You know what, I'm fucking done with life, I'm fucking done with everything. I can't stand school anymore. It is just too stressful for me and I keep falling into my depression, but I don't speak to anyone about it. No one notices so I'll keep it that way. I hate my life so much. I wish I could just die right now. Hell, my own twin don't love me anymore. All we ever do now is fight and argue. We can't get along anymore and I just can't stand it. I want to die but I can't bring myself to do it. I'll just suffer until I die. I swear my parents forgot about me having suicidal thoughts and I'm scared to even touch knives now because I constantly think of cutting myself or slitting my own god damned throat! School is so hard. Most of my classes are honors and are above everyone else in my grade level. I hate being at home. Sometimes, I just write to escape my hellhole of a world. I've been called a whore on here because I said I had 14+ boyfriends and I have only kissed 2. What's wrong with that? I like being able to have boyfriends so that way I can learn who is the one and what I would like in a guy. Now, I can't stand boys. I am seriously questioning my sexuality so much. I wish I could just end it now, but I can't. I have promises I need to keep. 

My Uncle: I'll go to college and shove the money I make in his face
My Older Sister: I will stay strong for her
My cousin/friend: I'll live with her one day
My Twin: I will stay by her side no matter what. 

My twin has already kept secrets from me and I from her. But we stay close to each other despite us fighting. I hate my life so much. I'm just done with everything and I can't stand it anymore. I don't know when it started, but I remember in like second or third grade, I would think about how I was going to die, and I constantly thought "by my own hands". I don't know why either. Maybe it was because I was stressed then but then the thoughts became more severe. I scratch my arms until they bleed or I'll pull out my hair. I just wish I could die for the most part. Hell, my twin gets all the attention from my parents about suicide and no one can see the sadness in my eyes constantly. I told my older sister and she told my mom, my mom said she'll get me a therapist. Yeah right. Hell will freeze over before she even considers it.

That's it for my "rant of the day" Guys, goodbye.

11/20/2017 6:52 PM EST