Charity means voluntarily giving to those in need as a humanitarian act. The last time I gave to Charity was probably when I donated three bottles of Chateau Lafite to the Charity Sports Gala last summer. Don't judge me, the bottles are £800 each and who doesn't love a classy wine with floral and spicy notes? 

Being the pretty rich girl who was perfect was hard. I had the life girls would dream of. Almost all the girls at Charter High envied me and it was pretty evident, all the girls but one. Niamh. I don't know what it was about her but she never really cared for the fancy life, she was what my mother would call a simpleton. Sometimes I wish I could have been like her, maybe life would have been easier. The pressure of being perfect can feel suffocating at times and I could recall countless nights spent crying in my bedroom over minor faults. I needed to be perfect and I guess managing my body was the only way I could manage my perfection.

I had never been a big eater, but I would nab the odd donut off Kiera when she would binge eat in depression over the death of her mother. Sounds bad doesn't it. However, the donuts were good, plus Kiera didn't mind as it stopped her from taking in extra calories. I always wondered what it would be like to not have my mum around. My mum was my everything. If it wasn't for my mum I wouldn't be able to shoot for these luxury magazines, my dad wanted me to focus on getting into law school. So I was extremely grateful that I was even getting the opportunity to travel to all these shows and photo shoots. Kiera's mum died of breast cancer and I know such tragedies can happen to anyone, but at the time it seemed like Kiera was a walking series of unfortunate events. Everything she touched broke or left. I felt sorry for her so after her mums passing I took her under my wing and we became closer than ever. At the time Niamh thought I was helping her just because I wanted another 'minion' as she liked to call it, but no one could see that I was doing it for the right reasons and that I was a genuine friend. Without blowing my own trumpet, I knew Kiera looked up to me so I wasn't going to let her down. I was a role model to her and it was only right that I supported her through the difficult time. Yes, I may have made some bad decisions at the time and potentially her binge eating was her copying my disturbed eating behaviour, but a few donuts wasn't going to kill her! If that's what she needed at the time so be it. It helped.

I remember two summers ago when it all started. I was at a model camp where they would support young aspiring models to dress, look and walk like a model. I learnt how to do a catwalk, a runway show and how to do my own makeup. I had the opportunity to meet other girls like myself, and before I knew it I had become close texting buddies with a girl named Anna. She understood the pressures of being a teenage girl and struggling with being perfect all the time and she showed me how to get a perfect body. She would send me diet plans monthly and we would support each other through the diet together. Some days I would eat a mere 300 calories and then have to burn it off with exercise to get a calorie deficit. Other days I was allowed to treat myself to 500 calories, which surprisingly if done right can be a jacket potato and beans with a small salad. That would be my entire daily intake. I knew it wasn't enough to sustain a lifestyle on one meal a day, but it was only temporary. Only until I had got the figure of Kate moss. Then I would stop of-course.

Little did I know then that Anna wasn't her real name and it was her 'proana' name from her virtual world with her virtual friends who promoted a pro-anorexic/bulimic lifestyle. She was obsessed with her figure and there was nothing to her, I was envious and I hated it because I knew it was wrong; but I knew it would be her body type that would get picked for jobs over mine and that was more important to me than my health. She had brainwashed me into thinking that I needed to be perfect like her, so that we could struggle together. I hated her for it, but she was still my friend. I felt sorry for her so I kept her around and from time to time I would text her to see if she is doing ok. Sometimes she texted back and made jokes to intice me to join her on a new fad diet, I'd agree and then I wouldn't reply for days until she left me alone. Other days I would message her and she was in hospital going for her weigh in. I was just glad that I wasn't visibly anorexic or people would be worried and make me go see a doctor. I never wanted to worry anyone. I wanted them to think I was naturally this skinny because I had good genes. I wanted them to believe the dashboard stomach I had was because I woke up like that not because I stayed up all night doing crunches. I wanted them to think I was PERFECT.

It was 11.56pm and I couldn't sleep. I was lying on my bed grabbing the little fat that I had on my stomach and imagining what would happen if I just got some scissors and cut it off. Sounds extreme doesn't it? Whoever said beauty is pain was definitely not lying. I picked up my phone and I scrolled through my phone contacts. Who would be up at this time to have a chat, I thought to myself. As I began scrolling to the top of my contacts, disappointed that none of them appealed to me for a late night texting session; Anna's name appeared. I tapped on her icon and her MeNow profile picture appeared.

What the hell? I couldn't believe what I was seeing with my eyes. There on my screen stood Anna in a black LBD with a glass of red wine in her hand, clinking her glass with no one other than Kiera in front of Celia's Bar. They were friends? Kiera had never mentioned Anna, but then again I had never mentioned Anna to Kiera nor Kiera to Anna. I don't know why but it seemed strange. They were the unlikeliest of pairings. Part of me was almost jealous. Did they prefer each other over me as a friend? Kiera was supposed to only hang out with the clique anyway. It was the cliques rules. I guess I don't always follow the rules but I did make them so I guess that makes me exempt. When was this picture even taken? It had to be recent as Kiera had only got her black and silver sequinned top two weeks ago, but I was confused as Anna didn't live in town. She lived an 8 hour car ride away. What was Anna doing in town? My anxiety began to kick in and my mind was in overdrive. I hadn't texted Anna in ages and I told her that I was skinnier than I had ever been. If she saw me she would know I was lying. I'd gained three pounds of muscle. Three pounds of muscle or fat were the same to me. She would notice. Anna always noticed.

I chucked my phone on the bed. Tied my hair into a ponytail and lay on the floor. I put my arms behind my head, knees up and another tiring night of crunches began.