February 16th, 2022

Ships:
BrArg (Brazil x Argentina)
Possibly implied PerBol (Peru x Bolivia) but I can't remember lol

~~~

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Palau: Would never stab anyone.

Micronesia: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Philippines: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

NATO: Would stab without warning.

Marshall Islands: Would stab as a warning.

~~~

Marshall Islands, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you're doing it all wrong.

~~~

Palau: Money... Is like president trading cards.

~~~

Palau: *falls down the stairs*

NATO: Are you okay?

Micronesia: Stop falling down the stairs!

Marshall Islands: How'd the ground taste?

~~~

NATO: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Micronesia: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Philippines: I got distracted halfway through.

Liberia: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

~~~

*Liberia and NATO playing minecraft*

Liberia: Oh no, oh no, oh no-

NATO: What's wrong?

Liberia: I did a thing.

NATO: You regret the thing you dID-

Liberia: *screams*

NATO: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-

Liberia: *screams again*

~~~

Liberia: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Japan: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

~~~

Liberia: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

~~~

NATO: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead!

~~~

Liberia: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

NATO: Killed without hesitation.

~~~

NATO: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

~~~

Liberia: I've only had NATO for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

~~~

Liberia: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

~~~

*NATO is speaking on the phone*

NATO: Yeah, I'm with Liberia.

Liberia: Im fucking dying-

NATO: Yep, they're okay.

Liberia: I have a knife in my chest!

NATO: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry.

Liberia: IM BLEEDING OUT-

~~~

Liberia: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

NATO, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

~~~

NATO: I'm so excited!

Liberia: We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...

NATO: And have the biggest stomach aches ever!

Liberia: Yeah!

~~~

Liberia: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

NATO: I almost died.

Liberia: That... was my favorite memory.

~~~

NATO: Liberia, you risked your life to save me!

Liberia: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

~~~

NATO: That's not funny.

Liberia: I thought it was funny.

NATO: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

~~~

NATO: I am a responsible adult!

Liberia: *raises brow*

NATO: I am an adult.

~~~

NATO: War is heck!

~~~

NATO: Liberia likes to say 'you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,' but I happen to believe you can be both.

~~~

NATO: How's practice going?

Liberia: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.

NATO: Okay, just don't get any blood on your clothes.

Liberia: ...you shouldn't be condoning this.

NATO: Don't tell me how to live my life.

~~~

*Liberia and NATO are planning to break in somewhere*

Liberia: We need to distract the guards.

NATO: Right.

Liberia: What are we gonna do?

NATO: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.

Liberia:

NATO:

Liberia: Deal.

~~~

NATO: Are you tall enough to play basketball though?

Liberia: Are you calling me short?

NATO: I'm calling you vertically challenged.

~~~

Liberia: When do you usually go to sleep?

NATO: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

~~~

NATO: State your name, rank, and intention.

Liberia: Liberia, Liberia, fun.

~~~

Liberia: You're mean!

NATO: You're meaner!

Liberia: Yeah, well, you're ugly too!

NATO: You're uglier!

Liberia: You're a dumbass!

NATO: You're a dumberass!

Liberia: You think "dumberass" is a good insult!

~~~

Liberia: Where are you going?

NATO: Hell, eventually.

~~~

Cop: What are your names?

Liberia: Don't tell them, NATO.

Cop, writing: NATO...

Liberia: Crap.

NATO: Nice going, Liberia.

Cop:

NATO: Uh oh.

~~~

Argentina: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.

Brazil: But what if something else happens just this one time.

~~~

Argentina walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Brazil, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Brazil, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

~~~

Brazil: Argentina, do you love me?

Argentina: Of course I do!

Brazil: Would you still love me if I did something bad?

Argentina: Well, of course I... would...

Brazil: I mean something really, really—

Argentina: Brazil, what did you do?

~~~

Argentina: I don't mean to be rude—

Brazil: Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often.

~~~

Argentina: What are you planning to do?

Brazil: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!

~~~

Argentina: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Brazil.

~~~

Brazil: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Argentina.

~~~

Argentina: Brazil, no.

Brazil: Brazil, yes.

~~~

Argentina: I have a problem.

Brazil: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.

~~~

Brazil: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos.

Brazil: Oh no, where did it go?

Argentina: BRAZIL WHAT THE FUCK?!

~~~

Brazil: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

~~~

Brazil: And what do I get out of this?

Argentina: I will give you a dollar.

Brazil: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!

Argentina: How bout two dollars?

Brazil: You got yourself a deal.

~~~

Brazil: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!

Argentina: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Brazil's* hey besties !!1!

Brazil: I literally hate you so much.

~~~

Brazil: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

~~~

Argentina: Anything else?

Brazil: Yeah. Stay away from me!

Argentina: Alright. See you in the room we share.

~~~

Argentina: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything?

Brazil: I had a lizard that I burnt.

~~~

Brazil: Do dragons fart fire?

Argentina: I don't know.

Brazil: I thought you went to college.

~~~

Bolivia: Is it still visible? Where Peruvia slapped me?
Peru: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Argentina: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Brazil: A palm reader could tell Peruvia's future by looking at your face.

Chile: The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Bolivia: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

~~~

Peru: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Chile: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents.

Peru: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.

Argentina: Actually I did the math, Chile would have $225, not $0.15.

Chile: Fam I'm right here....

Brazil: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Peru: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Brazil: Sorry I only have a dollar.

Peru: :(

Argentina: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Chile would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

Brazil: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.

Argentina: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.

Bolivia: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.

Argentina: Apply juice to what.

Bolivia: Directly to the forehead.

Chile: Great chat everyone.

~~~

Peruvia: Argentina is so...

Chile: Annoying?

Brazil: Cute?

Bolivia: Funny?

Peru: Weird?

Peruvia: I don't know, maybe if y'all let me FINISH for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'd tell you!

~~~

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*
Bolivia, Peru, and Peruvia: *spinning a little and talking*

Argentina, Brazil, and Chile: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

~~~

Bolivia: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Chile, watching Brazil screaming, Peruvia trying to set a sleeping Peru on fire, and Argentina choking on air: I don't know either.

~~~

*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*

Brazil: Thanks fam!

Argentina: Oh no.

Peru: *cries* I love you too.

Peruvia: Sounds fake, but okay.

Chile: *A flustered mess*

Bolivia: Can I get a refund?

~~~

Peru: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?

Chile: I accidentally fell down.

Bolivia: BRAZIL PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!

Peruvia: Chile bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.

Argentina: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Peruvia.

~~~

Peru: Nothing in life is free.

Argentina: Love is free.

Chile: Knowledge is free.

Bolivia: Friendship is free.

Peruvia: Self-respect is free.

Brazil: Everything's free if you don't pay for it.

The Squad: ...

Chile: Brazil, that's illegal-

Peru: No, let them finish!

~~~

Chile: You know, when Bolivia comes over, Peruvia can get a little...

Argentina: Psycho?

Brazil: Scary?

Peru: Drunk?

Chile: All three.

~~~

Brazil: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

Peru: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.

~~~