December 2

    I spent way too much time reliving the kiss. I thought about at night before at dinner and in the morning at breakfast. I couldn't even fall asleep without imagining what a second one might feel like. I analyzed it so much that I swore I could write an essay on it. I guess you could say I had a major crush on Alex Fierro.

    The more I thought about it, though, the more I wondered. Alex had kissed me — yes, but what if it was only because I was crying? I wasn't sure if a pity kiss counted as a first kiss. I even called up my cousin. "Why'd you ask?" she asked.

     "For a friend," I invented, "who got kissed when he told his crush he got diagnosed with stage four brain cancer."

    I could practically see Annabeth's raised eyebrows over the phone. "Indeed. A very specific situation."

    "You know me and specifics," I said.

    Annabeth laughed. "Magnus, you're not fooling me."

   I sighed. "Fine, do you want to hear the story?"

    I told her how I'd reacted to a joke badly and how Alex had comforted me. Annabeth asked more questions about Alex. "I don't think Alex kissed you out of pity," Annabeth said. "I think she really likes you."

     "You do?" I said, pulling my knees closer to my chest.

    Annabeth sighed. "Oh come. You're just like Percy. Are all boys dense when it comes to romance? Of course I'm serious, but why don't you ask her yourself?"

     "But what if it was a pity kiss?" I asked.

       "I highly doubt that," Annabeth said. "Most people don't kiss people because they pity them — they kiss them because they like them. Now go on Romeo."

     "Didn't he die?" I asked. "I'd rather not compared to a guy who died."

Annabeth laughed freely. "What else do you remember about Romeo?"

"Is this a pop quiz?" I asked as I dimly recalled reading the play freshman year. "Oh, he flirts badly. Juliet tells him to not swear by the inconsistent moon. Is that what you're implying, that I'm a bad flirt?"

Annabeth sighed. "No. I was just making a joke and you're overthinking it — just like you're overthinking the kiss. Go. Call. Alex."

"Alright, cousin," I said. "I'll update you on it later."

"Great," Annabeth said. "I'd love to hear how it went."

I hung up and then took a few moments to just sit in bed and do nothing. The idea of asking Alex about our kiss freaked me out. I didn't like being too vulnerable. This is why I had a love/hate relationship with weekends. The free-time could be liberating, but sometimes I needed something to distract myself from my own mind.

I finally decided to get up and get dressed. It was past ten, but I hadn't done that yet. I changed into some dark grey jeans and a t-shirt that said "My Other Ride is Sleipnir." After a quick breakfast and brushing my teeth, I decided to call Alex. "Hey," Alex said, sounding a little tired.

"Did I said you up?" I asked, my heart fluttering in my chest.

"No," Alex answered. "I'm just tired from not sleeping well."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

"So why did you call me?" Alex asked.

My face burned. Good thing she couldn't see it. Was I that obvious? "I — umm wanted to talk about the kiss," I said, my palms becoming sweatier by the second.

There was silence and then, "I understand," Alex said cooly.

Her tone shocked me. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"You wanted to tell me that you don't kiss boys and you regret kissing me when I identified as one," Alex said, her tone flat.

"What?" I said. "No, I don't care what gender you identified with at the time of our kiss, Alex. I just — I just thought you might've kissed me just because you felt sorry for me. Like a pity kiss."

Alex laughed hollowly. "You overestimate my kindness."

"No," I said, my face burning. "You really are kind and I really do like you — like a lot. It's just — I often find myself over-analyzing social situations because of what happened in the past."

       There was silence and then, "I suppose I do that too. You were bullied, right?"

   I sighed. "Every school since sixth grade. I never fit in anywhere. I thought there was something about me causing people to do it."

     "Nah," Alex said. "Some people are just jerks."

    She said a bunch more colorful things about bullies and I found myself smiling. "You'we a keeper, Alex."

     "Of course I am," Alex agreed. "I am sending your words are more than a compliment, though. Are you asking about our relationship status?"

    I wriggled on the bed. "Uhh. . ."

    "I'm cool saying you're my boyfriend, but don't expect me to introduce you to my parents."

     "Don't worry," I said. "My mother is nice enough for all of them and my dad is not bad."

     "'Not bad?'" Alex echoed. "A glowing endorsement from Magnus."

    I laughed. "I should make a Yelp review."

   "I should make one of my father's company," Alex said. "I could say all kinds of unflattering stuff. Imagine his reaction."

    "Just make sure he doesn't find out you did it," I said. "I don't want you to be in a dicey situation."

    "I'm the illegitimate, gender-fluid offspring of a monster and a dream-killer."

     "I can't tell which parent is which by your description," I replied.

    "Exactly," Alex said.

    She paused. "Magnus, am I the first person you kissed?"

   I felt my face heat up. "Where are you getting that impression?"

    "There's nothing wrong with it," Alex said. "I was just wondering because the first attempt went badly."

    I hated being reminded of my failures. "I was wondering if you were unwilling," Alex continued. "I would never want to force something on you."

    "No, no," I said. "Not at all. I was just surprised and I hadn't read the WikiHow page on how to kiss yet."

    Alex laughed. "I see you've learned the art of seduction."

    I laughed too. "I should write a book about it. The first chapter will detail the allure of being bad at ceramics."

   We both laughed and continued to converse. Our conversation jumped from one subject to the next and it was only when my phone informed me it was low on power that I realized we'd been talking for hours.