You are who you are, and your power can do so much good."

Her power... A mere week ago, she'd had none. No magic, no idea how to use it. "I'm still so afraid."

"Then maybe it's time to come out of your cage."

The words started something inside Kat, but before she could figure out what, Leila stood, squeezed her shoulder and let herself out. Left alone, Kat dwelled on her words and the effect they had on her feelings.

Leila was definitely right. She would never escape if she kept doubting and punishing herself for every little thing. If she wanted to feel free, she needed to accept herself as she was, magic included. She needed to control her magic and feel confident in it, not scared of it.

Jinx was also right. She needed to train. And no matter where they chose to go from here, they still had weeks, if not months to sail. She would use the time to master her magic.

And once the decision was made, she realized what about Leila's words had given her pause.

Come out of your cage.

Kat wasn't sure if it had been intentional, but it felt as if Leila wanted her to escape Cage.

🌟🌟🌟

We are fairly close to the end of this book, at least plot wise, so I'm hoping to get a move on. Unfortunately, writing isn't going great, so here's to stuff actually happening.

Anyway, Kat is very confused and sad and things aren't looking up. For the people who read the bonus chapter, you know what I mean. For the rest of the peeps, you'll just have to find out what's going to happen.

Thanks so much for your support and don't forget to vote and comment.