((/ THIS CHAPTER IS TRIGGERING AND UPSETTING FOR SOME, MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESSES, SEXUAL HARRASMENT AND PEDOPHILIA \))

Jaren's POV

I could really use a vape break right about now.

"Jaren!" Cameron yells, so I pass him the ball.

Cameron takes the shot and gets it, running over and high-fiving me.

"Nice shot!" I cheer, grinning up at him.

"Nice pass." He retorts, as Carlos and the others gather around to congratulate Cameron on the shot.

Cameron play for the school basketball team, naturally, and he's actually really good at lay-ups.

Jonathan's team is losing badly, but they're not bad either.

They still look mad.

Should I talk with them and explain? Do I need to explain myself?

I'm not telling them anything about my past, they can get stuffed if they ask about that, but I can explain to them that that name is what people called gay people where I'm from and it just slipped.

But would they care?

They seem very hurt by the name, and I feel like they'd just yell at me and call me a homophobe.

But if I don't explain myself, won't they just think the same?

"Wrap it up!" Coach yells, blowing his whistle. Everyone on my team cheers and we all head into the change room.

I gulp slightly when I see Luke in his locker beside mine.

I hesitantly walk over and unlock my locker, glancing over at Luke as I grab my bag out and change back into my sweat pants.

I pull off my shirt and pull my hoodie on before I finally face Luke.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, hoping he doesn't lash out at me.

"Why'd you say it?" Luke asks, closing his locker and facing me.

"Where I come from, it's normal to call gay people that and so it just kind of slipped. I'm used to hearing that word instead of... Nicer terms." I reply, rubbing my hands together. "It just slipped, I swear." I add, looking down at my shoes.

"You don't think before you speak, do you?" He asks, not seeming angry anymore. I shake my head, feeling really guilty at the moment.

"Jaren, come on." Cameron calls, but I tell him to wait.

"Look, I'm really sorry and I'll give you some time to cool off. I'm gonna hang with Cameron at lunch to give you space." I say, looking down at the ground.

"Ok." Is all he says, pushing past me and heading out the door with Jonathan.

I put my bag over my shoulder and follow Cameron and Toby our, and I instantly notice the connection between them.

They pretty much scream 'gay' when they're together.

"So we should probably warn you about John." Toby says, lacing his fingers with Cameron's.

"He's a bit of an asshole and he has a dark sense of humour." Cameron says, looking down at me as I walk beside him. "He's a funny guy once you get to know him, but he doesn't have the best reputation." Cameron adds, glancing at Toby.

"So I've heard." I reply, humming softly.

"In we go." Toby cheers, pushing open the doors to the cafeteria. He starts heading towards the table with all his friends, but Cameron hangs back and walks with me.

"Eric is probably high, so I'm sorry that this is your impression of him." Cameron whispers to me, sitting down beside Toby.

I sit across from Cameron and next to Mason who cheerfully greets me.

And then John sits down.

Next to me.

"Hey there new kid." John greets, lazily looking me up and down.

"Hello." I reply, glancing down at his tray of food.

I pull my bag off my shoulders and pull out my lunch.

Instantly everyone is watching me.

"You pussies never seen Mac and cheese?" I joke, causing them to laugh.

"We have, but that looks so yum." Toby says, eyeing me down as I eat a spoonful.

"Want some?" I ask, holding out a spoonful of Mac. Toby eagerly leans over and eats in, making a face of pure joy when he tastes it.

"So good!" He gasps out.

"Thanks, my special recipe." I say, winking at him.

"You cook?" Cameron asks, seeming impressed.

"Duh, not gonna make my mom cook all the time." I reply, rolling my eyes.

"Does anyone have a lighter?" I hear someone ask, and I glance around mason to see a guy holding a fucking blunt.

"ERIC!" Toby and Cameron both yell, leaning over the table to hide said blunt.

I can't help but laugh along with Mason.

John is surprisingly quiet, so I turn to look at him only to find him staring right back.

"You're pretty cute, you wanna bang some time?" He asks, leaning towards me slightly.

I don't think I've ever been more flustered in my life.

"Wha— No!" I stutter out, cursing myself mentally for struggling to find words.

"Oh. Ok." He replies, leaning back and continuing to eat his food.

Is this guy for real?

"Look, I need to go do something. I'll be back in a bit." I say, standing up from the table.

"You know where you're going?" Cameron asks.

"Yeah." I reply, grabbing my backpack and sliding Toby the Mac. "You can have the rest of that." I say to him.

"Cameron, I'm leaving you for Jaren." Toby says right before he starts scoffing down the food.

"What!" Cameron yells, causing everyone to laugh, including John.

I shake my head and smile lightly before walking away.

Taking a mental note on the stares I'm getting from people, including Luke's friends.

I walk out of the cafeteria and head towards the bathroom, deciding not to go too far so I don't loose my way.

I make sure no ones in here and then I lean up against the sink and pull out my vape.

I bring it up to my lips and press the button, taking a long drag before releasing the vapour from my lips.

I watch as the thick cloud slowly vanishes from sight, relishing in the taste and feeling.

I take another drag and do the same thing, coughing slightly from the slight burn in my throat.

Maybe I shouldn't take such big hits.

"So you vape?" I hear someone ask, scaring the shit out of me. I look over and see John standing there, a smirk on his face.

"Uh, Yeah." I reply, letting my hand drop to my side as I watch him. He stares at me for a second before pulling out his own vape.

"Is that the GXC vape?" I ask, noticing the slightly expensive look.

"Yeah, So you know your stuff, huh?" He asks, bringing it up to his lips and holding the button down.

He pulls it away from his lips and lets the cloud out and grins at me.

"I think you and I are going to get along great." He says, nodding his head slowly.

"To being vape buds." I say, raising my vape like you would an alcoholic beverage.

"To being vape buds." He repeats, taping his vape to mine. We both vape in the bathroom for a while, chatting and joking around.

He doesn't seem like a bad guy. Maybe Luke and his friends were wrong.

"Come on, lets head back." John says, sliding his vape into his bag. I do the same and we head out, and we start walking back.

As we turn a corner, some guys knocks into John and doesn't apologise, he just tells him to watch it.

It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do.

John punched the guy square in the jaw, sending him stumbling back.

"W-Wait! I'm sorry!" The guy yells, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Fuckin watch yourself." John growls, before turning to me. "Come on." He says casually as he starts walking.

What. The. Fuck?

"You just... You just punched him for knocking into you?" I ask, catching up with him.

"He didn't apologise and he disrespected me." John states, shrugging his shoulders. "Some people need to be put in their place... Speaking of which..." John growls out, as Jonathan and Evan walk out.

They both look over at me, and then all of a sudden Jonathan and John are going at it.

"Jonathan! Stop!" Evan yells out, trying to break them apart.

"This is what you get for trying to get with Evan!" Jonathan snarls, throwing a quick hook at John.

I freeze.

I'm panicking.

"This is what you get you fag."

Oh no. Oh no.

I take a few steps back, feeling the panic bubble in my chest, the PTSD making it hard to breathe.

"Your supposed to like this, faggot!"

I can't breathe.

I stumble backwards, tears pricking my eyes as Luke and his friends run out, pulling Jonathan off of John.

That's when John looks to me.

"Jaren?" He calls, looking worried.

"Jaren? What happened!?"

Oh my god.

I can't. I can't.

All of a sudden I'm being grabbed and dragged away around the corner where John proceeds to slam me up against the wall, talking to me and asking if I'm alright.

"Jaren! What's happening?" He asks, scanning me as I gasp and struggle for air.

"Get... Help." I manage out, grasping at my chest.

"Shit, fuck. Alright, alright." He whispers, moving away from me and yelling around the corner to someone.

"What's wrong with him?" I hear Luke's voice ask.

"I don't know, but you need to go get some help." John replies. They glare at each other, but Luke runs off down the hall.

"Jaren, everything's going to be alright. Can you feel your legs?"

Tears are freely falling down my face now, and John looks so stressed and confused.

"Jaren, Eri is on her way!" I hear someone yell.

I move my head slightly and see the principal running towards me, Luke on his heel.

"What's happening?" John asks, but the principal ignores him.

"Where is it?" The principal asks.

"Left... Pocket." I gasp out.

He reaches into my bags left pocket and pulls out the needle before promptly jabbing it into my arm.

"Better?" He asks, my eyes dropping closed as I focus on my breathing.

The soft sedative I carry around with me calms me down and brings my heart rate down.

I meekly nod my head and slide down the wall, now painfully aware of the crowd.

The principal tells everyone to leave, but John stays and sits down beside me, letting me lean against him.

A few minutes pass by and suddenly I hear my name being called out.

"Jaren! Baby, it's ok." Eri soothes as she stands me up.

I stare down at my shoes, the very painful memories replaying over and over again in my head.

"Are you ok?" I ask John, watching as he stands up.

"Shut up, don't worry about me." John replies, ruffling my hair. "Are you ok?" He asks, glancing between Eri and I.

"I'm fine." I lie, leaning into Eri's touch.

"Come on, lets head home." Eri whispers, patting my hair and pulling me into her side. "Thank you for staying with Jaren." She says to John before turning to the principal.

"I'll sign him out for you." Mr. Patterson says, smiling sadly at me.

Why do I have to be haunted by these memories, and why do they bring me so much pain?

I wish I could forget all about my childhood.

About my real parents.

About the kids at my school.

I wish I could forget about him. The figure that haunts me the most. The reason I am the way I am to this day.

I wish I could forget all about the guy who brought nothing but pain and misery into my life.

And I wish I could forget that my real parents allowed him to do this, for a cost of course.

I wish I could forget being used as a sex toy, at the tender age of five.

But I can't.

And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

||.:.||