Jungkook

 
“Is it time already?” I ask Taehyung when he enters my office, announcing the interview with the weekly magazine that is scheduled for today.

“Yeah, if you’re ready, I can let them know right away. We’ll wind it up, and I think I might need to leave soon. My head is exploding,” he complains, dragging a chair to sit beside me.

“Oh, try drinking iced coffee. It works for any kind of headache,” I offer my two cents, knowing that he would turn it down anyway.

“Nah,” he rejects right away, making gagging noises. “I’m good without coffee. I’ll just grab some painkillers and a good night’s sleep. That will do,” Taehyung replies, placing a set of papers on the table thereafter.

“So, here’s the list of questions. I’ve reviewed them all, and it’s only the usual ones. Nothing out of the ordinary,” he declares in an unimpressed tone.

“That’s okay. Not many interviews have interesting and impressive questions. Let them know I’m ready,” I request him to proceed with the next steps.

We take a couple of minutes to go over the questions, after which we receive a call from the interviewer assigned to us from the weekly magazine.

“Hello, Jake. It’s a privilege to be interviewing you today. My name is So-Won, and I’ll be heading this session.” A lady with a heavy voice announces over the call.

“Hello, So-Won-ssi. It’s good to talk to you.” I respond with a smile.

“First of all, fans are extremely thrilled seeing the cover of the album and the tracklist of ‘Criss Cross’. Many congratulations on that. Can we know more about the cover design? It’s the first time there are people on the cover of your album, and that includes a baby as well. Would you like to tell us the significance?” She puts forth her first question.

“Yes, that’s right. This is the first time I have added a photo with people on the album cover. I wanted this cover to reflect the theme of the album, which is extremely personal to me. The cover image has all the elements that define me and mean a lot to me. So I have gone with it, and it is in grayscale, which portrays the gloomy emotions exhibited by the majority of the songs in this album.” I answer her, without giving any specifics about the photo.

“That sounds very intriguing. By personal elements, do you mean the tattoos on the arm and the baby in the photo? Fans are already making theories about the tattoos and connecting them to the song titles. Do the tattoos belong to Jake? There is also a lot of speculation about some news in the pipeline that, maybe, Jake wants to be a father very soon. Or is it possible that marriage or the arrival of a child is on the cards?” She giggles when she asks that, and it makes me laugh too.

“I’ll pass these questions. Some things are better left to the imagination of fans, and being open-ended is still a good thing,” my answer leaves her dumbfounded for a while, and Taehyung softly chuckles beside me.

“Smart, as always. So Jake, can we talk more about ‘Criss Cross’? What do you have to say about the overwhelming response to the cover and tracklist?” Her next question earns a satisfied smile from me.

“Thank you to all my fans for the continued love and support, and I hope that you will love ‘Criss Cross’. This album has a lot of elements that are very personal and meaningful to me, and I have worked hard on it. Personally, I think this album has come out really well, and the melodies are really cool and soulful. Some songs are in genres that I haven’t tried before as well. So yeah, musically and lyrically, it will be an experience close to heart because it was for me.” I answer the interviewer who is on the other end of the call.

“What was it like to work on the tracks in this album? How would you rate them at a relative level with your other albums, given that you already mentioned it is an intimate and personal one,” she asks her next question.

“This album is unique on its own, but it will reflect my tastes and colors. I co-wrote the title track of ‘Criss Cross’ when I was going through a severe low and an irreversible personal loss a few months ago. Writing my emotions out as lyrics really helped me overcome a lot of pain, and every time I listen to it, it’s always a reminder of the strength that my mind possesses. I do feel weak and broken quite often, but I also know that I can overcome these testing situations with some self-help. Each one of the five tracks in this album has a unique significance,” I pause for a moment to see if the interviewer has anything to interrupt me with.

When she hums in response, it encourages me, and I take it as my cue to continue explaining.

“At this stage, I cannot reveal too much, but every song is about one stage in life, and not all songs are gloomy or dark. There are a couple of positive and light tracks too, and as the title suggests, life is always a crisscross of various emotions and different states of mind. There’s no such thing as eternal sadness or eternal grief or eternal happiness. Nothing is forever, and the key to happiness and inner peace lies in understanding the only fundamental principle of life, which is that change is the only constant. Nothing is permanent, and that’s what I’ve always been advocating in most of my songs in my early career. I felt it was time to steer away from self-love for a while and reinforce the idea of embracing change with grace and confidence.” I profess, leaning back in my chair and allowing myself to relax.

“That is true. You have been one of the very few artists in the industry who boldly speaks up about such unconventional topics. This time around, what can fans expect in the teaser for the title track? Do you have any spoilers for us?” She sounds curious and eager.

“The teaser… well… You have to wait for it. By the time this interview is published, the album itself would be out. So I’ll remain quiet about this one.” Smiling, I thread my fingers repeatedly through my hair, awaiting her next question.

“Jake, fans were anticipating a music video for the title track of ‘Criss Cross’. What is the reason for not including one?” Her question is the last in the list of questions that their coordinator shared with us earlier, so I’m prepared to answer it as well.

It also means that the interview would be ending right after this, and I’m glad it was a smooth and uneventful one.

“I know. I usually make it a point to add a music video for the title track, but this time around, as I already told you, I was going through a very hard time in life. A big slump even. The lyrics and overall color of the title track would communicate that pain and suffering. So I wasn’t really in a good headspace to plan and arrange for a music video. It isn’t a great excuse, but I sincerely apologize for the shortfall, and I’m sorry for disappointing my fans that way. However, I truly hope that everyone who listens to the songs in this album will find at least some little element that they can relate to at some level. I hope everyone finds a piece of me and them in this album. I really hope so.” I say with a beam of hope crossing my smile.

“Jake, one last question,” she pipes up, making my eyebrows fall together at this unexpected and unannounced interruption. “There is a rumor that you’re working on a collaboration with a Western artist, and there is also talk that you would be debuting in Hollywood with an OST score for a huge production house. Would you like to address these rumors?”

Taehyung tenses up in his seat right beside me, and he reaches out to hold my hand. This clearly throws us off a little because it was kept completely confidential, and only the preliminary talks are underway. Yet, the grapevine communication is always much quicker and sneakier, and it seeps through uncontrollably. Even though talks are happening, I’ve never really been keen on doing collaborations. I reassure Taehyung with a wave of my hand and prepare to answer her.

“These may or may not be rumors. I wouldn’t deny anything, and I’m also not confirming any of it. We only have to wait and see what’s in store,” I deliver my diplomatic and non-committed answer in a cheerful tone.

“That is amazing! And I’m sure fans would be waiting eagerly to hear updates, if any. Lastly, do you have a message for your fans at this important juncture?” Her last question, hopefully, signals the end of the telephonic interview.

“I’m a little nervous, but I hope my fans will listen to this album and all its songs and show them all a lot of love as they have always done. There are some interesting and unconventional promotion activities that we have planned after the release of the album, and I hope everyone will look forward to that as well. Once again, thank you so much for the support and love all the way. I love each one of you more than you will ever know.” I bow my head a few times while still seated.

“Thank you so much for sparing time to talk to us, Jake. We wish you good luck with ‘Criss Cross, and it was truly an honor talking to you,” with that, we say our goodbyes and end the call

Shortly after, Taehyung takes me to my car and leaves home since it is pretty late already, and he was also complaining of a nagging headache earlier. Our original plan was to have dinner and drinks together, but he had to go, and that leaves me alone once again.

The ride back home starts as normal as ever, and just when I almost drift to sleep, the radio begins to play my song ‘Toxic Love’ from over a year ago. My eyelids shoot open, and after that, I find it impossible to close my eyes, and an uneasy feeling begins to squirm within my chest, which makes it so hard and suffocating for me to sit inside the car. Quickly, I tell my driver to turn off the radio before the song reaches the hook part, which I never listen to because of the bitter feelings it is capable of resurrecting.

My mood is destroyed, and my mind starts to get clogged up with numerous thoughts and questions. I even begin to wonder if my fans had any theories about this particular piece or the slightest clue about the backstory of this song. I have never bothered to find out though, and I have never even bothered to deconstruct this song to anyone, always judiciously avoiding the topic.

The song is, in fact, based on true incidents and emotions, which I have consciously avoided talking about. And thinking about the timeline of this song takes me back to the worst part of my marriage with SooYoung when one mistake after the other caused the ground to crack and split beneath our feet, and nothing had the power to fully seal it back together.

I close my eyes, shake the untimely thoughts out of my head and take a few deep breaths to calm down.

Once I head home, my mind still feels a little pale, but I proceed to check up on Haewon and Mrs Lee. It’s almost midnight, and I only get to place a brief kiss on my sleeping daughter’s forehead. 

She feels a little warm because she’s been running a fever since her vaccination yesterday, and Mrs Lee told me that she had been extremely clingy and cranky all day. I wish I could stay beside her and take care of her and be a better father, but my work has been extremely taxing over the past couple of days, and I’ve hardly had a moment for anything at all. I haven’t even been able to work out in peace, and that always leaves me feeling fatigued. 

I’m even thinking of taking a week off from work to just relax and spend time at home with my daughter and Hae-Yeon, but for that, I have to first get over with the promotions of my new album. This time around, it isn’t an extensive promotion, but just the basics and some new activities that we’re doing. 

After a shower, I eat my salad all alone and head over to the couch in the living room. Although I’m a little tired, I also feel like talking to Sarang right now. Hearing her voice and talking to her would surely lift my mood and make me happier. I pick up my phone and instruct it to call her phone, but there’s no answer, and it succeeds in making me feel glum. 

We haven’t been able to have a good heart-to-heart talk ever since the weekend when I spent a night at her apartment. I have been busy, and I know it shouldn’t be a reason to skip our late-night calls, which were becoming a happy part of my routine. 

I also haven’t been able to talk to her about being impulsive and dominant that day, and I really want to check on her after everything that happened. Just as my high-functioning anxiety begins to surface, I receive a call, and my phone chirpily announces Hae-Yeon’s name. 

Beaming, I answer her call at once, every last ounce of my exhaustion and sleepiness flying out the window. 

“Hi, my love. Were you sleeping?” I ask her first. 

“Hi, Jungkook,” Hae-Yeon answers happily. “No, I haven’t slept yet. I was in the bathroom when you called. Are you back home?” 

“I am. I’m sorry for not calling you these days. It was a little hectic at work with the promotion meetings, interviews and everything else. But tonight, I really wanted to talk to you, even if that means skipping my sleep.” I lift my legs onto the couch and lay down on it. 

“Don’t be sorry. I know you’ve been busy, and there’s so much about ‘Criss Cross’ all over the internet. Jake is everywhere, and I even listened to your radio talk show last night. I loved it as always. I missed you so much,” her voice turns softer, and it threatens to rattle my calmness. 

“Hae-Yeon, I’ve been missing you so much. You’re on my mind all the time, and this feeling is a little too addictive to me.” I confess, wanting to open up more to her about everything that I usually don’t talk about with anyone around me. 

“It is a new feeling for me, but all I know is that I like you very much. And I want to be beside you for a very long time,” Hae-Yeon replies, pouring out her feelings. 

“I will make sure I don’t allow such a distance between us hereafter, and please don’t hesitate to call me anytime, Hae. I will also do that whenever I’m free. At least, text me often. Send me voice notes…something, anything. I want to know you’re always beside me,” my dire words, though filled with heavy longing, make her laugh softly. 

“I promise, I’ll do that. I’ve been thinking about texting you or calling you, but I felt you might be busy. So I didn’t want to bother you,” Hae-Yeon says meekly, her voice making it evident that she’s comfortable in bed right now. 

“Don’t ever think that way. I’m always thinking about you no matter what else I’m doing.” I declare confidently, and Hae-Yeon chuckles lightly. 

“Hae-Yeon, do you remember the time you asked me about my song ‘Toxic Love’ in one of your letters? I never replied to that because I wasn’t comfortable talking about it back then. But if you’re still curious to know, I can tell you about it now,” I ask her with the only intention of opening up to her and getting over this issue for now and forever. 

It has been like a constant prick in my chest all these years, and no one truly knows what happened. Except Taehyung, of course, because he knew everything.
 

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Published on : 09/30/2023