18. Peace of Mind
"No. Definitely not."
Kat jerked awake. Her entire body hurt and felt heavy and sore. Salty air seemed to be stuck to her face. A small hand fit into hers as a soft body pressed into her side. There was too much light for some reason.
"Come on, Jazz. She's just a kid."
Just a kid... Kat turned to her left and stared at the tiny woman pressing against her, her wide eyes filled with fear. Of course they would be since both Cage and Jazz towered over them, blocking some of the scorching sunlight. Cage looked amused, but the scowl on Jazz's face could cripple a lesser man. It sent Kat's stomach into her throat. She'd seen him angry too much lately and she didn't like it.
"Good morning," she squeaked.
"For the record, Trix," Jazz said, completely ignoring her. "This is something you should wake me up over."
"I didn't see it as that big of a deal," Trix mumbled from somewhere behind her. "After all, she stayed outside and I was right here."
"With Kat," Cage supplied, no longer sounding amused.
"She insisted to have the girl over."
"Either way..."
They kept bickering and Kat wondered how long they'd be at it before realizing the matter was not about them, but about the poor girl who was whimpering at their feet. Rage bubbled inside her, but she fought to beat it down and be rational about all this. Calm and collected, able to express key ideas in an appropriate manner that could be easily understood.
She stood, her knees a little shaky from her precarious sleeping position. Leila stood with her, holding her upper arm in a hug and pressing her forehead to it as if it would spare her from what was coming. It only made Kat want to protect her more.
"She's coming with us," she stated.
She expected her words to be ignored, for the men to continue arguing as if she'd said nothing. Instead, they all stopped and stared at her with various levels of surprise, disbelief and annoyance.
"You don't get to decide that," Jazz pointed out.
"We can pay for her."
"It's not about money. I don't traffic humans."
"Oh, so it's fine to leave her alone in a dodgy town after she escaped being trafficked by someone else? Come on, Jazz!"
"How do you know she was trafficked?" Cage asked, a frown on his face.
"I mean look at her." Kat waved her hand along the length of Leila's frail body. "The poor thing is terrified. Those men I rescued her from were most definitely intending to force themselves on her because they thought she doesn't matter." The anger she'd been doing her best to keep in check bubbled again.
Instead of seeing reason, Jazz just rolled his eyes. "Life in these parts is harsh, Kat, but that doesn't mean you can just bring everyone on board. You don't know her."
She hadn't known them either, and yet, here they were. "Do you think she's dangerous? She's a little girl!"
"She's a young woman," Trix interjected, not being helpful at all.
They weren't budging and a slither of fear broke through the anger. She wasn't even sure why she wanted this so much, but leaving Leila in Yarik sounded like a death sentence to Kat. Or one to a much darker fate. She turned to Cage with pleading eyes and was shocked by the his calculated gaze, the lack of mercy and empathy.
"Cage?" she asked.
"You can't just turn to him for everything," Jazz said, sounding exasperated again.
His words had a frown beyond concern flit over Cage's face, but he said nothing to him. Instead, his dark blue eyes moved from Kat to Leila, as if trying to find differences between them.
"Don't tell me you agree with them!"
"I do, even if maybe for different reasons."
The words fell like a hammer against an anvil, shattering her hope. She'd thought Cage would understand, that he'd be on her side. The fact that he wasn't was a heavy blow, but it did nothing to lessen her resolve.
"If she stays in Yarik, I'm staying with her!"
Leila's grasp on her arm tightened, but Kat couldn't tell if it was in thanks or fear. Both options were tragic.
Cage's expression now looked as exasperated as Jazz's. "Kat, you're definitely not staying in Yarik."
"Good, because that means Leila is coming with us."
He took her hand and pulled her next to him. The movement tugged Leila along since she was still grasping Kat's arm. He gave her a deadpan stare.
"Do you mind?" When she didn't move, Cage said it again in Endirian this time. Or at least so Kat assumed.
"It's okay," she said to the frightened girl, keeping her voice as soothing as possible. "You can let go for a moment. Nothing bad is going to happen."
Leila didn't seem convinced, but she released Kat and pulled back, giving Cage the opportunity to come closer.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice an annoyed whisper. "She can't come with us."
"Why not?" she hissed back. "She's scared and she has no one."
"We're going to a dangerous place, Kat. She could get hurt."
She hadn't seen it like that, and for a moment, her stomach churned with doubt. But it was short-lived, because reality was more gruesome.
"If she stays here, she'll definitely get hurt. Do you think she could ever become more than one of the girls in that brothel?"
Cage hesitated, and it was all she needed to push forward.
"It's easy for you to imagine that all the dangers in the world have to do with swords, bloodshed and dangerous beasts. You have no idea what women have to go through to survive in the world of men."
"Sweetheart, it's not--"
"Just because you're more open-minded about women doesn't mean everyone is. Think about Donnie. He never saw me as more than a prize. A body and a pretty face he could be proud of, boast to his friends about."
He frowned at her words. "You're more than that. So much more. Not that you aren't breathtakingly beautiful, but that's not even... I mean your bravery and your mind..." He seemed lost for words as his eyes bore into hers.
A powerful fluttering took hold of her insides. Had he ever looked at her like that before, as if seeming something amazing for the first time?
"Oh by the gods, he's so sweet."
Kat jumped and glanced over her shoulder. Leila had approached them again, her hands locked in front of her chest, her eyes glistening with tears. She glanced at Cage as if he were the most amazing wonder, something she couldn't hope to touch or understand. Kat could totally understand the feeling, and the lack of lust in her demeanor made Leila endearing for her affirmation rather than a problem.
"Yes, fabulous," Jazz said. "Now get off my ship."
"So she does speak Iridian," Cage noted.
"Please don't throw me off," Leila said. Her voice was very soft and musical, the words tumbling out as if they needed to take advantage of the opening. "I'll help you, be your servant on the ship."
"We don't need servants," Jazz said, his nose scrunching in disgust at the mere thought of it.
Kat could see he wouldn't yield. She knew him well enough by now to tell that, for some insane reason, he didn't want Leila on board. Before she could think of any further arguments, Jinx and Harrison joined them on board, carrying a large crate between them.
"Well, here's the last of them," Jinx said, dropping the crate. "We can finally go."
"Please take me with you!" Leila said, turning to Jinx, but grasping Kat's forearm.
"Who's this?" Jinx turned to Jazz for an answer, raising her eyebrows.
"No," Jazz said, as if it was in any way an answer to her question.
Kat took this as her opportunity to play her strongest card. "She's a girl I picked off the street last night. Two men were trying to abuse her. She's Endirian and was probably going to be sold as a slave. Jazz doesn't want to take her with us."
"Oh, you little adder," Jazz muttered.
Jinx frowned and turned to Leila. When she opened her mouth to speak, the Endirian coming off her lips sounded more musical than anything she'd heard so far. Leila answered, obviously excited to have someone speak her language, and launched into a story Kat wished she could understand.
"You should've taken her to the guards," Cage mumbled.
"Why, so they could take advantage of her instead of the drunkards?"
He didn't even flinch. "And maybe we should talk about you rushing out into Yarik alone."
"I'm not your prisoner, Cage. I can make my own decisions."
He didn't say anything to this either, his eyes on Jinx and Leila. Kat envied his ability to understand the language. She should really learn Endirian as well, and maybe Leila would teach her. It didn't sound rough, like Cage claimed, but somewhat peaceful.
Jinx finally nodded and turned to Jazz. "Yeah, she's coming with us."
"I said no, Jinx."
"And why not?"
"Because she has no business being here."
"I had no business being here either and look at us now."
Jazz locked his jaw, his eyes darkening. "It's not the same."
"Why? Because you were attracted to me? Just do it."
"No, I won't."
"Do it!"
Kat held her breath and Jazz's demeanor became threatening, as if his affection for Jinx would not be enough to bend his will and he would put his decision before his feelings. But then his eyes turned white and he stared at Leila without seeing. It didn't last more than a few moments, but it still had the girl retreating towards Kat and Cage.
Jazz shut his eyes and sighed. "Fine, whatever, let's just get the fuck out of here."
Kat thought she'd be happier about getting her way, but the fact that Jazz was in a horrid mood stopped her from celebrating. There was a definite chill between their captain and Jinx as they all hurried through the motion to get the ship sailing away from Yarik.
Leila no longer seemed afraid around her, but excited and curious, trailing behind Kat like a puppy and asking a myriad of questions about what they were doing. Her presence was strangely comforting and Kat enjoyed sharing what she'd learned about traveling at sea.
Jinx showed Leila to the cabin she would be using and left her and Kat to arrange the place and make it seem more like a person's abode. Since Leila had nothing but the clothes on her back, Kat searched through her own luggage and spent the rest of the day fitting some clothes for her new friend.
"You are so wonderful," Leila said. "You didn't have to do all this for me."
"Of course I do." Kat finished fitting one of her shirts and lay it on Leila's cot. "How come you speak Iridian so well?"
"I grew up in the border villages in the mountains," she said with a shrug. "We all learn both languages there."
"Really? Jinx is from the border villages as well!"
"Oh?" Leila put a finger to her lower lip. "She didn't mention."
Of course she didn't because she was Jinx, and Leila had done most of the talking anyway. But it did put a lot of things into perspective because it definitely explained Leila's fate. She'd become old enough to be sent off to her new owner. By the looks of her, it was probably someone important. And it also explained why Jinx cared enough about this to force Jazz to accept it.
"How old are you?" Kat found herself asking.
Jinx had mentioned she'd been sent out as a little girl, but Leila looked much older. She frowned at the question and brought a finger to her lips.
"I'm not sure. I think I might be seventeen, but no one in my family kept track except for me and I could be wrong. Age isn't exactly important where I come from."
Kat pondered on this as she began working on a pair of trousers. Being with Leila like this gave her a form of comfort, just like being around Keleigh used to. It was much easier to talk to someone who wasn't jaded or touched by magic. She wondered if the idea of it scared Leila as much as it did Kat, but most likely not. After all, Endir embraced magic.
"Could you teach me Endirian?"
"Of course!" Leila clapped her hands together. "I would do anything for you. You rescued me. I need to return the favor."
"No, of course you don't!"
And Kat meant it, but over the next few days, Leila did her best to make her life a little bit easier. She helped Kat with all her chores, gushed about everything and keep praising her as well as Cage.
"He is the most wonderful man I have ever seen," she kept saying after every interaction between them that she witnessed.
Which were unfortunate fairly few. Even if the crew had accepted the idea of Leila being on board, they didn't seem too keen to make her feel at home. It wasn't outright avoidance, but Kat did notice that they tended not to approach her while Leila was around. Leila herself was much quieter when anyone else was near, talking almost nonstop only when she and Kat were alone.
A few days later, the tension on board was palpable, and even if Kat had hoped it would fade soon, it did not as the days went by. Jazz now looked perpetually annoyed, he and Jinx were seldom in the same place and even Trix had lost his exuberance. Cage himself seemed a lot more guarded and spent less time with her then before as if he didn't want to be around Leila either.
A part of Kat wanted to confront him, but she suspected it would lead to a fight and she most definitely didn't want to argue with him. No matter the animosity between the crew members, she did not regret saving a young girl from a horrible fate. Maybe once they returned, they could be friends and stay together at the castle.
In order to distract herself from the impending doom and gloom, she'd started taking Endirian lessons from Leila. She found the language musical and easy to remember and learn, and she practiced speaking with Leila who spoke even faster in her native tongue, telling Kat stories about her childhood and her friends. The innocence was heartwarming and it made it even harder for Kat to understand why the others were shunning her.
One afternoon, about two weeks after leaving Yarik, Kat found herself alone with Harrison, sorting supplies for their next meal. With Leila not there for once, she dared broach the subject.
Harrison frowned, his arms elbow deep in a barrel of salted fish. "We aren't rejecting her, lass."
"That doesn't sound honest, really," Kat pointed out.
Harrison hesitated for a few moments. "Have you spoken to Cage about it?"
"No."
To be honest, she hadn't spoken to Cage much unless it was about their training, what they found in their books or immediate tasks for the next day. It was hard to get into deep conversations about Leila when she was usually there, hanging on Kat's skirts.
"Maybe you should. But alone. I'm surprised the wee lass isn't here right now."
"I asked her to help with cleaning today."
"And she agreed?"
"Why do you sound so surprised?"
Harrison pulled his hands free and wiped them on his apron. "Doesn't it bother you, what she's done?"
Kat's insides stirred with anger. "That's the thing. She hasn't done anything and everyone is acting as if she ruined something when it's everyone's attitude that is actually ruining things. Why is everyone so against her?"
"Doesn't it bother you that she's always on your heels?"
Truthfully, it did, just a little bit, especially because it cut her alone time with Cage, but she could also understand. "It's not like she has anyone else talking to her." Not even Jinx who had risked so much to keep her on board.
As a matter of fact, Jinx hardly appeared around the ship anymore and no longer dined with them. From time to time, she would pop up to teach Cage how to wield magic, but that was it, and then she slunk away.
"I don't know how to explain it," Harrison finally said. "I know your heart is in the right place, but you put a stranger before your crew and that always leaves a mark."
"But leaving her out there--"
Harrison raised his hand to stop her. "Again. Your heart was in the right place. But maybe you shouldn't have forced the captain's hand like that."
"I didn't. Jinx did."
He narrowed his eyes and Kat felt like a downright liar. "You knew Jinxy's story. You knew what would happen and you used it against Jazz. And that's a betrayal he's not likely to overlook." He shrugged and returned to searching in the fish barrel. "You should speak to Cage. Maybe he can explain it better than I can."
Kat wanted to speak to Cage, too, bridge the ever-growing chasm between them which had formed when Leila arrived. Kat was sure that if they weren't cursed to need each other so much, he might have avoided her altogether. As it was, they found a few minutes every night before bedtime to share a kiss which seemed to become more fiery each time. Their curse was satiated as was the possessive voice inside her, but Kat was too aware it wasn't right. It felt... empty. As if they were doing it to make sure they didn't ache the next day, not because they loved each other.
Everything was happening so fast, the days blending into each other, and somewhere along the way, between her pride and her stubbornness, she'd lost control. It hurt to realize that this interaction with Harrison had been the most honest one she'd had in a while.
Not that Leila was not honest, but she was sometimes a bit too grateful and Kat had the feeling she wouldn't say anything negative even if she deserved it. Which was why she didn't really want to leave the storage room even if Harrison had clearly hinted that their conversation was over and she had better things to do than sort supplies with him.
Taking in a deep breath, she braced herself for a conversation she knew was due and stepped out into the hall.
"I'm so glad you're done!"
Kat jumped out of her skin and had barely caught her breath by the time Leila hopped into view, a wide, innocent smile on her face.
"I'm done cleaning the rooms and I was thinking we could go up on deck together and you can tell me more about the veils."
"Sails," Kat corrected her automatically, though her heart skipped a beat at the mention of veils.
"Right. I always get them confused."
"Um, you've been hovering down here alone?"
She lowered her chin to her chest, shuffling her feet. "Yeah. After I was done, there wasn't really anything left for me to do so..."
So she avoided everyone and retreated down here. Not that Kat blamed her, since the others tended to be frightening. Why couldn't they just be nice?
"Okay, let's go up." And she'd talk to Cage later, once Leila was safely in her cabin for the night. She'd have time then.
But as she headed towards the stairs, she couldn't lie to herself. She was avoiding the conversation because she was afraid of what he might say. Even if she didn't like the way things were, she was aware they could be much worse and she definitely didn't want Cage to take the side of the rest of the crew.
Things are getting a little complicated and I'm very curious what you think about it. Is Kat right? Are the others being unreasonable? Why don't they like the poor, innocent, little girl who is nothing if not grateful?
Impending conversation with Cage coming up. And all the while, they're sailing towards Wolfbane! Let's see how that turns out.
Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to vote and comment for support! I'm running out of backlog, so I definitely need it.
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