they're some of my favorites :)

mentioned SovAme is the only ship

written early 2021 minus the last few from middle 2022

America: I'm gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Canada: Only if you also don't ask why

Canada: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

America:

Canada:

America: This one is fine

~~~

America: I prevented a murder today.

Canada: Really? How'd you do that?

America: self control.

~~~

America: Welcome, fellow idiots

Canada: Hello, America

America: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Canada: You underestimate me

~~~

America: I've already sent good vibes your way... they're coming. There's nothing you can do to stop them.

Canada: This is the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up.

~~~

Canada: Happy Scorpio season. If you have to burn a bridge, do it safely!

America: With NAPALM.

~~~

Canada: Could you be anymore annoying?

America: Yes.

~~~

Canada: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

America: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Canada: Th-that's not how that works-

~~~

Canada: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

America: Awww, thanks-

Canada: That's not a good thing.

America: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.

~~~

Canada: Hey, America? Can I get some dating advice?

America: Just because I'm with Soviet doesn't mean I know how I did it.

~~~

America: Alright, listen up you little shits.

America: Not you Canada. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

~~~

Canada: How do I deal with my enemies?

America: Kill them

Canada: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution

America: Kill them only a little?

~~~

America: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.

Canada: Oh no.

America: More like "oh yes!"

~~~

Canada: Look, America, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

~~~

America: Guys, there's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly.

Canada, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~

Canada: America, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.

America: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

~~~

Canada: America, is that legal?

America: When there's no cops around, anything's legal!

~~~

Canada: America, is that my mug you're drinking out of?

America: No, it's mine.

Canada: It... looks just like the one I have...

America: You don't have one like this anymore.

~~~

America: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Canada: You mean you stabbed them?

America: They ran into my knife.

~~~

America: Oh, here's my award for the most rules broken!

Canada: That's not an award, it's an angry letter from UN.

America, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award!

~~~

Canada: Do you take constructive criticism?

America: No, only cash or credit.

~~~

America, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Canada: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

~~~

America: Ah shit, I forgot.

Canada: Forgot what?

America: How do you expect me to answer that?

~~~

Canada: How the hell are you still alive?

America: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.

~~~

Canada: You disgust me.

America: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don't care.

~~~

Canada: I can't imagine what America is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

~~~

Canada: Truth or dare?

America: Truth.

Canada: How many hours have you slept this week?

America:

America: Dare.

Canada: Go to sleep.

America: I don't like this game.

~~~

Canada: You believe me?

America: Canada, you're the last good person on this planet. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

~~~

America: Tomorrow's garbage day.

Canada: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

~~~

America: How do you want your coffee?

Canada: Black, like my soul.

America:

America: Canada, your soul is a latte.

~~~

Canada: You can't have a gun on stage!

America: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that's the rule of Chekhov's Gun: have a gun. And now that it's been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

~~~

America: I won a new phone in a race.

Canada: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, America?

America: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

~~~

America: I have an idea.

Canada: A good idea?

America: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

~~~

Canada, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

America: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

America:

America: It's perfume.

~~~

America: What goes up but never comes down?

Canada: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

~~~

America: I know this isn't going to end well and I don't care. So don't you try and stop me, Canada!

Canada: I wasn't stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

~~~

Canada: Are you having another depressive episode?

America: A depressive episode?

America: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

~~~

America: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Canada, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

~~~

America: You've got to learn to love yourself.

Canada: But don't you hate yourself.

America: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

~~~

Canada: What happened?!

America: Do you want the long version or the short version?

Canada: Sh-short??

America: Shit's fucked.

Canada: Okay, long.

America: Shit's very fucked.

~~~

Canada: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!

America: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

~~~

Canada: Ow!

America: What's wrong?

Canada: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.

America: It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

~~~

Canada: I can't take you seriously wearing that.

America: Aw, you take me seriously at all?

Canada: Fair point.