March 30

    I thought the college workshop was bad (Odin had invited a ton of college representatives who we got to mingle with in the gym afterwards), but the self-esteem workshop was even worse. Part of it was the fact it was run by two "experts" named Marvin and Otis.

Marvin's idea of motivation was glaring at us as if we'd mature under his grilling gaze. Otis seemed quite nervous and frequently ground his teeth. I could see all this because not only was I in the second row of the auditorium, but the spotlights were on them at all times. Whenever Otis tried to hide in the shadows or Marvin edged away, the spotlights would follow them.

      After ten minutes of this game of tag, Marvin walked up to the podium, Otis dragging his feet behind him. "Hello students," Marvin said. "My name is Marvin and this is my brother Otis—"

   "We know!" someone from the middle of the auditorium shouted. "Now get in with your dumb workshop."

     Marvin snorted. "Clearly, these kids don't need any help boosting their already inflated egos."

     "Now, now," Otis said, "my therapist always said rudeness can be a front to hide pain and self-doubt—"

     "No one cares what your dumb therapist says," Marvin yelled, yanking the speaker from his brother.

     "Idun is a great therapist who has years of professional experience," Otis said indignantly.

     "And somehow she can't help you get over your moodiness," Marvin retorted.

    "It's not moodiness!" Otis cried. "It's clinical depression."

    At this point, the auditorium had gone quiet. It wasn't everyday we got to see adults fighting at school. Sure, many kids had seen their parents fight — some heard them do it everyday — but teachers generally  acted above such behavior. Otis and Marvin weren't following whatever book of decorum our teachers (generally) did. "Just get over it!" Marvin said. "We grew up in the same household and I'm fine."

    "My therapist says you're not fine and are probably struggling with—" Otis began.

   We never got to find out what Marvin was struggling with because said person punched his brother in the gut, causing him to topple over. Otis responded by biting his brother's shirt and the two began rolling on the floor like spitting cats. Coach Thor leapt to his feet and jumped onto the stage. He easily separated the snarling brothers and held them by the back of their t-shirts. "What has gotten into you?" he asked. "Look, I like wrestling as much as the next guy — more so than most anyhow, but I don't brawl in front of teenagers. Think of what you're teaching them."

Otis hung his head, looking ashamed, but Marvin merely snorted. "Kids fight all the time."

"You should be setting a better example for them," Coach Thor said.

Marvin sighed. "Alright. Can we get on with the stupid workshop and get it over with?"

Coach Thor pointed from his eyes to the two brothers. "Okay, but I'm watching you."

Marvin grunted, while Otis gnashed his teeth. Coach Thor sat down in the front row (not far from where I was) and pulled out his phone; I think he was watching Game of Thrones or something. "Today, we're going to give you brats some self-esteem," Marvin began once Coach Thor began his episode.

"Yes!" Otis agreed. "So we'll start with a question. What is self-esteem?"

Everyone stared at him. He wasn't serious, was he? Apparently he was because he called on Hearthstone. "You with the peppermint-colored scarf."

Hearthstone looked confused and Blitzen began signing rapidly to him. "He can't hear you!" Halfborn said.

"You, anemic kid, what is self-esteem?" Marvin asked, practically shouting.

Hearthstone, who had bern debriefed by Blitzen, signed something. "What weird gestures is this kid making?" Marvin asked. "Is he deaf as well as dumb?"

Blitzen's face grew stony and I felt heat rise in my cheeks, but it was Alex who had the guts to throw her half-full plastic cup of ice water at Marvin. He tried to move, but he wasn't fast enough and the front of his t-shirt ended up soaked. "What was that for?" he demanded.

Alex stood back and tossed her hair. "I was defending my friend," she said, folding her arms in front of her chest. "You know, bullying is correlated to lower self-esteem."

There were some "oohs" and "ahhs" from the crowd, as well as several whistles of appreciation. Marvin was shaking in fury. "You snarky adolescent! You think you're so superior because you cannot even legally vote or rent a car. You're pathetic — just a scruffy boy with overgrown grass hair like a girl!"

"Marvin!" Otis said, sounding shocked.

I stood up beside Alex. "Don't misgender my girlfriend," I said.

Marvin sneered. "Girlfriend? You'd do better dating the toilet bowl next time you get a swirlie."

"I can't believe it," Sam said, standing up beside Alex. "Our teachers brought in a pair of bullies to teach us about self-esteem."

"Marvin's bullying behavior stems from the fact his ego is easily bruised by and threatened—" Otis began.

Marvin turned in his brother. "Will you just shut up for once? You're not a psychologist and besides, no one likes your voice."

Otis' lips trembled. I noticed that Coach Thor was still blissfully unaware of what was happening. He had in his earbuds now and was thoroughly engrossed in Game of Thrones. "You are a horrible brother," Halfborn declared, pointing to Marvin, "and unqualified for teaching us. I'm leaving,"

With that, he stood up and left. "I'm going to!" Mallory declared and she followed her boyfriend out of the auditorium.

Everyone seemed to take the cue from those two. The auditorium was 90% cleared in five minutes. I tried to nudge Coach Thor and let him know what happened, but I might have well have been a fly for all the attention he paid me. Onstage, Otis and Marvin were arguing over who ruined their workshop.

I felt a tug on my arm. "Come on," Alex said. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm happy to be going to class."

"Me too," I said as we got up and left. "Me too."