Valerie

I've uploaded the song Valerie talks about in this Chapter. Kindly read through the chapter and play when you see me type 'play song' I promise it'll be worth it. Thank you!

I wish I could have faked some kind of illness so I could skip school this morning but no such luck. Knowing my parents they'd make me go to school anyway; sick or no sick so I'd pulled on my brave happy face this morning and driven myself into the lion's den.

It isn't so bad though. It's the last day of school so everyone's busy rounding up lessons and reports, extracurricular and whatnot. I have only a test and one other lesson scheduled for the day and I already confronted geography.

I can't believe it's like less than a week to Christmas day yet no one I know is really acting like it is. I only remember when I see how the school has been decked out in red and white with ornaments and pretty crepe paper dangling here and there. Also on the road when I pass the shops and see them selling all these Christmas themed stuff and hanging up decorations.

It all looks very nice. Christmas is literally in the air but I feel incapable of getting in the spirit; not with everything i have going on right now.

"Did you break up with him?" jess asks, slamming her lunch tray on the table and sliding into the seat across from me. Beside me, a silent Elliot keeps glaring daggers at their table. I'm surprised one of them hasn't wilted and died yet.

"About that." I begin, slowly pushing my tray away so I can rest my arm on the space in front of me. "I might not break up with him."

"What?" Elliot blanches, spluttering when his drink goes the wrong way.

"Are you insane Valerie?"

"No." I reply in a quiet but firm tone. "Well, not totally."

"This isn't the time to kid." Elliot deadpans.

"Who says I'm kidding?"

"You don't get it." Jessi replies. "You have to break up with him."

"I don't 'have' to do anything I don't want to." I toss back, making air quotes. "Stop trying to fix my life guys, it's not broken."

That said, I pick up my book bag and stomp my way out of the cafeteria. Neither of them trails me and I'm glad for it. Of course that last part about my life is a lie but I needed to say it out loud just so they'd back off a bit. Raiden is one of the few people that actually make me feel happy, like I'm worth something and he confessed. I know he isn't perfect or anything but this time, he wasn't in the wrong. This is all Kourtney's fault and I won't take my anger out on Ray.

My next class is art which I coincidentally have with Raiden even though he's a senior. The universe has a funny way of doing things.

"Good day Class." Our teacher greets, arms extended. "Our project for today will be on the Poichoir color process." He pens it down on the board before turning to gaze at us. "Which is just a fancy French word for a particular stencil printing technique I'm going to teach you."

We all laugh at this and he smiles, satisfied. Mr. David Mike then goes ahead to explain the steps, drawing an example from an artwork he'd prepared prior to the lesson before giving us room to begin our work. Carefully, I pick out the materials I'll need, already turning an idea over in my head. It would probably take ages to complete but I'm free until school let's off; more or less.

I wish to paint a scarecrow on a stick, but i plan on making his body out of stenciled birds. I just hope it turns out beautiful because you know; I'm not exactly that good at art and my parents never really like my work.

Just as I begin setting out everything on the table, my gaze lands on a pair of stormy blue eyes.

The usual mental debates picks up.

Should I talk to him? I mean we're out here in front of everyone and there's the Kourtney issue which we're certainly over but might make things a bit weird at first. Will it get us in trouble with Mr. David Mike to talk while working?

That last question, of course, is just an excuse my brain cooked up to make me chicken out. Settling down I begin by drawing out bird shapes on stencil paper but my mind keeps wandering back to him.

After a long unsatisfying internal debate, I look up and our gazes lock. I'm so lost staring at those shiny blue orbs that I accidentally let go of my utility knife and it clatters noisily to the floor.

Great! I think as a dozen pair of eyes home in on me. You'd expect them to go back to their work once I'd picked it up but they don't; Just great.

Somewhat awkwardly, I wave at Raiden who is still staring at me, an indecipherable expression on his face. He nods once, face slipping into the shadow of a smile that makes the butterflies in my belly go crazy.

Taking that as a good sign, I make my way over to him for some small talk.

"Ray." I say smiling. He has the stencil of a jaybird on his table ready for use. Raiden's such a great artist.

He looks up slowly, face somewhat expressionless. "Hi."

"Nice bird."

"Yeah thanks." He replies curtly, going back to work on what I assume to be berries.

"So uh..."

"Why are you here?" he whispers harshly and a few snickers sound behind me. Embarrassment submerges me in a tidal wave as I walk away briskly, mortified that he'd done that to me.

Needing to clear my head, I excuse myself for a bit and take a walk outside, willing the tears away. When I return, I focus all of my attention on my art as best as I can until the class comes to an end.

As soon as the bell goes, I hurriedly pack up my stuff, running off before anyone else even has the chance to consider getting up from their stations.

I had planned earlier to stay after class and work on my art since I was unable to finish it up but I need to do something to help me calm down. I'll return to the artwork after closing.

The library proves to be a safe haven for me as I spend the rest of the day there, away from prying eyes.

I lose myself in the books and before I realize it, the school day is over. Walking down the hall to my locker, I find myself letting out a breath that feels like I've been holding it all day.

It's finally over! The holidays will begin. Raiden and I will talk things over so we can make it work. I'll apologize to Jess and Elliot for flipping out on them earlier and everything will return to normal; as normal as it gets for me anyway.

However, said breath hitches in my throat when I notice a bit of commotion up front.

Two people seem to be arguing and then suddenly the girl steps forward, pulling the boy to herself as their lips collide. Their bodies seem to melt into each other for a while, before the boy pulls away.

I wouldn't mind so much about it because stupid stuff like this happens every once in a while when no teachers seem to be around except it has everything to do with me.

Kourtney just kissed Raiden. And In public too!

Before my legs decide to give up on me, I pump them in the opposite direction. I'd planned to dump my stuff into my locker but after seeing that, I find myself running away. I know that I should confront them, I really should but trust me, it's easier said than done.

Somehow, I find myself in the art room which is where I would have headed after stopping at my locker.

Thank you universe.

Luckily though, Mr. David Mike isn't there so I let myself down into one of the stools and cry my heart out for a while. I must have been only a few minutes later when I wipe my face and will myself to work on my project but it feels like an eternity.

I force myself to focus on my artwork, channeling all my feelings into it. With all that rage and sadness inside me, I'm done within the hour and although I'm glad that my teacher stepped out so I could work and be sad in peace, I wish he was here to see it now. It's halfway decent and I bet he'd be pleased with it.

I've done it all using just black, brown and a bit of white.

The brown, I've used for the background where the scarecrow stands on a stick; the focal point of the work. I've stenciled the birds that make up his body in black with some of them flying away so that he looks like he's slowly going to unravel.

That's the way I feel right now; like my life is chipping away piece by piece.

Sighing, I put the work on the teacher's table, clear up my station and head out. The halls are quiet and empty; just the way I like them.

Silently, I make my way towards my locker but stop short when I notice the figure standing there, leaning almost casually against the locker next to mine.

I slow my stride to buy me some time partly because I'm in no mood to talk to him and partly because I want to analyze his features.

I notice the breathtaking ocean blue orbs that look almost black when he gets too nervous or worked up about something but turn all sparkly when he's excited. I take in his perfectly chiseled face and flawless silken dark hair. Then my eyes wander to his full plum lips, pink as a baby's bottom and I nearly gag at the memory of Kourtney kissing them.

I almost decide to just go home; turn around and walk away but I really need to access my locker and he probably knows this. That's why he's stationed himself there, it's so I'll be unable to avoid him. Looking at him now, I don't know what's changed but I feel revolted. I really really like him but I think maybe, just maybe Jessi's right.

Resolving to get it done with, I walk faster, closing the distance between us with a poker face. I pull my locker open and begin sorting out my things.

"Valerie." He says, voice nearly making me swoon on the spot.

"Raiden." I reply in an even tone.

"You're not even going to look at me?"

I chuckle bitterly then and glance up into those stormy eyes. "Why should i?" I spit before pushing a sketchpad into my bag and zipping it up.

"Look Raiden, Elliot was right. You do treat me like shit." I say, trying my best not to scream or hit him. "You can't just ignore me when everyone else is there, lie, kiss my ex best friend in the hallway and then swing by to talk to me like nothing happened!"

He makes to speak but I cut him off.

"The hell do you think you are Ray? What did you think? That I'd come running into your arms the second I saw you waiting to talk to me?" my voice had risen an octave but I couldn't care less. I rode on the elevator that is fury and surfed the high that comes with it.

I do not want to calm down; not yet.

"You saw." he says, almost flinching under the deadpan look I throw his way. "Look Val, I can explain. I know that you have a right to me mad

"Damn right I do." I toss back, cutting him off yet again.

"But this whole thing is all jumbled up. I mean I think I like you but with that whole thing that went down a few years ago I don't know how to bring it up with the rest of the gang and now Kourt's here and I just really need time to get my head straight and adjust."

Hearing those words, something inside of me snaps. "You jerk!" I spit barely stopping myself from striking his cheek. "You 'think' Raiden?" I make air quotes with my fingers. "You think?"

"Val-

"Don't you dare come closer." I shriek, taking a small step away from him. It's surprising a crowd of janitors and teachers hasn't gathered yet. "Kourtney's here so?" I ask, irritated by him. "She's always been here Ray. I can't believe how stupid I've been with you. What the hell happened to 'anything for you?' huh? What happened? Is that some line you use on every girl you take a chance with?"

I take a moment to calm down and he just stands there, looking all cute and get this, sorry for himself. He's standing there like a kicked puppy as if I'm the villain here.

"You know what?" I say smiling angelically before reaching inside my locker. In my best handwriting I scribble 'Screw this relationshit' across the neon pink sticky pad I'd pulled out.

Still smiling, I bang my locker shut and pick up my bag before slapping the sticky note onto his shirt.

"Adjust to this." I spit out before turning and walking down the hall, away from him.

You see, if my life was an action movie, a dope soundtrack like maybe 'blow me (one last kiss)' by P!NK would come on and then I'd strut out the building with my head held high after delivering my killer move.

*Play song^

If this was an action movie; but it isn't and so as I get nearer to the school's entrance, big fat tears begin to plop steadily on my cheeks.

And like that wasn't enough I run smack into someone on my way out.

"Aww." She mock-coos. "Is little vawy wawy sad?" 

Kourtney smirks, placing her hands on her lips and blocking my retreat.

"What the hell is your problem Kourtney?"

"You are." She spits, drawing closer. "Did you really think that he liked you?" she asks, almost snarling. "I mean take a look around Valerie. You are pathetic. A real catch like Raiden could never fall for you because frankly speaking, you're not worth it."

"Thwack!" I didn't realize what my hand was doing until it connected with the side of her face, causing it to jerk suddenly to my left but instead of fighting back she only smirks. "Yeah, that just proves how pathetic you really are." She says, strutting off.

After a few stunned minutes, I pick myself up and head towards my car. Pulling the door open, I toss my bag into the passenger sit before getting in to feel the hot tears on my cheek as they cascade down like a waterfall, pooling on my laps.

I sob until my eyes are raw and my nose is sore from the constant friction of the tissue rubbing against it.

I did the right thing so why do I still feel like shit?