ACT EIGHTEEN

HIDDEN FROM THEIR EYES

After the talk I made with Atlas earlier, I forced myself to focus on the photoshoot that is scheduled a few hours from now. Binitbit ko ang ilang damit na i-sho-showcase sa magazine patungo sa building ng VisComm.

I hired Gianna, a freelance model from the Opera, to pose for my Bali-inspired collection. With her height and her tan skin, she gave off a feeling of fresh-from-the-beach look, an aura that I'm aspiring my collection to have. I also hired Rose, also a freelance model from the Opera, to wear the remaining of my collection.

Gianna is 5'8" while Rose is 5'6". The dimensions of their body are suitable for the clothing that I made so it could easily portray the flowy nature of the dresses. Nauna si Rose sa pag-po-pose sa harap ng camera.

Suot niya ang kulay light blue na dress na may itim na linya. The neckline met in the mid-bust and there's a slit ending at the mid-thigh. She is wearing a black two-piece outfit inside because the dress is tailored as a cover for it to be used before swimming. Pwede rin siyang gamiting dress lang.

Umaalalay si Elton sa bawat pose na ginagawa ni Rose. She easily adapted to the theme that I'm asking to portray. Elton helped me with the Bali-inspired setup with plastic plant foliage, rocks, and a little bit of sand when necessary. The background is a plain sand-tone to complement the dress she's wearing.

"Yes! To the left, baby!" malanding sabi ni Elton, bahagyang humalakhak. "Arch your back! Hawakan mo pa 'yung isang dahon. Act like you're enjoying your time at the beach!"

The series of flashes continued until he was satisfied. Sunod-sunod na click ang naririnig ko pati na rin ang paghalakhak ni Elton. Nanahimik nang panandalian ang studio dahil pinagpalit ko ng damit si Rose. Pinapwesto ko muna si Gianna habang naghihintay.

"Okay, Gianna, baby! I love your maxi dress. Would you like me to take it off?" malanding komento ni Elton, nakaluhod sa harapan ni Gianna at inaayos ang pwesto. Tawa lang ni Gianna ang narinig ko.

"Elton," I reminded.

Lumingon siya sa 'kin at tumawa. Kuminang ang cuff-chain niya sa tenga nang tumayo siya. "Naman, Miss Lavien! Create a healthy work environment. Tama ba, G?"

I politely smiled at him when he winked at her. Umiling na lang ako at sumenyas ako para simulan na muli ang pagpi-picture.

"Miss Lavien, ayos naman poses?" he asked midway. Tumango ako.

The photoshoot lasted for two and a half hours. I only showcased around seven outfits for the entire Bali-inspired collection. Maglalagay na lang ako ng ibang information para dumagdag sa content ng magazine.

"Bakit hindi na lang ikaw ang nag-pose, ha?"

I firmly closed my eyes when Atlas' words assaulted my focus. Nang idinilat ko ay idiniretso ko ang tingin sa pagpo-pose ni Rose sa pang-anim na damit.

"Why are you here? You're angry at me, right?" I said, my arms crossed over my chest.

Naramdaman ko ang pagpunta niya sa gilid ko mula sa likod. He imitated my posture and stared at the setup. "If I fall, you fall, too. Hindi ko hahayaang magsabi ka sa Dean na ako si RAN."

I see it's about RAN. Can it disappear from my routines for a day or a week? I'm getting tired of it. Kaonti na lang ay mauubos na ang pasensiya ko. As much as I want to tell the Dean that he's RAN, I know the dangers of being involved.

The Dean already had a hunch that I am Atlas' accomplice and that doesn't sound good. Hindi ko alam kung paanong paglilinis sa pangalan ang aking gagawin kapag napagdesisyonan kong sabihin kung sino si Ran.

I acted like I wasn't fazed with Atlas but the truth is—I am. Sinigurado ko lang na umaktong kalmado sa harapan niya para hindi na ako guluhin pa. I need to find a way out of this mess as soon as possible. If I don't—considering Atlas' nature—things will get messier. He could be unpredictable... like Tres.

Palihim akong naismid sa naisip. Why asking help from Tres crossed my mind? This is unbelievable.

"Bakit hindi na lang gumawa ng genderless clothing? Pinahihirapan niyo sarili niyo."

I bit my tongue to refrain from leaving sarcastic remarks. Polite. Respect.

"We could," I said, controlling the tone of my voice. "But will you wear it?"

Umismid siya sa narinig ko. "Does that even matter? Hindi ba kahit walang nakapapansin gagawin pa rin? Ano ka? Good Samaritan kapag may nakatingin? O kaya hangga't walang nakatingin hindi gagawin? Hangga't walang papansin, hindi bibigyan ng effort para gawin? Are you after the recognition, Lavien? Bida ka?"

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. I need to remind myself what this man is capable of. One, he can easily involve me in the Assembly without proper involvement with it. Two, he can destroy my name because, "If I fall, you fall, too.". Three, he can do anything whenever he pleases. Lastly, he is Atlantis Salvador—wicked, unpredictable, and a liar. Those factors are enough for me to know what I'm handling.

"What are you doing here?" Pinipilit ko pa ring punuin ng pasensiya ang sarili.

He let out a dry chuckle before he leaned towards my ear. "Simple lang naman. Manggulo ng isip ng mga kasama ko. Ayos ba ang trabaho ko, Lavien?" Hinipan pa niya ang tenga ko pagkatapos.

"I'm sorry, but do you really need to blow in my ear?"

"Why? Would you want to blow me?"

My mouth went ajar from what I heard. I looked at him, disgusted from what he said. I was speechless!

"Ano ba 'yan, Miss FD? Anong masama kung hihipan mo mukha ko? Pinag-iisip mo ha," nakangisi niyang sabi.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, nairita sa pinagsasabi niya. Why did I even think of it!

"Mukha kang inosente. May tinatago ka rin pala," pang-aasar pa niya. Humalakhak pa sa tabi ko!

I forced myself to remove my attention from his remarks. I reminded myself that he wants to annoy me. I tried my best to respect that but I can't find it in my heart to! Naaapektuhan ako sa pinipilit niyang gawin.

"Miss Lavien," tawag ni Elton, nakatingin sa camera. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag at lumapit sa pwesto niya malapit sa setup. He pointed at his laptop where the previews are displayed. "Pinagpapalit ko lang ng damit si Gi. Siya susuot ng huli, 'di ba? Check mo kung okay."

I nodded at him and scrolled through the previews. I smiled after I was satisfied with what I'm seeing. "Yes, I like it. Thank you."

After thirty minutes, the shoot is done. Pinakita ulit ni Elton ang huling kuha niya kay Gianna. I thanked him and inserted my flash drive in his laptop. He was the one who transferred the files.

"Raw files 'to, ha? Ikaw na mag-e-edit?"

"Yes, I have made myself a coloring. Thank you ulit. For the payment-"

He chuckled, shook his head, and showed me a piece of paper trapped between his index and middle finger. Nakasulat doon ang pangalan ni Gianna pati ang contact number. "Sabi ko sa 'yo, sila na ang payment mo."

"Ah. Human trafficker ka na pala," komento ni Atlas.

"No!" I almost shouted. Bumaling ako kay Elton. "I- I don't know that that's the payment-"

"Ah!" tumawa muli si Elton. "Hindi binanggit ni Finn sa 'yo?"

Umiling ako. "I wasn't informed-"

"So kinuha mo number ni Lavien?" pagsingit ni Atlas.

"Patawa ka, bro. Miss Lavien is untouchable, sorry. Ginintuan 'yan. Si Rose ang bayad ni Finn."

Naguguluhan ako nang matapos ang photoshoot. I paid Gianna and Rose's fee and thanked them. Maingat kong itinupi at isinilid sa maleta ang itinahing damit. Tutulong sana ako sa pag-aayos ng studio pero pinaalis na ako ni Elton.

"Kung human trafficker ang gusto mong maging career, may kilala akong sindikato na-"

"Atlas." The sound of the grating of plastic rollers against the cement floor disappeared when I stopped walking. "I didn't know that it was the payment for his services. Hindi sa 'kin binanggit ni Finn. And, please? Stop putting unrighteous words along with my name. I don't like the sound of it."

"Unrighteous, anak ng. Ewan ko sa 'yo. Bahala ka r'yan."

Ngumiwi ako nang maglakad siyang papalayo. Inirapan pa ako nang makalayo na siya.

❦

After I have returned the dresses to my dorm room, I picked up my art supplies needed for my Painting Class. I have thirty minutes left before it starts. Pagkalabas ko sa dorm ay sinalubong ako ng flyers sa mukha. Napatigil ako mula sa paglalakad.

The woman, with her green hair and her ear and nose piercings, raised the flyer in front of my face. She looked at me, bored with what she's doing. "Flyers," she said dryly.

"I'm sorry," I said with a smile. She put her hand down and nodded.

Along my way towards the Hall, I encountered countless members who are giving away flyers. I thought that the Dean doesn't want the rebels to parade inside the College? Why are they here, then? Unless they're hired by the Dean.

"Flyers, Miss! Flyers! Tanggapin mo, please! O kaya makinig ka sa sasabihin ko."

Napangiwi ako nang halos yakapin na ako ng babae para lang ipilit sa 'kin ang flyers. Pilit kong tinanggihan nang magalang. "I'm sorry, I can't accept that. I'm running late-"

"Bakit, Miss? Bakit? Wala kang pake sa mga pintor na kayod kalabaw para lang maitawid ang gutom nila? Wala ka bang puso-"

"I'm really, really sorry. I have to go."

Mabilis akong naglakad papalayo sa kan'ya. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag noong hindi na siya sumunod.

I made a mistake about getting a flyer from the people who are related to the Assembly. Last time I did, I was almost caught by the security when I went to the Assembly's public event. Atlas was there, too, and it made my appearance even more dangerous than what I've expected.

Inayos ko ang sarili at kalmadong naglakad patungo sa Da Vinci Hall. While I am nearing the door of the Hall, I saw a tall man with a medium complexion leaning his body at the Renaissance-inspired white walls. His head is sitting beside the Victorian wall light, the dim glow emitting on his serious face.

Nang makalapit nang tuluyan ay napansin kong nasa kabilang gilid si Zoren, nakatuon ang tingin sa cellphone niya. Kabado ako nang magtungo sa pintong pinagigitnaan nila.

"Sino si RAN?" tanong ni Zoren.

I touched the cold, golden knob.

"Si Atlas." Natigilan ako sa narinig. "Is the belief of our lovely ballerina."

Napasinghap ako at napatingin sa kanan. Parang napunta sa 'kin ang lamig ng hawakan ng pinto.

"Mikhail, kilala mo?"

I felt Tres' cousin's intense gaze over my face. I politely smiled at him, twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Umatake sa ilong ko ang amoy ng pintura. Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko nang isinara ko ang pinto.

Mikhail... how did he know that? What is going on?

Confused, I went to my seat. Narinig ko pa ang usap-usapan ng ilang mga estudyante tungkol sa brand ng paints nila.

"Anong best na brand? Kino-consider ko ang magpalit. Ang pangit kasi ng pigment niya."

"Ano ba ang madalas mong bilhin? 'Yung ini-issue ng school?"

"Ibang brand. Bakit? Maganda ba ini-issue ng school?"

"Oo naman! Gamit ni Tres 'yon. Tapos, mga de Angelis pa ang nag-su-supply sa school! Pricey nga lang pero kaya mo naman 'yan. Ang dami niyong old money. Malaki yata allowance mo, e!"

I stopped when I saw Tres peacefully sitting at his usual seat. Nag-da-dalawang isip ako kung doon uupo ngunit nahagip na niya ang presensiya ko. He gave me a gentle smile—one that I didn't think he was capable of.

Skeptical, I sat beside him. He didn't mind my presence after that.

Inilabas ko ang ilang art materials at nagpiga ng ilang pintura sa palette. I saw how Tres eyed my movements. When I put my attention to him, he immediately shifted his gaze and focused on his work.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at tiningnan ang laman ng sketchbook ko. I remembered that I wanted to paint a rose to be my inspiration for my next outfit. I also planned to use oil paintings for the project that I'm going to work on.

"You're going to use oil paintings?"

I froze from dipping my brush on the blob of paint. Napunta ang tingin ko kay Tres na nagtataka ang tingin sa 'kin.

"Is there... something wrong with the way how I'm handling the brush?"

Mula sa kunot na noo ay nagliwanag ang mukha niya. His dark eyebrows shot up along with the glee covering his eyes. Lifting the side of his lips, he chuckled at me. My eyes caught the glamor of his smile.

"Wala naman. Why bother, Lavien?"

Why is he acting like this? Before he left, he's so guarded with what he's doing and with what he's saying. Did his short departure from the College bring his relief back? Is the reason why he's so tight with me ever since I met him is because of the College's ambiance—its system, and the way how it oppresses his likings—the rebellion? And when he returned, he had control over his rebellious side?

Kung totoo 'man ang sinasabi ni Atlas na ibinalita ni Tres ang tungkol sa mga rally na nangyayari rito, posible bang gustong tumakbo ni Tres bilang senador? It doesn't sound right.

What is going on between the two of them? Tres, acting like a dedicated rebel and a dedicated painter; Atlas, a rebel and a painter. Is there any relation of some sort? Are both of them part of the Assembly? Paano nalalaman ni Atlas ang lahat ng 'to?

There are so many questions I have in mind but I try my best to conceal it. I want to respect their decision on not telling me what they know because I believe that it's the best. But involving me before deciding that it's not proper brought a lot of confusions.

Ibinalik ko muli ang tingin kay Tres. If he has been acting, he's good at it. But how can a person fake his dedication towards art? How can a person this dominating be able to recite his affection towards passion as if it came from his heart? What could I possibly miss?

"Are you, okay?"

Napakurap ako nang makita ang pag-aalala sa kan'yang mukha. Tumango ako at inalis ang paintbrush mula sa pintura.

"Do you need help?" Napatingin muli ako sa kan'ya. "Using oil paints. Parang hindi ka sanay."

I pursed my lips and nodded. He moved his chair towards my side and leaned.

"You need a base," he whispered to my ears. Napasinghap ako at nag-a-alangang inilayo ang mukha. He let out a smile. "For the painting to be neutralized. Take a look at this..."

When he moved his chair back to his place, a loud sound filled the area. He painted a light gray and white patch on the canvas, let it dry and painted a yellow swatch on each patch.

"Which one appeared lighter?"

I pursued my lips. He used the same color with the same technique but the one on the white looked lighter. "Doon sa white."

"Correct. The eyes trick us to see things lighter than what it really is. That's why it has been a problem for some—the highlights and shadows and all."

Umawang ang aking bibig. "Oh... that's why you've been putting a primer?"

He let out a satisfied grin when he looked at me. Ibinaba niya ang paintbrush at ipinatong ang kamay sa tuhod. Itinagilid niya ang ulo at tumingin sa 'kin. "Oil paints, Vien? You're bored with the acrylics?"

I sucked a deep breath when his stare started to dominate me. "Gusto ko lang i-try."

Nakita ko muli ang pagliwanag ng mukha niya. It feels like he wants to tell me something but he has no force to. I can't help laughing at that. Kinunotan niya ako ng noo.

"Parang may gusto kang sabihin," natatawa kong sabi.

"I do, actually. Can I teach you with the oil?" he sounded hopeful.

I stared at him, shocked from what I heard. Before he left, our conversations always end up with a debate whether I like it or not. Whether how smart or dumb it is. But when he returned, it felt like something changed. Something felt... right.

"Sige."

"Great. I'll tell you a background about the paints." Naglabas siya ng naka-tube niyang oil paints at ipinakita sa 'kin. "Do you want me to swatch it like a makeup vlogger? I think women like that. Ang daming nanonood no'n."

Kinunotan ko siya ng noo. "Nanonood ka ng vlogs?"

He shook his head, chuckling. "Naririnig ko lang kay Gio. Puro babae pinagsasabi no'n." Natawa na rin ako sa sinabi niya. "Do you know that oil paints are versatile and highly pigmented? Commonly made up of the pigment powder and a binder. Traditionally, there are also oils made up of linseed, safflower, or walnut oil."

Lumayo si Tres at may kinuha mula sa pwesto niya. I watched him when he returned to his position earlier and fixed his hair. His dark golden-brown hair became tousled when messed up with his fingers. His hairstyle encased the regality he has with the help of his bone structure emphasized by his high cheekbones.

He reminded me of Swan Lake's Prince Siegfried—a prince, a regal man, a charming one.

Pinigilan ko ang pamumula ng mukha nang dumaan iyon sa isip. I mentally scolded myself.

"Are you listening?" His curious stare brought me back to reverie. "And you're turning crimson. May iba ka bang iniisip? You don't like what I'm talking about-"

"No, no!" Napangiti ako nang maliit. "Go on, Tres. I'm still listening."

He nodded at me and chuckled. "We use solvents or oil—I use cephalon oil, by the way—to thin the paints. Mas madali kasing naaabot 'yung ibang parte ng painting. When you mix paint and oil, it will take longer to dry than mixing paint with solvents. That is if you want to take a lot of your time."

I peeked at his small area and saw his brushes. "Hindi mo kailangan ng maraming brushes?"

"For starters, four brushes would suffice. I still use four, by the way. One brush for mixing and painting light colors, another for mixing and painting dark colors, for details, and for painting larger areas. It depends upon the artist's preference."

"How about palettes? Ano ang magandang brand?"

He twisted his lips and looked at my wooden palette. Bigla akong nahiya sa paraan ng pagtitig niya.

"The Cushion has disposable paper palettes commonly used by people who don't paint frequently. Since I'm a student painter, I use glass palettes because I find them versatile and flexible. Pwede mo siyang ipatong sa colored paper, then you can mix it in a shade following its tone. You can easily adjust the values."

I nodded at him, educated from what I heard. "What's your favorite tool as a painter?"

He moved in front of his canvas and fixed his hair, once again. Pinigilan ko ang pagsimangot nang mag-iba ang porma no'n.

He picked the glass palette on his side and raised it in front of me. The glass is filled with oil paints in different shades. "Glass palette," seryoso niyang sabi, mata ay nakatuon sa hawak niya. "You didn't expect it, didn't you?"

Tumango ako kahit hindi niya nakita. He seemed lost at his palette. "Kalimitan nilang sinasabi ay paintbrushes. Why a glass palette?"

"It's versatile yet fragile at the same time. You can do whatever you want with the glass—break it, melt it, mold it, anything—like art. You can do whatever your heart desires with art as long as your heart is filled with passion. As long as you're not doing it for vain. But when passion turns into oblivion, the palette will break. The values you mixed would be of no use. The same way how we allow ourselves to follow the path we know that will detriment our passion."

The way how darkness dominated his eyes is a mystery to me. Everything about him felt unrighteous. Or is it my excuse to describe the difference it has from my beliefs?

"Here are the rules... Actually, fuck the rules. Who said that you need to follow rules for you to paint? Paint however you want it to be, Lavien. Don't follow the rules."

For him, this is all about passion. Art. Desire. Aspirations. He doesn't care whether what he's doing is righteous or unrighteous. He allows his passion to fuel his works. He allows passion to consume him—that in whatever he does, he tried his best to accustom it to his passion.

A man of passion... or a passion embodying a man?

"Kamusta naman kayong dalawa?" I glanced only to find Gio's smile. He drew his head back and tapped his friend's back. Gio let out a chuckle.

Inikot ko ang ulo para masundan ang pigura niyang papunta kay Tres na nasa kaliwa ko.

"Stressed ka na ba, Miss Fashion Designer-Ballerina? Nga naman, you can't spell 'stress' without 'Tres'. Ayos ba, brad?" Hinampas niya sa balikat si Tres at humagalpak muli ng tawa. Nahagip ng tingin ko si Atlas na nakahalukipkip sa likod ko. Zoren took his seat beside me.

"You're not a painter, Gio. Umalis ka rito," masungit na sabi ni Tres.

"Sensitive nito. Mas sensitive ka pa sa makahiya." Gio threw his arm around Tres' shoulders and crouched. Napansin ko ang kaonting gray na mantsa sa itim niyang pantalon. Maybe it's the clay? "Si Zoren nga ayaw turuan. Bakit si Lavien tinuturuan? Nako, nako, brad! FO na raw kayo, Zor." Tumawa muli si Gio at tumayo.

"Kanina pa kayo rito?" bulong ni Zoren sa tabi ko. Inilalabas niya ang art materials niya.

"Yes. Nagpaturo ako ng paggamit ng oil paints kay Tres kanina," I answered.

"Ah, sana all."

Kinunotan ko siya ng noo. Nagkibit-balikat lang siya sa 'kin.

Though there are a few more minutes left before the classes start, the number of students isn't reaching half. Natutuwa pa yata si Atlas sa sitwasyon na 'yon, rason kung bakit nilapitan niya si Tres at tumayo sa harap niya.

Looking around, he said, "Someone started a craze at the Hierarchy Lounge." I looked at him, afraid with what he's saying. Hindi niya ako pinansin. "Hindi mo pa naririnig, 'no? O baka narining mo na at umaakto ka lang na balewala lang 'yon sa 'yo? Ikaw siguro si RAN."

Diniinan ko ang tingin kay Atlas. He spared a second to look at me but returned his infiltrating gaze to Tres. Tres only looked at him, unbothered.

"Baka ikaw si RAN. Takbo ka nang takbo," singit ni Gio.

"Hindi ka kasama rito, de Angelis," naaasar na sabi ni Atlas. Nagtaas ng dalawang kamay si Gio.

"Alis na 'ko, may nag-to-topak dito." Tinapik niya ang balikat ni Tres. "You need to fucking hide, bro."

I watched Gio's retreating figure. He disappeared with a grin on his face. What is with Gio today? What is with people today? As much as I hate judging their beliefs, I couldn't stop myself. There's something wrong.

"Aren't you scared of your father's welfare, Tres? RAN targets corrupt politicians. Isn't your father corrupt?"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapasinghap. Nilingon ko si Zoren ngunit nananahimik lang siya sa pagpipinta. Why is he not defending his friend?

"Alam mo ba-"

"Don't touch my canvas," seryosong sabi ni Tres. I saw how he clenched his jaw.

"Woah, kalma! Init agad ng ulo e." Humalakhak pa siya. "Alam mo ba, iniisip ko na baka alam mo kung sino si RAN? O kung ayaw mo magsabi, iniisip ko na baka si Renalie Narvaez 'yon. Founding member, 'di ba? Tapos suportado pa si RAN. Balita ko, marunong din daw 'yon magpinta. Tingin mo, Tres? Tama ba ang hula ko?"

"Where did you get that?" Pansin ko ang pagtitimpi ni Tres.

"Oh, come on! Para kang si Lavien, tanga rin. You really believed that I'll dig that deep para lang magsayang ng oras? Ano naman ang makukuha ko ro'n? What do you think, Tres? What am I up to? Nililinlang ko lang ba kayo?"

Nagpakawala ng hininga si Tres at nag-iwas ng tingin. He picked up his brush. "Don't mind him, Lavien."

Napansin ko ang tingin ni Atlas sa 'kin. Is he urging me to provoke Tres? When will he ever stop from being insecure!

He rose his brow at me when he noticed that I'm not making an effort to do what he wants. Sucking a deep breath, I said, "No, Tres. I want to ask you, where did you go? When you left-"

Tres looked at me, offended. "Why would I tell? Hindi kita mapagkakatiwalaan."

Napasinghap ako. It was my turn to be offended. "I thought we have a connection," nanliit ang boses ko sa sinabi. "You're confusing me."

He rolled his eyes at me. Nakita ko ang pag-angat ng labi niya para ngumisi. Napansin ko ang kuntentong ngiti ni Atlas sa 'kin. "You're confusing me, too. Ano ba, Lavien? Really, I was thinking the same thing. I thought I have given you a part of my passion—that's what I've ever wanted. But now? I think it did you wrong. I thought you didn't want to pursue ballet anymore. Bakit parang may ginagawa ka?"

When he let out his thoughts, it thinned my patience. I refrained myself from thinking bad about their beliefs because that is what they believe in. As much as I want to tell them unrighteous words, I stopped myself. I don't want to step on a person because of my emotions—because of my anger.

I need to understand that no matter how eager they are to provoke me; I should be smart enough not to be. I don't want them to win.

With impatient thinking battling with my righteous thinking, I silently picked up my materials and sat at a place far away from them.

I don't want to deal with them today.