Love

Papasok ako ngayon ng restaurant ng isang hotel kung saan naming napagkasunduan ni Aldrin na magkita. Sandali ko munang iniwan ang trabaho sa opisina dahil pakiramdam ko hindi naman magtatagal ang aming usapan.

I know where to find him. Beside the glass wall, I saw Aldrin sitting quietly looking at the view outside.

He waved his hand at me when he turned, seeing me approaching his table.

"Hi," bati niya nang sa wakas ay nakalapit na ako. Hindi ko na hinintay na ipaghila niya ako ng upuan. I took my seat immediately and gestured for him to sit back.

"Hey," I greeted, smiling.

Sumulyap ito sa akin matapos sumenyas sa waiter at nagbigay ng order. Hindi ko na siya pinigilan nang marinig lahat ng inorder niya. Medyo marami lahat iyon.

Nang dumating ang pagkain, medyo nalula pa ako dahil marami nga. I don't think we could finish it all. But for the old time's sake, we can just eat like we used to, right? Malapit na rin namang mag-lunch kaya hinayaan ko nalang dahil tumutunog na rin ang tiyan ko sa gutom kanina pa. Pinipigilan ko lang.

Nag-umpisa na kaming kumain. I'm quite surprised that the atmosphere doesn't feel awkward. It's just like a normal ambiance like when I'm with friends.

"I hope you don't mind me giving our orders. I just can't brush away old habits."

I shrugged and smiled a bit. He'd really do it himself whenever we eat together back then. Kung noon ito nangyari ay suguradong kikiligin ako dahil sa akalang alam na alam nito ang mga paborito kong kainin. I was past that stage now. He was just being nice to me, and he'd do it not just to me but to anyone.

"What is it about, Aldrin?" hindi ko na napigilang tanong. I wanted to know why he wanted to see me so bad.

He picked up something from the table that I didn't notice was there. "Tiff, I'd like to give this to you."

Sandali akong tumigil sa pagkain. Tinanggap ko ang envelope na inabot niya. My fingers ran on the paper doily that holds what looks like invitation cards inside. "What is this?" I asked while untying the jute string.

Pinagsalikop nito ang mga daliri at mahinang tumawa sa halip na sumagot.

"Oh. You're getting married!" I exclaimed when I finally read what's written there.

"You look surprised," nakangising puna nito.

"Who wouldn't? I thought you two got married already."

"We did. It was a civil wedding. This time, it will be on the church."

"Oh. I see. There's another card." I flipped it and checked the content. "What is this?"

Umiling iling itong hindi pa rin mapuknat ang ngiti.

"Invitation for Axel's Christening! Is this your baby in the picture? And oh, he's turning 1 year old, too. All on the same date." Hindi pa rin ako makabawi sa pagkamangha. The baby looks so cute. Nakuha nito ang mga mata at bibig kay Aldrin. Ang kulay ng balat at buhok ay kay Fatima.

"Yes," tipid na sagot na hindi maitago ang tuwa.

"Congratulations! Hindi na kasi ako nakapagbalita sa inyo. It's too late for me to find out why you couldn't come to my wedding."

Nanganak kasi si Fatima nang araw din ng kasal namin ni Gab. Nalaman ko lang kay Camille.

"We received the invitation, Tiff. Kung gugustuhin lang ni Fatima ay gusto niya talagang pumunta sa kasal niyo. But we're on the hospital already, waiting for her delivery." Sumulyap ito sa akin at tila amused sa ekspresyon ko. "You look so happy, Tiff. I mean your eyes are glowing."

Mas lumapad ang ngiti ko. Umabot na yata sa tenga ko. Ewan ko.

"Yes. I'm happy for both of you. So kasal, birthday plus binyag pala ito? Triple celebration."

He nodded; his smile still fixed on his face.

"Maiba ako, kamusta na kayo? Mag-iisang taon na rin kayong kasal," pag-iiba niya sa usapan.

And thinking about it made me realize that our contract is ending soon. Hindi ba't hindi dapat iyon ang iniisip ko?

My chest hurts. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but it couldn't be helped. It's something I couldn't define myself and I couldn't tell it's I'm coming from. Umaahon lamang iyon kahit pilit kong iniiwasan na maramdaman.

"Thank you for asking, Aldrin. We're happy and, yes, mag-iisang taon na rin kaming kasal."

Kung magkataon ay pareho pa pala kami ng date ng anniversary kina Fatima at Aldrin. Iba lang ng taon. But his son's birthday really falls on the same date.

Aldrin craned his neck for a brief moment and shifted his gaze on me with his intriguing look.

"Speaking of your husband, isn't it him?" tanong niya sabay turo sa bandang likuran ko. I immediately turned to see if it's really Gab.

It was him, indeed, together with Cheryl. Just looking at them together roused that frustration within me. It was mounting and I feel it could overpower me any minute if I don't do anything to distract me. My sweaty hands squeezed into fists. I cannot stop thinking worrisome thoughts. But I need to pretend that nothing's driving me crazy up to the hilt.

Humarap ulit ako kay Aldrin at matabang na ngumiti. "He's with a..." childhood friend "...a client."

Tumango lamang si Aldrin na tila naiintidihan naman ang sinabi ko. "Are you sure you won't tell him you're here? Baka iba ang isipin no'n kapag nakita tayo."

"He knows that we're meeting, Aldrin," I reasoned out. "Don't worry."

Of course, it was all a lie. Hindi ko sinabi sa asawa ko dahil nag-aalangan din ako. At ang magaling namang lalake, may sarili din palang lakad kasama ang kaibigan nito. Ngayon lang natuloy ang naudlot nilang pagkikita.

Ito na ba 'yong kaba na dati ko pa nararamdaman? Na kahit nagkaaminan na kami at lahat, may kutob pa rin doon. Is this something I should have felt before with Aldrin and Fatima going out together?

Hindi na ako lumingon ulit upang tingnan kung nariyan pa ba si Gab at si Cheryl. Si Aldrin ay hindi na rin sumulyap sa likuran ko. Siguro nakaalis na ang dalawa.

Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain ni Aldrin hanggang sa kailangan na niyang umalis dahil nakatanggap ito ng tawag. He insisted to pay for the bill kahit sinabi kong ako na ang magbabayad.

Nag-alok itong ihahatid ako sa opisina ngunit nagdahilan akong may pupuntahan pa at hinihintay lang si Gab.

"I should go now, Tiff. Mag-ingat ka lagi."

He went to me and hugged me quickly. Hindi naman ako nagulat sa gesture na iyon dahil nga likas naman talagang ginagawa ni Aldrin sa lahat.

Sumulyap ito sa akin at ngumiti bago tuluyang lumabas ng restaurant.

Naging alerto ang mga mata ko sa pagsuyod ng buong restaurant. I slightly turned and saw Gab, kasama pa rin si Cheryl, ngunit may dalawa na silang kasamang lalake ngayon. They look like lawyers too. Siguro mga kasama din ni Gab sa firm at nagkasundo na magkasamang mananghalian sa labas.

Nagtatawanan silang lahat maliban lang kay Gab na seryosong kumakain. Mabilis kong binawi ang tingin nang makita kong umangat siya ng ulo at papunta sa direksyon ko ang tingin niya.

I checked my phone and Gab's messages flooded.

Are you busy, babe? How about lunch together?

Are you in your office? I'm coming right up.

Umalis ka raw. Saan ka pumunta?

Why aren't you answering my calls?

I'm inside the hotel, together with friends. Call me up when you see this.

Stop smiling, Tiffany.

Doon muli umahon ang kaba ko sa huling text niya. I'd like to think that he was watching me talking to Aldrin pero bakit naman niya gagawin iyon gayong masaya naman silang nag-uusap ni Cheryl at siguro hindi na nito ako napansin nang dumating pa ang dalawa.

Nakatitig lang ako sa cellphone ko sa loob ng ilang minuto. Gusto ko nalang magpanggap na may hinihintay pang isang kaibigan ngunit mas pinagmumukha ko na lamang ang sarili ko na tanga. I stood up and decided to go back to the office. I still have a pile of work to do and people to meet.

Muli akong sumulyap pero wala na si Gab at Cheryl. Ang dalawang lalake na lamang ang naiwang nakaupo doon.

Bumanaag na naman ang inis sa mukha ko. I stormed out of the restaurant, deeply pondering on what just happened.

Why do I feel like I was caught red-handed when I didn't do anything wrong in the first place? Was it because I never told him about meeting Aldrin? Nawala na kasi sa isip ko dahil hindi nga naman natuloy noong una. Kanina lang ito nag-imbita ulit.

At isa pa, hindi ko naman pinakialaman ang mga meetings niya with his so-called clients. Malaya naman niyang nagagawa ang mga bagay na iyon na hindi ako nanghihimasok.

Naghintay ako ng taxi sa labas habang nagtitipa ng message para kay Via confirming the meeting for the afternoon. Bago ko pa man nasend iyon ay napapihit ako nang may humawak sa palapulsuhan ko. Bumungad sa akin ang matiim na mukha ni Gab. Walang maaaninag na sigla doon. His lips formed into a grim line. His smoldering eyes never left my face. His grip on my wrist was getting tight.

"N-Nandito k-ka r-rin pala?"

Shit. Why do I sound so nervous? Diba dapat ngayon pinapamukha ko sa kanya na nagtataksil siya sa akin? Pero parang mali din. He seems like he's originally here to ask me out for lunch. I don't know when Cheryl and his other friends came to the picture. Or it might be the other way around. Baka ako talaga ang iimbitahan niyang maki-join sa kanila.

Hinila niya ang kamay ko. "W-Where a-are you taking me? Babalik akong opisina, Gab," pag-alma ko.

I hate it when I am suddenly acting so edgy. Mas nadepina lamang ang pagiging childish ko. I hate that it's turning this way. Bakit parang lumalaki akong paurong? I want to be mature enough to understand things. I know my age has nothing to do with this. It's my mindset and how I make meanings about the things I see and how it allows situations.

"I'm taking you there," malamig nitong sagot.

Nakilala ko agad ang kotse niya na agad niyang pinatunog. Halos dumikit na ang katawan niya sa akin nang iginiya niya ako sa loob at kinabitan ng seatbelt kahit kaya ko naman. I feel so affected now that he's so close to me like he's going to crush me anytime. Umikot ito at pumasok na rin. Napapitlag ako nang marahas niyang sinarado ang pinto.

"A-Anong problema mo?" I uttered nervously. His dangerous look darted on me that made me shift on my seat awkwardly.

Humawak ang kamay niya sa dashboard sa harap ko at ang isang kamay niya sa backrest ng upuan ko kaya langhap ko naman ang paboritong pabango niya. The smell attacked my nose and it's helping me take worrisome thoughts off my head. Ganoon ang epekto ng pabango sa akin. It could help me stay clearheaded especially now that I needed it most.

I heard him sigh. "The truth is I'm jealous, Tiff. How do I stop it?"

Sa sagot niya ay halos lumuwa ang mata ko hanggang sa napahalakhak na ako. Nanatiling madilim ang mukha nito.

"No one enjoys feeling jealous," dugtong pa nito.

"It's an inevitable emotion in a healthy relationship, you said before," I said, still laughing.

"I understand why you're with him, whatever the reason is. But I feel so damn worried when you can't answer my calls and texts, Tiff."

"I'm sorry hindi ko na kasi nacheck ang phone ko. It was a spontaneous, sudden, quick invitation from him, I can say, so I went. We just talked and he gave me this." I handed him the invitation which he quickly read.

"Why did he have to hug you? And why were you smiling at him?"

Hindi ko na siya inimik pa. Pinanood ko siyang binabasa ang laman ng invitation cards.

"Oh," he mumbled before tying the string again. "They're getting married and celebrating their son's birthday and baptismal on the same day."

Doesn't he remember what else is there to celebrate on that day?

I wanted to ask him about Cheryl but then again, as always, I chose to keep that question to myself. In the best way possible, I want to think the way a mature person thinks. I know that being sincere and honest is always the best bet, but I don't think it's time for me to let him know what I think. Anyway, I'm trying my best not to put malice on that brief encounter he had with Cheryl. They were just having lunch, after all, as I and Aldrin had.

Binalik nito sa akin ang invitation na siniksik ko din sa bag ko. "Yes. Now that you know everything. Ihatid mo na ako sa opisina. I still have a meeting in an hour."

"Not so fast, babe," he said in a deep, rough voice.

He leaned his forearm on the dashboard and held my chin, forcing me to look at him.

He softly bit his lower lip and titled his head. I met his gaze then watched his eyes peer down to my lips.

Soon after, his lips instantly met mine and I could feel the heat consuming me again. My heart pounded a little faster. Mas lalong nag-init ang buong mukha ko nang naramdaman ko ang isang kamay niya sa baywang ko na pumipisil doon. His lips tasted like wine at tila malalasing ako sa bawat hagod ng labi niya sa bibig ko. He claimed my lips more possessively and he didn't stop until we're both panting for air. Pinagdikit niya ang aming noon pagkatapos kintalan ng halik ang noo ko.

It warms my heart when he does it. I felt secure when he kissed me there.

Ito na ba ang mukbang na sinasabi niya noon na gagawin namin sa loob ng kotse niya?

Tahimik kaming dalawa matapos niyang pinaandar ang sasakyan at pinausad na palabas ng hotel. Hinatid niya ako hanggang sa opisina at hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang mga kakaibang sulyap ng mga empleyado sa asawa ko.

Hindi na ito nagtagal at umalis din. Nang out ko naman ay nariyan ulit siya para sunduin ako. I should really drive my own car so I wouldn't have to bother him. Alam kong may mga importanteng lakad din siya pagkatapos ng trabaho niya.

"Gab, you don't have to wait for me after work. I think we could save more time if I drive my own car from now on," sabi ko nang naghahanda na kami para matulog.

May kotse naman ako. At hindi ko na nagagamit dahil nga hinahatid-sunod naman niya ako.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Naunahan mo lang ako," sabi niya at humiga na sa tabi ko.

"Really? Bakit?" nagtatakang tanong ko at umusog palapit sa kanya.

He nodded. "I was offered one teaching load for a night class. Hindi ko kasi maayawan. I would never be able to fetch you after my work in the firm," paliwanag niya.

"Oh. Nice. You have what it takes to teach, and you'll surely be a great teacher."

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "You think so?"

I chuckled. "Oo naman. Huwag mo nang alalahanin ang tungkol sa dinner. Ako na ang bahala sa bagay na iyan."

He smirked. "Hindi ako nag-aalala sa bagay na iyan. I'm more worried that we'll get to spend less time together." Hinapit niya ang baywang ko at kinulong ako sa mga bisig niya.

"We'll make time for us. Diba, sabi mo yan noon? Just don't overwork yourself. Loosen up if you must," I said, raking my fingers through his hair.

"Oh. How do I do without you?" sabi nito na titig na titig sa mukha ko.

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa at marahang nilapat sa pisngi niya ang palad ko,

"Hmm."

"I would have been feeling alone tonight," he blurted out. Mainit ang hininga niyang humahaplos sa mukha ko.

I took a deep breath and smiled. "Does that mean masaya kang talaga ngayon?"

I nodded. "Yes. Especially now that I know, I'm already in love with you."

Napamulagat ako sa sinabi niya. "Gab..."

"You don't have to answer right now. It's enough that you know how I feel about you. Hihintayin kita, Tiff. I believe you're getting there too," mahinang wika niya at mas lalo akong niyakap.

"Will you really wait? Kahit gaano katagal? Kahit hindi sigu-"

"I love you," sabi nito at kinintalan ng halik ang labi ko.