Author's Note: "What!" you exclaim, "she's updating and it hasn't been two months since the last update? Who is this and what have they done with Keara?" 

An excellent question. I updated within two weeks. We are living in a crazy time, people. So, enjoy the update, but you may not be as pleased with me once you finish. I promise, everything has a plan and so too shall this. 

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No one loves you more ... more ... more ...    

There were sincere lies everywhere placed directly before

the next step. Does everyone pretend, part of alive

I am proposing words — All structures have crumbled

in earliest death. I'm crossing the yellow sands

It's so hard to know without relating it, to you

shaping a heart, take hold of me and someone says

I don't get it! You don't have to have love,

or you do, which? I don't think you do; before

the explosion? I was here without it and have been in

many places loveless. I don't want you

to know what I'm really thinking or do I, before

creation when there might be no "I knew"

Everything one's ever said not quite true. He or she be-

trays you; why you want to hurt me ... bad

Want to, or just do? Treason was provoked

everywhere even here, by knowing one was one and

I was alone, a pale hue. The sky of death

is milky green today, like a poison pool near a

desert mine. Picked prickly pear fruit and I

tasted it, then we drove on, maybe to Yarnell.

These outposts where I grew up; I didn't do that

I have no ... identity, and the love is an object

to kick as you walk on the blazing bare ground, where ...    

sentimental, when what I love, I ... don't have that one

word. This fire all there is ... to find ... I find it

You have to find it. It isn't love, it's what?

                                               —Alice Notley

"I'm really trying not to overreact here," I wheeze.

"The short version is I never fully lost my magic," Loki responds.

"Yeah, that's the part I'm getting tripped up on because you see that means you've lied to me since the moment we came back together." Loki won't look at me. "That means that you did have magic, and that you could have come to look for me, but you, for God knows what reason decided not to. You thought, 'Oh, hmm, well, I'm having such fun here in London, kissing other women and living a normal life, I'll just let Valkyrie suffer in the middle of a motherfucking shitty ass desert!'"

"That is not at all what happened and you know that."

"Then please explain it again."

"I had..." he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I had ulterior motives for not at least trying to find you. But practically, I did not have nearly enough magic to even attempt something like that. My magic was weakened just not...gone."

"Ulterior motives?"

"In London I was working to try and find a way back to Asgard. There was supposed to be a convergence that would have meant the alignment of worlds was ripe for traveling inter-dimensionally. And the company I worked for was getting unknowingly close to developing a transport system that could have possibly suited my needs."

"Your use of the word my does not escape notice, Loki."

Loki rolls his eyes and sighs. "Okay, yes, I intended on returning to Asgard by myself. Are you pleased yet?"

"Of course I'm not. I don't understand."

Loki presses his palms together as if in prayer and then presses his fingertips up beneath his chin. "You won't. I know you won't understand."

I'm struggling to sit up. I want desperately to stand up, to stand in front of him and demand answers from him. As angry as I feel, I fear I look like a weak, bed-ridden child.

"Try me."

Loki opens his eyes and looks at me. "I didn't want you getting hurt. Again."

I furrow my brow. "I can understand that. I just don't think it's fair. You constantly act like I'm made of glass. You need to let me make my own decisions."

Loki laughs and it is bitter and harsh. "Look how well that turned out, Valkyrie! You died."

"You saved me, didn't you?" I reason both with myself and with him.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I can always be there to save you or to fix your mistakes or undo whatever you've done. I want to be able to but it just isn't realistic anymore with the world we live in and the way things are. You insist on being foolish constantly. You get yourself hurt. Sometimes you get others hurt. You don't look to see the consequences on others."

I inhale sharply. "And what exactly do you call what you're doing, then? And what you have done. We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't turned over an Infinity Stone to Thanos." He doesn't respond to this. "Okay, putting the exclusion aside, did you think I couldn't be trusted with this information once we were reunited or what? Since your initial plan didn't come to fruition, why did you think you couldn't trust me with that information, just like you didn't trust me with your stupid Infinity Stone plan, or your other stupid Infinity Stone plan?"

"Again, I think maybe we should hold off on this until you're feeling better—"

"You are the king of putting things off, Loki. And do you see where we are now?" I realize suddenly that I'm tearing up. "We're in the trash dump and the walls are closing in on us while a scary garbage snake lurks below us."

"Are you honestly referencing Star Wars right now?"

"Yes," I gasp, realizing I've become slightly hysteric. "It's a metaphor, Loki, okay?"

"Tell me the truth about something else, then."

"Fine."

"When I first came to Asgard, Thor told me I had you to thank. He said that you had specifically suggested he bring me to Asgard..."

"Yes," Loki says stiffly.

"So, why did you suggest to Thor and Odin that I come to Asgard?"

"Val, I don't want to do this."

"Tell me."

"I knew your father wasn't exactly on Odin's side and I thought it provided an advantageous reason to bring him back to Asgard. You were merely the cover."

"Have you ever loved me?" I ask suddenly, without quite meaning to.

"Valkyrie..." His voice is a whisper.

"Have you?"

"Of course I love you. Don't be absurd."

"Why don't you trust me?"

"I am the Trickster, Valkyrie. It is what I do. Is that what you want to hear? Will that give you peace at night?"

"No..." I say quietly. He comes closer, and his eyes flash red.

"Will it give you comfort to hear me say that I used you?"

"Loki, I—"

"That you were just a pawn in my games? Because if that is what you want to believe, if that's what you want me to say, I will say it."

"Why are you being so cruel?" I demand through gritted teeth.

Loki is suddenly standing over me and he doesn't look anything like the Loki I've come to know. His hair may be short, and he may have delicate traces of age around his eyes, but he looks exactly the same as the day I first met him. Angry and spiteful.

"I am tired of feeling like I'm not your partner in any of this," I finally admit.

His gaze softens slightly, and just for a passing moment. "I think perhaps it's best if we...go our separate ways for now."

"What..."

"I cannot protect you if you do not wish to be protected. I do not wish for you to feel as though you are not my first priority, but I can do nothing to amend that feeling in you currently. I do not wish for any harm to come to you—"

"What about this?" I gesture between us. "Is this not harm?"

He ignores me. "But you are free to make whatever choices you will. I will not stop you. For now, my allegiance lies the Avengers and with the people of Asgard."

"Fucking shit," is all I can manage to say. I don't understand.

"So you'd rather break up with me than work things out?"

"I'm afraid we're done here, for the time being."

"Loki..."

"We're done," he says with a finality that feels like a dagger in my side. And I've had plenty enough of those to know what it feels like. He straightens and then disappears from the room faster than I can process.

"Oh my god," I whisper, my eyes darting back and forth as my brain tries to process the nonsense it just encountered. "Oh my god. Oh my god."

The door swings open and for a moment I think it'll be Loki and he'll say he was just kidding and it was all an awful horrid joke. But it's Steve and Bucky again instead. My heart is sinking further and further down in my chest.

"What the hell just happened?" Bucky asks, startling me back to reality.

I open my mouth to respond and find I have nothing; no words to describe or fully understand what just happened. "I honestly don't know."